Obsessing over someone can be one of the most challenging experiences a person can go through. This experience is all-consuming and will make you feel as if your entire life revolves around the object of your obsession. The thought of losing that person can send you into a panic. The idea of being with them is the only thing that can bring you happiness.
Unfortunately, this type of obsession is unhealthy and can also be extremely damaging to one's mental health. The good news is that it is possible to stop obsessing over someone permanently.
By following the steps outlined in this article, you can take control of your thoughts, break the cycle of obsession, and regain your peace of mind.
The Concept of Obsession
Before we dive into the steps on how to stop being obsessed with someone you used to date, it is essential to understand the concept of obsession and how the human brain functions.
It was once thought that obsessions are simply suppressed urges, especially urges of a violent or sexual character. Other theories have concluded obsession to be a result of abnormal learning. In scientific studies, it is often compared to Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), which is a common term that you might have heard about.
There is growing evidence from functional imaging studies and neuropsychological testing that OCD is linked to abnormal functioning of the orbitofrontal cortex, cingulate, and caudate. Biochemical abnormalities, particularly those involving serotonin, are significant in the pathophysiology of OCD.
In simpler terms, obsession is when you constantly keep thinking about a person to the extent that it starts to negatively impact your daily life. The first step to overcoming obsession is to understand why it’s happening to you in the first place.
There are many reasons why someone may become obsessed with someone else. Some of the most common reasons include the following:
- Lack of self-esteem: men with low self-esteem tend to put their romantic interests on a pedestal, which translates to obsession.
- Fear of rejection: trying to overcompensate due to rejections from previous romantic interests.
- Emotional dependency: being too dependent on the other person to fulfill all your emotional needs, especially if you think that person is the only bright spot in your life.
Signs of Obsession
Overcoming obsession is tough, but you can start by identifying noticeable signs of extreme infatuation. This is when you are consciously or subconsciously thinking about just one person the whole day. It can manifest in many different ways, but some of the most common signs include the following:
Inability to focus on other things
One of the significant signs of obsession is its ability to hinder you from focusing on other aspects of your life.
A good example is when she hasn’t messaged you in an hour and you can’t stop thinking about what she could be doing or who she’s with. You’re at school or at work, and instead of focusing on the task at hand, you’re always checking the time and wondering how long it’s been since her last message.
This anxious behavior might be normal if you’re planning a surprise, or if you’re excited because you have plans to meet up later in the day. But if you find yourself doing this all the time, even on regular days, try to get a handle on it as soon as possible.
Constantly contacting her
Looking forward to hearing from a woman is okay. But if you are constantly double texting her throughout the day, it shows your desperation. Always contacting a girl is not only a sign of obsession but also makes you seem like a pushover. Not only that, but this annoying behavior might just end with you getting ghosted.
A constant fear of losing her
Are you scared of losing her so much that different scenarios often play out in your mind all day? If yes, you are basically obsessing over something that’s not even happened yet, and might not ever happen.
Living in this constant state of fear will eventually take a toll on your mental health and lead to you making rash decisions. Ironically, it might also be the reason why she finally decides to leave you.
Being infatuated or in love with someone is a great feeling. You’re constantly thinking of her, and daydreaming of all the things you have and haven’t done together. Such a positive feeling might make you think that your feelings can’t go wrong and that your priorities are still in check.
The problem is if these made-up scenarios in your head are not letting you sleep at night. This is a symptom of obsession and must be fixed before it negatively impacts your life.
When you add a girl on a social media platform, going through her profile once or twice is not a big deal. However, if you notice yourself going back to her profile multiple times a day, every day, even stalking her posts from a couple of years back, then you’re likely obsessed.
It’s normal to have a sense of possessiveness and protectiveness over someone you love. But being too possessive can harm your relationships and well-being. Possessiveness can manifest as jealousy, controlling behavior, and needing to know everything about someone.
This behavior stems from feelings of insecurity, anxiety, and mistrust, and it can ultimately destroy the relationship you are trying to protect. Sometimes, you won’t even know you’re being too possessive until she tells you to stop.
Fantasizing about her all-day
Fantasizing is a normal part of liking someone, but too much is obsessive and unhealthy. When fantasizing becomes excessive and consumes a significant amount of your thoughts and energy, it can interfere with your daily life and prevent you from forming real relationships.
Fantasizing can also create unrealistic expectations and a false sense of connection, leading to disappointment and frustration when the fantasy doesn't match reality. Recognizing when fantasizing has become excessive and focusing on developing a healthy balance between daydreaming and reality is essential.
Putting her above your priorities
If a girl is special to you, then she’s important. Whether she’s just a crush or already your girlfriend, you should pamper her to show that she’s important to you. However, you should not prioritize her so much that other important aspects of your life, like your career, have to take a backseat. Balance is always key.
How to Stop Obsessing Over a Crush
Now that you know the different signs of obsession, it’s time to work actively to get over it. If you find yourself obsessing over a crush and want to stop, do the following:
Accept your feelings
How to stop obsessing over a crush? It can happen that when a man develops a crush on a woman, he’ll be in denial and disregard his feelings despite constantly thinking about her all day.
The first step to not being obsessed with someone is acknowledging that you have feelings for her. You like her. It’s as simple as that. Once you accept your feelings, you can decide what to do next. If you want to be with her, and you think she’s giving you signs that she wants you to ask her out, then go for it!
But you can also have a crush on someone and not want to act on your feelings. If you’re on this boat, then you have to start working on toning down the infatuation.
Practice being mindful
Mindfulness means being present in the moment and focusing on your thoughts and emotions without judgment. Practicing mindfulness can be a powerful tool in overcoming obsession. By becoming more aware of your thoughts and feelings, you can recognize when you are becoming obsessed and take steps to stop it.
To practice mindfulness, try meditating, doing yoga, or taking a few deep breaths. The goal is to focus on the present moment and let go of any thoughts or feelings that may be causing you stress or anxiety. Not only will this help reduce intrusive thoughts, but it will also help you manage stress better.
Limit interaction with your crush
Limiting interaction is essential in overcoming obsession. This means you need to limit how much time and energy you spend caring about the object of your obsession.
This means avoiding her social media accounts, stopping yourself from constantly doing something for her, and even not talking to her as much as you used to. By creating these boundaries, you will be able to reduce the time spent thinking about her and focus more on your own life.
Hookup with someone new
Seeing someone new will also help you stop obsessing over a crush. You can hook up with someone at a club, meet someone at a party, or find someone on an app like AdultFriendFinder.
Hooking up with someone new can be exciting, which can take your mind off your crush. Talking to a new girl can greatly boost your confidence, which will activate your pheromones and make you more attractive.
How to Stop Being Obsessed with Someone You Almost Dated
Having to stop thinking about someone you almost dated is a tough task. You could be going about your day, but your thoughts will shift suddenly and linger on something related to that person. What if she had said yes? What if I had done things differently?
Accepting the outcome will be much easier if you both mutually agreed not to date. However, getting her out of your head is difficult if things did not end on good terms.
In such cases, you should try doing the following:
Avoid checking her social media
It’s worth noting that the more you stay curious about her, the harder it will be for you to focus on other aspects of your life. You could unfollow her or unfriend her. This ensures that her posts do not pop up on your feed.
But there’s nothing stopping you from manually searching for her profile, so instead, try limiting your social media use for a few days or even weeks. This really is the best way to do it. Just log out and uninstall the app. You’ll need time to get her out of your system, so be patient with yourself and resist the urge to check her profile as much as possible.
Talk to someone new
Finding a new partner could help you learn how to not obsess over someone you almost dated. Just because the previous girl wasn’t looking for something serious doesn’t mean all girls are the same. Meeting someone who has similar interests as you, and holding engaging conversations with her can be a refreshing change that will help you stay away from the past.
How to Not Obsess Over Someone You Dated
When you date someone, their habits start to grow on you. Eventually, you also adopt their practices and have similar preferences. So when you break up, it’s generally more difficult not to think about them multiple times throughout the day.
The first step towards moving on is accepting the breakup and trying not to think too much about the good times you spent together. After that, you should implement the following tips:
Remove them from social media
As they say, “out of sight, out of mind.” This also applies to men who are trying to stop obsessing over someone after a breakup. If you regularly see them on social media, your mind will wander off to how things were before.
Stalking is a dangerous and potentially harmful behavior that can escalate quickly, especially if you’re doing it to someone you once dated. Thoughts about her will continue to invade your mind. So, remove her from all your social media platforms. Over time, the feelings of grief will subside and you will be able to stop obsessing over her.
Talk to a friend
If you are having a hard time figuring out how not to be obsessed with someone you dated, then take help from a friend. Tell your friend how you have difficulty dealing with your emotions, and how you’re always thinking about your past relationship with the girl.
A responsible friend can be the accountability partner you need to keep your actions in check and ensure you are focusing on yourself rather than hanging on to memories.
Seek professional help
If you cannot overcome your obsession alone, it may be time to seek professional help. A therapist or counselor can help you understand why you’ve become obsessed, and they can help you find ways to overcome it. They can also provide support and guidance as you work through the process.
The process will be gradual, but you will start noticing a positive behavior change over time.
Obsession is an all-consuming and challenging experience. By following the steps outlined in this article, we hope you can take control of your thoughts, break the cycle of obsession, and regain your peace of mind.
Remember, overcoming obsession takes time and effort, so be patient and take it one day at a time. You can do this, and in time, you will come out stronger on the other side.