It can be hard to see the signs a girl is interested in you, especially online. You may have received a reply, but some women do reply just to be polite. Without the face-to-face interaction, or even hearing their voice – knowing for certain if they’re really interested in you is hard.
The signs a girl is interested you should be looking for
You've likely already had this issue before and if you haven't, you're bound to eventually. You've gone online to find a partner, likely using one of the best cougar dating sites we've reviewed, and just aren't sure if the woman you're talking to is all that interested in you.
But after years of research, the Internet dating experts have worked it out. There definitely are signs to look out. So here are their tips for sorting the genuinely interested from those who are just being friendly.
1) She messaged you back after your first message
The first key sign, after you've met a woman online, is the reply. While a reply alone is not a green-flag, it’s an essential component. Without a first reply, this romance is going nowhere.
It can’t be overstated, if a girl isn’t interested in you, she won’t message you back. So don’t keep sending her messages. Usually, it won’t get you anywhere and you’ll just be wasting your time and energy.
Some women respond to pressure and liked to be chased. But if she’d only reply back after 12 messages, she’s probably not the type of woman you’re looking for. And she'll probably just play with you. Who wants to have to send a dozen messages every time?
So if you’ve received a reply back from one woman, but you’re waiting to see if a second woman messages you back first, don’t. She’s either still looking or messaging someone else. And you should concentrate on what you’ve got.
2) Frequency is one of the important signs a girl is interested
Most people on online dating sites expect an initial reply after 24 hours. But once the first reply comes in, things usually speed up. This means you could be messaging back and forth as if you were just texting.
So, if you’re messages start to take on the appearance of a tennis volley, this is a good sign. Older women who are interested message you frequently. But it’s important to remember “frequent” has different meanings to different people. If she’s working or with her kids, she might not be able to drop everything and reply straight away, all the time. But at least once a day is a good sign.
3) Longer messages
Message length is also a good indication of interest. When we like people we want to know more about them. We ask questions. We also want them to know more about us. So we offer up information. Put these two elements together and naturally, you get longer messaging sizes.
But how long is long enough? It’s a good question. Generally speaking, a decent sized message should have a beginning, a middle and an end. The beginning usually takes the form of, “Hey, nice to hear from you again,” or something similar. And the end will tend to be a “So, I have to get back to my desk – talk to you later.” The body of the message is what counts. You’re looking for six sentences or more. Anything else might just be a polite reply.
4) The right intensity levels
While we’ve come to think of intensity as a bad thing, as in, “She’s a bit intense,” in a message it denotes interest. It’s one of the more trustworthy signs a girl is interested in you.
If she’s asking you questions or sharing information with you which seems deep and more meaningful, this is a higher level of intensity.
However, all intensity should be comfortable for you. Anything else is a warning sign on a dating site.
So if she sends page after page of messages all about herself, this is probably not a good sign. But if she shares an emotion about an event, like being nervous about an interview, or crying at a wedding, this shows trust.
5) She tests the water
As a general rule, most older women expect a guy on a dating site to get her number and ask them out pretty quickly. Typically, this is within three messages – or 24 hours if the texts are shorter and flowing more quickly.
However, it’s hard to ask a stranger out online and many guys balk. If she’s interested in you and wants a date, she’ll test the water to see if you’re keen. This is because women rarely do the asking-out online.
So she might say, “Hey, have you been to that new bar downtown,” or “Are you always really busy at the weekend?” If she takes this route, this is your cue to ask her out – right away.
6) She admits to a profile lie
According to a recent expert survey, women lie less on their dating site profile than men. And when they do lie, they tend to just exaggerate a fact, like making themselves a few years younger or a few pounds lighter.
But one of the really important signs a girl is interested in you is her motivation to be honest. This means if she says, “Hey, in my profile it says ‘single’. But just so you know, we’re still officially married. But have been separated two years,” she’s interested.
She basically sees a potential meeting between you two in the future and wants to make sure there are no skeletons in the closet when you do. So don’t panic if the woman messaging you suddenly tells you she’s been a liar. It could just be her way of making sure you and she stand the best chance together.
7) She asks about previous girlfriends
Most men think when a woman asks about past relationships, it suggests she’s going to be trouble. But if she asks before you’ve even started dating it indicates something completely different. Basically, she wants to know your type and whether or not she fits it.
When younger guys flirt with older women online, anytime the woman is interested in you, this will come up. She might ask, “Have you ever dated a woman with kids?”
She’s asking because she wants to know if you’ve dated older women before. Working out if you're a serious candidate or not will save her a lot of trouble. She might also want to know if you prefer taller or shorter dates, beer or wine drinkers, blondes or brunettes.
8) She double-messages you
Many women online reply to guys because they’re either being polite or because they’re giving them a chance to impress. The format for both of these situations is clear. You send her a message and she sends you one back.
But there is a little thing called the double message and you need to look out for it. This happens when she sends a second, or third message before you’ve replied to her last one. Perhaps she wants to add something to what she’s just said, or it’s been a while since you replied and she’s chasing you up. Either way, it’s a good sign. It shows she feels relaxed enough with you not to look desperate.
Because older women are especially experienced in dating, they know what looks needy and they avoid it. It also shows she genuinely wants to message you.
But, a word of warning – don’t try to force a double message by holding off on replying. Not every woman will double message and if she doesn’t, she might get hooked by someone who’s replied on time!
9) She mirrors the tone of your messages
When we like someone, we copy them slightly, subconsciously. In face-to-face dating, this entails leaning in and out when the other person does. It can also mean crossing our arms or legs to match.
In message flirting, this mirroring takes the form of matching some of the words in your message. So if you typically sign off with, “I hope you have a nice rest of your day!” and she repeats it, you’re doing well.
Paying attention to how closely she matches your message lengths can also be a good indication of her interest. If you write a fairly long missive and she does the same, followed by a matched shorter one, she’s mirroring you.
Bonus Point: When she says yes – she interested!
Yes is a very powerful word. It’s a word that means consent on many different levels. If you ask her a question in your message and she directly answers with a yes, this is a great sign.
It could just be a question like, “Have you ever seen a James Bond movie?” If she’s not really interested in you, she will avoid saying yes. Instead, she might say, “I’m pretty sure I have.” But if she likes you, she will want to say yes.
Prompting yes answers in your messages to her is also a great way to set the scene before asking her out. Many sales pitches are designed to get the potential buyer to say yes three times, to get them warmed up. So, if she’s already saying yes in messages, she’s interested, and you’re going in the right direction.