When you purchase through links on our site, we may earn an affiliate commission. Here’s how it works.

8 Important Things That Women Over 40 Really Need From Their Man

A woman over 40 on a date

Hey, you considerate stud you! Not only do you want to date a woman over 40, but you also want to satisfy her and find out what a woman over 40 really needs from her man. Well, let me tell you something that is probably not very surprising: most women over 40 have dated plenty of losers.

As a dating coach for women, I’ve heard the bad breakup horror stories. Men who cheated on them, men who wouldn’t listen to their needs or men who they had to support financially. Although each woman over 40 has a unique story, all these women have one thing in common…

They now know exactly what they want from their man.

If you want to find out what that is and how you can please your woman, check out my eight tips below. If you're still struggling to meet the right woman you can check out our favorite ways to meet older women.

1. Be her emotional support

Most women in today’s world are independent and can support themselves. But this is even more true for women over 40.

These women don’t need a man to help them with finances or any other basic needs. Simply having a car isn’t going to impress a woman in her 40s like it would when she was in high school.

So what does she need you for?

The answer is emotional support.

She needs you to be her rock, to be the person she confides in.

In order to do this, you have to pay attention to her preferences. Does she like to have alone time if she’s feeling upset or would she rather go out for dinner as a distraction?

Each woman is going to have a preferred way to calm down and de-stress. If you can be part of the way she de-stresses (even if that means leaving her alone for a little while) then she’s going to want to keep you around forever. She might even fall in love with you!

H apps promo

2. Women over 40 need you to listen

Part of being a good emotional support system is to be a good listener. In general, women like to connect with others via communication more than men do.

This is why women can chat for hours at the dinner table while men prefer to bond by sitting beside each other watching the football game. Since most women get a lot more practice communicating, it means they are hyper-aware if you’re listening or not.

If you look off to the distance or start working on something while she’s talking, she’s going to notice. She’s going to see that you’re not giving her your full attention.

Being a good listener means focusing completely on what she is saying. It means engaging her by asking questions or making comments. Do your best to understand what she's saying.

Women over 40 have a lot of positive traits. They are intelligent, established and have a lot of life experience. But one thing you need to know is that these women have little patience for a man who doesn’t understand the basics of human connection.

The basics of human connection include listening and communicating.

3. Learn to communicate better

Everyone can take a lesson in communication. Even the most experienced communicators have flaws or things they could work on.

What are your communication flaws?

Do you go silent and not want to talk if you’re upset?

Do you yell, get angry or overreact?

Is it hard for you to put your emotions into words? Do you struggle to talk about why you’re sad?

If you have any of these communication downfalls, a woman over 40 is really going to appreciate you making an effort to get better at this.

Not only does this help your overall relationship, but if she sees that you’re trying to improve, it is going to motivate her to improve as well. And we all know that communication is one way to attract a woman.

Together, the two of you can build a strong and healthy bond. It’s something that a woman over 40 will greatly appreciate.

Course promo

4. Women over 40 want a trustworthy man

Women over 40 are tired of the games. They appreciate honesty and straightforwardness.

If you can prove to her that you are not playing games and that you can be trusted, she will reward you with a lot of freedom. This is because women over 40 are not only tired of games, they also do not want to keep tabs on their man.

Women over 40 understand that relationships are built on trust. So being overbearing or overreacting is not something she will gravitate towards unless you give her a reason to.

One way to establish that you’re trustworthy is to answer her questions directly. If you don’t want to meet her family or her kids yet just tell her. If you aren’t ready to move in just saying you’re not ready is going to make her respect you a lot.

You can also give her access to your side of life. This means she can check your phone, borrow your computer and hang out with your friends. If you don’t have a problem sharing your life with her, she will be confident that you are taking the relationship seriously.

She doesn’t want to keep tabs on you; she just wants to know that you’re not hiding anything.

5. You’ll have to take the lead

I mentioned earlier that women over 40 are independent and need you for emotional support rather than financial support. Another thing they need you for is romance.

The one thing a woman can’t get on their own is the feeling of being swept away by a romantic gentleman. They want to find a man who knows how to seduce them and make them feel wanted.

This is where you have to come in strong. You do this by taking the lead.

Initiate text conversations. Ask her out on dates. Plan the date yourself and pick her up. Show confidence.

Women over 40 don’t want to feel like they have to do the chasing.

When you say “hey, how about we grab drinks on Friday?” that tells her you’re interested. It tells her that you want to go out and you’re willing to put yourself out there.

She will appreciate knowing that you’re not here to waste her time.

Women over 40 also want progression in a relationship. They don’t usually want to be in a “casual” relationship. They may want to start casual, but they want to see you taking the lead and moving the relationship to the next step.

Single woman

6. Take interest in her current life

A woman in her 40s has had a lot of life to live. She will have an established group of friends, a good career, possibly kids and various hobbies. She’s happy with her current life.

If you want to be an addition to this life of hers, you have to respect what she has spent years building.

This means respecting the time she needs to take care of everything. If she needs to cancel a date because of her kids or her career, you need to understand that those things in her life are going to come before you, at least for a while.

So the more you show her that you can be a positive addition to her life and not a waste of her time, the more she is going to take time to be with you.

So if you can take a back seat to her current life in the beginning, you’ll find that she moves you up her “priority ladder” very quickly.

7. Take pride in your appearance

Women over 40 have been through it all. The hair dye, the workout routines, the shaving, the fad diets. They know what it takes to look good.

The least you can do is show her that you also take pride in your appearance. If she’s taking an hour to do her hair and makeup, at least put on a nice shirt and a good pair of shoes.

Working with mostly female clients, this is one of the most common complaints I get from women about men.

So, no sneakers at dinner. No baseball caps in the evening.

8. Women over 40 want to date an independent man

And finally, the one thing that you should make sure you have before even thinking about meeting a woman over 40 is your independence.

The first thing is financial independence. This means that you do not need her to support your lifestyle. Women over 40 do not want to support a man because they likely have a family to support (on their own) and have been doing it for years.

They do not need another child, they need a man.

You should also be independent in other areas of your life. You should know how to cook a few meals, do your own laundry and clean up after yourself. If you do this, you'll soon see signs that she wants you to stick around.

Women over 40 are funny like that. If you don’t know how to do this stuff on your own, she will not want to do it for you. If you do know how to do it on your own, she’ll likely take over because she probably does it better anyway 🙂

Cougar dating promo


Dating a woman over 40 is extremely satisfying. They are over the petty arguments and the games. They have a sense of maturity that is going to make your life stress and drama-free.

But in order to get that, you’ll have to show her that you deserve it. Prove to her that you’re not wasting her time and you’ll find yourself in a very happy, healthy and sexy relationship.


Join Our Newsletter

No Spam. Just Higher Dating Success.

Leave a Comment