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The Top 10 Rules for Dating a Musician

Dating a musician comes with lots of challenges

You ever listen to an absolutely stellar love song and think, “Man, I wish someone could write that about me.” And then it happens, you find yourself dating a musician. It doesn’t matter if they’re a big-name pop star with a million-strong following or a musician who’s just expressing their creativity. Anyone who makes music can be a musician, and dating them can be a bit of a challenge.

It’s not easy to adapt to a musician’s lifestyle, and they’ll rarely be willing to change for you, especially when they’re passionate about their music. You’ll usually have to be the one who fits in with them.

This guide reveals 10 rules for dating a musician that you’ll need to follow to stand any chance of enjoying a happy long-term relationship.

Why Are Musicians Attractive?

If it’s so difficult to enjoy a successful relationship with musicians, why do so many people try it?

The truth is: most musicians have qualities that are universally regarded as attractive.

For starters, they’re incredibly passionate. They’d need to have a relentless passion for music to try and make a career out of it. It’s not easy to do that; there would most likely have been a lot of hard work for not much money at the beginning of their journey.

Musicians are not afraid to express their passion either. You’ll see it seeping out of them every time they perform. The confident manner with which they express themselves can be very attractive as well.

Whenever a musician performs, they’re usually the center of attention in that environment. When someone thrives in that spotlight, it’s usually seen as an impressive and endearing trait, especially when others are clapping and cheering for that person. Upon witnessing that type of  social proof, most people would assume that the musician is attractive, even if they’ve never interacted with them directly.

If you believe a musician is talented, that can make you more attracted to them. If you discover that they’re ambitious to make it big in their career, that’s another attractive trait.

If they’re already incredibly successful, all of these attractive traits multiply. At this point, a musician will often have an abundance of admirers fighting for their attention.

The Top 10 Rules Of Dating A Musician

Now you understand why you’re so attracted to musicians, let’s explore the top 10 rules to make your relationships work with them.

1. You won’t be the number one priority

Focusing on her music

In most relationships, it’s fair to expect that both partners will make compromises to fit into each other’s schedules. Sadly, musicians are unlikely to do that.

Their job is also their passion and they’ll have to dedicate a lot of time to it. They have to practice, they have to record, and they’ll often need to travel to faraway venues to perform. That’s if they want to be truly successful, of course. In the case of an ambitious musician, no amount of pleading or emotional blackmail from a partner is going to dissuade them from putting in the hours needed to succeed.

No matter what stage of their career they’re in, it’s rare for a musician to be able to turn down a gig to spend more time with their partner. There’s often a lot of administrative work and networking involved in their jobs too. Once you witness all this for yourself, you’ll begin to understand why it is so difficult for musicians to have relationships.

You’re probably going to have to make peace with being second-best to a musician’s career until they give up or retire. The thing is: most musicians don’t ever want to do either of those things.

2. You’ll need to be flexible

Often, the hardest part about dating a musician is finding quality time to spend together.

Since you can’t expect them to bend their schedule at all, you’re going to need to be flexible enough to fit into it.

Can you stay up late to hang out with them after late-night gigs? Are you able to travel with them when they tour around the country? If so, you have a much better chance of enjoying a happy relationship with a musician.

3. You better like music

Music is going to be the main topic of conversation on your dates.

If one of their favorite bands has released a new album, you’re going to hear about it. If there’s any news about their band at all, they’re going to bring it up.

It’s important for partners to be supportive of each other’s passions, and this will be much easier if you have a genuine interest in music as well.

4. More importantly, you better like their music

If you’re dating a musician, you’re going to hear their music a lot. Most likely, you’ll hear your partner’s songs more than anyone else’s.

You don’t have to attend all of your partner’s gigs to make your relationship last, but you’re probably going to have to see him at work sometimes.

So, you better learn to enjoy it.

If you can’t, it’s most likely going to drive you insane.

It’ll be almost impossible to make all these sacrifices to support the ups and downs of their career if their music tortures your eardrums.

It’s going to be tough to support their aspirations with all of your heart too. Your partner is going to ask for your opinions on their songs, and it’s not easy to lie over and over again.

You’re better off not dating a rockstar if you can’t stand heavy metal. Indeed, studies suggest that a romantic interest’s music taste can be a deal-breaker for a surprisingly high percentage of singles.

5. You’ll need to embrace the party lifestyle

The party lifestyle of many musicians

Not all musicians are about the party lifestyle. But the stereotype exists for a reason.

If they’re in a band performing late at night, there’s probably going to be some heavy drinking (and maybe drugs) to celebrate a great performance. To be honest, that might also be true of solo artists or bands performing daytime gigs.

Studies do suggest that singles are more likely to drink excessively than people in a relationship, and that’s partly because they understand that the consequences of their actions may affect their partner. However, I’d take this data with a pinch of salt when it comes to rockstars.

If you want to be a part of that rock-and-roll lifestyle, that’s awesome. In fact, it will probably make you even more attracted to dating a musician. They’ll often be able to get you access to some great parties.

If you’re an introvert who prefers to be in bed before 10, that can also work. Just don’t be that partner who moans about a rockstar partying into the early hours of the morning. That’s like complaining about a dog who wags its tail.

Nagging about a musician’s party lifestyle won’t do much to improve your relationship; it’s more likely to end it.

6. Not everyone will like them

Musicians can be polarizing characters. You might love the idea of dating a drummer with hundreds of tattoos and piercings or an up-and-coming guitarist who busks on the streets. That doesn’t mean everyone will.

You need to be prepared for comments from friends and family members who don’t see what you see in them.

Also, you’re going to have to learn to put up with comments from audience members watching them perform. When a musician goes on stage, they put themselves at the audience’s mercy. They will be judged on their performance and not everyone is going to like what they hear. You might sometimes hear rude comments, and it’s your job not to lose your temper or cause a scene when that happens.

Ultimately, it’s how you feel about them that matters. Don’t forget that.

7. People will flirt with them

We’ve explored the various reasons why musicians are so attractive. Many of them spend their careers being the center of attention in alcohol-fuelled party environments. Eventually, they’ll build a fanbase. So, it makes sense that people are occasionally going to hit on them.

If you’re at their gigs, sometimes they’ll do it right in front of you. Rockstar groupies can be shameless.

This is a key reason why it’s so hard for musicians to have relationships. They constantly have to deal with temptation and jealousy.

To be the partner of a musician, you’re going to have to accept that they’ll be getting romantic attention from other people. More importantly, you’re going to have to learn to trust that your partner won’t act on this attention when you’re not around.

8. The money isn’t reliable

Most musicians are self-employed, meaning their income isn’t guaranteed. In many cases, their opportunities to work at all aren't guaranteed. In many cases, venues can decide to stop hiring musicians at a moment’s notice.

This means the lifestyle that musicians can afford often jumps up and down. That’s something worth considering if you’re planning to get married and have children with this person. Money is one of the factors that can make or break a relationship, and it can be a great source of tension if an unestablished musician is the breadwinner in a couple

The upside is that there’s no ceiling to the earning potential for talented musicians. Perhaps this person is destined to become the next Dave Grohl or Amy Winehouse. If so, support them with all your heart. They could be your ticket to the millionaire lifestyle.

Even then, that’s no guarantee they’ll be financially set for life. Some of the world’s most successful musicians went on to lose all their riches.

9. You better get on with the bandmates

Bonding among bandmates

A musician’s bandmates are among the most important people in their life. They’re family members, more or less.

It’s likely you’re going to be spending a lot of time with these people, so your life will be a lot easier if you can get along with them.

That’s no guarantee though. As we’ve explored, musicians tend to have polarising personalities. Just because you’re attracted to one member of the band, it doesn’t mean you’re going to be best buddies with all of them.

Still, it’s worth doing what you can to get them on your side. You want them to be your allies when they’re out partying and other people are flirting with your partner.

10. They might write songs about you

Once you become an important part of a musician’s life, there’s every chance you’ll be immortalized in a song. Anything that happens in your relationship could become an inspiration for their next big anthem.

That sounds romantic when you’re in love - and it’ll surely be a kind song while you’re together - but musicians write songs about break-ups and heartbreak too.

Imagine if that song becomes internationally famous. It’s not as far-fetched as you imagine. Some of the world’s most famous songs are about real people.

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