In this day and age, learning how to flirt with a woman over text is probably one of the most important skills to learn. While it’s still possible to meet women in person, most of your interactions will probably happen over text. So if you blow it when you’re texting, you’ll lessen the odds of her liking you.
Let me give you several examples of actual texts you can use today. While you can use the exact examples I’ll be mentioning here, I encourage you to change it up to suit your style. After all, you can’t rely on copying and pasting when flirting with a woman over text, right?
I’ll also be explaining the theories behind why these example messages are so effective, so you’re able to come up with our own flirtatious messages in the future.
So, keep reading for my masterclass on how to flirt with a woman over text.
How Every Guy Should Be Flirting With Woman Over Text
Now before we start, I want to share with you the golden rule of messaging women. Before you press send, ask yourself: "What is the goal here?"
Now, honestly, if you’re texting a woman you’re attracted to, your goal should be to meet her in person. So before you send that message, ask yourself whether that message is getting you closer towards that goal of meeting up. If it’s not, it’s probably a bad message to send.
A lot of guys get in the habit of sending messages that aren’t leading towards a date. They’re making small talk (though some text topics can be flirty). They’re asking “how was your day?” Or they're talking about their day at work. Honestly, these messages aren’t increasing your chances of getting her to meet you.
Yes, you need to get to know each other a bit, but most guys spend way too long doing this over text. The best way to get to know each other is by meeting in real life. So you want to move the conversation towards a meet-up at all times.
This is especially true when you want to flirt over text with a woman you like but she's often busy. She has a lot going on in her life. Perhaps she has a career that takes up a lot of her mental bandwidth or she has a busy social calendar.
They’re not going to want to be glued to their phone sending messages back and forth for days and weeks like a 19-year-old college student might be. Women in their 20s or older would rather cut to the chase. They think differently, and it’s sometimes harder (though more rewarding) to flirt with them over text.
If some other dude is intelligent enough to invite her out quickly rather than boring her with pointless small talk, then there’s a chance that he’s going to win her over before you even get a chance to meet her. It’s not nice to think about, but that’s the way modern dating works, especially with time-pressed professional women.
The Key Steps To Flirting Over Text
Okay, so now you have your goal in mind, how do you flirt with a woman over text? What should you say exactly? And how should you keep up the conversation to keep it interesting?
Tip #1 - Tease her
Teasing is an underrated part of flirting with girls. But when done properly, it is a good way to make the conversation more fun and playful. It also communicates that you’re an easy-going guy who isn’t taking the conversation too seriously.
Men and women; we playfully tease people we are close to. Even older women flirt like this when they're feeling a little playful. It’s part of how we show we’re comfortable around that person.
But when we do not tease? When we think the other person is “above” us. When we’re afraid of messing up. Or when we are not comfortable around someone. You don’t want to communicate any of these things to a woman, so I’d recommend taking every opportunity you can to playfully tease her over text.
One last tip on teasing. It’s usually a good idea to add some smiley emojis at the end of your teases, just to make it more obvious that you’re kidding. Remember, the vibe of a text message can sometimes get lost in translation because she can’t hear your voice or see your face. Emojis help to communicate that playful vibe you’re going for.
Tip #2 - Use nicknames
These can help transform a run-of-the-mill text message into a flirty one. Even when you're flirting with an older woman, you can definitely spark some attraction by using nicknames or pet names. Check out these examples:
"What are you up to this weekend, missy?"
"Hey troublemaker, looking forward to seeing you tomorrow."
"OK cutie, 7 p.m. works for me."
These nicknames add a little bit of spice to an otherwise boring text, and you’ll have to send these sometimes when you’re organizing the best time and date to meet her.
Just keep in mind that you should probably start with "tamer" nicknames if you're just getting to know her. Calling her "babe," "sexy" or "honey buns" when you've just started texting is one of the biggest texting mistakes you can make.
Tip #3 - When flirting with a woman over text, use pictures and videos
We’re in the modern age, so I’m sure you have a phone that’s capable of sending pictures, videos or voice messages. So why not make the most of that?
Pictures and videos are far more engaging than words on a screen and they help a woman get to know you better while keeping the text conversation going! Also, it’s the best way to show a woman all the exciting things you’re hopefully getting up to when she’s not around. This is a great way to open or reinitiate a conversation. Just take a quick snap of some cool activity you’re doing and wait for her to respond. Do not send dick pics! There is barely a woman on this planet who is excited to receive these!
Make sure to stare deep into the camera when taking photos. The eyes are the window to the soul, after all.
If you can send a flirty video or voice message using a deep masculine voice, even better!
Tip #4 - Leave some space for her to chase you
Flirting should always involve some push and pull. It’s a dance. If you’re only telling her how beautiful she is and pushing to meet for a date, that’s ineffective flirting. It’s far less likely to excite a woman.
While it’s arguably the man’s job to initiate flirting with a woman, she also wants you to leave some space for her to chase you.
This is because women love the emotional rollercoaster of wondering whether she can have you or not. For them, the best romances are like a movie with lots of suspense, twists and turns before the happy ending happens.
If you’re the only one relentlessly chasing her, that’s not an exciting movie for her. She knows how it’s going to end from the very beginning.
It also indicates that you’re probably not the “high-value” man she thought you were. A top-quality guy wouldn’t be so easy for her to catch.
So, the question is: how can you create space for her to chase you when flirting over text?
Well, a simple way could be to not text her back as quickly. This gives her time to stew on whether or not it’s going to happen between you two, and you might find that she texts you again to get your attention.
On top of that, you can ask her some playful questions about what she brings to the table. How is she going to make the date fun? Why should you be excited to see her this weekend?
You can also add conditions for her to meet before you invite her somewhere to do something for her.
Simply add a “but only if you promise to…” condition on the end of your texts.
“But only if you promise to be nice…”
“But only if you promise not to embarrass me…”
Tip #5 - Leave a little mystery
It’s nice to paint a picture of what you’d like to do with a woman when you’re flirting over text. This can lead to some pretty graphic sexting conversations if you want to play it like that.
However, it can be even more powerful to be purposefully vague about what’s going to happen if you meet up. This can make a woman’s imagination run wild and seriously build her anticipation about meeting you.
It could be as simple as saying that you’ve got a surprise waiting for her, or something special that you want to show her. This gives her the opportunity to chase you by asking what you’ve got in store for her.
How to Flirt with a Woman Over Text: Examples
Here are some examples of how to flirt with a girl by text to really let these lessons land. Use these text flirting examples when you’re just starting out then try to add your own spin to these messages.
A push-pull message
Flirting with a woman over text requires a little pushing and pulling. You push her away and reel her back in subtly. Here are some examples:
When she says something funny: “and that’s why you’re my third favorite woman to text.”
When she sends you a picture: “wow, that’s the cutest picture I’ve seen in the last 10 minutes”
Any compliment paired with a slight push is a good way to tease.
Flirt with her using exaggeration
When she tells you what she’s up to and it’s quite boring: “Wow, I never knew you were so wild!”
If she teases you: “I can't do this anymore… we're breaking up. You're too much trouble."
Often, this will cause her to reply to defend herself and try to get on your good side.
Make assumptions about her
“I bet you could drink me under the table.”
“I am guessing you’re the kind of woman who likes unique and adventurous dates.”
These are good because they are leading towards actually meeting this woman for a potential date. Remember, your ultimate goal is to meet her (and knowing how to build up the texting before your first date is a key part of that.)
Flirting with a woman over text isn't that hard when you know how to set a mood. Be a little flirty, exaggerate a bit and send her the occasional photo. And most importantly, while you're flirting, make sure that you keep the end goal in mind: getting her to meet up with you ASAP!