Picture this: you’ve been hooking up with a woman for a while. Things are great and you’ve got great boundaries in place. But things are starting to change. She’s a little sweeter towards you and she does you little favors. Your meetups aren’t just about the action anymore. Is she in love with you? Is it possible to fall in love when you’re just hooking up? And what are the clear-cut signs your hookup has feelings for you?
In this article, I’ll be talking about how to tell if your FWB has feelings for you. Aside from that, once you’ve already established that yes, your hookup buddy is falling for you, we’ll guide you in terms of what to do next. Let’s answer all hookup and FWB questions and more in this article.
7 Signs Your Hookup Has Feelings For You and Isn’t Ashamed of Them
First, let’s discuss the most obvious signs to look out for. The following 7 signs will tell you she has developed feelings for you, and she’s not ashamed to show them. You might already have noticed some of these.
Here’s how to know if your hookup likes you:
#1: She’s learning more and more about you
She’s asking you questions that are getting more and more personal. When she asks about your life, it almost feels like an interview—like she’s evaluating the guy who might very well be her next boyfriend.
#2: She wants to meet your family
Has she asked to meet your siblings, or even your parents? If so, that’s a big sign she’s interested in the long-term with you. If she wasn’t, there would be no reason to meet the folks, right?
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#3: She cares about you
She makes your life better not only through sex. Instead, she genuinely wants you to be happy. Your work, your life, your mental health—all of it is now her concern. That’s yet another sign she wants you to notice her feelings.
#4: She has introduced you to her friends (or wants to)
Have you already met her closest friends? If not, has she insisted more than once to introduce you to them? That’s yet another sign she thinks you’re much more important to her than a mere friend-with-benefits.
#5: Lots of cuddle time: one of the big signs your hookup has feelings for you
Normal hookups probably involve some drinks, sex, pillow talk, and then you meet up again the next weekend. When you’re cuddling even on off-days, it means you’re more than just hookups to each other, and she likes it.
#6: You go on non-hookup dates
Likewise, you don’t just meet up for sex. You also go out together, have dinner, watch movies, and even do errands. You know, like a real couple.
#7: She’s not shy about flirting in public
And when you do go on non-hookup dates, she’s not shy about flirting. She’s holding your hands, kissing your cheek, and being all touchy-feely—even with other people around. That includes people who might recognize you guys.
These are the 7 signs she has feelings for you and isn’t ashamed to show it. She’s most likely hoping you’ll return her feelings somehow, and soon. The question is: Should you?
We’ll answer that question later in this article. For now, let’s cover 7 lesser-known signs she has fallen in love with you.
Does My Hookup Have Feelings for Me? 7 Signs She’s Hiding Them
The following are signs your hookup has feelings for you, but at the same time, she’s trying to hide them. She might be confused, ashamed, or unsure of how to let you know.
You might wonder: “Why would she hide her feelings?” There are many possible reasons. One is pride—you might have promised each other to not fall in love, but that’s exactly what she’s done. Another is awkwardness—she might feel slutty or needy by falling in love with a hookup.
Here are 7 more ways how to know if your hookup likes you:
#8: She tells you about herself
Naturally, if you’ve been hooking up for a while, you’re bound to know a few things about each other. But if she’s starting to really open up about her dreams, her future, her life, and more, you know that she’s trying to build a connection with you. And that connection is much deeper than what you get up to between the sheets.
#9: You stay in touch the rest of the week
This is when she texts and calls you almost every day of the week, instead of just the day before your meet-up. It may sound friendly and harmless, but it reveals how important you are to her.
#10: She’s jealous of your female friends
Does she ask you about your female friends? Does she check your phone and ask who the women in your photos are? If she does, then it means she’s jealous—and yes, it’s a sign she has fallen in love.
#11: She gives you emotional support
When you’re feeling down, she doesn’t just lift your spirits with sex. She does much more: Give you pep talks, give you massages, give you advice, and more. She’s 100% in your corner.
#12: She’s nervous around you
When you’re together in public, does she look nervous—like she’s avoiding getting recognized by anyone in the crowd? Or even when you’re alone together, does she sometimes seem aloof and unsure, like she’s deep in thought? She’s likely thinking about confessing her feelings soon.
#13: You have deep conversations
With her, the two of you talk about life, philosophy, choice, politics, religion, and all that heavy stuff. It means she wants more than just a friends-with-benefits relationship. She wants to be your confidant.
#14: She doesn’t leave for the night
This is probably the easiest sign of her feelings to spot. After sex, she stays over for the night and has breakfast with you the morning after. She enjoys your company, and she hopes you’ll feel the same way about her.
What to Do if Your FWB Likes You—But You Don’t
Now, here’s a dicey situation. What if you spotted more than 14 signs your hookup has feelings for you—but you don’t want a serious relationship? What if all you’re interested in right now is a hookup?
That’s a normal feeling to have. Human beings compartmentalize their relationships in life, and to you, she’s just that—your friend with benefits. You’d like to stay that way and not complicate things.
So, your hookup has fallen in love with you. What should you do? I suggest the following four steps:
First, don’t overthink. You’re in charge of your life. When you make a choice, she has to respect it, or she’s being unreasonable. That’s the frame you want to bring into all your relationships.
That said, be ready to end the relationship if she insists on becoming official. Hookups commonly end when one or both parties either start wanting more or lose interest. This normally plays out over several months, and such relationships rarely last longer than a year.
So if you’re worried about doing something mean, don’t be. This is just the way FWB situations normally play out. The sooner both of you realize it, the better.
Focus on her good aspects
Relaxing is important for the “talk.” When you have it with her, start off on a positive note. Tell her what you like about her—her personality, her beliefs, the things she does for you.
Then sandwich the bad stuff between the good stuff. Tell her you’re neither ready for, nor interested in, a long-term relationship. That said, you love her company and would like to stay friends.
Don’t feel too bad about it
If she gets disappointed or heartbroken by your decision, that could make you feel like the villain in her story. But don’t feel too bad about it. Heartbreak is something human beings get over in a matter of weeks.
Think of it this way: The hookup relationship ended when she started having feelings for you. You’re just making it official to make sure no one feels worse than they need to be.
Keep calm and carry on
The key is to agree with her on one thing and go from there. She might want to settle for a hookup relationship with you and find love elsewhere. She might also want to end your relationship and never see you again. Or she might want to just be friends from now on.
Whatever your mutual decision, stay calm and stick with it.
What to Do if Your FWB Has Feelings For You--And You Feel the Same Way
Now, let’s talk about the opposite situation. What if she shows many of 14 signs your hookup has feelings for you, and you feel the same way about her? Then the answer is staring you in the face—go for it.
If you like her too, let her know
Go ahead and tell her you love her, too. She’ll be the happiest girl in the world.
Avoid playing mind games
Despite what the “pickup artists” on the Internet say, don’t play mind games with her. You’re about to start a new relationship with her. Don’t ruin it with silly mind games like playing hard to get.
Talk about your relationship
Discuss your expectations with her. What will need to change in your relationship? What needs to stay the same? What are your respective “terms and conditions?” Talk it over.
Give it a shot
Once you’ve reached an agreement, then congratulations. It’s time to enjoy your new relationship with a woman who truly loves you.