Every man should learn how to be a smooth talker. There are many perks to it that you won't understand until you feel them yourself. It's not just about getting a few numbers or getting more dates. Being a smooth talker, someone that people really enjoy talking to, is a life skill that will reap so many benefits in different aspects of your life.
People crave attention, and they rarely get it. Just watch any random two talking to each other and notice how often each one of them interrupts the other. It's just crazy how very few people understand the basics of good communication, but it's also good news because very few are smooth talkers, and if you can be one of them, you will set yourself apart from most people, plus a few more perks:
Why You Should Learn How to Be Smooth
There are countless reasons why you should learn how to be a smooth talker, but these are the biggest five:
1. More women will want to be around you
Women fall in love with their ears. Having a basic understanding of female psychology and learning how to smooth talk a girl will help you attract many of them. There's nothing sexier than showing a woman that you understand how she thinks and feels. You often hear women complain that their partner "doesn't get her." What she usually means is he doesn't stimulate her emotions or read her desires. Being a smooth talker will give you this edge.
2. Being a smooth talker means you have strong connections
Smooth talkers are easy to talk to. That's because they use active listening skills to really understand what other people are saying. As mentioned earlier, this isn't as common as you'd hope. That's why people tend to be drawn to smooth talkers, and they want to build better relationships with them. This applies to potential dates, friends, family members or even people you work with.
3. You can be more socially flexible
When you learn how to be a smooth talker, your social skills improve dramatically. It doesn't matter if you're talking to the hottest woman at the bar, a retail worker at a boutique or your boss. You're able to choose the right words and the right approach when you talk to them, and that often gets you what you want.
Make no mistake: this isn't manipulation. It's just a matter of getting them to consider your point of view and, more often than not, give you what you're asking for.
4. It's easier to get out of sticky situations
Say you're at a standstill in an argument. For example, your girlfriend thinks you've gotten complacent and you're not romantic anymore. If you're a smooth talker, you can talk your way out of this situation by reassuring her that you'll try your best. You might mention how you're feeling overworked or stressed, but you'll make it up to her. As a smooth talker, you'll be able to frame this in a way that sounds less like an excuse and more like a promise to do better.
Remember that while you've gotten out of this particular situation, you still need to follow up with your actions. So don't use your smooth talking skills to make empty promises!
5. Being a smooth talker means you'll be hard to manipulate
They say, "if you don't know who's the sucker in the room, then it's probably you." Some people simply don't have the desire for winning the group, seducing everybody, or indulging in what they think to be meaningless battles.
That's because you're better able to understand how persuasion and manipulation work. You can easily see if someone is trying to sweet-talk you into a bad deal. It happens every single day, and you should be wary of how the people around you think and behave regardless of how much of a social butterfly you desire to be.
How You Can Become a Smooth Talker
Don't worry, becoming a smooth talker is easier than you think. It may take you some time but the good news is that the results usually come fast. I used to tell terrible stories. But then I learned the basics of storytelling and how to construct a good one, and man my stories were 5X better in a week or two. Did I become a master storyteller? Not even close, but my stories now evoke people's emotions and that's always the goal.
Below are the top 9 techniques on how to be a smooth talker. Embrace them, learn and practice them and you will become one in no time.
1. Double down on your "WHY" (Again)
Becoming a smooth talker takes time and LOTS of effort. Back in the day, a Roman politician would retreat to the mountains for months to study and practice different styles of eloquence. You don't necessarily need to do this today but you'll definitely need time and energy to become a smooth talker, and you will fail many times along the way, or maybe quit. So you need to have a BIG reason why you want to become a smooth talker.
Whether you're doing it to get more women or to become the next Barack Obama, becoming a smooth talker requires a lot of work, so stay clear on your goal, and get coaching if you can.
2. You must be a good listener (there's no other way)
This may sound like a weird example, but remember Eminem's final rap battles in 8 Mile - precisely the first two? He went second in both battles and for a moment the crowd thought he was choking because he didn't rap right away. But what happened was he took a few extra seconds to collect his thoughts before coming back at them like the Eminem we know.
You won't need to be Eminem to become a smooth talker but you need to learn to LISTEN, because that's how you will:
- Put people at ease
- Show you understand them
- Come up with witty comebacks
- Save critical situations
3. Practice silence and not interrupting people
It takes a lot of effort to control your innate need to interrupt people when they talk. So you need to step up your game if you want to become a smooth talker.
Spend a day without talking to people or at least without interrupting them. I learned this tip from Vanessa Van Edwards author of Captivate in The Art of Succeeding with People. If you go out of your way and intentionally practice silence, you will notice a big change in how you analyze people and the things they say to you.
4. Anyone can be a friend
Many shy people have a problem with alienating people. You see someone who looks pissed off or slightly reminds you of an old bully and you assume he or she will be mean to you. And thus you approach them with a hostile attitude instead of making them your allies.
Many people - including me - have terrible resting faces that scream "don't touch me or Imma f*** you up." In reality, they're just as nice as you, if not more, but their social skill and/or facial features suck.
The next time you go to the gym try to talk to the scariest-looking dudes in the gym. I mean extremely huge guys that can intimidate anyone. Eight or nine out of every ten will be friendly to you.
When you see that there's much more to people than their looks, you become less intimidated and more engaged in your conversations with them.
5. Talk to people until they become categories
Ok, that may sound a bit Machiavellian, but it isn't. What I mean is to talk to as many strangers as possible until you start to realize the repetitive patterns most of us share. Also, over time you will begin to use specific strategies for specific people.
For instance, the next time you walk into a coffee shop that's nearly empty and it's your turn to order, look at the cashier and say, "Busy day, huh?" then pause a second and crack a genuine smile. A little small talk can be enough to brighten a boring day, and this can make you seem friendlier and more approachable.
Take some time and think of all the places you visit daily, then try to come up with ways to talk to people in these places. You will be amazed at how easy it is to talk to strangers and make them your friends, allies and lovers.
6. Try to see what they're feeling by empathizing
People want to be understood. If you can make them feel this way, they will more likely open up to you. One way to do this is by trying to read someone's body language to help you more accurately guess how they feel. For example, when you're approaching a woman at a bar and she looks bored, you can say something like, "Not your type of bar?"
You're making an assumption about her that she can either confirm or deny. If she confirms it, she'll be glad to know that someone can see what she's feeling. If she denies it, you at least have something to talk about.
7. Buy yourself time
You know these unexpected questions that keep you tongue-tied?
"So, where are we?/ what do I mean to you?"
"Where's the assignment you said you'll finish on Wednesday?
"How come we never go out together as a couple?"
I hate it when I'm in my head then someone asks me a difficult question out of the blue. I used to suck at handling these questions until I found this amazing technique in a great negotiation book called Never Split The Difference.
The technique is simple and says that: Whenever you encounter any difficult question or accusation buy yourself time by either:
Repeating their question or part of it. Using the above examples:
Where are we?
The assignment I said I'll finish on Wednesday. Yeah, about that.
We never go out together? (and stress on the word)
Ask a what/how question to make them elaborate:
What do you mean by where are we?
Which assignment, we got plenty?
We never go out as a couple? What do you mean?
8. Get a voice coach
If you frequently stutter or if you have a weak voice then it won't change by just reading a few posts online. Sure, you can get better by practicing and doing exercises. But if you want to learn how to be a smooth talker NOW, a voice coach can help you out.
Because changing your built-in speaking habits of 20+ years isn't easy and needs guidance. I can tell you to eliminate filler words like "um," "so" and "aah" and speak from your diaphragm. But getting started and using the proper techniques may require some guidance from a professional.
Warren Buffet hangs a Harvard public speaking certificate over his desk instead of his Stanford degree. Not because he likes Harvard better but because of how much this 2-months speaking course has changed his life. That's what good coaching does.
9. Read on human psychology
To become a smooth talker you need to understand the basic human wants and needs as well as what makes people tick. This will also prevent you from being a sucker for other people's manipulative moves.
We know of a few good books that will teach you attraction, persuasion, and female psychology. But if you want some more insight, here are some more books for your reference.
- The Art of Seduction - By Robert Greene
- The Rational Male - By Rollo Tomassi
- Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion - By Robert Cialdini
- To Sell Is Human - By Dan Pink
- Pitch Anything - By Oren Klaff
- How to Win Friends & Influence People - By Dale Carnegie
- Models: Attract Women Through Honesty - By Mark Manson
- The 48 Laws of Power - By Robert Greene
- Never Split The Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It - By Chris Voss
Knowing how to be a smooth talker can change your life, and not just your dating life. With the techniques we outlined above, you can gain more confidence and more friends. Along with that, you can also get more dates with women who will enjoy talking to you!