Knowing what to text a girl after getting her number can be a little tricky. If she's hot, then there's a chance you're one bad text away from joining the ignored tribe of dudes in her Instagram DM.
So you wanna make that first text count, and you keep asking yourself lots of "Should & Would I"s:
Should I text when I go home, or wait till tomorrow?
Should I say “hi” right away or say something fun?
Should I remind her of our kiss? But what if it made her feel cheap?
What if she thinks I’m boring, or worse, what if she thinks I’m needy?
That’s a lot of mental energy down the drain. And if you do that with every girl you meet, WOW, that’s a headache.
Texting girls should never be that difficult, be it texting a girl when you just got her number or a girl you've been with for months/years. It's something you learn with time, but not years. I've taught men how to get better at texting in way less than that.
And, I will show you what to text a girl after getting her number – along with some really good text examples. But first, let’s ask a key question...
When to Text a Girl After Getting Her Number
The answer: Whenever she’s ready to chat. There aren't any hard and fast rules about when to text, how to text her after the first date and what exact lines you should use.
And no, you don't have to wait 3 days to text a girl. In fact, I want you to take the 3-day rule out of your memory, send it to your mental Recycle Bin, and hit “Delete Forever.”
It no longer works.
The thing is, this rule is a relic from a time when rotary phones were a thing.
Don’t know what that is?
My point exactly.
So, getting back to the 21st century, dating happens fast. If you meet her on a Friday night and don’t message her until Monday you’ve just done yourself a disservice.
There’s a good chance she’s also on one of the many dating apps out there. In that entirely arbitrary three days, she’s come across another 40 matches and has multiple conversations going.
There’s a fine line between being patient and waiting for eternity till she forgets who you are. Now there's no way you can set up a date, let alone knowing what to text her before your first date.
I’d normally wait from 10 minutes to a day to send the first kiss depending on how invested she was and whether or not we’re both ready to chat.
- If I had fun with a girl on Tinder and she gave me her number: I'll text her in 5-10 minutes to build more investment or I will wait till the next day if we’ve already texted a lot and had so much fun.
- If I met a girl during the day and it went well: I’ll text her late at night - when she’s back from work - just to keep the fun going.
- If I felt that she gave me her number out of shyness or obligation: I won’t wait till tomorrow or she will totally forget about me.
- If I hooked up with a girl in a club/bar and it didn’t go past the makeout phase: I’d sleep on it and text her the next day.
When to text her depends on how invested she was when you got her number. If she liked talking to you then she can tolerate a little bit extra time before receiving your first text.
I think so. But you have to make sure your first text after getting her number is worth the time, and the effort.
I will show you how - with a bunch of good text examples - but first I wanna show you what mindset you should have to succeed with women over text.
What to Do Before Texting a Girl and After Getting Her Number
I never understood the term, “it’s not what you say, it’s how you say it” until I became good with women. You can literally say the same thing to the same woman and get two different results just cause you changed the mindset behind those words.
I always thought that in order to charm a girl, you should come up with the perfect opener until I saw guys walking up to girls with nothing but “hi” and a huge load of confidence.
Now, I get away with things most guys can’t say to girls just cause I'm saying them with confidence. And, my texts are so slick I often catch myself saying, “OMG, that was f**** awesome."
Not because I'm verbally gifted – well, sometimes I think I am – but because I text/talk with the right frame of mind, so everything flows just naturally. It’s how you say it, not what, that makes a girl like you. And it all starts with these mindsets:
Text Mindset #1: Assume she likes you until proven otherwise
“She said yes when she could’ve said no.”
Remember that line from Hitch?
She could’ve said no, given you a fake number, ghosted you, blocked you or told you to F off… But she didn’t.
So you’re better off assuming she likes you until proven the opposite. This will allow you to be bold and text her without worrying about saying the wrong thing.
As a result:
- If she likes you: she will get on board quickly
- If she doesn’t: she will tell you right away and stop wasting your time
Either way, you’re always winning.
Text Mindset #2: You’re good enough for her (As long as you’re improving)
Let's be real; you can't tell yourself that this hot girl is equal to you if you haven't dated a girl of her caliber in years. Your mind won't believe it...
Still, you want to see yourself in a better light in order to not put her on a pedestal and lose her. So you can use these facts/questions to remind yourself of your true value.
Fact #1: You’re a catch to most girls if you always work on yourself
Most men - and women - don’t work on themselves or take risks. And the fact that you always try to get better makes you a catch to so many hot women out there.
Do you exercise, read frequently, whine less and work more?
You’re a catch.
Do you try to get better with the ladies and improve your verbal/texting skills?
You’re a catch.
Are you good in bed and can give her the time of her life?
You’re a catch.
Most men, or women, don’t walk the path.
Only one or two percent of them do,
And if you're among them, then you, my fellow love machine, are a catch.
Fact #2: The value battle isn’t always won by the person with the highest value
When it comes to the perception of value, the man who's convinced he has the highest value will win over the man brings more to the table.
So if you’re really convinced you’re good enough, she will think you are.
It all starts within you.
Text Mindset #3: I’m not sold, yet
“Girl, you’re cute but I’m not sold yet.”
I often say it to girls if they try to act out on a first date or before we meet.
That’s the frame you should come from. She should have more going on with her beyond her looks.
I totally understand that some guys have been dreaming of that hot girlfriend for years. Who doesn't?
Still, you should never qualify a girl solely on her looks.
Those who are experienced with women know that looks is one of many traits a woman must have to be with them. They must like her, of course, but she must also have other good qualities: kindness, humor, ambition..etc
And to be honest, there are a lot of women like that. And the girl you're texting is just a drop in the ocean.
She can be really special, but she’s not a rare breed. If she doesn't like you, it's cool, and if she likes you, it's also cool.
It's called indifference.
But knowing how to make her like you over text is another matter.
You have to stimulate her emotions.
The First Text to a Girl After You Get Her Number
I’m not gonna teach you a lot about openers here. Why?
Because you can send the best first text to a girl you just got her number, but if you can’t handle the rest of the conversation, that opener goes right into the trash.
What I'm gonna teach you, instead, is how to handle the first few texts after you get her number. So, sit tight, because it’s time for some teach-them-how-to-fish-feed-them-for-life lesson.
What to Text a Girl After Getting Her Number
Q: What’s the first thing you do at the gym after saying hi to the receptionist and sneaking at those squat booties?
A: You warm up.
Because if you don’t, you get injured.
The same rule applies to talking to girls. You have to stimulate their emotions before asking for the number, so by the time you send her the first text she doesn’t ignore you.
Just like here
That girl was showing me directions. I was lost, and absolutely out of the mood, that I spiked zero emotions at all, but still got the number.
However, because I didn't build enough emotions with her - aka, warm her up - I got a few lame responses which took me a few days to fix. If I had asked her out on a date before warming her up, she'd have canceled the date and I'd be bummed.
Any man who just approaches a woman has this problem. He walks up to the girl, chats for a little bit, gets her number and walks home.
The next day he texts her and... crickets.
She just ghosted him. Forever.
Because women feed on emotions and he didn't stimulate any. And when he asked for her number, she was too shy to say no, so she gave him her number – sometimes a fake one – but with the intention to never text back.
Fortunately, this doesn’t happen much over Tinder or other dating apps because the girl isn’t obligated to give you her number. If she doesn’t like you she will ignore you right away.
So, as a rule of thumb:
You should never ask for a girl’s number before you spike her emotions.
Once you do it and get her number, the goal will be to keep the same vibe going till she agrees to go out with you.
So, the next rule for you - and the most important - is:
As much as the first text is important, it’s not as important as keeping the fun going for the first 4-5 sessions.
The first text to a girl after you get her number should NOT be rocket science.
I normally use two openers to tease a girl:
1. "Do I know you from somewhere?"
She definitely knows it’s a tease because we already had some fun before –either on Tinder or the streets – so her response is either positive or challenging, which are both fine.
I also like this opener because it subtly implies that she’s the one chasing me, which is cool because:
- It shows I have high value
- It sets the stage for some fun role-playing
Here's an example from a girl I met on Tinder...
2. Refer back to your past conversation
You must have chatted with the girl before getting her number, right? Regardless of the conversation, there was probably some playful banter which makes for easy in-jokes. It could be something to do with what you’re wearing, a phrase you used, or maybe something you both observed in the bar. It doesn’t matter what the joke is about, use this to your advantage when you text her for the first time.
It’s a reminder of the fun you had together and pulls you both back into that rapport you were building. She might even inquire about what you're up to by texting, "How was your day?"
For example, I was teasing this girl about working together, so I re-engaged her with “Yo Intern”
Here’s another example with a Spanish hottie. We were talking about movies over Tinder, so I used the past conversation to re-engage her again after I got her number.
Like I said earlier, the opener doesn't matter if you can't handle what comes next.
I will show different text examples where I use almost the same opener, and get a different response from the girl.
It’s how I respond, however, that keeps them interested.
Here's what I use:
Find something to tease her with.
In the above example, I used her weird emoji choice to tease her. It keeps the fun going and keeps her on her toes without you sounding like a dancing monkey.
Also, it's a good thing when a girl justifies/explains herself to you.
(At least better than giving you the F word)
Simply, assume she’s the one flirting/stalking or coming onto you.
Here's another example:
Check the above screenshot and imagine if it went like this:
- Me: Do I know you from where:
- Her: Not really sure from where
- Me: Girl, we were just talking on Tinder
If it went this way, I would’ve looked like I was trying to convince her to remember me. And, you know that if someone walked up to you and tried to remind you of who they are, they'll seem a little needy and maybe a little desperate.
So your attitude should be kinda cocky and playful.
That’s why I don’t like using the opener, “Hey, it’s –your name – from XYZ.”
In her mind, it will look like, “Yeah dude, I know who you are. Be more creative. “
- Talk about her in the third party
Talk about her as if you’re talking about another girl you just met. Works wonders with girls...
- Play along
If you feel stuck and don’t know how to reply, play along and exaggerate whatever she throws at you.
I met this 23 y/o girl on Tinder but when I asked where I knew her from she said Bumble – not sure if you wanted to see if I’m texting other girls or not.
If I said something like “are you sure” it would’ve probably gone down from there, but I exaggerated it a little bit.
When things go well and she agrees to go on a date with you, then you can start learning how to text a girl before your first date.
A Final Note About Texting Girls You've Just Met
There’s a lot riding on that first message so it’s natural for us to overthink it. The goal of this article was to break down some of those mental barriers. When you can do that, knowing what to text a girl after getting her number will be a breeze.
If you’re anything like any normal man on the planet, a big part of your anxiety comes from personal insecurity. You’re not sure what to do, you don’t know if she’ll be excited to hear from you, etc. Maybe you're not even sure why she gave you her number. But once you send that first message and the conversation starts rolling, you'll learn to ease into it. Now it's just a matter of making her more attracted to you.
If you’re still having some trouble with your confidence, we’ve got you covered. We created a video course on how to find, approach, and attract women while boosting your confidence. This course will improve your dating life overall.