When learning how to make the first move, there are several things you need to pay attention to.
If you don't know what you're doing, you may come off as creepy, weird or even desperate and needy. To avoid that, I'll show you how you should be making the first move so you appear confident and suave instead.
Making the first move in a confident way
Most women are very intuitive when it comes to social interactions. They can easily see how a man feels on the inside when he's talking to them — through his mannerisms and body language.
If you doubt yourself too much or hesitate when making your first move, women will think you're afraid of them. And trust me, that’s never attractive.
This means it's not the actual move you make that's important but how you present yourself to women when you do it. Your approach, your attitude, body language, the way you carry yourself and how confident you appear is infinitely more important than any actual move that you do.
When you understand this concept, you'll realize that your ‘Inner Game’ is the most important thing in seduction. Basically, it's your self-esteem, your mindsets, the thoughts that are going through your head, and how you view yourself and women in general.
If you have a solid ‘Inner Game,’ most women will find you naturally attractive and it'll be easy to make the first move. Techniques and everything else is secondary.
There are a couple of fantastic books that cover dating older women in detail but we have some great suggestions below. With that in mind, let me tell you about how to make the first move in a suave way.
When picking up women, it's important you don't hesitate with your actions.
This means that if you want to do something, you just go ahead and do it. Because if you, for example, stop your arm movement mid-air while trying to put it around your date's shoulders and she notices this, her attraction towards you will quickly dissipate. Even if that happens for just half a second, it’ll still show her that you're full of doubt. And doubting yourself too much is never an attractive quality. It shows that you're not very confident or comfortable around women. Also, that you lack experience and faith in yourself.
That's why you should make sure all your movements are relaxed, smooth and deliberate. If you decide to do something, make it a point to always go through with it until the end. It's better to do the wrong action without a doubt and then learn from it than show that you have no clue what you're doing.
If you are still developing your confidence to approach in public, or you just want to expand your options, you might want to get some practice on our favorite cougar dating sites.
Keep steady eye contact
Another important point when making your first move is eye contact. You have to learn how to maintain eye-contact without looking away in a timid manner.
Also, if your eyes are darting around and all over the place, you'll seem very nervous and afraid. Women will pick up on your nervousness and will start to feel uncomfortable around you. And women feeling uncomfortable around you is the last thing you want them to do. This is especially important when you're at a social place like a when you're meeting women at a club.
Plus, deep and steady eye-contact between two people who are interested in each other creates a lot of intimacy and attraction. It makes people like each other more.
So, strong eye-contact is something you need to learn when you're trying to figure out how to make the first move. Practice eye contact with women and try not to look away first. This is a very attractive quality in a man because it shows dominance and that you're comfortable with pressure. Weak eye-contact and looking down after your eyes meet shows that you're submissive, which is never attractive to women.
Take care of your body language issues
If you're going to be making the first move and you want it to succeed, you need to get your body language in order.
That's because bad or weak body language will tell women a lot about you and who you are. More than your words ever could.
So, make it a point to learn about body language and how to maintain proper posture. When you're approaching women, relax your arms, straighten your back, hold your shoulders firm and don't slouch. You should never look tense and always seem comfortable and relaxed.
This is a very important point. Because even if you approach women and say all the right words but your body language looks tense and screams of insecurity, things won't go well. She won't show those classic signs that she wants you to make a move on her.
Have a proper mindset before making the first move
Your mindset is extremely important when it comes to women and dating.
That's because the thoughts you have in your head subconsciously affect how you interact with others. Women notice this subconscious communication and treat you accordingly. In some cases, women will also make the first move on you when they realize that you're a pretty cool and confident guy.
Having a proper mindset will prevent you from being needy and desperate around women. Instead, it’ll make you feel empowered, calm, confident and ready to take on the world. It's the difference between coming off as a creepy weirdo and being suave when talking to women.
Here's an example of a wrong mindset to have:
"How do I approach her so that she likes me?"
"What should I do to impress her?"
Having thoughts like these while meeting women instantly places you in a state of neediness and desperation. Basically, they imply that you desperately want women to like you and that you’d do anything for this to happen. But why? You don't even know who they are, so why would you want to impress a random woman who you are approaching? It shows that you low standards. It also reveals that you don't give a damn about her as a person and just want one thing from her. That's called objectifying women and it's incredibly unattractive.
Here's a proper mindset to have:
"Mmm, she looks amazing . . . I wonder if she's also a nice and interesting person underneath those great looks? Why don't I approach her and find out!"
This puts you in a position of power because you don't immediately go into the conversation trying to please her. Instead, you're going there to find out who she is and see whether you're going to like her or not. It's the difference between liking her instantly for no reason other than her looks and deciding that you like her for her personality and appearance as a whole. This shows you have high standards when it comes to women, which is massively attractive.
This change in thinking will make a ridiculously positive impact on your results when you're learning how to make the first move.
Here's how to make the first move and kiss her
Now I'll show you how to do what you came here for -- making the first move when you're with a woman you like.
I'm assuming the following:
You're out there meeting girls and you've found one you like. You've approached her, talked to her, found out who she is and decided that you like her for her looks and personality. You've shown her you know what you're doing by maintaining proper body language, eye contact, mindsets, etc. The conversation you had was enjoyable and involved a lot of flirting and teasing to build some attraction.
Now you see that she's attracted to you and likes who you are. You want to make your move, get closer to her and kiss her.
To do that, you move in closer to her and touch her somewhere where platonic friends wouldn't. An example would be to touch her hair and comment on it saying something like "Your hair's so soft . . ." Or brushing the back of your palm against her cheek and saying how great her skin feels. Another example would be to put your arm around her waist and pull her a bit closer to you. Remember not to hesitate when you do this!
After you do something physical like that, you need to make an effort to notice her reaction. If it's negative in any way, you can't make your move yet. By negative, I mean that she moves away from you, stops your hand, frowns, displays clear discomfort, or comments that you shouldn't do what you’re doing.
However, if it's a positive reply, you're good to go. If she doesn't shy away from your touch, smiles and feels completely comfortable with you being so close and intimate with her -- it's time to make your move and kiss her. It means she's ready and will be very receptive.
This is one of the best and easiest ways to make your first move and come off as suave. That's because you’ll be able to see whether she's ready to be kissed. Or if you still have to give her some time to become more attracted to you.
If you get a negative reaction, don't worry and don't feel bad! It doesn't mean "Never!" and instead means "Not yet . . ." Continue having a good time with her, build more attraction, sexual tension and then make your move again. It's called being persistent without coming off as a creep.
Also, to get a positive response more frequently so your first move works better, you should not forget about the importance of touch in general.
If you don’t show her that you’re a physical person and completely neglect touching her while you’re interacting with her, it’ll feel weird for her when you eventually do touch her. That’s because your touch will come completely out of the blue and will surprise her. Due to this, it’s important to gradually escalate your touch throughout interaction. Shake her hand, high-five her, hug her and do similar things to make her used to your touch.
Now that you know how to make the first move on the woman you like, you must become comfortable with doing this. You can do these no matter where you are--at the gym, at a bar or even in spots where women go to meet older men.
As anything else, it takes some practice and getting used to. Making a move like this is much simpler and safer than going in directly and just kissing her. Because it lets you find out if she'll be receptive to it or not.
Not that being very direct is a bad thing. It's just that being direct is not for everyone, especially if you don't have much experience with women and are somewhat introverted.