How to Talk to Women on Tinder and Actually Land a Date

She's texting someone who knows how to talk to women on Tinder

Now that dating apps and websites have become the norm, knowing how to talk to women on Tinder is an important skill. Since you’re mostly limited to text, you’re missing a lot of the other social cues we tend to rely on when we meet new people. Facial expressions, tone and body language are all missing when we’re talking about an online conversation.

The aim is to be more engaging and show her your personality. To get to know each other quickly and build enough comfort to set up that first date. Let’s get to it.

Tinder is so popular nowadays that anyone who's single has at least tried it. But the thing with Tinder is that not all guys on Tinder know how to talk to women. So be a cut above all those other guys with these tips.

Confidence is key when talking to women on Tinder

Confidence is a trait that every single person finds attractive. If you can come across as a calm, confident guy, you’re already helping your chances more than you know.

One great thing about text conversation is you have time to think about your responses. Even if you aren’t a naturally confident person, you can learn to project that image for now while you work on the real thing.

The difference here can be subtle, so you don’t need to make big changes in the way you talk to girls on Tinder. For example, rather than vaguely asking if she’d like to do something some time, make a suggestion. “We should head to that bar on 7th Friday night. I hear their Sangria is amazing!”

That’s so much better than “If you’re free some time and wanted to hang out, maybe we can go do something?”

Start with something funny or interesting

Matching starts with having a great Tinder bio to go with your photos. But it doesn't stop there because the next big hurdle is knowing how to start the conversation.

I can’t tell you how many guys have said nothing but “Hi” when we’ve matched on Tinder. When you can learn to start your conversations with something more interesting than that, the number of responses you’ll get will improve so much.

Pay attention to her profile, make observations and showcase your sense of humor. It’ll really help you set the right tone for the rest of your conversation.

Keep it respectful when you talk to women on Tinder

This should go without saying, but again, you wouldn’t believe some of the messages women have to deal with in online dating. No matter the conversation or your personality type, there’s never a reason to be disrespectful or creepy. Ever. That’s all there is to it.

If you’re wondering what qualifies as creepy, basically anything that either escalates or gets very familiar too quickly.

Don’t call her “sweetie,” “babe” or “honey.” No asking for nudes and if you move to texting, no dick pics. Ever. Confidence is very attractive but this isn’t confidence, it’s weird.

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Build trust and comfort

The whole point of online dating is to go on actual dates or hook up with women on Tinder, right? To get from matching online to meeting up in person, there’s a level of trust and comfort that has to be established. The best way to do this is to be open with her and take a genuine interest in who she is.

If you can nail both of these elements, trust and comfort will naturally start to build. Since you’re being genuine, showing her who you are and actually caring about what she’s into, she’ll be way more comfortable with the idea of meeting you. Likewise, since you’re taking the time to get to know her, you can decide if you want to meet up as well.

Compliments are okay as long as you’re creative

Complimenting someone you don’t really know is a risky game. If you’re throwing out insincere compliments in your first Tinder message, it’s going to feel like something you copy and paste into every conversation.

If you’re going to use compliments in your online conversations at all, make them genuine and creative. “You have beautiful eyes” as your second message? It’s a little weird and off-putting. Even as your 50th message, it’s still kind of weird.

Save them for when you’re getting to know her a little more. If you see something in her that you like, that’s when it can be used effectively. Until then, I’d avoid compliments entirely when talking to women on Tinder.

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Remember, she’s actually a real person

If you’ve ever read some of the endless “wisdom” from the “pickup artist” community, you’ll know exactly why I had to include this today.

Sadly, this is a fact they seem to lose in their “game”. Believe it or not, we aren’t an acronym or a faceless target, we’re real people too. How. Shocking.

Instead of treating women like a statistic, remember that your online conversations are just two people communicating. You shouldn’t be there to manipulate or fool her into going on a date with you, that’ll only waste your time and hers. Be respectful, open and confident, and the conversation will flow naturally.

It takes two to tango

It also takes two to have a healthy and engaging conversation. If you ever find yourself having a one-sided conversation, it’s time to cool it. If she hasn’t responded to your last two messages, do not send a third. Give it a couple of days and if you still don’t hear anything back, it’s time to move on. Not every match will be a raging success and that’s just the nature of online dating.

If you find this to be a very common theme, you might be coming on a little too strong. Try dialing it back a little and see if that improves things. If you’re being over-eager from the first few messages, it can be a bit much for her to deal with and that may be why she’s backing away. Whatever the case may be, three unanswered messages in a row is where I’d draw the line.

Be honest about your intentions

Remember how I said authenticity was important to online dating and text conversations? Honesty is a huge part of that.

When you can be open about what you’re looking for, you’re opening the lines of communication. You’re both on the same page and, if she sticks around, you know she’s into it as well.

It totally eliminates the need for any frustrating games along the way. You both know where you stand and can talk about it openly. It’s so refreshing when guys can communicate like this and it’ll go a long way to improving your Tinder dating experience.

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It’s okay to be sexual when you talk to women on Tinder, just don’t be a creep

Last but not least, I tend to find that guys go one of two ways when it comes to being sexual in these online conversations. Either they avoid it because they think it’s a taboo topic or they’re over the top and sleazy about it.

If you’re in the former category, I have another important fact you need to hear: Women are just as sexual as men. As long as you’ve established a degree of comfort with her, being sexual is totally fine, just don’t get creepy with it. And when in doubt, let her be the one to start talking about sexual topics.


Talking to women on Tinder isn't that hard when you keep in mind that you're talking to actual people. There's no magic trick or a list of lines that will always work. When you're genuine and you at least try to be entertaining, that usually gets your matches to reply.

If you can incorporate these elements into any of your online dating conversations, things will go so much smoother. You’ll be more open and genuine, which gives you both the opportunity to understand each far easier.

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