So you’ve found someone you’re interested in and have been talking. Whether it was the woman at the bar or someone from a cougar dating site, asking a woman out online isn’t always easy. In fact, it might make you feel the fear of rejection before you’ve even asked a woman for her number.
You’ve been rejected before and I know it hurts. But there are things you can do to help you get over this crippling anxiety so you can “man up,” get her number and make that first date from online.
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How To Ask Someone Out Online — Face Your Demons First
The most significant demon in your dating life is the fear of rejection.
Don’t take rejection from a woman personally. It happens to every guy out there— even the handsome, ripped and rich men.
According to Psychcentral, rejection is one of the most deep-seeded fears known to mankind, especially when it comes to being accepted by a woman you find attractive online.
Every man wants to feel accepted without judgment, while at the same time getting what he wants. If you figure out what a woman wants first, she will be more open to your advances. So do your homework on her.
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Know What She Likes
Understanding what you want and what a woman wants is similar at the core. But between the sexes, there are significant differences.
According to FitBrains, women focus more on multiple senses while men have more focus on visuals.
You’re turned on by what you see online, and she is more turned on by the things that go on between her ears — so learn to turn her on in her brain first.
The between the ears turn-on for her include touch, smell, ambiance, visuals and feeling understood. While you can’t let her know how you smell just yet, you need to inspire her brain on a more emotional level.
It’s exhausting for women to get boring messages, so you need to focus on what you write to inspire her to want to get to know you.
How can you do this? Get the conversation started. There are four steps to this conversation starting system.
- Find common interests
- Create value
- Establish trust
- Ask questions
With these four steps, you’ll have a considerable advantage over other men because most guys don’t know the basics of making a woman feel safe and connected. You can use these seven simple steps throughout your entire conversation with her to create an automatic “YES!” to you in her brain before you ask her out. She’ll imagine what it will be like when you finally ask her out.
People say “like attracts like,” and that may be true until you realize you have nothing in common. Then things fall apart quickly. So if you truly want to get with a woman, look for common ground.
Before you ask her out online, I want you to ask yourself three questions.
- What does she talk about in her bio?
- What does she have in her photos?
- What do we have in common?
When you start a conversation with a woman, connect the dots to things you both might like to do on your own. Then think about what you might want to do together that you’d both enjoy.
Analyze her photos and bio with your clever brain to figure out what makes her tick. Here are some questions you can ask yourself about her.
- Are her friends vital to her?
- Does she love animals?
- Is she a party girl or a homebody?
- Does she talk about Netflix?
- Does she smoke cigarettes?
- What kind of hobbies does she have in photos?
- Does she do yoga, boxing, or running?
- Are there pictures of her in a restaurant?
- What kind of food does it look like she appreciates?
- Is she into sports?
Where is the common ground between the two of you?
After you find common ground, I want you to bridge the gap between your life and hers with similar likes. Find your common interests and talk about them in your messages to her.
How To Ask Someone Out Online— Create Value
Creating value means first valuing your self-worth and imagining how you will make her life better. You want her to imagine what it will be like when she meets you, and let her know that you will make her life more fulfilling.
I want you to think about a woman’s deepest needs because these are things that women crave from a man.
So, if you don’t know how to satisfy women in the bedroom, start reading up, because if you know what you’re doing, she won’t want to get out of bed or have wandering eyes.
So a good start is to make a list of your best qualities and let her in on some of them while you’re chatting. Get a pen and paper and physically write them down. If you’re afraid of your roommate finding them, get out the matches and burn them in the sink.
Here are some ideas you can choose from for your list, and please make more of your own as well. If you don’t identify with many of these traits, find your own.
- I’m good at carrying heavy stuff
- I’m good at throwing a football
- I take time to learn about what women want
- I am a good friend
- I’m a good lover
- I am loyal
- I am kind
- I’m fit
- I respect the woman I am with
- I have good hygiene.
- Manners are important to me
- I have a good sense of humor
- I am usually on time
- I’m a moral person
- I am intelligent
- I’m confident
- I am a good listener
- I have good earning potential
These traits are the kinds of things that women look for in a man. So, if you don’t’ have these traits — start cultivating them in yourself.
How To Ask Someone Out Online— Establish Trust
Establishing trust will help her see you as a good guy with an edge, instead of just another bad boy that will leave her after the first date.
For women to trust you, you first have to trust yourself.
Trusting yourself means doing things that are in alignment with your best self. If a woman gives you red flags, you have to believe your gut and not ask her out on a date. Trust yourself.
To establish trust in women that you deem high-quality enough to share your time and energy with, you can use some specific words or ideas in your messages before you ask her out.
These are some trust words and ideas you can use
- Best friend
- Compliment her with things about her that aren’t physical.
These kinds of words establish trust with a woman and make her feel safe. And one of the best ways to develop trust with women is to follow through and make sure your actions are consistent with your words.
If you say you’re going to call, text, or pick her up at 7 p.m. — don’t be a tool. Honor your word.
Your actions speak volumes to her as to the kind of man you are and want her to see.
How To Keep Her Attention
When you have the conversation started, you want to make sure to keep the questions coming so you can get the potential of dating you in her mind. I don’t mean throwing down with a 10-question email either.
Keep the conversation flowing with every email by using a question at some point, so she has a reason to respond.
I’ve seen many men send messages to women without asking her anything about herself. A string of boring statements with no question mark is an enormous mistake and will make the conversation fade into the online dating abyss.
After you establish these critical foundations, she will begin to imagine what a date with you will be like before it happens.
How To Ask For Her Number
You can ask for her number or a date after you’ve established some trust and connection with her.
If you get her number and call her instead of only text her, you’ll be different. That’ll make you stand out beyond the average online man who is too chicken to call a woman.
Here’s an example of how to ask a woman for her number:
“I’m not on tinder much anymore, want to send me your number? I would love to chat; you seem fun!”
So many men text a woman after he gets her number instead of calling her. Calling her shows you’re confident.
A good formula for calling her is to text her first.
Send her a quick text, something like this:
“Hey, it’s Sam from Bumble. Thanks for your number. I’m free after 8 p.m. tonight. Does that work for you? I would like to chat to see if we click!”
Make sure you tell her your name when you text her. Not just:
“Hey it’s me.”
She will be racking her brain trying to figure out who the heck is me?
She might have given her number to three different men. The guessing-your-name game is not sexy and will be a turn off.
It’s that easy. Put on your big boy pants and just ask her to meet. The longer you wait, the more of a chance she will have to get together with the next guy in her online dating feed.
Learn How To Get Her Offline— How To Ask Her Out
“I saw you like Mexican food in your pictures, My friends and I went out to a fantastic place last week and they have the best margaritas. We should go sometime. What is your week looking like to meet up?”
“I have some free time this week and like chatting with you. Want to grab a drink with me and take the conversation offline? I’m free Tuesday and Thursday evening.”
If you don’t drink, you can ask her to meet you at a trendy tea shop with ambient lighting or a coffee house.
If you figured out she’s into music, do your homework on some local shows and ask her if she wants to join you.
When you pay attention to her likes and dislikes it will make you stand out from the other men online. When you follow these steps, you’ll be on your way to getting with her in person — and who knows where that will lead? It’s going to be good.