The worst thing about being embarrassed around women is it makes you seem creepy. As if you weren’t struggling with misplaced anxiety enough, now you have to face the fact they think you’re weird too! But getting over clumsiness is something every guy can do, if he knows how. And luckily, finding out how to not be awkward around girls is really straightforward.
Learning the skills needed to be more confident around women is a double-edged sword. Most guys think acting like a confident, 'alpha male' is the way to go. But many women find this off-putting too. Losing your awkwardness is all about identifying the traits that make you tongue-tied and tackling the issue head-on.
Whether you're out at a bar or club where older women are looking for younger men, or you've hit our cougar dating-site reviews and the online-dating world, knowing how to not be awkward around girls is key to landing dates.
For most guys, fear of rejection is the number one reason they fall down when talking to women. Men are afraid of the possibility that she will say no.
This fear has its roots in a sense of humiliation. When a woman we like rolls her eyes at us, looks away while we’re talking to her or straight up says "no" as soon as you ask her out, it insults us. Some guys react with anger to this snub – but most just feel hurt. This means our next encounter will be even more uncomfortable. But you need to face this reality and the facts.
First, there’s no guaranteed way to avoid rejection – even knowing exactly when to ask her out, what to say and where to say it. But guess what – her immediate rejection is actually just her being awkward.
A confident woman can stand there and be asked out without feeling threatened. She might say, “Maybe – ask me again in an hour,” or “I’ll let you know.” Both of which might turn into a “yes” later on. But to get this response from her, you need to make her comfortable.
To make her feel comfortable you need to think of the date proposal from her perspective. When a guy suddenly comes over and asks her out, she’s had no time to prepare. You’ve put her on the spot. Basically, marching over and asking a woman out is not the way to do it.
You need to put her at ease. Make it clear you’ve come over just to talk – getting her into bed isn’t your aim (even if it is). Most girls need to get to know a guy first, before they find him attractive. So, forget the pick-up lines and compliments – just talk. She’s much less likely to be afraid of you and you’ll give her time to decide if she likes you.
When you’re not hitting on her, you can’t be rejected and your fear of rejection isn’t there. This will naturally make you come across as more relaxed and comfortable and much less awkward.
We all know what being awkward looks like and yet it’s really hard to say exactly what it entails. A slightly shifty look, cheesy forced grin and nervous laugh are the classic signs. All of these say, “I’m nervous” and being uneasy just isn’t going to get you a date.
However, you can overcome this look by practicing two things: maintaining eye contact and keeping your head high. Let’s take a look at both these factors.
Maintaining eye contact is important in all dating situations. But how much eye contact is the right amount? It turns out there’s a formula for this.
In normal conversations, you should be making eye contact for around 60% of the time. You do this by looking into their eyes when they are – and are not – looking into yours.
Imagine you’re in a busy bar talking to a woman – you’re looking into her eyes, then looking up and away – maybe glancing at other people – or nothing at all, and then you’re looking at her again. This is all natural eye contact.
The great thing about eye contact is, women use it to gauge how well a conversation is going. If you begin to slowly lengthen the amount of eye contact you make, she’ll recognize you like her. You can tell her you like her, but your body language will give you away. That's a good thing PLUS you haven’t had to say a word.
Keeping your head and chin up is another way to make yourself look more confident and attractive. When your face is forward and not downward facing, you look more handsome. Making sure you hold your head up high also prevents any eye slips.
For many guys who are outwardly awkward around women, the breast-stare is an issue. Maintaining eye contact is hard and as you’re thinking about her sexually, you look down. But nothing says ‘awkward’ more than staring at her chest for a long time.
With your head held high and your eyes on hers, you’ll look confident and relaxed. And when you look away and back to her, a head held high means your eyes land on hers again, and not on her cleavage.
When we’re anxious, our bodies produce the stress hormone cortisone and adrenaline. This leads to more acid in the body and acid reflux, which causes dry mouth. A dry mouth infringes on our ability to talk normally and makes us very socially awkward. On the path to learning how to not be awkward around girls, you’ll need to overcome this. But what can you do about it?
In the short term, when you have a dry mouth, you should simply drink water to make the mouth moister. However, we all know taking lots of sips of water is also a sign of nerves and makes you look awkward. Instead, you need an anxiety-reducing strategy.
First of all, try to avoid caffeine, tobacco, alcohol and any other stimulants. They make the problem worse. You can also use mental tricks to produce saliva, like imagining you’re biting into a lemon. But the best way to get over the dry mouth is with practice.
It isn’t just talking to a woman that makes many guys anxious, but talking at all. With texting and messaging the new norm, we are all talking less and less. You need to get used to the sound of your own voice and learn when to take pauses, breaths and swallow. Swallowing also regulates saliva and moistens the mouth.
You can start practicing by simply reading out of a magazine while standing up – with your head held high. This is a great way of mastering how to not be awkward around girls.
After this, move on to talking with your friends and family – and then with women who you know. Once you get the hang of the rhythm of talking conversationally, you’ll lose the dry mouth. And you’ll soon be acting more confident around women. You might even learn that you're a smooth talker who knows some sweet ways to ask women out.
Even if you are doing all of the above points already, you might still come across as awkward around women. The usual suspect in this case, is our negative past experiences.
When we talk, date and get into relationships with women we collect experiences. If they were always all good – we’d never need to date again. But truth be told, they’re not. Somewhere in your past – in everyone’s past – there are shadows.
So when you first walk over to talk to a woman, something in your unconscious kicks in. It’s like a defense mechanism, saying “Whoa! Not this again. What are you doing?” And as much as you really want to talk to this woman, you’re experiencing self-sabotage.
You're remembering those times you tried to talk to your high school crush. Memories of women at bars rejecting you come to mind. You might even remember the time you blew it by asking a woman out too soon.
This undercurrent of negativity shows itself in your tone of voice, posture and micro gestures. You might be smiling, looking up and talking up a storm, but she’ll be able to detect something isn’t quite right. Your awkwardness comes across as a red-flag to her. She thinks, “this guy is faking it for some reason. I better give him a wide berth.”
So how do you get over this mindset? Again, you need to do some homework to help you leave the baggage behind. Maybe you have several conscious memories of unpleasant conversations or times with a woman that you think of regularly. If this is the case, you need to banish them from your mind. A technique therapists recommend for this is the elastic band method.
You simply put an elastic band around your wrist and wear it all day long. When you catch yourself thinking of the unpleasant memory, give yourself a snap on the wrist. This mild negative experience helps you think of the event less and slowly the baggage gets lighter.
Learning how to not be awkward around girls is really important. Every time you talk to a woman you like, you need to go in fresh. While some women may say they like shy guys, awkwardness is something else. And while she might not want to date you right off the bat – being cool and natural will keep you a possibility in her mind. So, when the time is right to ask her out – she’ll be more likely to say yes.