Today I’ll show you how to approach a girl at a bar in a way that’s intriguing and ignites interest.
It can be a real drag for many men to approach attractive women at bars. Because there are many other people around and it feels like everyone’s looking at you. This feeling can make the whole thing very daunting and cause quite a few men to buckle under the pressure. As a result, they don’t approach at all and end up having a lonely evening.
That’s why it’s important you learn what to do in bars to have a great night.
How to approach a girl at a bar offers an interesting dynamic
Bars sit somewhere in the middle between parties and nightclubs.
That’s because the environment is loud and high-energy, just like in clubs. But the setting is a bit more intimate than a club since there usually aren’t that many people around.
Whereas in clubs there can be hundreds of people, including an ever-flowing line of new faces at the door. Which makes it perfect for rapid-fire approaches since no one’s really going to care all that much. But in bars, there are usually only a few dozen people at most and many guests are going to be regulars. You need to keep your eyes open for girls who want to be approached.
All of this means that just like in parties, you’re not going to be that anonymous in a bar. So you shouldn’t go approaching every single girl right away, one after the other. If people see that, they’ll soon start ignoring you and not giving you the time of day.
That said, just like in a nightclub, first impressions matter a whole lot when you’re approaching women in bars. As well as how confident you present yourself to be. This is the key to making the first move on a woman.
That’s why, just like in clubs, you have to have powerful body language and be able to hold strong eye-contact with women. As well as have stylish clothes, good grooming and impeccable hygiene.
Unless, of course, you’re in a dive bar. But we’re not talking about those kinds of bars here.
The do’s don’ts on how to approach a girl at a bar
To understand how to approach a girl at a bar, there are a few key things you should know.
First, don’t hover around women you want to approach. They’ll quickly notice this and your hesitation will make you fail before you even open your mouth.
Instead, when you see a girl you like, approach her instantly and with confidence. By instantly, I mean that it shouldn’t take you more than five to ten seconds to decide to approach and then do it. This is the best time to approach a woman.
Anything longer than that will show the girl that you’re anything but confident.
Same thing goes for when you’re actively scanning the room for “targets.” For the love of all that’s decent, don’t stand around for a long time constantly scanning the room for women to approach.
I can’t count the times I’ve seen a group of guys go to a bar do this mistake. Instead of having fun and talking to each other, all they do is stand with a drink in their hand, looking around for women to approach.
Trust me, women will notice this right away and immediately label you as a loser. That’s because it’s going to be obvious that you’re not there to have fun and meet new people, you’re just there to try and get laid. Because you’re ignoring your friends and not even engaging them in conversation. And not approaching other people just to be social.
This type of desperation is very noticeable and astonishingly unattractive. No decent woman will want to have anything to do with you after witnessing your lack of sociability.
Finally, don’t use any cheesy pickup lines for obvious reasons. And don’t approach with ready-made drinks, offering one.
As sad as it is, women do get roofied up in bars occasionally. So they’ll be very skeptical of any drinks that are made without them seeing how. Only offer to buy a drink once you’ve approached.
The do’s of the bar game
Now let’s talk about what you definitely should do.
First, make sure to approach women who lock eyes with you and smile or give you another indication of their interest
Contrary to popular belief, women actually do want you to approach them in bars. Why do you think they’ve spent hours on their makeup and hairdo? As well as picking out the right dress to accentuate their curves and best features.
Women go to bars to meet new people and to find potential friends and lovers. Particularly women who go there alone and college girls looking to be approached. So don’t hesitate to approach once you find those you like.
Also, try and be social with as many people as you can at the bar. Befriend the staff and shoot the breeze with them if possible. People will notice that you’re a fun and sociable guy and women will be significantly more receptive to your approaches later.
Finally, be sure to go to bars only in a good mood. This may seem like common sense, but too many guys go to bars trying to drown their sorrows. And then they try to hit on girls, only to face harsh rejection as nobody likes a downer.
Time for the direct approach
There are many different ways how you can approach girls at a club.
I prefer the direct approach and the one where women come to where I am, only for me to extend my hand and start talking. I’ll explain the second one in a little while.
Now, the direct approach is nothing spectacular but works wonders.
First, you notice a woman you find attractive. Then, you decide to approach her and start moving your feet before your mind gets the chance to talk you out of it. It's like when you're approaching a woman at the gym--just go for it before the nerves take over!
Don’t forget to walk confidently and with purpose because hesitation will ruin everything for you if you let it. Also, make sure to smile or at least flash a mischievous little grin that alludes to you knowing something she doesn’t.
I always prefer the grin, while also having this thought run through my mind: “Damn, you’re hot! But are you a fun, friendly and interesting person underneath those amazing looks? Let’s find out!”
Having something like this run through your mind while approaching will make things significantly easier. Because you’ll be entering the interaction from a position of power and not as someone who’s got nothing to offer. Basically, you’re going there to find out who she is and if she’s fun enough to spend time with you.
That’s a very powerful mindset to have when approaching women in general. So make sure you understand its importance when you’re learning about how to approach a girl at a bar.
Finally, when you get to her, you simply introduce yourself and mention something about her you found interesting or attractive.
For example: “Hi, I saw you from across the bar and thought you have an amazing sense of style. That dress is amazing. I’m so and so, by the way. And you?”
That’s all it takes to approach and start a conversation. Remember, it’s not the words you say, but the attitude that you convey with the way you carry yourself and speak.
Provided you approached confidently and your body language, eye contact and similar things were in order, then you’ll succeed most of the time. However, sometimes you’ll get rejected and that’s perfectly fine. There could be hundreds of reasons for that and many of them are out of your control.
If you get rejected, politely wish her a great evening and go talk to someone else. Rejection is a part of life, and no matter how good you are, you’ll always face it. So there’s no reason to worry about it at all.
An indirect way to approach women in bars
Now let’s talk about my other favorite way of meeting women in bars. The one I mentioned where women come to me.
First, find a high-traffic area that many people go through.
Ideally, it should be somewhere near the bar or near the entrance. Sometimes, even a place near the restrooms is a great option. It doesn’t matter where it is, as long as there are many people there doing nothing in particular and women often walking by.
Locate that place, plant yourself there and start having fun with your buddies. And if you’re alone, then engage some people there in some small talk.
Then, wait until you see an attractive woman walk by, one you’d otherwise like to approach. Quickly figure out anything about her that stands out and that you genuinely think makes her interesting or attractive to you.
Finally, when she’s near you, simply extend your hand and touch hers lightly, just above the wrist or below the shoulder. Then excuse yourself and tell what you noticed about her.
Say something like: “Oh, excuse me, I just couldn’t help but notice the way you walk. So graceful and confident. I just had to stop you and say hi! I’m so and so. What’s your name?”
As long as it’s a genuine compliment, one you really noticed about her and liked, then it’ll go well most of the time.
Again, don’t take it too hard if you face rejection. Say something like “Well, I hope you have a great evening nonetheless!” and return back to talking with whoever you were talking to.
As you can see, this is something akin to what you’d say if you were approaching directly. Only this time, you don’t have to do the approach. You just extend your hand, touch hers, and say what you were thinking.
Just make sure that your touch is gentle and not overly aggressive. You’re not there to show your dominance just yet. You’re simply interrupting her in a polite way and sharing your thoughts with her.
If you do it too aggressively and in a way that isn’t congruent with your personality, don’t be surprised when you get slapped or called a creep.
Now you should fully understand how to approach a woman at a bar the right way. All that’s left to do is to take action and implement this knowledge to the best of your abilities.
With a little bit of practice, you’ll soon see that going up to women in bars isn’t as difficult as most people make it out to be. In fact, you may even find the whole experience to be exhilarating. You never know which new approach will be the start of something wonderful.
Finally, there are other ways of approaching women when you’re in bars. But if you do everything correctly, these two will bring you lots of success and great results. No matter which bar you find yourself in.