You know when you feel like you’re connecting but can't really tell if you should be making a move on a girl or not? You start asking yourself questions like “Does she want me to make a move on her or will she think I'm a creep?”
Now you definitely don't want to be that handsy guy who just starts grabbing at her. That’s why I’ll explain how to make a move on a girl the right way. And I’ll also show you the main signs she wants you to make a move on her.
Before you learn how to make a move on a girl, let’s start with learning about the signs she wants you to make a move on her in the first place.
Ideally, you always want to check that a girl is giving you clear signals before you start making a move. There's even a scientific name for it: haptic communication.
Rather than rely on words, haptic communication uses touch, body language, and other overt signals.
Women are socialized not to be the sexual aggressors (though some women like to make the first move). So a lot of the time, women will show you they're open to being touched by you by giving you very light and flirtatious touches themselves.
If you first met online (perhaps from one of the highly-rated sites on our annual review of the top websites for dating older women) you need to meet in person as quickly as possible.
When you meet, most women usually aren’t going to invade your personal space themselves to make it clear you should be making a move. So you'll need to adjust your own body language.
For example, you want to meet women at a bar, cafe or other similar venues. When you’re there, try to lean in slightly closer in case she wants to touch you. Give her a chance to show you she's into you.
Pay close attention to what she does when you’re close to her. As the first sign is her touching you unprompted.
Similarly, check out her body and how she moves around you. Is her body language open to you or not?
Keep in mind, social code dictates that women have a much more "closed off" posture than men (i.e.: legs together or crossed, not "spreading" too much with their limbs or body). So a girl's signals will usually be a little more subtle.
A woman who’s interested in you making a move will let her arms or legs be just slightly in your personal space.
Look out for this when you're trying to meet women at the gym. When she lifts weights does she face in your direction? Maybe she looks your way a lot when you're working out. Or maybe you've even noticed she always tends to glance at you from across the room.
When you see things like this, it’s a decent sign she’s interested in you. So look out for open body language and when a woman keeps looking your way.
A great way to do this is to touch her arm, knee or shoulder lightly for emphasis.
"Oh, that reminds me…" is a natural segue for this because it's friendly, but not too forward.
Keep your hand there for a second or two and then remove it. This is perfect for social situations where you're often interacting.
For example, you might be trying to meet girls in college or at work. A slight touch for emphasis isn't inappropriate and she'll react positively if she's into you.
If she's not interested, she'll pull her hand away or close off her body language. If she returns the touch, it's a very good sign.
So, keep an eye out for her reactions when you touch her. Move forward if they’re positive and take a step back if they’re not.
There's a cool body communication trick that works if you're meeting a woman at a party or a bar. (Or a diner counter, if you're not drinking.)
Check to see if a woman's hips or shoulders are facing yours.
If neither her hips nor shoulders are facing you, she doesn't want to be touched. If either her hips or her shoulders are facing yours, it's a good sign she might be open to something. And if both her hips and her shoulders are facing yours, she's definitely interested. (Or you're in the middle of a very heated debate.)
Basically, a person’s body language tells quite a lot about their intentions. And if they’re constantly facing your way with their hips and shoulders, it means they’re interested in you at least somewhat.
When you notice a woman face you this way on multiple occasions, you should chat her up and find out what’s going on.
When we're interested in someone, we naturally lean into them. Keeping your eye out for this key sign is one of the most important parts of hitting on a girl.
Waiters will tell you that if you were to watch people on a first date, you'd notice that both of them would be sitting straight in their chairs (or slouching if they have that bad habit) at the beginning of the evening.
By the end, you can tell how well the date is going by how they're both sitting.
Leaning in means, "I'm interested and engaged in what we're sharing right now."
Sitting straight up means, "I haven't made my mind up yet."
And leaning back means, "I'm looking for you to say something to change my mind."
This is especially true if you're trying to make a move on an older woman.
Blushing happens when adrenaline causes your blood to flow faster and the blood vessels to open wide. It's this rush of excitement and thrill, mixed with maybe just a smidgeon of embarrassment. You should definitely take this as a sign that a girl likes you and you should be making a move on her.
In fact, it’s one of the easiest signs to spot because you can see it right on the other person’s face. And it’s also one of the strongest signs as well because it’s involuntary and people can’t really stop it from happening.
So if you’re talking to a girl and see her blushing, don't be afraid to chat with her some more and see if she'd like to hang out with you. If she wants to hang out, don’t forget to get her number.
Flirting should be fun!
Even if you're not a comedian by nature, try to keep the conversation light and fun. A girl who’s having a good time getting to know you will be smiling and laughing when she talks to you.
Humans are naturally programmed to mirror the expressions of someone we're talking to. So you should be doing plenty of laughing and smiling yourself, to set the mood and the energy level of your conversation.
Also, plenty of women get the giggles when they're interested in someone. So if she's giggling and blushing, it's a great sign that she's ready for you to make a move.
Another good sign is when a girl laughs at your jokes all the time, no matter how corny or unfunny they are.
The "flirting triangle" is a great way to assess a girl's interest. It's also a really great way to demonstrate your own interest as well!
The "flirting triangle" is when you look at another person’s face and go from one eye to the next and then down toward the mouth.
Some girls will look away shyly after the triangle or subconsciously bat their eyelashes a little. It’s that powerful and shows great intent.
Unlike a lot of haptic communication, the triangle doesn't come into play in friendly situations. So if you find yourself exchanging a few "flirting triangle" glances with a girl, it's time to start making a move on her because she’s very receptive. Especially if she licks her lips as you look towards her mouth.
This is one of the strongest signs of interest so make sure to look out for it.
I can't stress enough how important this is. Before making a move on a girl, check to see that you're in the right place.
If she's in full view of her friends or colleagues, throw out a suggestion that gets her out of their direct sight. Because most women won’t want to look slutty in front of their friends or peers, no matter how much they want to kiss you.
A great excuse is asking her to go get a drink at a bar, check out a patio, or whatever your location offers you.
If you're out on a dinner date, walking her to her car is a great opportunity for making a move on a girl.
It’s also a great compliance test. If she’s up for it and wants to get away from prying eyes with you and go somewhere more private, it means she’s definitely interested.
This is especially important if you're online dating.
Is the conversation flowing easily? Are you finding common ground and shared interests?
If you're both struggling to find something to talk about together, don't try to force the chemistry by making a move. And absolutely DO NOT try to push things along if she mentions she has a boyfriend.
It won't work and it'll make both of you feel bad.
Even if you're both dealing with nerves or shyness, you should be able to tell if you're sharing a flirtatious rapport.
Sometimes on a first date two people just don't "click." That's totally okay! Don't feel bad about not making a move in this case. It has to feel right for everything to go smoothly.
Just be a gentleman and get back out there.
Truth is, there are as many ways to make a move on a girl as there are different girls. But no matter what you do, you need to first make sure the girl will be receptive to your advances first before you go for it.
By now you’ve read the above signs so you’ll know when the woman you’re with will be receptive to you. But the following still bears repeating so you truly understand when and how to make a move on a girl the right way:
Always check how she reacts to your touch with her body language and facial expressions.
I repeat this crucial point because no matter how awesome you are and no matter how well you’ve learned how to make the first move on a girl . . . If she’s not receptive to your touch, you will fail nearly every single time.
That’s because physical touch is one of the most important aspects of seduction. And if she’s not comfortable with you touching her yet, she won’t respond to your move well.
With that out of the way, here’s how you make your move if you’re at a bar or similar venue:
After you’ve talked to the girl and made sure she likes you at least somewhat, touch her on the arm or shoulder lightly during the conversation and keep your hand there. Smile and notice her reaction and make sure it’s positive.
Then, while your hand’s still there, tell her to come closer to you and use that hand to gently pull her in. When you’re very, very close together, just stay like that and let the sexual tension build. Don’t forget to flash a knowing smile at her.
After a few moments, lean in and kiss her. It’s that easy.
So how do you make a move on your crush then? Well, making a move on your crush is a bit different from making moves on a random girl at the bar or nightclub.
That’s because you’ll probably be bumping into your crush a lot more often than some random girl you’ve met while going out. And if you make your move on your crush and have it blow up in your face, it can be very awkward the next time you meet.
So if you want to have the best chances for your crush to respond positively to your advances, it’s even more important to make her very comfortable with you being close to her and with your touch.
The best way to do this is to be more physical with her in general. Show her you’re a physical guy by touching her often during your interactions, but in a natural way.
In fact, just pretend she’s your buddy who you like hanging out with and who likes hanging out with you.
You’ll often touch your buddy like it’s the most natural thing in the world to be doing so. You’ll bump into them, joke around and shove them, pat them on the shoulder or back or head when you’re making some point. You won’t be afraid of messing with them, teasing them and having fun with them.
If you do all that with your crush, she’ll eventually be so comfortable with you and your touch, making a move on her will be very easy.
Then it’s all about going somewhere more private with your crush. Putting your arm around her because you’re both very comfortable with it. And then leaning in and kissing them. That’s pretty much it.
Learning how to make a move on a date involves most of the things we’ve already talked about but with extra details.
You still need to have fun with your date. She needs to be attracted to you. And you have to make her comfortable with your physical presence. Those things are a given.
The thing to keep in mind, however, is that you don’t want to be making your move while you’re at some venue with her, especially if it’s the first date. Because if you do that, she’ll often think all you want out of her is just sex. (Unless you both meet through some hookup app or website and both want just sex, which is great!)
That’s why it’s wise to make your move on a date when you’re both back at your place or hers. That way you’ll both be very comfortable and safe, away from any onlookers who may cause unnecessary anxiety.
Once you’re both in private, you need to assess her level of attraction towards you and how eager she is for you to make the move.
If you had loads of fun on your date and you see she’s very attracted to you, the easiest way to make your move would be to do it right after you get somewhere private. Do it fast and do it hard, in other words. Pin her against the wall, make out with her, lift her up and take her to bed or a sofa.
If you see she’s decently attracted to you, make your move like you would with your crush; slowly.
And if she’s not that attracted to you yet but you see potential, take things very slow. Build up more comfort and rapport with her before leaning in for the kiss.
With these tips, you'll learn whether or not you should make a move on a girl. And then take your chance and go for it.
Pay attention to what she says and does. It could spell the difference between building attraction and turning her off!