When a girl calls you a “friend”, will all the sexual tension you’ve been feeling suddenly dissipate? Probably not. That’s because knowing how to get out of the friendzone might even turn an apparent dead-end into an exciting flirtation.
Thousands of guys wonder how they can get out of the friendzone, but without solid advice, they’re stuck there… seemingly forever. The good news is that even if the woman you want to date calls you a friend, it’s not all over. There are some things you can do to change her mind and see you as a possible boyfriend.
So forget about wallowing in misery and listening to Adele for hours on end. We’ll teach you how to escape the friendzone through text, through in-person charm and a few smooth moves.
How to Get Out of the Friend Zone for Real
Getting trapped in the friend zone is never fun—your crush gets everything she wants out of your platonic relationship, but you find yourself empty-handed. A recent study has shown that this is a mostly male problem since men are attracted to opposite-sex friends more often than women.
Here are eight tips you can put into practice right now to escape the friend zone once and for all:
1. Don’t act as if you were her boyfriend—you’re not!
When you feel like you’re stuck in the friend zone, it’s easy to fall into the trap of acting like a “pretend boyfriend”. This could mean that you buy flowers and pay for expensive dinners for your crush. Or you’re always available to drive her to social events and fix things in her house.
It’s not true that the more you’re being nice to a woman, the more she’s going to be attracted to you. Instead, the situation we described above might lead to her taking advantage of you. Why would she commit to a “real” relationship, when she can have all the perks of having a boyfriend while still being single?
2. Make her stop seeing you as a friend
You should ideally make a “clean break” with your crush. This means no more calls, texts and social media interactions for a while.
This kind of behavior is crucial to create a clean break between her idea of you as a friend and the idea of you that you want her to have: that of a potential lover. In other words, if she has no contact with you for a while, chances are that she’ll start seeing you in a different way when you’ll return.
“It’s always easier to bed a girl you just met than a girl who sees you as just a friend”, continues Vitel. “That’s the reason why you’re going to make sure that your friend isn’t your friend anymore.”
Additionally, acting a little distant is a powerful tool to seduce the girl you like. Jeremy Nicholson, a doctor of social and personality psychology, wrote on Psychology Today that “those who are more willing to walk away have the power to guide the relationship.”
3. Don’t be “friends first”
Plenty of websites tell you that you should build a friendship before dating. However, this isn’t necessarily true: Becoming your crush’s bestie might trap you into the friend zone! Likewise, telling a friend that you like her might ruin your friendship.
Women are attracted by unpredictable lovers, not by the best friend who’s always there for them. Now, the scientists know the exact reason behind this phenomenon: A study has shown that unpredictability stimulates the reward center in the brain.
“If you want to spike your lover’s dopamine levels, then only show up at random, unpredictable intervals”, writes professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne on Psychology Today.
Additionally, make it clear right from the start that you’re interested in dating the woman, not in friendship. Rejection might hurt if she isn’t okay with that. But you’ll be able to learn her intentions sooner and move on to another woman.
4. Avoid making her jealous on purpose, but feel free to date other women
Other websites recommend that you make your crush jealous, so she’ll understand how she truly feels about you. However, this technique might get you in a lot of trouble.
She might be jealous enough to try and win you over. But on the other hand, she might just give up on you entirely. Then, you'll need to win the girl over by proving to her that you do like her.
On the other hand, keep in mind that dating other women is fine until you know for sure that she likes you back. Actually, it could be a very good move since it eases the pressure when the woman you like is giving you mixed signals. If you find out that she isn’t interested, you already have other options available!
5. How to get out of the friend zone by slowly creating sexual tension
What differentiates a friend from a lover is, you guessed it, sexual tension. The sooner you start creating it with the woman of your dreams, the sooner she’ll start considering a relationship with you rather than just a friendship.
The most effective way to do this is using the technique called “kino escalation”. Since she’s already a friend of yours, she’s probably used to casual touch from you, like giving high fives and pats on the shoulders. Start doing it more often than usual, to see how she reacts.
When you see that she reacts positively to friendly touch, turn that pat on the shoulder into something sexier. You might caress her back, hold her hand or brush her hair away from her face. Then, pay attention to how she reacts. If she seems happy with you touching her in a sexy way, escalate things further until you’re ready to kiss her.
You can also create sexual tension with your words. Use sexual innuendos or have her talk about her past sexual experiences. Anything goes, as long as it’s fun, lighthearted and not excessively vulgar.
6. Be prepared to accept “no” for an answer
No matter how hard you try, some women will never see you as more than a friend. And that’s okay! The reason is not necessarily you: Maybe she doesn’t want to risk losing your friendship if things don’t work out between you.
Also, if she tells you clearly that she isn’t interested in turning your friendship into a romantic relationship, move on! Don’t make the mistake of waiting for years until she realizes how much she’s in love with you because it might never happen! In the meantime, you’ll be missing out on hundreds of other women who could be a perfect match for you.
On the other hand, when she makes it clear that she sees you as just a friend, stop flirting with her. Don’t try to bully her into a relationship: Even if you get her to say “yes”, things won’t eventually work.
Try to not act resentful if she puts you in the friend zone. Stop seeing or texting her if you need to without feeling ashamed. You can even end the friendship if you really can’t stand seeing her with other guys.
7. Before thinking about how to get out of the friend zone, make yourself a better person
Start going to the gym, lose those excess pounds and renew your wardrobe. Work on your self-esteem by practicing meditation or yoga. Start new hobbies. Only, do it for yourself, not to attract the woman who just pushed you into the friend zone!
If your crush notices your changes, she will start seeing you in a different light. She might even become attracted to you. Otherwise, since you’re more confident and better looking, it will be much easier to find another partner. Either way, you win!
8. Ask her out on a real date—only for the two of you
We could talk about how to get out of the friend zone for hours. But you’ll never reach your goals if you never work up the courage to ask your crush out. We’re not talking about inviting her to hang out with mutual friends—you probably already do. We’re talking about a real date, only you and her.
Avoid using the word “date” as it might put too much pressure on the woman. Ask her out for drinks, coffee, a movie or anything that's a little more casual. Also, make sure that you have a plan ready. Propose a specific activity and place, saying something like “Hey, would you like to grab a bite at Buddy’s Pizza later this week?” Women like men who are assertive, not the ones who ask them, “where do you wanna go tonight, baby?”
How to Get Out of the Friend Zone Through Text
With so much communication between men and women now taking place through messaging apps and social media, it’s only right to add some tips for how to escape the friendzone over text.
If you’re serious about learning how to get out of the friendzone, make sure to follow these rules carefully.
1. Stop being her texting buddy
If you’re always quickly texting her back and having lengthy chats that ultimately lead nowhere, she’s going to see you as a friend and nothing more. There are several reasons why a woman will see a guy who always texts back as nothing but a “texting buddy”.
First off, if you’re having these long chats and not leading towards a date, she’ll either assume you’re not interested in her romantically or that you’re too scared to ask her out.
Also, even if she does figure out you’re attracted to her, it’s likely her attraction will diminish because it’s too easy to win your attention. You’ll appear too eager. It’ll seem like you’re sitting waiting for her message during all hours of the day, even if that’s not necessarily true. She might enjoy texting you, but if she doesn’t feel those tingles of attraction, you’ll only ever end up in the friend zone.
Most importantly of all though, she’ll only be used to having these lengthy chats about the minute details of her day with her best friends (or maybe her long-term boyfriend). This isn’t something that happens when you’re supposed to be in the ‘honeymoon phase’ of flirting, teasing and wondering whether you’re going to hook up.
So, DON’T have these lengthy friendly conversations. If a woman tries to steer the conversation towards the mundane details about her day, either ignore it, take a while to reply, or move the conversation back to flirty territory.
2. Don’t entertain any conversations about other guys
If she starts talking about other guys she likes, do not entertain this conversation AT ALL.
If you oblige to gossip with her about other guys, you will cement yourself as a friend in her eyes forever - and we’re trying to learn how to get out of the friend zone through text.
So, either change the topic or bluntly tell her that you don’t care.
3. Tease her and call her out
Teasing is a subtle form of flirting. So, don’t be scared to do it through text.
If she messages you something stupid, do not miss the opportunity to tease her about it. This will show that you’re comfortable around her, and will inspire her to win your rapport back.
You can also tease her if she’s slow to text you back, or only messages you short answers. Here are some examples of texts you can use in this situation.
“Are you always this talkative?”
“I guess you dropped your phone down the toilet again.”
“They say brevity is the soul of wit, so I guess you’re super witty, huh?”
4. Stop leaving compliments on her social media pictures
You might think you’re being flirty by leaving compliments on her Instagram thirst traps, and it’s therefore a great way to get out of the friend zone. But it’s not as simple as that.
The truth is: most women see guys who do this as below them. It’s only her friends and desperate losers who comment on her sexy pictures. So, when you do that, you’ll be categorized as one of them in her eyes.
High-value men will almost never declare their attraction on a public comment for the whole world to see - because they’re not stupid. They realize this isn’t the way to make a woman want you. If you treat a woman like a celebrity, she’ll treat you as a fan.
Intelligent men slide into a woman’s DMs instead - and that’s what you should do.
5. Lead all text conversations towards meeting
Friends are excited to chat about anything and everything over text. Lovers are more interested in meeting face-to-face, so they’ll steer the conversation towards that as soon as possible.
You don’t need to spend weeks chit-chatting over text to get to know a girl. It’s better to get to know each other face-to-face. Women are keener to quickly meet up with men they’re attracted to than you might think.
So, once you’ve seen some indicators of interest from over text, begin arranging the best time and place for a date.
By skipping the small talk and going for the meet-up quickly, you appear more attractive to her and avoid being placed in the friend zone.
A win-win for everyone.
This is everything you need to know about how to get out of the friend zone through text and in real life. So even if the woman of your dreams categorizes you as a friend, you don’t need to stay there forever. You can get out of the friendzone with a little finesse and some flirtation!