Understanding what it means when a woman touches your shoulder can be a tricky process. Judging women’s flirtatious moves is like walking on eggshells. She will touch and hit you, and she may give signs that scream out “I’m yours, come get me” at you.
And because you like her, you respond and ask her out, go for the kiss, or worse thinking she will be into it... But she isn't, and now you’re left thinking “I’m sorry if I made you think this way” to “WTF did I just do?”
Sad, heartbroken, and possibly fired or fined for sexual harassment… Oops.
On the opposite side, women also hate it when the guy doesn’t respond or understand their sexual hints. Women rarely initiate or ask a guy out for many social reasons. So they will often rely on your intuition to respond to their attempts, and they will resent you if you don’t respond well.
So you must be very good at reading their cues in order to:
And since arms and shoulders are hotspots for women to touch, I decided to make this post on different ways women touch men’s shoulders, and how to respond to each one…
Men often misinterpret it when a woman touches their shoulder. It can mean a lot of things like:
You can easily tell which is which as you get better with women. We're going to go through several of the most common touches below from what it means when a girl hits you on the shoulder to what it means when a woman puts her arm around your shoulder. There are a lot of possibilities and we'll help you make sense of them.
Yes, or no, but it’s a step forward.
It's good if a woman touches your shoulder or when she touches your arm. It means she can step into your personal space without fear and also means she feels safe being around you.
However, calibration is everything when you judge her touches. You have to put everything in context before deciding whether she’s flirting, being friendly or just playing for some male attention.
You should ask these questions before judging her intentions:
Women are good at hiding resentment. If they really hate you they will try to shove you away or even hurt you, not hit you on the shoulder playfully. So, it's a good bonding sign if she hits you on the shoulder while you're bantering.
I enjoy teasing women, and they normally respond by hitting me. However, to differentiate between the friendly hit and the flirting one, I often do the following:
If she likes you sexually, she will roll with it, and if she doesn’t, she will tell say something dismissive like “Come on, don’t be such a baby.”
When a woman leans on your shoulder, it often excludes her from the “just being friends” zone and pulls her towards the “seducing” zone. However, as I said earlier, everything should be put in context.
A tap on the shoulder means so many things – and it's usually not sexual. So you must look for other sexual behaviors before judging her intentions.
Ok, let’s be real. No stranger will ever bite you on the shoulder. Biting is usually a sign of sexual intimacy. If she bites you then she can be intimate enough to cuddle with you.
Attraction level: Above average.
Touching your shoulder and putting her arm around it is a very common behavior, especially in non-conservative cultures. But there are some reasons women do this even if they're not into you.
If I like a woman then I will try to kiss her on the first date to quickly find out if she likes me. One of these moments was with this beautiful Latina whom I met in Rome. She was super hot, and we kissed for half an hour on the street…
But the truth is, I was still reluctant to kiss her until she did something.
We were walking, so I gave her my arm and she held tightly onto it as if she's asking me not to leave. So when it started raining, I looked her in the eyes and asked if she’d ever kissed someone in the rain, and she said no. So I leaned forward and kissed her.
What am I trying to tell you (besides me being a good kisser) is that it's perfect to have the girl’s arms around you. However, you must read the situation first before making any move. Just like you should when you want to grab a girl's ass.
The only way to tell if she really likes you or not is by stacking up as many love signs as possible. Even if she touches your shoulder, you have to combine this with other signs to ensure that she's at least somewhat attracted to you.
Whatever she gives to you, don’t base your opinion on just one sign or two. Search for consistency and a variety of hints. A tap on the shoulder can be okay, but a mix of four or five behaviors will definitely tell if she’s into you.
Here are some of the “I-like-you” body language cues you should look for:
Do her eyes widen the first time she sees you? If yes, then that's a good thing.
When we see something or someone we like, our eyes widen automatically. It’s as if your mind is saying “I want to see more of that.” It's not easy for the untrained eye to catch this cue, but if you did, then it can mean you're doing the right thing.
Studies show that staring into someone’s eyes for one or two minutes builds intimacy and affection. She may not do it bluntly, but if a girl likes you, she may find herself starring at you longer than she should or a second longer than she normally looks at the rest of the group.
Another good sign is when she says something funny to the group and immediately looks at you. She wants to make sure you think she's funny too.
Is her body facing you as she speaks in a group? Does one of her feet point towards the door? If she likes you, she will give you her full attention. She might even touch your shoulder to make sure you're facing her direction too.
She plays with her hair, neck, or jewelry to show you extra skin... Her subconscious wants you.
She repetitively touches you without any reason. Even if she's just sitting beside you, she'll move her arms so they rub against you or she'll shift her legs to brush against yours. Keep in mind that this only applies if she has enough space around her and yet she gravitates towards you.