What if she says no is not a scenario most guys enjoy thinking about. Instead we spend a lot of time talking about how to find older women to date and create attraction. All of this leads up to her saying “yes” literally or figuratively if you met her at a bar or on one of the Great Cougar Dating Sites we recommend.
I would wager that 99% of everything written about cougar dating is focused on getting to that “yes”. However the reality is that you are likely going to hear a lot of “no thank you” before you truly become a master of dating older women.
There is good news though! What if she says no will become a smaller and smaller concern as you gain experience. When a woman turns down your request for her number or a coffee date it is often not purely a reflection of you, she barely knows you.
There are millions of reasons why a woman would decline an invitation and it isn’t worth agonizing over what her specific reason this time might be. Older women dating younger men have a lot more going on in their lives than younger women making it even more pointless to speculate.
While this can be frustrating it can also be freeing. Focus on the things you can change and continually try to improve in those areas. As you make progress you will find that the question of “what if she says no?” will come up less and less often.
If you receive the unfortunate “no thank you” from a lovely cougar avoid these common mistakes to put yourself in the best position going forward.
What If She Says No?
Don’t get mad at her
Getting angry or upset at the cougar you are pursuing is a great way to blow any future chance you might have with her. It is also a perfect way to sabotage your chances with any of her single friends. Older women dating younger men love to share stories of their recent dates with their girlfriends.
If you blow up and get angry at her I guarantee you that is the first story she is going to be telling the next time she talks to her friends. This is a HUGE red flag for women. Guys with anger issues can be dangerous and the last thing a woman wants is for someone she cares about to be around a guy who can’t control himself. If just thinking “what if she says no?” starts to get you angry you might want to look into some counseling.
The reality of the situation is that it isn’t her fault. It is up to you to create the level of attraction needed for her to want to spend more time around you. She doesn’t owe you anything. Even if you spent all night buying her drinks and dinner it is still up to you to create a level of attraction that extends beyond her love of free food and drinks. Staying cool, calm, and collected in the face of rejection can easily put you in line to date her single friends.
Don’t get mad at yourself
While creating enough attraction to move things forward is up to you, don’t get mad at yourself. As we talked about earlier there are millions of reasons why a woman could not be interested in furthering a relationship with a man. Maybe you remind her too much of her brother? Maybe she is a vegan and can’t date someone who loves a good steak? There can be many small “deal breakers” like these that you can’t anticipate and an older woman might not even be aware of.
What if she says no is a scenario that is OK to think about but you don’t want to dwell on it. Getting angry at yourself, especially when she is still around, you are shooting yourself in the foot. Just like getting mad at her this can be a HUGE red flag for women. Men who have anger issues, even at themselves, are not going to be the kind of guys that a woman recommends to her friends.
Don’t speak poorly about her to others
It is amazing how connected our world has become. This is especially true for singles. Speaking poorly of a woman who declined your offer is only going to have negative consequences down the road. While it might make you feel a little better in the short term you should demonstrate a little class and maturity and respect her decision.
If you are rejected by a woman and belittle her to your friends they might laugh and agree but they will remember. They will remember that you speak poorly of others behind their backs. Do you think that they are going to set you up with people they care about if they think you will trash them if things don’t go your way? Don’t count on it!
Don’t repeat your mistakes
You are not going to get better and dating older women without practice. You can’t practice without getting some rejections. If you can get comfortable being told “no”, taking that experience, and learning from it you are guaranteed to be success dating older women. Dating cougars and generating attraction with women is a skill that most guys need to practice to grow.
If you strive to learn from every interaction you have with women than even the scenario of “what if she says no” is going to be beneficial. It is a very common saying in business that you learn more from your failures than from you successes. Cougar dating is the same way.
Don’t give up
Learning any new skill has a certain period of learning at the beginning that is uncomfortable. This is no different. Being turned down can be a painful and unpleasant experience. The good news is that it is worth it. For every guy that takes action and works through the discomfort there are twenty guys who are paralyzed by fear thinking “what if she says no?”. There is no downside to being better with women. You are going to be dealing with women the rest of your life!
If you recently heard the big N O and are interested in meeting more cougars check out our Best Online Cougar Dating Sites Review. It is a great place to find older women dating younger men. Most of the cougar dating sites out there are fakes that you want to avoid but they can be hard to spot. You will also find Cougar Life reviews, Match.com reviews, and eHarmony reviews for those most interested in dating older women.