Whether you got her number on a night out or through a dating app, you’re going to have to text. Knowing what to text a girl after getting her number can be a challenge in itself.
The thing to remember here is that getting this right just takes a bit of practice. So much of it is simply getting your head in the right place.
There’s a lot riding on that first message so it’s natural for us to overthink it. The goal of this article is to break down some of those mental barriers. When you can do that, knowing what to text a girl after getting her number will be a breeze.
If you’re anything like I was in the beginning, a big part of your anxiety comes from personal insecurity. You’re not sure what to do, you don’t know if she’ll be excited to hear from you, etc. Maybe you're not even sure why she gave you her number.
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There’s that word already, confident. One of the major advantages of communicating via text is time. You have time to think your response through and edit it before hitting send.
Remember that she doesn’t just give her number out to anyone. She wants to hear from you and she’ll be excited. That alone should help boost your confidence.
If you’re still lacking confidence, you have the luxury of time to work on that and can ‘fake it ‘till you make it’. I don’t suggest using this as a long-term strategy but acting confident initially played a huge role in my later success.
You can be a flustered, panicky mess on the other end. So long as your message comes across as calm and confident, you’re making a good impression.
Unsure what this even looks like? Think of your favorite (classy) TV or movie character. Whether you’re a Gatsby, Bond or Harvey Spectre fan, try getting into their headspace for a moment.
The thing is, these characters are the epitome of suave and confident. You don’t want to emulate them exactly but you can draw from their overall confidence and deliver it in your way.
It keeps you from sending very weak and needy messages. Here are two quick examples, see if you can pick the confident, more effective one. . .
“Hey Jess, it was great meeting you last night. I felt so lucky to spend time with you. Any chance you’d like to get a coffee whenever you’re available?”
“Hey Jess, last night was fun. I just heard about a new bar opening on 4th, we should go check it out Thursday.”
If you can talk to her as an equal and are willing to take the lead you’re immediately on the right track.
In the anxiety of learning what to text a girl after getting her number, you might fall into the trap of being too formal. If you’ve just spent the last hour over-analyzing this short message, there’s a good chance you’ve edited the personality out of it.
If you’re worried this might be you, read it through as if you were sending it to a close friend. When inviting her out somewhere, think about how you’d invite one of your friends to that place.
If you’re just saying, “Hi” and looking to get a conversation going, how would you do that with a friend? Probably with an in-joke, a nickname or at least something very laid back.
Modern dating is a casual ordeal. If you hit her with, “Good morning, it was a pleasure to meet you last night. I hope we can do that again soon” it’s going to feel forced and awkward.
Honestly, you’re far better off with, “How’s the recovery going?” if you both had a big night. Short, casual and friendly while staying clear of the ever-dangerous friend zone.
We’ve all heard of the three-day rule and unfortunately, some people still follow it. The thing is, this rule is a relic from a time when rotary phones were a thing. Don’t know what that is? My point exactly.
So, getting back to the 21st century, dating happens fast. If you meet her on a Friday night and don’t message her until Monday you’ve just done yourself a disservice.
There’s a good chance she’s also on one of the many dating apps out there. In that entirely arbitrary three days, she’s come across another 40 matches and has multiple conversations going.
You had the advantage in that you met her face-to-face. For the sake of an antiquated rule, you threw that advantage away.
Don’t get me wrong, dating apps and websites are fantastic. When you get a number after meeting her on a night out though, that puts you several steps ahead, which is where you want to stay.
No matter how it went down, the process of getting her number would have involved conversation. There was probably some playful banter which makes for easy in-jokes.
It could be something to do with what you’re wearing, a phrase you used or maybe something you both observed in the bar. It doesn’t matter what the joke is about, use this to your advantage when you text her for the first time.
It’s a reminder of the fun you had together and pulls you both back into that rapport you were building.
For me, the jokes tend to revolve around one of two things. Either my somewhat distinctive and appreciated hairstyle or my smartwatch.
If that was a topic we had playful discussion around, my first message will be something like:
“Hey Carly, it’s that guy with the great hair. If you promise to keep your hands off it this time, I have a plan for Thursday night. You in?”
“Hey Carly, how’s the hangover treating you? If you’ve recovered by Sunday we should go check out that event on the river. I can tell you exactly how many steps we take while we’re there ;)”
As always, stupid and goofy humor is my wheelhouse. The other reason these in-jokes work so well though is that it’s easy for her to reply. She doesn’t have to think about how she’s going to respond to an awkward message. Instead, she naturally falls straight back into what is essentially an extension of last night’s banter.
The easier you can make it on both of you, the easier the whole conversation will go. Easy conversation makes for faster rapport and escalation.
Like I said, not so complicated once you get your head in the right space. So often your biggest obstacle when sending this first message is you.
With the help of these tips and examples and our video dating course, you can overcome that problem. Add some practice to that and you won’t have to think twice before you send her a simple, effective message.