Let’s say you meet this gorgeous woman. She’s charming, friendly and pretty much everything you want in a woman. You try to shoot your shot, but then she says the dreaded four words: I have a boyfriend. Damn. Do you go “so what if she has a boyfriend?” or do you do the gentlemanly thing and keep your distance?
In this article, I’m going to explain the best strategy for winning the heart of a woman who is already taken. I’ll also explain the moves you should absolutely not be making unless you want to blow your chances with her forever.
A lot of people think it’s selfish and unethical to admit you have feelings for a woman while she’s in a relationship. However, the strategy I’m about to suggest to you is not only the most effective way to win over a woman with a boyfriend, but it’s also the noblest.
So, without further ado, let’s get into it.
What you should absolutely not do when talking to a woman if she has a boyfriend
Okay, so you're out meeting girls at a party or you're crushing hard on a girl at the gym. You get to talking and thing are going well. But then, she reveals that she already has a boyfriend. What should you do? But more importantly, what should you NOT do?
These are the top 4 things you should always keep in mind when talking to a woman who’s already taken:
Keep your hands to yourself
Hitting on a girl through physical flirting is a great way to ramp up her attraction to you if she’s single. But if she’s in a relationship, you’re walking a dangerous tightrope.
If you touch her in a way she doesn’t like, there’s every chance she’s going to completely freak out. Maybe she’ll tell her boyfriend. Perhaps her boyfriend will kick your ass. And depending on how you tried to make a move on her, most people would agree he’d have every right to do so.
Touching a woman you know is taken is incredibly disrespectful to her and her boyfriend - and it may well lead to an ass-kicking.
Avoid dirty talk if she has a boyfriend
Ok, you may be thinking about doing all sorts of things to her in the bedroom, but let’s keep these fantasies to yourself for now. Dirty talk can be kind of sexy when you’re flirting with a single woman, but once again, it’s extremely disrespectful if she’s in a relationship. If you go too far and offend her, there’s every chance it’s going to lead to a confrontation with her boyfriend.
Never badmouth her boyfriend
This guy could be the biggest jackass you’ve ever met, but it’s not going to aid your chances of winning this woman’s heart if you speak badly of him. Insulting people behind their back is very cowardly. She’s not going to be impressed by you pointing out all her boyfriend’s flaws. If anything, she’s going to be insulted that you questioned her judgment.
Quit being an orbiter
An “orbiter” is a guy who is constantly hanging out with a specific woman, acting like a friend and hoping that she eventually sees how amazing and attractive he really is.
You may think this will help your cause, but all it really serves to do is to cement your place in the friendzone. You’re actually better off being less available to her. This communicates that you’re an active guy with a lot more going on in his life than serving her every beck and call.
What you should do if she has a boyfriend
Well, as you may have guessed, I do think it’s a good idea to tell her. I think keeping feelings like this to yourself is no good for your mental health. You’re not being true to yourself by biting your lip, and there’s a good chance you’ll always be wondering “what if” if you don’t get this off your chest.
Plus, there’s every chance that she does feel the same way about you.
However, it is very important that once you do tell her that you have feelings for her, you don’t pressure her to make any kind of decision.
It’s much better to say something like: “Listen, I know you’re in a relationship and I want to respect that. But I’ve been feeling this way for some time and I just want to be honest with you.”
From there, make it clear that you’re not expecting any sort of instant decision. In most cases, she will probably reiterate that she has a boyfriend and she wants to stay faithful to him. That’s good. That means she’s a good woman. However, now the ball is in her court.
In the coming days, you can bet she’ll be thinking about the words you said - and if her boyfriend is as much of a jackass as you think - they could provide her with the strength needed to end the relationship.
What to do after telling her you have feelings for her
Well, as I already explained, it’s not a good idea to be orbiting around her. It’s definitely not a good idea to be asking if she’s thought about what you said.
A much better idea is to go out and meet other women (or go out with some girls if you're in college). At the very least, go and kick it with your friends. Go and have some fun without her. By all means, post the highlights on social media so she can see you’re having a great time.
If she does spot you hanging out with other beautiful women, it may inspire her to make a quicker decision about her existing relationship. She may feel like she has to make something happen with you quickly or she’ll miss her chance. That’s a good position to be in. Much better than her feeling like you’ll always be waiting for her.
And you shouldn’t be waiting for her.
Don’t be that guy who is so obsessed with one woman that he doesn’t go out and meet other women who would also be a really good fit for him. The ball is in her court now. She knows how you feel - and it’s now up to her to make something happen.
If she decides to stay with her boyfriend at this point, the best thing you can do is to go out and meet other women. There are plenty of great single women out there, so it’s no use pining over one who’s taken, especially after you’ve told her how you feel.
Meeting and dating other women is the best way to get over an unrequited crush. It’s also the best way for that her to see that you're actually a cool and attractive guy. So don't be afraid to ask for girls' numbers or hook up with girls at a bar. Then maybe in a few months or years, when she’s single, she might reach out to you.
Perhaps you’ll be available to date her then. Perhaps you’ll be too busy dating women who are way better than her. Either way, that’s a huge win for you. There’s no winning if you decide to keep pining over a woman who’s already in a relationship.
The bottom line of liking a girl who has a boyfriend
Perhaps it’s not what you wanted to hear. Maybe you were looking for advice on how to seduce this woman behind her boyfriend’s back. Or maybe you want to snatch her away from him. But, honestly, that’s never a cool thing to do.
It’s not charming. It’s not noble. And it’s not an idea that a good woman would ever entertain. The truth is: if she’s willing to cheat on her boyfriend with you, she’ll probably be cheating on you in the future. No, if she’s the type of woman you really want, it’s better to state your intentions then leave the ball in her court.
If you are a better option for her, this is the best way to make her realize it. Then something might eventually happen between you two. By all means, let me know what you think of this idea in the comments.