If you want to succeed at being an alpha male, you first have to understand exactly where it is you’re going wrong. And unfortunately for most guys, they fail at this first hurdle.
This in-depth guide is designed to stop you from making this mistake.
How to be an alpha male
Being an alpha male can essentially be boiled down to being your authentic self in a confident way. This is something which has payoffs at work, in dating, and in just your overall well-being. But it also begs the question: If you aren’t being the authentic, alpha male version of yourself . . . Who are you being?
An alpha male isn’t someone who’s pretending, or acting dominant to try to impress a woman in any way. Why would he? That’s inherently needy and unattractive to women. It’s also a terrible way to live.
This is what is typically called “putting women on a pedestal.” It stems from an inherent inferiority complex that not only influences your interactions with women but strongly affects your interactions with others.
Think about it, if you feel inferior to other people, are you really going to be able to confidently express yourself? Are you going to be true to yourself? Or are all your efforts going to be an attempt to win the affection of whoever it is you feel inferior to?
As I’ve said, it’s a terrible way to live.
This guide is designed to help you authentically learn how to be an alpha male by avoiding this mistake of inferiority. It works for any experience level, whether you’re just starting out or you used to know this stuff but have fallen off the wagon. I know, because I’ve used these basic principles at both ends of that spectrum.
It isn’t about cheap tips or tricks, but about real actions that bring about deep, lasting changes.
Step 1: Identify and confront anxiety
An alpha male is a man who is capable of going after what he wants. Everything he needs to achieve this is within him and he marshals this in order to pursue and meet his goals. With this in mind, discovering where you’re internally holding yourself back is essential.
This means that learning how to be an alpha male is first and foremost a process of identifying and confronting your anxiety. The longer you avoid, repress, or are ignorant of what it is that causes your anxiety and fear, the longer you will consistently be swept along by motivations that make you a much weaker man.
An obvious example of this is cowardice, stemming from fear of confrontation. But this also extends (and is not limited to) fear of failure, social anxiety, fear of rejection, lack of self-worth, general feelings of being unloved and so on. Each of these will trigger our anxiety, which psychologically and physiologically hinders us from taking the actions we want to take.
I’m sure it doesn’t take much reflection to find examples of this in your own life, but you need to do the hard work of honest reflection to figure it out. In doing so you will take a huge step towards guiding yourself towards learning how to think like an alpha male.
Step 2: Expand your comfort zone
The simplest way you can start confronting anxiety is by pushing your comfort zone. This is going to require you to identify your comfort zone and then start taking steps to expand it.
Your comfort zone is everything in life that you are comfortable with and which doesn’t cause you anxiety. This might be sitting at home playing video games or it might be constantly socializing with your friends. Once you’ve identified what your comfort zone is in life, you need to start taking steps to expand it.
Don’t socialize much? Start socializing more.
Don’t spend enough time on your own? Go traveling alone.
The next thing you want to do is deliberately target and then confront your fears and anxieties. For almost everyone, this is fear of failure, fear of who they’re attracted to, and fear of confrontation. This means you have to start working on things despite the fact you’re worried you’ll fail.
Ultimately, you have to start approaching women you’re attracted to. You have to start asserting your boundaries with people who disrespect them.
At first, you’ll completely and utterly suck at this. But over time, massive changes will begin to occur in your confidence and you’ll better understand how to be an alpha male in your own unique way.
Step 3: Kill your neediness by doing what you want
Just as anxiety is the central obstacle to developing yourself into an alpha male, neediness is the central obstacle you’ll face when it comes to learning how to become a "bad boy" alpha male with women. Being needy with women often presents itself as trying too hard. Remember all that stuff about performance? Yeah, that applies here.
As I said at the start, neediness generally stems from a sense of inferiority towards women, especially the ones you’re attracted to. You perceive and treat them like they’re better than you because you feel unworthy of their attention.
This lies at the heart of many toxic relationships. It can be seen as the ever-faithful, doting “friend” who secretly loves her, to the indifferent “cool guy” who degrades her self-esteem. Each is just reacting to that same feeling of inferiority; albeit in different, equally toxic ways.
In order to learn how to become an alpha male with women, you have to understand that you aren’t inferior to women, and women aren’t superior to you. You’re both just people, and you happen to be attracted to her, so you act on it. Even though equality is a buzzword that’s tossed around like loose change these days, it really does lie at the heart of confidence with women.
This means that your interactions with women will stem from a healthy place. Instead of wondering “what to talk to her about”, you talk to her about whatever you want. Instead of trying to figure out “what will impress her”, you do what impresses you. You figure out what it is you want to do/say - and you do it/say it. It really is that simple.
Step 4: Go and get rejected . . . Then do it again
If you and the women you’re attracted to are equal, then in what possible reason would you have for not expressing your sexual interest in her? You wouldn’t have one, because there isn’t. Now this doesn’t mean she has to be receptive - she doesn’t, after all, and is quite free to reject you - it just means that you’re okay hitting on her and making it clear you’re attracted to her.
This is called sexual confidence. And it’s developed, paradoxically, but directly confronting and encouraging rejection. Let me explain. The more you express your sexual interest openly, the more you will meet women who either aren’t attracted to you or aren’t attracted to you right now. These women will reject you. But at the same time, you will also meet women who are into you sexually. From this you will learn two things:
1) You can survive rejection.
2) The risk of rejection is inherently part of an enjoyable sex life.
Sexual confidence comes with all kinds of movie influenced ideas as to how it looks, but in reality, it’s simple: If you want to hit on her, you take the risk. If you want to ask her out, you take the risk. If you want to kiss her, you take the risk. You don’t know if she’s into you, but you don't care about her response either way. You’re okay with rejection. That’s what it takes to learn how to become an alpha male with women. This is paradoxical to most guys idea of an alpha male with women. They think he’s the kind of guy that never gets rejected. In reality, he’s the guy who’s been rejected the most and had experience as his teacher.
Putting it all together: Go after what you want
Learning how to think like an alpha male is all about being able to go after what you want from a place of authenticity and confidence. As discussed in this guide, the main obstacle to doing this is a sense of inferiority around women and other people. This is combatted in four challenging, but simple ways:
1) You identify what your anxiety is, as it is your main obstacle, and you take deliberate steps to confront it.
2) You build courage by expanding your comfort zone by doing the things you typically insulate yourself from.
3) You kill your neediness around women by paying attention to what it is you want to do and say, and then you do it/say it.
4) You express your sexuality shamelessly, openly inviting rejection.
When you do all of these things, you will naturally learn how to think like an alpha male in a way that is unique and authentic to you - no tricks, no faking, just the real thing.