If you’re wondering, “why does no one want to date me?” or you believe “no one wants to date me” you’ve landed in the right place. Even if you think you’re ready and open for someone special to walk into your life, you may struggle to get dates or build a relationship.
There are so many possible reasons for this, some more common than others. But over time, it can be frustrating and knock your confidence when you keep putting yourself out there only to be friend zoned or rejected. You might have no idea what’s going wrong, and that’s exactly what this article is going to clear up.
Why Does No One Want to Date Me?
You don’t want to date you
Forget the whole, “why does nobody want to date me” for a second. Before you bring other people into the equation, let’s bring it back to you.
Do you want to date you?
Would you date you?
Studies of online dating show that we tend to date people and choose mates who mirror how we perceive ourselves. So if you have poor self-worth, and self-esteem, or actively hate parts of yourself, you will only attract people who feel a similar way about themselves.
You might have convinced yourself your looks or shyness make you unattractive to potential dates, which means you give out a signal of unattractiveness and low confidence in yourself. Or maybe you were hurt really badly in a past relationship, and you now feel undeserving or unworthy of love, which means you subconsciously block it.
You haven’t healed from past trauma
Whether it’s the trauma you experienced with your parents, at school, or later in life in a relationship, it won’t go away until you properly deal with it. And this can have a huge impact on your ability to trust, love, and build relationships. You’re also way more likely to repeat patterns and behavior you experienced during that trauma in future relationships. In love, we don’t look for what makes us happy, we look for what feels comfortable. So if, for example, your parents were in an abusive or toxic relationship, and you witnessed that throughout your childhood, as strange as it might sound, you are likely to find that behavior comforting, which means you are likely to seek out a toxic or abusive relationship.
Working with a licensed therapist can help you process your emotions in a judgment-free space.
Why does no one want to date me? Well, are you looking for validation, praise, or acceptance from others? When you’re insecure within yourself, and speak and act from this place of need, people can feel that insecurity, and it’s not attractive. This is why there’s so much talk and encouragement in being authentic and true to who you are. Of course, we want to impress on a date and put our best foot forward. But we shouldn’t be willing to change who we are or do anything to receive love or validation.
If this rings true for you, you aren’t in an emotionally stable place to even think about dating. Address the root cause of this and then you can start to change.
You have unrealistic expectations
If you think “nobody wants to date me” it might be because you are in the wrong headspace and don’t really give people a chance.
This often stems from childhood. Either your parents didn’t give you enough praise or never thought anything you did was good enough, or you received too much praise even when it wasn’t really earned or appropriate. Both of these things can lead to you thinking that anyone you meet or date is not good enough. Maybe you don’t give anyone a chance, you don’t think there’s anyone who’s right for you out there, or because of all the times, things haven’t worked out you have already given up hope based on this small sample of people.
You’re looking for love in the wrong places
Bars and clubs are great for meeting people to hook up with for one night of fun, but if you’re looking for something more serious, you need to look elsewhere.
Online dating apps can be a great way to meet people you would otherwise never meet, but the fact is, it’s so easy for anyone to join an app, which means there will be a lot of people on there who aren’t even serious about going on dates and are just looking to chat. If you want success with online dating, you have to have a clear strategy, stand out from the crowd, and if you are interested in someone then schedule a date within a couple of weeks.
If you have been rejected and friend-zoned a lot or always been the one out of your group of friends who never gets any attention from women, it can mount and make you believe that you will never find anyone.
But if you have this mindset, you’ll end up putting this invisible wall up around yourself, judge your date before it has even begun, or be insincere or sarcastic (or even mean) in a subconscious attempt to protect yourself from getting hurt again.
Or, you might be so eager on a first date that you talk and talk and talk to try and appear interesting that your date feels ignored and thinks you have a massive ego.
You’re waiting for them to make the first move
If you’re shy or have experienced a lot of rejection from making the first move and asking women out, it’s normal to start to pull back a little and protect yourself from getting hurt again. But if you like someone, you’ve gotta make that move! Be genuine, be forward, don’t be creepy, and see what happens. Remember that a “no” is better than a “what if?”
You are generalizing people
Why does no one want to date me?
Well, do you believe things like, “all women want tall guys,” “women are shallow,” or “women are all gold-diggers?”
Because if you do, you are generalizing people big-time, and it’s not helping you. Yes, some women are like this, but not all women. You’ve got to be more open-minded and stop judging people before you know them.
What to Do If No One Wants to Date You
Let go of the pressure you feel to couple up
When you’re constantly thinking, “why does nobody want to date me?” you’re putting a lot of pressure on yourself to date, to meet “the one” and find that perfect relationship. And society, friends, and family will do enough of that already.
It’s time to release any shame, hopelessness, or despair you feel about being single. You’ve got to reach a place where you are happy and content within yourself, and meeting someone will only add to the amazing life you already have. So focus on yourself, find more single friends to spend time with, so you’re not constantly being taunted by happy couples, and if anyone makes you feel particularly bad about being single, it’s time to reconsider whether you want them in your life.
Learn to be okay with rejection
The belief that “nobody wants to date me” can swell the more you get rejected. Rejection hurts. In fact, researchers have found that the pain we feel from rejection isn’t that different from when we get physically injured.
But the thing about dating is, rejection is a natural part of it. Yes, it might be easier for the “good-looking” guys, but even they experience rejection. And what did we say about learning to love you and wanting to date you?
Learn to see rejection as a way to put yourself out there. It’s one step toward that woman who will say yes.
Figure out what you want
If you want more dating success, you’ve got to first figure out what you want.
Here are some useful questions to ask yourself:
- Am I looking for something casual or serious?
- What non-physical qualities are important to me?
- What values is it important that we share?
- What kind of life do I want to live?
- Where do I see myself in five years?
Once you know what you want, you can find it.
Build your confidence
Is it that “no one wants to date me?” or is it that you’ve convinced yourself no one wants to date you so much that your confidence is now at rock bottom?
Confidence in a man or woman is sexy, and studies have found that confidence is a strong predictor of overall romantic attractiveness. But you can’t just click your fingers and turn that on. It takes time to build. But what you can do is make a conscious effort to start building it today.
Do things that help build your confidence. Spend more time doing things you’re good at, invest in some new clothes or a new haircut, spend time with people that will inspire and uplift you, get physically stronger by working out more, and address any limiting beliefs you have.
Get out of your comfort zone to meet people
If you’re struggling to find people who want to date you, it’s time to do something you’ve never done before. Mix things up. Head to new places to meet women. Join a new club. Try a new class. Go to a speed dating event. Volunteer somewhere. There are so many places to meet single people that are not a bar or clubs!
Date outside your usual type
If you have a physical “type” it’s time to let it go and expand your horizons. Don’t discount someone purely based on how they look. After all, surely you don’t want them to do the same to you?
Once you let go of your type, your dating options will skyrocket.
Make an actual effort
If you want more women to date you, then you have to make a real effort when you’re meeting and chatting with women and when you’re on a date. Bring your A-game. Look good. Be friendly. Make eye contact. Smile. Be genuine. Instead of trying to “get a date” just try and talk to more women. See what happens.
Be interested in your date
The final tip for anyone who feels like no one wants to date them is when you do land yourself a date, show up big-time. One of the best ways to reduce the awkwardness of a first date is to put the focus on them instead of you. Be interested in them. Ask lots of open-ended questions that can’t be answered with a “yes” or “no.” Most people love to talk about themselves, and this will help your date build a connection with you. Just remember to listen to what she says!