Getting Her to Choose You - How to Win a Girl over Another Guy

He's trying to win the girl over another guy

Are you looking to learn how to win a girl over another guy?

We’ve all been there: You’re at a party and you can’t get a girl's attention as she’s enamored by another guy. Or, you’re going to school and one of your attractive friends in your social circle seems to favor another guy. What do you do?

Fortunately, it’s a very common question and there are plenty of ways to learn how to win a girl over from another guy. This article will cover every aspect of the process as well as shed some light on a few counterintuitive ideas that will change your mindset entirely.

How to Win a Girl over Another Guy

Let’s start with a basic axiom when it comes to attracting women:

You can’t make a girl fall in love with you, but you certainly can increase your odds. 

There’s no silver bullet that will magically override a woman’s romantic decision-making. As you’ve heard in the ”manosphere”, attraction cannot be negotiated. She either likes you or doesn’t. However, consider the following aspects of how to win a girl over another guy:

The sexual marketplace is competitive

The truth of the matter is that men compete for the attention of women to be “chosen”. Whether she’s looking for a relationship, children, marriage, a ONS, a temporary cure for boredom - there are plenty of reasons she is looking for the best deal she can get.

So, women are constantly comparing and testing men to see if they fit what she’s looking for. And the more a guy checks off all of the boxes and doesn’t come with a ton of baggage (i.e. not her type, kid from another relationship, broke, etc.), the more likely you’re going to be a more viable choice.

Honestly assess other men and compare them to yourself. There’s a lot said about not comparing yourself to others and being the best version of yourself. But think of it like buying a vehicle: Would you take a rusted-out Ford Taurus or a well-maintained Hummer with a top-of-the-line sound system?

Women test men all the time for their worthiness. And they are excellent at gauging whether you are a better choice than another guy. Unless you are far and away the better choice - which you’re not - then she’ll be comparing a bunch of parameters (looks, money, status, etc.) to find the better deal.

Why did I say you’re not the better choice? Well, if you were, you wouldn’t be reading this article!

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Know your enemy

You are literally in a war of genetics to procreate with a woman. Everyone else who wants to get in her pants or share her life is your “enemy” in some shape or form. And you must defeat them by knowing what makes them tick.

You may not hate the other guy, in fact, you might admire him in some ways. But you need to take an objective look at your competitor(s). And once you know his weaknesses, it’s time to bring them to the surface:

  • Does he have any fears? Find them.
  • Is he inept? Create a situation where it’ll be obvious.
  • Is he off-puttingly domineering? Create a crisis.
  • Do you see a weakness that others are ignoring? Exploit it.

Here’s a situation I found myself in:

One of my first relationships was with a sociable girl Sarah in college. After about a month of dating, she told me she was “enamored” with this guy Dan who was in a poetry club. Dan was funny, tall, dark, creative, and handsome - a deadly combination. I had an “uh oh” moment. 

About a week later, I had the chance to meet this competitor and I noticed he was always smiling, laughing, and being flirty with every girl. And the women reciprocated with laughter and wide pupils, holding everyone mesmerized. Double “uh oh”. 

But I noticed something that others didn’t - it felt like an act and he didn’t temper it with real emotions. He just smiled all the time and laughed at everyone’s jokes, even the terrible ones.  So when his name came up on a date, I said, “You know, I don’t really trust people who smile as much as he does and are eager to please all of the time. It makes me think he’s hiding something.”

Sarah acknowledged my comment and was a little disappointed. “Are you jealous?” she asked. I said, “No, I’m not really jealous of fake people. You’ll see…”

Sure enough, a week later, Sarah was talking to me about Dan over lunch. “Hey, you were right. I was talking to Dan - he started calling me every day since last week,” which was news to me (!!!), “and he told me that the reason he smiles all the time is that he’s miserable and trying to hide it.”

Lesson? Summon your inner Sun Tzu.

Make your worth self-evident

In the dating and sexual marketplace, you need to present yourself as a high-value man. Being humble is useful if you’re in an unfamiliar position, but you need to display your value sooner or later to be taken seriously as a candidate.

Luckily, you can display your worth in a number of ways:

  • Looks: Always be groomed well, wear clothing that fits your personality and shows that you take care of yourself.
  • Money: Don’t be afraid to throw around money without being a doormat. Bringing a large gift to a party for everyone to share shows that you have money to spare and aren’t afraid to win the favor of those around you. Just don’t go overboard. It’s easy to look like you’re using money to replace a lack of personality.
  • Status: In conversation or demeanor, it should be apparent where you are in the social hierarchy. Find ways of dropping hints that you’re well-connected without being a braggart, that you get special treatment at places that others don’t, and that you have a wide social network (social proof).

Win a girl over another guy by lekking

There’s another component of your worth: Your abilities. In a party or social setting, you should be known for being talented. Talent implies competency, which a woman will be attracted to. And it is natural to assume that if a guy has a talent, he possesses the ability to be competent in other fields.

In the animal kingdom, males of a group participate in “lekking”, which is a demonstration of abilities to attract women. Birds will attempt to outsing one another, rams will crash their horns in a show of physical prowess, and bowerbirds will create an impressive nest to appeal to females for courtship.

Humans do this all the time, even if it is under the guise of “fun”. Probably the most common example is when a group goes to sing karaoke, where everyone not only shows off their ability to sing but also handles the high-pressure situation of performing on stage. Backyard games, like badminton and cornhole, work this way too.

If you’re especially dominant, you will stand far above another guy who now has to gracefully accept a loss - and hope that he has another opportunity to display his talents.

So, if you’re looking to learn how to win a girl over another guy, you may want to invest in some guitar lessons or sharpen your skills.

Make your intentions known

“Faint heart never won fair lady.”

You have to be bold when pursuing women. Some men play timid, often never making an approach or expecting a woman to do the work. And when a girl decides to choose another man over him, he gets upset. Why?

The truth is that she never knew you were interested! Crazy, right?

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been in situations where a woman who later friendzoned me told me that she once found me attractive (it was long gone by this point…). “Why didn’t you tell me?” I would reply, only to hear, “I didn’t know you were interested in me.”

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How to Get a Girl to Choose You (Once You Know She’s Attracted to You)

If you’ve determined that she’s attracted to you, it’s time to get her to choose you. Here are a few methods:

Do your research

If you’re looking to gain the favor of a lady over a long timeframe (versus just meeting her at a party), you might want to do some cyber research beforehand.

Find out her social media, published work and habits. You want to create a dossier of this girl that other guys don’t know. Armed with this information, you will know what she likes, where she goes and what she values. And magically, you’ll have a number of coincidences. For instance:

  • You may notice that she has a strong attachment to her father in Facebook pictures, who is a chubby, affable man. It just so turns out that you’re growing a beard.
  • She might post on Instagram about her volunteering at a local dog shelter. It just so happens that you love dogs and can’t wait to have one in the future.
  • You learn that she hates her manager at the local bar. It just so happens that you show up and keep her company during a long shift.

Each of these pieces of information gives you insight into some of her character - and in conversation or in your own mannerisms, start to display these characteristics.

However, here’s the kicker:

You might discover that you don’t like her after all! 

NOTE: There is a fine line between research and stalking. DON'T do too much research, as you might get too invested in one girl. However, considering everyone has some sort of online presence, it’s not uncommon to cover your bases.

Alpha f*cks or beta bucks?

If she’s not looking for Mr. Right, she might be looking for Mr. Right Now.

Depending on where a woman is in her life, she will prefer different types of men. For instance, a woman may want a good time and not be ready to settle down. Vice versa, she may have had her fun, got burned and is looking for a stable provider to start a family with.

Age is one metric to look for, but also understand where she is on her ovulatory cycle. Easier said than done, but if she’s wearing red clothing, her breasts are larger than usual and so forth, she’ll be looking for men with good genetics and a short-term sexual fling.

Conversely, if she’s dressed conservatively and seems more meek than usual, she may be looking for a provider. For each of these states (age & ovulatory cycle), you’ll want to temper your behavior accordingly.

Create tension

There’s a reason why advertisers often hold “limited-time-only” deals. It creates a feeling of loss if you don’t buy during a predetermined timeframe.

If you read fiction or listen to music, you’re already familiar with this concept. Things should feel like they are escalating and building to an inevitability. To do this, you need to create tension with her. Push-pull is a big concept in dating, but the idea is that things can’t always be positive (like my anecdote from before); nor should they be negative.

Isolate her

How many times do you ask a girl for her number or take her to bed in a group setting? Chances are none.

Women are reputation-based, so if she likes you but doesn’t think her friends would approve, you need to steer her away from her friends and the group to another location (a key component of the Mystery Method). This doesn’t apply to all women, especially the more extroverted types - or those that have more than a few drinks in them.

However, you need to get her alone either by changing venues, appearing in a more private spot at a party or simply sneaking off. A great line that an attracted woman will comply with is, “Hey, remember that [thing] I wanted to show you? Let me show you that in [other location].”

Always be closing (ABC)

Need some motivation for your love life? Watch Alec Baldwin’s compelling speech about sales in “Glengarry Glen Ross”

That entire scene is great grist for the mill when it comes to your love life, but there’s a great sales technique mentioned in it: Always Be Closing. The idea is that you should always be in a state of sealing the deal and providing something enticing for her to buy.

For instance, if she’s showing signs that she wants to be kissed, you better seal the deal.

If you’re looking for a sexual encounter, you need to look for all available opportunities (this could mean the bathroom, a hotel room, an empty park, an Uber ride to your house, etc.).

For long-term relationships, you need to get her phone number or contact details ASAP - or just make plans in the near future.

Strike while the iron is hot. Don’t leave any opportunity open-ended or put the ball in her court, because this may backfire on you and you may find that she was in an aroused state, only to grab the nearest guy around to fulfill her carnal desires.

Single woman

What to Do If She Doesn’t Choose You

Cry.

Ok, I’m being facetious, but rejection is inevitable. Let’s take a look at how to lick your wounds, gain crucial insights, and get back in the game:

Learn to take an L

Almost like a Zen master, you want to be able to endure pain and suffering (basically, all of life), but to come out of it with the knowledge that only comes from experience.

Sometimes, even being in the running for a woman’s favor is enough to propel you to a new scenario with another woman and voila, you’ve got a new girlfriend.

Or here’s another idea: She might be testing your long-term viability by your ability to take rejection. Again, women aren’t stupid and they know that if they get involved with an unstable individual, it can be ruinous to their life.

So if you don’t take rejection too harshly and aren’t vindictive, she might be impressed with your ability to take a loss and move on.

Don’t believe me? Here’s comedian Patrice O’Neal on how to take an L.

She is not all women

Rejection can make us feel worthless and feel exiled from the Land of Femininity. Instead of feeling like a leper at the gates, the truth of the matter is that not all women are the same.

Let’s repeat that so it sticks:

Not all women are the same.

Women are just as varied as men. For every luscious, loud and buxom red-haired sex-bomb with attitude, there’s a demure librarian that loves the quiet moments and simple pleasures of life. Here’s a good analogy to help you deal with defeat:

Do you like a nice cup of hot coffee? Sure, who doesn’t? Now, would you love a cup of hot coffee by the beach at 110° with 90% humidity? Of course not.

Feedback, not failure

Every “no” gets you that much closer to a “yes”. The idea is that you can get an idea of which approaches work to woo a girl versus which ones don’t. For instance, you may be too cocky, causing her to choose a guy who “doesn’t try too hard”.

Buyer’s Remorse

Here’s a “woah” moment - and it may come as a revelation for many men:

You may only find her valuable because other guys do.

Just as we described how women look for signs of social proof, you may be unconsciously doing the same in this girl. Unless she is a wallflower, most women thrive on being the most desirable object of attention - which may artificially inflate her value.

In fact, you may have dodged a bullet.

I had an experience trying to date a slender Serbian cutie who was so beautiful that men would purposely bump into me when we’d go out for coffee after work. Again, I got friendzoned, but we became close friends through the years and eventually roommates after she got married. 

It was only when I was living with her that I realized what a nightmarish existence being with such a high-maintenance woman would be. On more than one occasion, her well-cultivated demeanor was actually a front for her crippling OCD. And when she didn’t wear makeup on the weekends, she was basically unrecognizable.

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