Whether you’re new to Tinder or you’ve only ever dabbled, it can seem complicated and nerve-wracking. It makes perfect sense and it’s something we all go through in the beginning. Learning how to win at Tinder is actually easier than you think.
The more time you’re willing to put into experimenting and practice, the better the entire experience becomes.
How to Win at Tinder
Think back to the first Tinder match you ever got. It was a rush of butterflies and excitement, right? That same feeling is exactly what you’re aiming for again and again.
Over time, those feelings of anxiousness and uncertainty will fade. The excitement is exactly what you’re left with. In this article, I’ll be walking you through how to win at Tinder, even with older women.
With just a few basic tips, you’ll have a better profile, more matches and more successful dates.
Of course, Tinder isn’t the only hookup app or website out there. While we’ve reviewed each hookup app and website on the market, you can take a lot of this advice and apply it to any of them to see improved results.
Build a good profile
Your profile is the only thing women on Tinder have to judge you by initially. With great photos and a strong bio, you’re already putting your best foot forward.
We’ve written about how to craft the perfect Tinder bio before, but it’s a pretty simple concept. Just make sure that everything about your profile is working to highlight who you are and is simple.
You also want to make sure you have high-quality photos that show what you look like too. If you’re a little camera-shy, I’d strongly suggest dealing with the initial awkwardness of having a friend help you out.
Some of my best photos were taken by a female friend after I mentioned needing fresh ones. She was excited by the challenge and it actually ended up being a fun day.
Only swipe right on women you’d be excited to match with
I’ve mentioned this in some of my other articles too because it’s one of the more important changes I’ve made.
Rather than just swiping right on anyone that isn’t a flat ‘no’ for you, be sparse with your right-swipes. I’ll usually swipe fairly quickly like anyone else but most of my swipes are to the left.
I only want to swipe right on women if I know I’ll be excited to see a match. Even after years of using this app and probably thousands of matches, it should still be exciting to match with someone.
This does a couple of things. It improves the way Tinder handles my profile (I cover this more in the next point). It also means I’m going to put some effort into every match that I get. Rather than sifting through 30 new matches and talking to one or two, I might get eight matches and I’ll talk to all eight. That way, I can concentrate on each conversation when I talk to women on Tinder.
Overall I’m spending less time within the app but getting greater success from it. It’s a simple change that makes a big difference.
Actively try to improve your Elo score
An Elo score is something used to calculate the relative skill of players in some games. In the world of Tinder, they use it to calculate your relative desirability. I’ve given a far more in-depth look at what an Elo score is and how to game it on why you’re not getting matches on Tinder, but you should think as a computer would.
Basically, they’re looking at how you use Tinder, how women are swiping on you and how you interact. If you have a blank profile, swipe right on everyone and speak to nobody, you’re going to have a bad time the rest of the way.
Instead, put some effort into it, be cautious with your swiping and work on your Tinder conversation skills. This brings me to my next point . . .
Get comfortable talking to women on Tinder
There are few certainties in the world of Tinder but there’s one thing I can guarantee: You will never get to the first date without having a conversation. This is especially true when you’re targeting older women.
If you feel like this is a weak point for you, I’ve spelled out how to talk to girls on Tinder in another article. It’s a very valuable skill and something you can improve significantly with a little practice.
Keep it respectful and have fun with it. Tinder lends itself to experimenting very well given the relative anonymity of it all. Over time you’ll learn where your boundaries are and what situations you can get away with various things.
For me, humor is a cornerstone of my conversations. It's my go-to when it comes to coming up with what to say in my first Tinder message. It can be most effective when I’m being a little cheeky and pushing my luck. It gives her a reason to pay attention to me because I’m standing out from the other generic discussions in her inbox. The fact that I’m willing to take those risks demonstrates confidence as well which is a very attractive trait.
The more you can learn to stand out for the right reasons, the easier Tinder gets. If you’re at a point right now where it’s feeling difficult, that’s okay. We’ve all been there, myself included. Rather than thinking of this as a negative, see it as a challenge and actively work on improving.
I assure you it’s worth the effort. Few things are more exciting than a successful first date. Being able to do it consistently is a lot of fun.
Learn how to escalate
This is the next necessary step in figuring out how to win at Tinder. Learning how and when to escalate is critical to landing dates.
One of the more common mistakes we all make when new to Tinder is waiting too long. Since we’re unsure when to escalate, we just don’t until it’s blatantly clear.
The problem with this is Tinder is a fast-paced environment. The conversation will often go cold before we get a clear sign so you need to get comfortable with taking a leap.
It’s absolutely possible to try escalating too quickly as well which is exactly what makes this tricky. If you suggest a drink three messages in, you’re probably going to get ignored. Likewise, if you’re chatting for three weeks straight, it’s going to get boring.
The solution? More experimenting. Over time you’ll learn to ‘feel’ when the timing is right. Until then, let the conversation get going and build some comfort between you. Once you’ve established that you two get along well, escalate to a phone number.
Easier said than done but try not to overthink this part. I’ll usually go with some kind of variation of “You seem fun. Want to text me and we can work something out for later in the week?”
It’s not pushy or sleazy but it is confident and forward. It’s also suggesting that you escalate to a phone number specifically to set up a date -- you’re making it clear that you want to meet up.
Everybody has their own style so take the time to develop yours.
First date fun
The pickup community likes to lay out all these rules about what a date should look like and how you should treat her. I say forget all of that and have some damn fun!
First dates are exciting and they should be kept that way. There’s the excitement of meeting her for the first time. Seeing what she really looks like, what she sounds like and how she interacts in person.
All of this alone makes for an interesting experience. Pair this with the right setting and the two of you should be having a blast.
If first date conversation is something you struggle with, that’s okay. We’ve given you some base ideas to talk about on a first date.
Really, as long as you’re both having fun and you aren’t just talking about yourself all night, it’ll come with time. Especially with our help.
Enjoy the experience!
The first date isn’t the only part of this experience that should be exciting. Learning how to win at Tinder takes some effort but it shouldn’t feel like work.
Sure, some parts of it will be frustrating as you learn but think about what you’re doing. You’re matching with attractive women and chatting to them right from your phone. You’re getting to know these women, meeting up with them and seeing where the night goes.
As long as you keep this in mind, the entire experience should be one of exciting exploration.