“Help! She is stalking me. What does it mean and what should I do?” If this is how you feel right now, then I have some good and bad news for you. The good news is that you’re not alone. Believe it or not, men get stalked by women too. It just doesn’t get reported in the media, so you’d think it never happens. Well, it does happen—perhaps not as often as men stalk women, but still quite a lot.
The bad news? You got some work to do. If you want her to not just stop stalking you, but also create a good result where you come out on top, then follow the tips in this article.
Specific Signs She’s Obsessed With You But Not Necessarily A Stalker Yet
Okay, so maybe you see that she has some potential of being a stalker, but she’s not quite there yet. It can be easy to dismiss an affectionate woman as being a stalker, but sometimes it’s the man that has problems getting close to someone.
So, it’s only fair to round off this article with a few signs she’s obsessed with you (or growing to be), but not necessarily a stalker yet.
Daily good morning texts
This can be intimidating for guys who aren’t used to this consistency of attention, but you don’t have to ring the alarm bells yet. For some women, a daily “good morning” text is part of a blossoming relationship.
But the thing is if she’s sending you good morning messages that are specifically tailored for you and you only reply to less than half of them, she clearly can’t take a hint. She's slowly including you in her morning routine even if you haven’t given her any indication that you’re into her.
She gets upset if you don’t quickly text her back
Some women need a lot of attention from the man in their life to feel secure in themselves. If they’re constantly glued to their phone (which a lot of young women are), she might not understand why it takes you so long to respond to her texts.
If she voices this insecurity, it might be a red flag as far as her overall self-esteem, but it doesn’t necessarily mean she’s stalking you.
She demands information about the other women in your life
Most women hate the idea of falling for a “player” or being a “side chick”. Once they begin to fall for you, they’re likely going to take steps to make sure they’re the only romantic interest in your life.
That’s when you may begin to receive intrusive questions about the other women you hang out with. This can be uncomfortable for men, especially if these other women are legitimately just friends. Still, at least she’s not spying on you to find the answers for herself (yet).
She steals all your attention in a group setting
Let’s assume you’ve invited her to a party or you happen to be at the same bar. If she demands all of your attention in this group setting and gets frustrated if you try to talk to other people, that’s one of the key signs she is obsessed with you.
But, provided she was invited to the venue and didn’t just follow you there, there’s no need to call the authorities.
She overwhelms you with gifts and favors
Ah yes, the infamous love-bombing. If they feel you slipping away, some women will go above and beyond to win your heart. This might involve gifts, love notes or personal favors.
This is one of the most enjoyable signs she is obsessed with you - and you’d have to be a strong man to make her stop. But, if you don’t see a long-term future with this woman, that’s the right thing to do.
How to Tell if a Girl Is Stalking You
To know whether or not a girl is stalking you, watch out for these six telltale signs. If she’s showing two or more of these signs, she’s definitely stalking you:
Sign #1: She contacts you even when you don’t want her to
The first sign is when she contacts you incessantly. This is common behavior with ex-girlfriends and ex-wives with whom you had a nasty breakup. So if she’s still trying to contact you even after you’ve ignored (or eben rejected) her last thousand attempts, she’s definitely stalking you.
Sign #2: She’s your top fan on social media
Secondly, if you’re still connected with her on social media, it seems she’s your top fan—and I don’t mean that in the supportive sense. She reacts to all your posts and photos, leaves comments, or even sends creepy private messages.
Are you already thinking of blocking her, deactivating your profile, or quitting social media because of her? If so, that’s definitely a sign you’re being stalked.
Sign #3: She follows you or spies on you in person
This is probably the most stalker-like sign you’ll ever get. You’ve seen her following you around town and spying on you. Or perhaps she “bumps into you” so often that it can’t be a coincidence. If you’re constantly worried about seeing her every time you step out of your house, then yes—you’re being stalked.
Sign #4: She hangs around your home or workplace
This is another obvious (and creepy) sign. You’re at home or work, and you take a peek out of your window—and you see her vehicle parked somewhere she can get a good view of you. Worse, you see her skulking around like a Peeping Tom.
In some places in the world, this is criminal behavior. Later in this article, we’ll talk about your legal options against a stalker—if it ever goes there.
Sign #5: She knows too much
This “hiding in plain sight” stalker behavior sometimes goes unnoticed, as evidenced by Joe on You.
You can sometimes catch her mentioning things that you never talked about with her. Even if you dismiss it as something you must have posted online, you wonder how many years back she scrolled to find out about that one concert you attended in 2014? That and she knows details about you that only your close friends know.
The kicker? Chances are she has spoken with your friends and asked A LOT of questions about you. And if you ask them about her, they’ll probably think she’s just really into you.
Sign #6: Other people are stalking you, and they’re her friends
Here, you’re being stalked, but not by her. Instead, you recognize the people who are stalking you, and they’re her friends. Guess what—it’s a stalker strategy. After all, if she leads a busy life, she can ask other people to keep tabs on you.
So how many of these six signs is she showing? Hopefully, it’s less than two. Regardless, even if you spotted just one sign and it’s enough to concern you, then you’ve got a problem.
And as we do with problems, you need to understand, adapt, and overcome.
First up: The understanding part.
She Is Stalking Me! Why is She Doing This?
So why is she stalking you? The answer lies in your history with her. Is she an ex and your breakup wasn’t exactly nice? Or is she a total stranger? Or is she someone you wouldn’t expect to be that interested in you? Let’s look at the different possible reasons.
She wants to stay updated about your life
When a girl stalks you and she’s your ex, then she might miss you. Maybe you were such a great boyfriend, and she can’t deal with the vacuum you left? Or perhaps the breakup was a messy one, and now she’s angling for some revenge?
If any of that is true, then it’s probably giving her the impetus to stalk you. She wants to see how you’re doing, stay updated with any developments, and possibly gather information.
Whether it’s to satisfy her curiosity or to gather evidence for legal action, it’s hard to tell. You should prepare either way.
She wants you (back)
Again, if you used to be in a relationship with her but now are not, then she might want you back. And so she stalks you, hoping to find opportunities to rekindle the love lost. Makes sense, right?
But what if she’s not an ex? What do you do when a girl stalks you, but she’s just a friend, acquaintance, or even a total stranger?
It could mean she has a crush on you. She’s enamored, obsessed, and infatuated—and for some reason, she thinks stalking you is a good way to win your heart.
She has a mental issue
This is a sadly common reason for a woman’s stalking behavior: mental disorder. She might suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), depression, or narcissism. And the result is her unhealthy obsession with you.
If this is the case, there’s not much you can do except tell her to get help. Later in this article, we’ll talk about the do’s and don’ts of having “The Talk” with her.
She wants information to get back at you
Again, it’s possible she’s gathering information to use against you in a court of law. She might even have wiretapped your devices and recorded your chats.
Did you hurt or wrong her in some way? Does she feel like a victim of a crime that you committed, and now she wants to get back at you? Is it at all possible?
This might be your situation if you’ve hurt her—or she thinks you did. And if you want to stay safe, cut contact with her and go to the police.
What to Do When a Girl is Stalking You
So, what should you do if a girl is stalking you? Again, the answer will depend on your history with her. If you want a good outcome, stick to these options:
Politely ask her to stop
This solution is for when you’re still on good terms with the stalker, or you still want to be friends on the other side of all this. Politely tell her that you’ll happily spend time with her, but she needs to lay off the stalking because it’s making you uncomfortable.
If she didn’t realize how stalker-ish her behavior was, she’ll apologize and gladly agree to your terms.
Suggest she get help
Does she have issues? Perhaps she told you about it before. Now you have an excuse to suggest getting professional help. You can tell her: “I remember you telling me you wanted to see a psychiatrist soon, but never got around to it. I think now’s a pretty good time, don’t you think?”
Offer to be supportive, and don’t judge her. Your support just might be the motivation she needs to get help. When you’re dealing with psychological disorders, professional help is the only thing that can save her.
Don’t contact her
When a girl stalks you and you sense she’s gathering evidence, stop contacting her completely. If it helps, block her from all your social media platforms and phone numbers. If you don’t break contact, you might be digging yourself into a deeper hole legally.
(SIDE NOTE: What if it’s too hard for you to break contact with her? We have some advice on how you can stop thinking about your ex.)
Call the police
When all else fails, prepare to get the authorities involved. And that means you’ll need evidence—lots of it. Archive your chats that prove she’s harassing you. If you can record her voice calls, do so. If you have CCTV evidence of her stalking your home or workplace, get copies if you can.
Some websites and social media platforms have anti-harassment policies. If she’s stalking or harassing you on those sites, try reporting her and see what happens. If that’s not enough to make her stop, take your evidence to the police and see if you can get a restraining order.
Do things right from now on
Hindsight really is 20/20, huh? Not to say that it’s your fault you have a stalker. But it’s possible that you didn’t notice the red flags before she became your full-blown stalker. While the onus isn’t on you to detect whether or not the women you talk to might have stalker tendencies, you can keep your guard up if you don’t fully trust someone yet.
Besides, if it was a terrible relationship, it is what it is. The best thing to do is to make sure it never happens again. And part of that is all about leaving the memories behind and making room for newer, better experiences.
So, if you’re asking: “She is stalking me! Why is she doing this?”, well... now you know why. More importantly, you also now have some tried-and-tested solutions to the stalking problem. Take it easy, take action, and good luck!