Have you been feeling ignored by the opposite sex lately? Maybe you’re having trouble standing out from other guys despite pulling out all the stops. Or perhaps you’ve been getting to know some lovely ladies but can’t break through the invisible walls of the friendzone. If so, you’re probably wondering how to attract a girl.
Dating can be extremely hard, and it’s totally understandable to feel discouraged. Rejection definitely sucks, and the friendzone is frustrating! The good news is that by tweaking your approach and avoiding some common mistakes, you can really step up your game.
How To Attract A Girl
You’ve probably heard quite a bit of dating advice over the years. Some of it’s useful, some might be outdated, and some may just be irrelevant to your situation. It can be tough to filter through all the information and opinions on how to attract a girl and how to understand her.
That's why I've focused on some actionable tips on what not to do. Not only are these incredibly useful, but they apply to just about everyone. On that note, let’s go over some of the things guys tend to get wrong. If you want to attract a girl, try to avoid these six mistakes.
Mistake #1: Putting her on a pedestal
There’s nothing wrong with going for a woman who’s slightly out of your league. As former hockey pro Wayne Gretzky once said, “You’ll miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” If you start hanging out with a girl you believe is better looking or cooler than you, then good for you, man! Just try not to put her on a pedestal.
By putting someone on a pedestal, you’re essentially implying that they’re better than you, and you’re unworthy of the relationship. When it comes to dating, this isn’t the precedent you want to set. If you do, it’s unlikely that she'll show any signs that she wants you.
Even if your crush is super hot and super cool, be confident! Everyone has their strong suits, and yours may just be different than hers. When you treat a girl like she’s some elusive creature, she’ll get the impression that she’s too good for you. As a result, there’s a decent chance she’ll never give you the time of day.
This isn’t to say you shouldn’t feel lucky to be spending time with a total catch. It just means the idea of the two of you together shouldn’t be such a shocker. You don’t want her to feel like she’s doing you a favor. It might sound like generic advice, but confidence really is key when it comes to how to attract a girl.
Mistake #2: Coming on too strong, too soon
Confidence is crucial in the world of dating. But you also want to make sure you’re not coming on too strong, too soon. As you get to know someone and feel a spark, it’s normal to be enthusiastic. But you don't want to scare her off or pressure her.
Sure, it’s possible she’s right there with you in terms of excitement. Maybe you've managed to make her fall in love with you. That said, it’s a good idea to play it cool for the first few weeks––maybe even the first few months.
Try not to text her at all hours. When you hang out, you might also want to avoid asking to see her again the very next day. Don’t overdo it with compliments, and maybe don’t go back three years on her Instagram to like all her photos. (It’s normal to dig through your crush’s social media accounts. But you might not want to double-tap or comment on old posts just yet.) Avoid too much PDA at first, and don’t declare your love (or lust) from the get-go.
To be clear, playing it cool is different than playing hard to get. I’m not saying you shouldn’t call, text, compliment or kiss her at all. What I am saying is that you don’t want to come off as desperate when you want to seduce a woman or make her like you. Or overwhelm her before she has a chance to figure out how she feels about you. If she’s feeling it, let her have a moment to think, I hope he likes me, too!
Mistake #3: Treating her like a platonic friend
The next mistake to avoid if you want to attract a girl is treating her like a platonic friend. When you’re in a romantic relationship with a woman, being nice is vital. You should both want to treat each other well. And yet, being too friendly might buy you a one-way ticket to the friendzone.
Are you the guy who helps girls move? Are you down to drive her to the DMV or mow her lawn? Would you say “Yes” to anything just to be around her? These are unsexy favors that platonic friends do for each other. You want to make sure she’s not keeping you around simply because you’re helpful. You’ve got to differentiate yourself from her other friends.
Also, it’s important to be independent. Obliging to each and every request will make it seem like you don’t have your own life.
Of course, once you’re in an established relationship, these acts of service are the norm. But when you haven’t made things official yet, try not to treat her like your bestie. When you finally make your move, there’s a good chance she’ll be caught off guard, thinking you’re just friends.
Additionally, if you only see each other in group settings, she might not see you in a romantic light. Make sure you get some one-on-one time so you can get to know each other and see how you vibe.
Mistake #4: Agreeing with everything she says
Another common blunder some guys make when they try to attract a girl is agreeing with everything she says. More than likely, you won’t agree on every single topic, and that’s OK! It’s part of what makes a relationship interesting.
Sure, you could be pursuing a girl who’s whip-smart, insightful, and unbelievably clever. Maybe you're trying to attract a woman in her 40s who has vastly different opinions from you. However, by nodding along with every little thing she says, you might come off as insincere, or worse, a pushover. You’re an individual with your own opinions and life experiences. You don’t need to overcompensate by concurring with her 100% of the time.
You don’t have to always go out to eat where she wants to or binge shows from her Netflix list. Plus, deciding where to go eat every time can be exhausting. She’ll probably be relieved if you take the reigns once in a while. Also, dating someone who never has a different opinion than you can be totally boring.
Yes, you might have a lot in common with this girl. When she tells you her favorite food or movie, you may find yourself thinking, Get out of my brain! But you’re not twins. Check yourself before you conform to all her favs in every category because she might lose some respect for you.
You should have hobbies and interests that are solely yours. Even if she does become your girlfriend, spending some days apart and having your own lives will only strengthen the relationship.
Mistake #5: Being too passive
In some instances, a girl will notice a guy and decide she’s interested in him while he remains totally clueless. Even so, if you’re pursuing a girl, you can’t just wait around for her to make the first move. A passive approach to dating is another surefire way to fall into the friendzone.
At this point, you might be thinking that these tips contradict one another. How can you possibly not put her on a pedestal while not treating her like a platonic friend? How can you avoid coming on too strong while also not being too passive? It’s all about balance.
Not putting all your cards on the table right away (i.e., coming on too strong) is critical. On the other hand, girls want to feel like they’re being pursued. Find a way to show her you’re interested in being more than friends without acting like she’s the only woman alive.
When you tell her you’re into her, ask her out, or otherwise express your interest, it shows confidence. Which, as I mentioned, is attractive.
Mistake #6: Not taking care of yourself
Now that I’ve covered behavioral mistakes, it’s time to discuss some physical slipups you can make. And I’m not talking about sex! The way you act around a girl holds a lot of weight in terms of your appeal. However, if you don’t take care of yourself, you might lose your chance with your love interest.
If you don’t consider yourself the most handsome guy, no problem! This isn’t about inherent good looks–it’s about health. Often, a healthy person is an attractive person. So, get to the gym, sign up for a team sport, and step up your nutrition game.
Additionally, taking care of yourself includes having good hygiene and dressing to impress. No, you don’t have to wear new outfits all the time. Just make sure your clothes are clean, ironed, and somewhat stylish.
Maintaining your home is also crucial. Whether you have your own place or live with roommates, keeping your space clean is essential. Especially if you plan to invite a girl home.
Follow these tips and attract a girl the right way
By considering each of these mistakes, you should have a good idea of how to attract a girl the right way. Try not to put her on a pedestal or come on too strong right off the bat. Avoid treating her like a platonic friend or being too passive. Remember, you don’t have to agree with every word that comes out of her mouth. And finally, take care of yourself.
One last thing that's a major component to successful dating is learning to take rejection in stride. This guide isn’t foolproof, and it won’t work for every girl. Use your instincts, adjust your strategy as needed, bounce back when you fail and learn as you go. Best of luck!