Just about every guy has experienced the emotional letdown that happens when a girl doesn't text back. Bu tit's not just you. Lots of guys feel bad when a girl suddenly stops texting despite hints that she's into them. Angry, nervous, helpless, and even resentful... We all felt that the first couple of times a girl stops replying.
You feel baited. Like she lured you into back and forth texts before bailing out and going cold. You may not even like her that much, but the way she suddenly ghosted you - the unexpected rejection - made you question your feelings for her. She tapped onto one of our deepest fears when we were kids...the fear of abandonment, and she got you by the throat.
But I'm here to tell you, from the other side of the dating world, that it won't sting that bad when you get some experience with women and rejection in general.
Maybe right now you're thinking she's the one, but that will fade away in a few weeks. When it does, and you meet different types of women and make almost all the texting mistakes in the book, you will learn that it's just part of the game.
It's not the end of the world if she doesn't text back. It's just a dating phase just like matching on Tinder or asking someone out. So it's not a big deal.
How to handle a girl who doesn't text back
There are so many situations where men - with some experience and luck - turned around a girl who doesn't text back into someone who's hooked on them.
I have tons of proof in this texting guide, including a case study of how I made an unresponsive hottie almost beg me to go out with her.
How many times did she stop texting back? No, not once, or twice, but three times (or maybe four, I don't remember).
All in the screenshots below.
Of course, this won't always happen with every girl who doesn't text back. There will always be things that you can't control. However, it is possible to make a girl who doesn't text back your girlfriend, or even more.
I don't kiss and tell, but if you follow this guide word by word, the least you will do is preserve your dignity when a girl stops replying out of nowhere.
And the best will be getting them to chase you.
That's a double win for you.
Just make sure you read till the end, cause I kept the best till later. It's a very long guide, yet it has years-worth of value and experience, so use it well and don't skip sections. You must understand the fundamentals first before jumping to the how-tos.
And it starts with one simple question...
What Does It Mean When a Girl Doesn't Text Back?
There are several reasons that can explain why a girl doesn't text back. In some cases, the reason is out of your control. In others, though, simple changes to your tone or message can boost your chances of getting a reply.
Follow these tips when texting or messaging a woman online (and be sure to check out our list of the best dating sites to meet older women if you want to learn more).
1. When a girl doesn't text back because you were too direct
In some cases, you may have been too forward with her in your text conversation, causing her to lose interest or simply avoid giving you a response.While many women appreciate boldness in men, there's also a time and a place to be direct. If your text conversations with women often stall out, it could be because you're overstepping boundaries.
As a rule of thumb, avoid flattery and complimenting a girl on her looks over text. It’s simply too common, and you’ll risk placing yourself in the same category as the other boring men she’s dealt with in the past.
If you do offer a compliment, focus on a trait you've discovered after spending time talking with her. For instance, if she talks about her love for animals, you could say:
“You seem like a caring person. I like that.”
This way you would be direct with her but not too direct.
2. She’s too busy
In some situations, a girl doesn't text back because she's simply too busy. This is one of those factors you can't control, so it's not worth beating yourself up about it. Sometimes, a woman will tell you that she has a busy lifestyle at the moment. Other times she won’t, and it may be one of the reasons you never hear from her again.
It’s not your fault and it isn’t hers, either. In this case, it’s just the way it is.
It’s hard for a woman to invest in a man when she’s working full time, going to classes at night, studying for an upcoming exam on the weekends or juggling family obligations.
If a woman is seriously pressed for time, she might not even realize she's forgotten to reply to a text. On top of that, committing to a relationship might be the last thing on her mind. In these cases, it's better to give her space and time. You never know: she might contact you once her life settles down.
3. When a girl doesn't text back because you tried to rush things
You can ruin your chances with a woman by attempting to rush a relationship. If you try to take things from zero to 60 in a few casual texts, you're likely to scare her off. You could also make her assume you're desperate, even if you're not.
Some guys escalate from sending cute good morning texts to asking where a girl is every hour. It's a little too much too soon. Instead, you're better off keeping it casual until she starts acting a little more affectionate towards you.
There’s no reason to rush in escalating or asking her out. Be patient, take it slow and play things by ear.
4. She has a boyfriend
It may sound like a cliche, but a girl might break off a text convo because she's already in a committed relationship.
In some cases, she might not tell you upfront that she's seeing someone. In other situations, a girl will let a conversation progress and then let you know she has a boyfriend. She might even texting you because she wants a backup boyfriend.
This can be frustrating, but you shouldn't take it personally. Not everyone is honest when it comes to being upfront about their relationship status. If a girl fails to text you back because she's already with someone, just chalk it up as another learning experience and move on.
5. You didn’t build enough comfort
When a girl doesn't text back, it might be because she wasn't comfortable. Maybe you were both attracted to each other and things were moving along just fine, but then you jumped the gun and asked her out too soon. Maybe you even texted her that you liked her and that's a bad idea.
In this case, it's possible she felt wary about meeting in person. This can happen when a guy is too aggressive or simply doesn't take the time to make a woman feel comfortable and safe.
Obviously, no two women are the same. While some women might feel comfortable meeting after a couple of days of texting, others prefer building a relationship over time and then setting a date for an in-person meeting.
To make sure she's comfortable with you, take time to find common ground. Talk about the interests and traits you share. Invest in her as a person and let her know you'd like to get to know her better. Just make sure to follow her lead so you don't rush things before she's ready.
6. It’s not the best time for her
At any given time, none of us can truly understand what another person is going through. When a girl doesn't text back, it might be due to an emergency or a serious life event that came out of nowhere. Her silence might be due to an illness or a sudden financial catastrophe.
In these cases, your next move really depends on how well you know each other. If you've just started talking and you get wind that she's experiencing a difficult time in her life, let her know you're there if she needs you. Then back off and give her space. Chances are she'll reach out when she's ready.
If you've been talking over text for a while, you can try reaching her through other means if you think it's appropriate. For example, maybe you can try giving her a call. You might also consider sending her a message through social media.
Whatever you decide, don't overdo it. If you don't hear back from her after reaching out, take it as a sign she needs time to deal with the emergency or life event that's currently dominating her time and dictating how she navigates her personal life.
7. You didn’t make a great first impression
Is she not interested if she doesn’t text back? Of course, if your texts were boring. Some guys are very vanilla over text. They either text super romantic things or ask boring questions that drive the girl away. The key to a woman’s heart – and more – is to consistently spike her emotions. (C.O.N.S.I.S.T.E.N.T.L.Y.)
So if you walk up to her and don’t spike her emotions, she will give you a fake number.
If you don’t spike her emotions before asking her out, she will say no or flake on you.
If you don’t spike her emotions on the date, you won’t go for the kiss or beyond.
And if she doesn’t text back – or if many girls don’t – then it’s time to sit back, check your texts and reflect on your mistakes. As your texts get better, the number of girls not responding to you will go down to single digits, and you won’t even care because you already have other girls who are responding to you well.
When you get better, you won’t worry much when a couple of girls stop texting back because you will have enough of them around. Just don’t be hard on yourself–it’s impossible to be on your A-game all the time. Chin up; next time you’ll do better.
8. When a girl doesn't text back because she just got out of a relationship
This is yet another one of those things that’s impossible to know unless a woman mentions it to you. While some women can quickly move past a failed relationship, others require more time to heal and process their emotions. She might even be wondering how to text the ex while you compose your romantic message!
If a girl is fresh off a breakup, she might send mixed signals that leave you feeling bewildered and unsure of your chances with her. This isn't a poor reflection on you or your personality. Sometimes, you might not even know that a girl is dealing with an ex and all the emotions that come with moving on after a relationship fails.
If a girl suddenly stops texting you back after things between you were moving in a positive direction, it's possible she's still processing a breakup. Don't feel bad if this happens. If you lay low for a while, she might look you up again once she feels better about pursuing a fresh relationship.
9. Her ex just messaged her
This is one of those unfortunate circumstances that occasionally happen and there’s nothing you can do about it. Even if she’s over her ex, she may be temporarily conflicted if he tries to reinitiate something with her. It depends on the girl, but it can throw you off without you even realizing it.
This happens a lot less frequently than you may think, but it’s one of the reasons why she may not be texting you back. Either way, if she seems to be prioritizing her ex over you, a guy she's just texting, then you really can't blame her, right?
10. The stars didn’t align this time
Sometimes, a relationship just isn't meant to be. People aren't always compatible, and sometimes personalities clash. When a girl doesn't text back, it's possible she just felt that things were a little "off" between you. Maybe she's just not at the right mindset or maybe your ex texted you and you're distracted.
This shouldn't stress you out or make you think something is wrong with your approach. There are around 7.5 billion people in the world, and you're definitely not going to hit it off with every single one of them.
However, there's an excellent chance you will hit it off with at least one other person. Eventually, you'll find the woman who best complements your goals and aspirations. If you're patient, the stars will align in a way meant just for you.
How to get her to text back again
The quick answer: You don’t.
You can’t get her to text back unless she wants to. You only shoot your shot and see what happens. If she texts back then cool. And if she doesn’t then cool too, she already saved you time and energy – and maybe some date money.
Does this mean that you should text back when a girl stops responding?
No. You can always send her a text that tests the waters and see why she stopped replying.
There’s something to say that can get her invested in you…. It’s what we call “a follow-up” message. It’s a single line that you send when she doesn’t text back to spike up her emotions, without looking needy or in a hurry to take her out.
What should I do when she stops texting?
You have three things to do when a girl stops responding:
1. Whining (the worst)
This starts with “Yo, what’s up?” and ends with “F*** you very much. I thought what we had was special.”
It goes like this. She stops texting out of nowhere, so you send her something like “hey, what's up?” But she doesn’t reply no matter how many times you check your phone. Then you send another follow-up, and again she doesn’t respond.
So, what do most guys do?
They get angry and even more attached. The girl is backing away, which makes her look more valuable than before. Maybe to a degree where the guy thinks she’s the one and that they should settle once he gets her back. Which leads to even more?
He will whine, beg, send more texts and nervously check his phone every two seconds until the girl asks him to stop or until he sends some text that includes the F word.
This is the power of rejection
Silence is intimidating and will bring the neediness out of you. You get attached every time you text, but she gets even more detached when she spots how needy you're being.
Your ego hurts and you think that by getting her into a second conversation you will have a chance to fix it. However, each time you invest in a one-sided conversation, you end up pushing her away even more.
2. Silence (gets you even with her, but nothing more)
I used to think that neglect is my best revenge if she saw my message and didn’t reply. At the end of the day, I’m the cool alpha with the abundance mindset, and to hell with the girl if she stopped texting me.
But this way of thinking is flawed for multiple reasons:
- It’s a defense mechanism
Deep down, you don’t think you’re worthy of being around cool girls. You expect girls to reject you so you reject them before they do.
- You treat all girls as flakey (which is wrong)
To be fair, we are all flakey. You feel bad when a girl doesn’t text back when you already have a few emails/texts that you haven’t replied to in days. I have - at this exact moment – three WhatsApp texts and around twenty dating messages (Bumble, Tinder..etc,) that I didn’t even check. Why? Because you, I and the girl are allowed to be busy from time to time.
- You deny yourself so much fun
Dating is very similar to sales. You’re the broker, she’s the customer, your cool life is the product, and her company is the currency.
Sounds convincing, right?
Then remember that a good salesman always follows up with prospects. If you don’t follow up on ten indifferent customers, you get to keep your ego but you won’t make a sale.
Same thing with girls. If I don’t follow up with ten women just because they saw my text and didn’t reply, then all my invested time and energy will go down the drain.
However, if you follow-up with those ten girls with a frame that says “I’m cool, nothing personal. She just might be busy.” Then even if just one replies, you still win a conversation that can lead to something more.
3. You follow-up like a pro
You send her a short follow-up message that tests the waters and maybe spikes up her emotions.
What to say when a girl stops texting back: with examples
Let me put it this way: You can always find a way to re-engage with a girl who stopped texting back. But you can never go back to looking cool if you blow it out of proportion. In other words, it’s not a big deal until you make it so.
It doesn’t matter that a girl stopped texting out of nowhere. What really matters is how you respond to silence. There are so many things to say when she doesn’t text back. These are my favorites:
Are you always this talkative?
Before I went out with this really hot doctor from Tinder she seemed unresponsive to my opener. But just like any good salesman, I followed-up two days later with “are you always this talkative?” and her response was very apologetic and welcoming.
Or maybe “name” is too shy
I sometimes use this line when I ask her a personal question and she doesn’t respond. I also use it sometimes on Tinder if the girl doesn’t respond to my opener.
And the Oscar for the fastest reply goes to…
Sometimes you have a very nice conversation with a girl before she stops texting out of nowhere. With these girls I often use the line “And the Oscar for the fastest reply goes to…"
It’s fun, new and gets her on board very quickly. She gets a glimpse of your sense of humor and it will keep her curious and interested in you.
Case Study: How to make her text back again
I once met this girl on Bumble. Things were going well. She was very responsive and I asked her out, but she stopped texting me back. I knew that some girls get cold feet in these situations, so I waited for two days before re-engaging with a short text. And yet again… crickets.
What did I do?
I checked our chat to make sure I didn’t make a mistake, but I didn’t find anything that might’ve turned her off. So I just let it go and forgot about her until two months later when she matched with me again after I re-installed the app.
I played it cool and even let it go when she stopped texting for another five days (check the screenshot below) until I took the conversation to WhatsApp where she was very responsive before I took her out.
How long to wait if she doesn’t text back
Two to three days is enough depending on how responsive she was in the past. If you were texting nonstop then maybe one day is cool. But if she usually takes a few hours (or a day) to text back then three, or even four, days is enough because it shows her that you have patience and other options.
There really isn't a hard and fast rule for this, though. The best thing to do is just keep living your life the way you did before you started texting. Go out with friends, focus on work, binge on a show--do something to take your mind off that nagging feeling that she's ignoring you. Then, when you've realized that it's not the end of the world if she doesn't reply, send her that follow-up text.
Mistakes to avoid when she doesn’t text back
These are the most common mistakes that guys should avoid when the girl they like stops texting back.
1. Including other people in the problem
Don’t call her, go to her place, call her friends or even ask your best friend for help (especially if he knows her or if he’s bad with women).
Again, a girl not replying to your text isn’t a big deal. Just like losing something when you do your laundry. Do you call your friends if you lose a pair of socks? No. You just let go and buy a new pair the next day.
Of course, I’m not calling women socks, but a girl not responding to your text is really as important as losing an old pair of socks. It happens, you move on, and a new one comes in.
2. Double texting the girl
I won’t get tired of saying this:
You’re only allowed one follow-up message.
The only time you can send two follow-ups is if you slept together or if you know you did/said something so bad that pissed her off.
3. Going all needy when she replies
If she replies back, don’t ask her why she didn’t respond to your messages.
Instead, consider it a new beginning when a girl replies to your follow-up message. Don’t judge her, don’t tell her “I’ve been waiting for you for days” or ask her if she’s okay. Be super cool about it because you’re an adult who knows that people can be busy sometimes. Use whatever she gives you to spike up her emotions and enjoy a fun conversation with her. Just like in the previous case study.
What to do if she doesn’t text back for days
Like I said; you’re only allowed one follow-up text when a girl stops texting.
Your mind should be thinking, "I hope she responds, but if she doesn’t, I’m still cool. Even if she saw my message and didn’t reply. I’m still cool."
Her response will fall into one of these categories:
- If she’s been really busy but still likes you: She will reply.
- If she’s angry or wants to test you: She may wait a couple of days to see if you will go all needy about it.
- And if she doesn’t like you: She will keep ghosting you.
Regardless of how she acts: DO NOT FOLLOW UP TWICE.
You will look needy and she will resent your weakness. It’s better to swallow the rejection and walk away with dignity than become her dancing monkey or a joke that she tells her friends.
You followed up and she replied, what to do next?
First off, congratulations!
She replied when she could've ignored you, so you still have a chance to make things work. Even if her reply is simply, "hi."
(Remember silence is your worst enemy when texting, not negative responses)
Like I said before, there are so many reasons for her long/short absence, and not liking you is just one of them. She could've been really busy or she just felt bored for a second and hope you can give her a blast.
On a scale of "New phone, who dis?" to "Imma give you s***t for ignoring me," you should be in the middle.
First off, don't ask her out right away. Your first message should never be "Wanna hang out this weekend?”
This is a huge kick-in-the-crotch turnoff. You must build a positive vibe first before asking her for anything.
Think of when you were a kid. You'd never ask your dad for something if his mood was off. You'd normally wait until you've been bonding for a while or maybe get him to play with you before asking for whatever you want...
The chances are he will comply if you picked the right moment or at least do his best to give you what you want.
The same thing happens on dates. She feels bored in the middle of the date and keeps checking her phone. So you feel frustrated and go for the kiss.
Bam, she leans away, asks you what you're doing, and then excuses herself ten minutes later.
Never escalate on the negative
This is the first rule in dating books. The same thing works with women... even the not-so-responsive ones. Here's a terrible example of me trying to get her to go out with me without building enough rapport.
This is the girl from the previous "Oscars" example. Notice that despite having fun I could've waited for a better chance to ask her out (which I did later). However, the best thing I did was acting as if nothing happened. I didn't bring up the topic or ask her why she ignored my suggestion. Just played it cool and waited for the next moment to ask for the date.
Here's another example of me trying to ask a Tinder girl out:
Mistake alert: We've been talking for a while, but I should've evoked more emotions before asking her out. Luckily she liked me enough to just give me a quick shit test which I passed and got her number.
Also, it's okay to break the no-double-texting rule within context. I should've trimmed the three texts to two, but mistakes like these go below the radar if you don't make a big deal out of them - and if the girl likes you, of course.
The rule is so simple: Before asking any girl out - especially a girl who used to spend days without texting back - you have to see these signs:
- She texts nonstop
- She replies fast - especially if she's not the super-responsive type
- Gifs and emojis from her take up half your conversation
- She gives you hints
Remember the girl who ignored my date invitation a few screenshots ago. Once I evoked enough emotions, she was almost begging me to ask her out.
Pay attention to two things here. First, the hints she's giving me, especially when I evoked her emotions with that story about me being an undercover CIA (yes, these things work). Secondly, I didn't accept her invitation right away. I kept teasing her and made her jump through hoops to go out with me.
Notice that this was a girl who left me hanging on Bumble for five days and didn't text back until I reminded her of my existence.
This all happens when you connect with the girl and be a little bit more fun than most guys, which is possible because most guys suck at texting.
How to build a connection with a girl so she doesn’t stop texting
In a nutshell: The more chatty you make her, the more invested she gets.
Some girls believe in signs. A girl who was previously interested may ignore you forever just because the two times you tried to go out something happened and the date was canceled. She may think it's a sign she shouldn't see you and her mind will come up with reasons to justify her decision.
Similarly, a girl who texts you a lot may think she likes you to justify the invested time. Texting nonstop tells the girl there might be some chemistry between both of you, which makes it hard for her to stop texting out of nowhere.
But how to get her chatty over text? By following these tips:
Use more statements and fewer questions
One thing that tells me if the girl is into me is how many questions she asks me or how many times she picks up the conversation and keeps it flowing. I avoid ending every text with a question, especially yes/no questions or those that only require a short answer like "Where are you from?" Or, "how's your day?"
Rephrase, rephrase, rephrase
Each time a girl tells you something about her, don't ask questions... Just rephrase the new info or use it to tell her something about her. For example:
- Burgers are my favorite food: Looks like someone had their first bday in Mcdonald's
- I slept in the airport and missed my flight: Seems like you're a terrible travel buddy
- I was so drunk I lost my keys: Lol, we'll never share a bottle of wine then
This works because it's fun, tells her something about herself (FYI: girls like to talk about themselves), and strays away from the boring, yes/no questions.
These lines also buy you time when you don't know what you say and open a new conversation thread for you to use to connect with her.
Don't reply to more than one question (always keep them wanting more)
The more excited she gets the more texts she sends. This is more than fine, yet temporary. A girl's mood can change in a blink of an eye, especially when they haven't met you before.
Add more wood to the fire. In other words, keep the conversation going, and get her talking more.
Each time she sends two or more texts/questions, ignore them all except for one and reply to it.
Sounds harsh, but it isn't. You're just keeping more threads open, and also making her re-stress on specific topics, which will clue you in on what she's interested in.
Take the following example:
She initiated four threads:
- She works 10-7
- She's gonna get new piercings
- She wants to know where I live
- She has a dog
In a boring world, the reply will be four quotes that say:
1. What do you do/ that's a lot of work
2. So you like piercings huh/ where will you get them
3. I live in X place
4. OMG, what's his name?
That's a lot of messaging going on. She will get bored because of the many questions you're asking. What should you do is reply to just one topic and leave the rest to when the conversation dries (just like in the screenshot). That will prevent the conversation from getting boring.
How to Improve Your Texting Game
Hint: practice, practice, practice. It's normal to feel confused or even anxious when a girl doesn't text back — especially if things were moving along nicely between the two of you. However, there are many possible reasons why she stopped responding, and you can't control all of them.
The good news is you can definitely control how you handle yourself the next time. If you meet someone new and start texting, do your best to stick to an easy, comfortable pace. Don't be too aggressive, and be sure to find common ground that lets you deepen the conversation. Ask her some interesting questions and genuinely care about her answers.
Then, once you feel like meeting up is in the cards for you, you can ask her out subtly. Try to see if she'd be willing to give you hints about where she likes to hang out or what her favorite bars/restaurants/cafes are. Use these to set up a date once you think she'd be comfortable with it.
But despite doing all the right things, there will be times when a girl doesn't text back. Charge it to experience and just keep in mind that you can't please everyone!