Ever tried picking up girls at the bar, failed miserably and wondered what on earth you did wrong? Most guys assume it's because they're not rich or good-looking enough--or that women only go for assholes.
In reality, it's because they're making some fundamental mistakes when speaking to the opposite sex. By eliminating these mistakes, most guys could substantially improve their chances of hooking up with a beautiful woman they've just met.
Below, we list the 10 most common mistakes made by guys when picking up women at the bar.
It's no secret that high-quality women party at high-quality venues. If you're going to tacky bars with no cover charge, you'll usually end up competing with a ton of guys for a few tacky women.
Perhaps that's a tad harsh, but it's rare you'll find the perfect woman you spend your weekdays fantasizing about. You're far more likely to find a drunken idiot who wants a fight because you looked at his girlfriend the wrong way.
Most women don't want to make the first move. Many are shy or worried about looking too easy. That's why standing by the wall waiting for a woman to approach you is a bad strategy.
Perhaps you're the type who stands and waits for a “sign” from a woman before making his move. That's a step up, but you're still leaving your sex life to destiny.
Many women find it attractive when a man is brave enough to approach them with confidence. And it may give him a chance to woo her based on this. In this scenario, the better-looking dude whom she wanted to approach her is left alone nursing his beer. Don’t be that guy.
There are plenty of reasons to not enjoy nightclubs. A lot of guys still go, because they figure it's the best place to find beautiful women. That's fine, as long as you’re aware that not enjoying yourself will hamper your success with women at the bar.
A woman's main priority at the club is FUN. If you're not providing as much fun energy as her friends, she'll want nothing to do with you.
If you really struggle to have fun at the bar, bring a buddy who makes you laugh. When you’re meeting people, focus on talking about topics that you enjoy. This is an environment where you can let loose, be loud and obnoxious, and meet new people. Make the most of it.
Focus on having fun before you start trying to pick up, as faking enjoyment around beautiful women is a losing game. Mostly, it comes across as extremely see-through and try-hard.
The main reason men make half-hearted approaches in the club is damage limitation. Deep down (perhaps even subconsciously), they already believe they're going to be rejected, so they make their approach in a way that not a lot of people will notice.
They approach from the side, they're quiet, they don't maintain eye contact, they show zero persistence.
The problem is: the woman may also barely notice him. There's so much competing stimuli at the bar--DJs, loud music, friends, alcohol, smoke machines--that women will often swat timid men away without even acknowledging them.
If you’re going to approach her, give it your all. Square up. Eye contact. Smile. Loud voice. Assertive tone.
Sure, it's “high risk” in that a potential rejection will be more obvious. But a half-hearted approach is “high risk” in that it barely ever works.
As mentioned, a woman's number one priority is FUN and there's a lot of competing stimuli. That means any conversation that isn’t funny, outrageous, flirtatious or otherwise awesome is unlikely to be tolerated.
Polite pleasantries and small talk should be kept to a minimum. No-one cares. She didn't go to the club to talk about work, politics or whatever is in the news.
You can get to know each other, but keep it light-hearted and FUN. Tease her, make jokes or ridiculous assumptions. On top of this, add in some physical flirtation. Perhaps this starts with light touches or playful pushes before it escalates on the dancefloor or a more secluded part of the venue. Don't make the mistake of just talking.
There are plenty of guys who got laid in spite of buying a woman drinks. However, this often sends the wrong message and can work against you when picking up girls at the bar.
It might suggest:
Even if you're buying her a drink just because you want to, she might get the wrong end of the stick. Put simply, you're better off not doing it.
It's incredibly rare that a woman will defy friends who tell her not to go home with a guy. By default, these friends will assume you're a creepy drunk weirdo--because most guys at the bar behave this way--and will therefore try to protect their friend from you.
As such, it's your job to impress the peer group before they drag your special woman away. It's a good idea to make her friends like you before she does. Simply be your fun charismatic self without the flirting and teasing. Once the whole group likes and trusts you, it’ll be easier to drag your favorite one away for some private time.
Yet, even this might not be enough.
If she's out with only one other friend, you'll often need to find a guy to occupy her. There's no way she'll leave a friend stranded on her own to go and hook up with you. Hopefully, you're out with a buddy who is a good wingman.
If she's out in a larger group, you might have more leeway, as her friends can occupy each other. It'll be easier to isolate her from a bigger group too. But you should still put in some work to show them you're a cool trustworthy guy.
If you’re aiming to pick up women at the bar, you’ll have to bide your time. No matter how cool you are, it's unlikely she'll be going home with anyone after only an hour of being there. It probably took her two hours to get ready!
If it's before midnight (in most of Europe and the U.S) or before 3 a.m. in the likes of Spain and Italy, focus on having fun. Maybe grab phone numbers from the women you meet at this time, or prepare to put in the hours with them. After all, it's incredibly rare to pull anyone home at this stage of the night.
Your plan for picking up girls at the bar should consist of two parts: how to get home and your excuse to go there. Women want to be able to tell their friends (and convince themselves) that sex “just happened” and an excuse allows them to do that. It can be as simple as heading back to your place for a nightcap, an afterparty or to see something cool you have in your house.
Dilly-dallying with your route home will kill the spontaneous party vibe, and will often cause her to change her mind about going with you.
Without a plan, you're going to fumble a lot of opportunities with women who would have been down to hook up.
There are a lot of guys who are fantastic at picking up women while they're completely blasted. These guys tend to be terrible at doing so while they're sober. If you're one of them, by all means, carry on. Sure, there are health and financial benefits to giving up drinking, but this guide isn't about that.
However, it must be said that sloppy-drunk guys are a huge turn-off for a lot of women. Slurring your words, missing social cues and looking like you're ready to pass out just doesn't do it for them.
Of course, it's incredibly likely you don't realize (or don't care) that you’re scaring away women when you're wasted. Hey, when you're wasted you don't realize or care about anything!
Still, why not spend one night trying to pick up women while you’re sober if only to see how you fare? It's tougher to get over your approach anxiety, but once you do, you’ll be sharper and wittier than the sloppy drunks. What's more, you'll learn from the mistakes you made, because you'll actually remember them.
As an added bonus, you're far less likely to take home a hideously unattractive woman.
As Wayne Gretsky famously said, you miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. The only way you’ll have success picking up women at the bar is to go and try it. So, round up the guys, put on your best shirt and prepare to run some game. It’ll be a blast!
The average guy is absolutely useless at picking up women at the bar. By avoiding these 10 common mistakes, you'll be way ahead of most of them. Best of luck!