Wondering why you’re not good at picking up women? Do you get friendzoned at lightning speed whenever you want to attract a beautiful lady?
Unfortunately, there are some dating mistakes that instantly kill attraction between a man and a potential partner. Some are quite obvious, while others are more subtle, and hundreds of guys fall for them without even knowing!
If you’re curious to learn which behaviors are ruining your chances of attracting the lady of your dreams, keep reading!
Worst Mistakes Guys Make When Picking Up Women
Luckily, we’ve got you covered with advice from the most renowned relationship experts. Check out our list of the worst pick-up mistakes made by men: We’re sure that you’ll thank us later.
Picking up women by being nice or needy
Acting as Mr. Nice Guy isn’t the fastest route to a woman’s heart. At the opposite, if you overdo this behavior, it will likely land you in the friendzone.
If a woman is hot, lots of guys want to be extra nice to her. Lots of guys get scared of making the first move because they're scared of driving her away. Instead, they act extra nice and do whatever she says.
This is especially true when you're at places where women meet older men. If you try to play the wise, older man that dozens of other guys have played, you're just another guy who shot his shot and failed. Boring.
Doing what other "nice guys" do will only help you blend in with all the other guys who want to get with her. It won't turn her on and it won't build up any sexual tension. You'll be just another guy who's clearly into her.
Another thing that will damage your efforts to seduce a hot lady is neediness. Try not to put the woman on a pedestal by complimenting her excessively. Also, avoid constantly seeking approval or validation from the lady. Quit constantly asking if she’s okay, if she needs anything or if you did something wrong. Remember that to pick up women, you always need to be confident!
If you're worried you might fall into the "too needy" category read this.
Being boring and predictable
Keep in mind that attractive women get approached by lots of men every day. For better success, avoid doing the same things all the other guys do, like talking about the weather.
If you see her glancing your way or getting a little flirty with you, she absolutely wants you to make a move. And by "move" I don't mean small talk!
So ask her open-ended questions (i.e. the ones that cannot be answered with a simple “yes” or “no”). For example, you could ask her “what do you like to do in your free time?” This will likely keep the conversation interesting since you’re encouraging her to talk about something she likes.
Who knows, if she likes you enough, she might make the first move and try to escalate your conversation to more sexually charged topics.
Just remember to avoid conversation topics that are too serious like politics, immigration and so on. To attract her, you want to keep the atmosphere as fun and lighthearted as possible.
Not approaching immediately
Approach anxiety is pretty common among men, especially when you want to approach a hot woman. But the more you overthink your approach, the less likely you'll be successful.
Why? Because you'll hyperfocus on what might go wrong:
Is she looking at the guy at the bar? Maybe she'll reject me because she's into him.
Is she glancing my way? Maybe it's because she thinks I'm creepy.
She's too hot for me. She probably has a boyfriend.
These thoughts are sabotaging your chances of being successful when you approach women. And the worst part is that they're all in your head!
When you want to pick up women (especially if you want to meet women at a club), it's all a matter of just going for it. Have some confidence or at least try to fake it. Shrug off the worry and approach her. The worst that can happen is she says no, and that's not the worst thing in the world, right?
Approaching her from behind
This is one mistake way too many men make. Approaching women from behind is, to be frank, a little creepy. She has no clue you're heading her way and you'll take her by surprise. At worst, she might think you're a pickpocket!
Instead, when you're out meeting women, make sure you're within her field of view first. Gauge her reaction as you approach and while you're at it, give her a smile or at least make eye contact.
This helps women prepare for your approach and it makes them so much more receptive to you.
Using the wrong body language when picking up women
When picking up women, your body language should be natural but confident. Stand tall without fidgeting with your hands and avoid leaning in towards the lady. It makes you look needy.
Additionally, avoid looking down. Instead, make strong eye contact with the woman. This will create sexual tension very quickly! Other tricks that make you look more confident are:
- Keeping your arms and hands in sight, never crossed or hidden in the pockets.
- Using hand gestures in a natural way.
- Sitting as comfortably as possible, taking up a little more space than you normally would.
- Plant your feet and stand still.
Trying to be “friends first”
Starting a relationship as friends and then trying to progress towards dating is never a good idea. In the past, women asked guys to be “friends first” because they didn’t want to have sex on the first date. Kissing too soon was also frowned upon.
However, today most people agree that going to bed with someone you just met isn’t that bad. That’s why, if your crush asks you to be friends before dating, she’s likely not that into you. End of the story.
Additionally, most dating coaches agree that you need to start creating sexual tension as soon as you meet a woman. If you treat her just like you do with your buddies, she will never feel the spark!
Instead, make it clear right from the start that you’re interested in her as a romantic partner. Tell her how sexy she is, give her red roses and bring her to real dates, not to drink a beer at a trashy pub!
Picking up women but overlooking kino escalation
Kino escalation is a powerful technique that seduction coaches recommend. It’s about using the power of touch to create sexual tension and attraction with a woman you like.
To practice it correctly, start touching her arms or shoulders as soon as you meet her. Obviously, you need to do it in a friendly way unless you want to come off as a creep. Some dating coaches advise that you try games that involve touching, such as red hands or palm reading.
The key to successful kino escalation is being confident. Make eye contact with the lady and use the correct body language we described above. Then, make sure to read her body language, to see if she’s comfortable with your touch or not.
When you’re sure that she’s fine with friendly touches, slowly progress towards something sexier. You can caress her back, hold her hand or brush her hair away from her face.
Spending too much on her
According to the dating consultant Nick Notas, money can’t buy you affection from a beautiful lady. Today, most Western women have their own financial independence. For this reason, they don’t care that much about the wealth of a potential partner. So you won't have much luck picking up women by just flashing your cash.
Additionally, using money to buy romance can attract the wrong kind of relationships. As Notas says, “by placing yourself as a financial provider first, you’re likely to attract women who value money over genuine connections.”
He claims that this kind of behavior can only help if you’re looking for hookups. After all, there are plenty of “sugar babies” out there looking for financial agreements with wealthy partners! If you’d like a relationship like this, however, remember to be honest right from the start. Not all women are up for it!
Lastly, spending too much on a lady might make you look needy and insecure. It’s better to show off other interesting qualities you have!
Seduction experts call “oneitis” a situation where you’re obsessed with a woman who doesn’t return your feelings of attraction. Notice that its name sounds like a disease. That’s because oneitis can feel like one!
A guy with oneitis thinks that his crush is the only one he’ll ever fall in love with. Therefore, he misses out on hundreds of other potential partners. Also, he could act needy around the woman of his dreams. This doesn’t help in attracting her at all!
Here are some ways you can get rid of oneitis:
- Stop texting your unrequited crush, so you don’t waste any more time with her.
- Go on dates with other attractive women. This way, you’ll realize that there are plenty more fish in the sea!
- Use the “radically honest approach” (i.e., tell your crush that you like her without fear). Even she rejects you, this move still gives you confidence. After all, you were brave enough to try, right?
Are you guilty of making some of these mistakes when picking up women? Let us know in the comments!