If you struggle with approaching a group of women, you’re not alone. Even as a woman, I totally get how intimidating it could be and that’s what I’m here for today.
I won’t be giving you a list of unrealistic promises or some magical line that’s “guaranteed to work on any woman” because there’s no such thing. Instead, it’s proper advice that’s mostly focused on you and how you think about the approach.
The thing is, most women actually enjoy being approached by men. So long as you’re respectful about it and we aren’t busy, at the very least we’ll often take it as a confidence boost if nothing else.
Now, let’s take a look at some simple tips to make approaching a group of older women easier to handle.
Before you approach a group of women pause to evaluate
A lot of advice around this topic says to immediately approach the second you see someone you’re into (like we cover in our guide to meeting single girls). This makes sense because it gives you less time to talk yourself out of it, but it’s not a perfect plan.
If you’re new to this, the best thing for your confidence levels is to improve your success rate. By charging over immediately, you might be missing a few elements that tell you she isn’t available.
For example, maybe she’s married, maybe she’s with her boyfriend but he’s headed back from the bathroom. Take a moment, evaluate the situation then think about heading over.
Being in the right place helps too. If you’re having trouble finding single women you need to try our favorite places to meet them by checking out the link above.
Establish eye contact and some amount of interest
This is the next step to improving your chances before you take the leap and head over. Pay attention to her and see what happens when you catch her gaze.
Take the example of approaching a girl at a club. Does she do a double-take or give you a cute smile and look away? Maybe hold your gaze for a moment or does she just keep scanning around the room?
A single second of eye contact can communicate so much from a distance. It can often tell you if she’s open to being approached before you even stand up.
Just be natural about it — nobody responds well to being awkwardly stared at! All you need to do is pay a little more attention to her. With more regular glances in her direction, at some point you’ll catch her gaze.
No more delays, it’s time to head over
If she seemed open to being approached, it’s time to approach her group straight away. It’s true that the longer you wait, the more time you have to talk yourself out of it so go now.
If you sit there waiting for a perfect moment, you’ll be waiting all night because there’s no such thing. Instead, stand up, walk over and introduce yourself to her immediately. Learning how to approach a group of girls will take some effort but it's worth it!
Initially, pay attention to the whole group of girls you approached
Every group is different but one thing they all have in common is this. If her friends don’t like you, it’s over. If you walk over, introduce yourself to her and shut them out, don’t expect things to go much further than that.
Address her when you first get to the table but be quick to bring the rest of the group into the conversation. Let's say you're approaching a girl at the gym after a class with her girl friends.
“Hey! I’m Paul, you got my attention and I wanted to come say hi. It looks like you’re all having a great time. Enjoyed spin class?”
This type of approach is all you need. It’s simple, to the point, makes it clear who you’re interested in but also keeps her friends from feeling ignored.
Pay attention to the eye contact and body language happening in the group. Those brief glances across the table will tell you far more than their words ever will!
Once the group conversation starts to fade, focus on one person
At a certain point, the group conversation will start to die down. Rather than keeping it going, let it fade and direct a question toward the woman you came to talk to.
Say you're approaching college girls in a study group. You might notice that the girl you want to talk to has the textbook for the law class you've taken. Maybe ask her if she's enjoying it then give a few tips.
By doing this, you’re achieving two important things. You’re establishing rapport and comfort between the two of you which obviously goes a long way. You’re also making sure you don’t come across as though you randomly approached a whole group hoping one of them would be interested — you arrived with a purpose and you know what, or who, you want.
It’s okay to be open about your intentions when you approach women, they already know what's up
It’s very normal to feel as though you need to be subtle or even protect yourself by suggesting you just want to chat. The thing is, especially with women, she already knows the truth.
If she gives some kind of comment like “Do you always just walk up to strangers and hit on them?”, don’t shy away. A quick, confident “Only the smart, funny ones” is much better than pretending you’re celibate. These parries are perfect for when you're approaching girls.
If you hide your attraction to her, you’re only hurting yourself. Think about it from her perspective, how often do you think a guy walks up to her in a bar to genuinely talk about the weather? The reason you walked over is clear and you’re not doing anything wrong. Own it, it’ll help you a lot.
We go over how to tell if she’s interested in you in the video above as well. Once you’re able to spot the signs it can really boost your confidence and results.
Once you’ve established rapport, get some one-on-one time together
Okay, so now you know when and how to approach women in a group. Once you’ve taken some time to get comfortable together, suggest that the two of you do something briefly that’s away from her group.
Take her hand and lead her to go get another drink. Head to the dance floor together. It doesn’t matter what it is, so long as she knows it’s temporary. Let’s talk about why that is.
Don’t expect her to ditch her friends for you
When you’re approaching a woman in a group, don’t expect her to act like she’s 18. She won’t just smoke bomb and leave her group behind because some guy asked her to.
While this might have been okay as a teenager, that’s not how things general work with women. If the two of you are into it and she's given you hints that she wants you to come closer, heading home together can be on the cards, but expect it to be later into the night.
Of course, if she wants to leave then that’s her choice. Suggesting you both leave the bar not long after she arrived with her group though. . . this might lose you some points.
If you want to learn a step-by-step guide for approaching women and establishing rapport, you should check out our complete video guide to dating women by clicking here. It’s worked for hundreds of guys we’ve worked with and it will work for you too!
A rejection doesn’t necessarily have anything to do with you
Last but not least, let’s talk about rejection. No matter who you are or how good you get at this, one thing will never change: Not every woman you approach will be into it. When you make the first move and get rejected, that’s okay.
Everyone is different and we all lead complex lives. Sometimes we just aren’t open to dating or hookups and it might have nothing to do with you at all.
Other times, you just won’t be their type. That doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with you, everyone has their personal preferences and that’s all there is to it.
Since rejection is a part of dating, remember this if and when it happens to you. Don’t take it as a personal attack, there’s an excellent chance it has nothing to do with you as a person.
Instead, be proud of yourself for doing what a lot of men can’t. Even approaching and being rejected puts you ahead of the average guy who won’t put himself out there at all!