Why is she acting distant all of a sudden?
She said she liked me, and now she barely texts back.
We had a fun date together. We even made out, but she's not responding like before. What did I do wrong?
Any of the previous scenarios sound familiar? If yes, then we're about to kill that problem once and for all. We've got some answers for why the girl who seems so into you is suddenly acting distant and what you can do about it. Keep reading!
Signs That Your Crush is Suddenly distant
Before you ask, "why is she acting distant all of a sudden?" you have to first see the signs that she really is acting distant. Some women may SEEM like they're being distant, but when you look closely, you'll find out that she's just extra busy at work because of a promotion, she's helping a friend out of a tough time, or maybe her work schedule changed and you're texting her when she's at work. That's not being distant.
Being distant shows a lack of interest even if all the factors fall into place. And here are the signs she's acting distant.
She Goes Cold Texting: The Telltale Signs
These are the signs she's acting distant over text.
Her text ratio isn’t the best
You send four texts and she sends one. You reply in sentences and she replies in a few words. Who do you think is more invested in the conversation? Definitely not her.
Little or no usage of emojis (when she used to love emojis)
The “emo” in emojis refers to “emotions.”
Women are more emotional than men so she should be the side that uses more emojis on any given day especially when she’s interested.
If she barely uses emojis, she’s probably not emotionally invested in texting you. This is especially true if you already know she's an emoji junkie.
What to Do When a Girl Goes Cold When Texting
First off, you must identify the word “cold”.
If you had a couple of chats on Tinder then she left you on read, then that’s not cold. You’re not on top of her priority list yet.
If a girl goes cold, then it implies that she was at least warm. By that, I mean she must have been at least somewhat invested in you. Maybe you've been chatting for a while, talking about meeting up, trading nudes or you even went out on a date. That's warm.
Going cold means she, for no apparent reason, suddenly treats you like a stranger.
Now that we've defined that, here's what you can do:
If you’ve never met
It's easy. All you need in this case is a re-engagement text that won't make you look needy.
Send her a funny meme about something you talked about. Text her about some random thing that made you think about her. Ask her if she's free on a particular day.
If she replies, it’s game on. If she doesn’t, then drop her and move on.
If you’ve met before
Match her level of interest, or even lower. Your goal is to be a busy man leading a high-quality life. You shouldn’t pay much attention to one girl going distant on you – not until she becomes your girlfriend.
- If she leaves you on read for a day, leave her on read for another;
- If she sends you very short replies, don’t send her an essay;
- Lastly, if she pops up and asks to meet up, don't ditch your plans for her. If you're free, great. But if you're not, suggest to reschedule.
Meet up on your own terms and give her something to chase. Again, it all comes down to your ability to let people go. If you’re not afraid of losing her, you won’t lose a thing. She’ll either play by your rules or you’ll free your time for someone who appreciates it while keeping your dignity intact.
If you play by her rules and chase her like she’s the only one on the planet, she could get cocky and grow even more distant. It's easy to mistake investing in someone with being needy. Don't cross that line.
Remember: Neediness is women's kryptonite. They don't match.
Why Is She Acting Distant All of a Sudden?
Okay, so you know that your girlfriend is suddenly acting distant. Now it's time to talk about signs the girl you like (but aren't dating) is keeping you at arm's length. There are three possible explanations for this:
Reason #1: She was just killing time
You can see this happening a lot on dating apps. A girl wants to kill some time, she swipes right, and you pop up to give her some fun.
Right time, right place. That’s all.
It’s not your fault, and it shouldn’t stop you from pursuing women. Some girls will text you just to get some male validation and will flake on you the moment you ask them out.
Happens to every one of us.
The only concern is if this keeps happening a lot. If girls often go cold while texting you, then there might be a problem with the way you're texting women. They have built-in sensors for neediness. If many of them have gone cold on you lately, then it has more to say about your behavior than theirs.
Reason #2: She wants to test her feelings for you
Expect women to always pull back after giving you the "L" word.
If a girl tells you she likes you, your logical brain will expect her to be all over you. But that's not how they think. Her innate nature will tell her to pull away and watch for your reaction:
If you freak out, call her a hundred times or even ask what happened to her: It’s a turn-off or even endgame.
BUT If you play it cool, give her space, and live as if nothing happened. She’s all yours.
That's how women behave, especially those who have options.
She wants to know if you're Mr. Right, and her Mr. Right should never be needy.
Reason #3: She just lost interest
She wants out. She’s seeing someone else or she got to know you and learned that you're not a good match. That applies to your girlfriend or any girl you've been seeing for a while.
It's usually coupled with a sudden improvement in her looks and partying behavior. She complains a lot - or doesn't speak at all - and spends more time with her friends than with you.
But what about the ones you'd gone out with you once or twice?
Most probably you did something stupid that drove her away.
For example, you made out with a girl and didn't take her home. She gave you all the signs she’s ready to show you her new panties but you chickened out, kissed her goodbye, and went home to tell your friends how much of a stud you were.
In your mind: You did a good job, and now you’re choosing which brand of condoms you'll use on date #2.
In her mind: There's no date #2. You didn't shoot your shot, and now she's back on Tinder to check her options.
But you know what's the worst part?
You still won’t know what turned her off. No girl will tell you "I was horny AF and you're the sucker couldn't seal the deal." She'll say she's busy or couldn't vibe with you. Some will even ghost you for good.
It stings sometimes. We've all been there.
But the good news: You'll pick up on those signs with time and experience.
You won’t grow if you don’t make mistakes like this. So take it in stride, and move on.
Reason #4: She’s really BUSY
I’ll take this with a grain of salt if you’ve been seeing each other for a while. If a girl likes you, she will find time for you. However, this doesn't apply to online dating.
The first rule in online dating says: You're not a girl's top priority until you meet - or even sleep together.
To her, you're nothing more than a few pixels (fun pixels maybe, but still imaginary). So don't expect her to put you above work, family, friends or even former lovers until at least the first date.
Consider her other priorities the next time a girl pulls back after showing investment. It's not always about you.
Signs Your Girlfriend Is Acting Distant All of a Sudden
Ignoring a Tinder guy is one thing, but going distant on a boyfriend is another. If the girl we're talking about is your girlfriend or wife and she's becoming distant lately then you shouldn't take it lightly.
Here are a few signs to tell...
Monkey branching signs
In relationship lingo, Monkey Branching is a term used when a woman ditches her partner for another better option. She's no longer happy and she wants out, but she won't do it until she secures another guy or at least gets ready for the dating pool.
If your girl does some of the following behaviors then the odds are she's readying herself for the market. You might be physically together, but mentally she broke up with you a long time ago.
Some of these behaviors are:
- She parties a lot
If her inner party animal starts showing up and she skips dates with you to hang out with her friends, then she’s probably freeing up time to get/meet other guys. If you're suspecting this, it's time to check out the signs your girlfriend is cheating on you.
- She became a Gram Junkie
Almost all girls use Instagram, especially hot, gen-z chicks. Your girl is probably one of them, and if she’s mildly beautiful, then she probably has a handful of secret admirers lurking in her DMs.
They've been on the back burner until now because she liked you. But since now is the time to drop you, she might start giving them attention.
- She makes her Instagram profile public (A HUGE sign)
- She’s more active than usual (more stories and pictures)
- Her pictures are more revealing (swimsuit photos, short dresses, lots of sexy pics, etc.)
- If you’re an official couple, she won’t publish any photos with you
- She spends a lot of time surfing her DMs and liking other guys' stories (hotter, and more interesting guys)
- Bonus tip: She installs/activates her Tinder/dating profiles
- She takes more care of herself than before
We all love a woman who takes care of herself. But if you notice a significant spike in her looks accompanied by a drop in yours (man boobs, dad bod, etc.) then it could be a warning sign, especially if she's surrounded by hotter dudes at work, in college or even online.
- She starts pointing out what she doesn't like about you
If a girl likes you she will let many things slide. It won't matter if you're not an underwear model with a Wall Street salary. She likes you for who you are. She won’t complain much as long as the sex is good and you're a good boyfriend.
HOWEVER, once any of those two declines, her frustrated nature will berate your ass.
“Why didn’t take the garbage out?”
“Are you gonna sit here all day?
“Why can't you do XYZ?”
This can be her way of telling you to man up and take control of your life. Or she might be giving herself reasons to dump you. On top of that, it doesn't matter that you're doing your best to please her. She'll always find something to point out. This is a clear sign that your relationship is basically over.
- The sex is suddenly GREAT again for no reason
Maybe she's been reading some self-help books to ignite the spark in your relationship again. That's a good thing. But this should go hand-in-hand with other positive changes (e.g. communicating more, spending more time together, trying to be more understanding, etc.).
But if the sex is suddenly AMAZING despite things being less than stellar outside the bedroom, it might be a sign that she's just trying to experience that sexual chemistry one last time before she gives you the boot.
Combine all of these signs with her being less interested in spending time with you or just ignoring you outright and you know that her mind is somewhere else (or with someone else).
What to Do If Your Girlfriend Is Being Distant
What's a guy to do? On the one hand, you can just break up with her since you can tell there's no mending the relationship (especially if it's a new one). However, if you're really into her, maybe you can talk some sense into her, right? Here are your options:
Confront her, and let her know you’re aware of what she’s doing
Sadly, some women just aren't good at communication. If she's acting distant because she wants to break up with you, she might be hoping you'd get the hint and just break up with her. So it's your turn to call the shots and tell her how you feel.
Who knows, she might be distancing herself from you because she's upset about something. Maybe something's pressing on her mind. The best way to find out is to talk about it.
Show her the door
Sometimes you can just tell that her mind is made up. She has already broken up with you in her mind, and it's just a matter of time before it happens for real. It’s already over, and the only thing you can save now is your dignity.
If you can tell that trying to fix things is more trouble than just calling it quits, break up with her. She might try to convince you to not do it. So if she does, tell her you can tell that she's being distant all of a sudden. Unless she wants to change that or talk about why she's doing what she does, then breaking up is the best thing to do.