It's not uncommon to hear that Singaporean women are superficial or materialistic and are only willing to date men who are well off. So, are Singaporean girls really superficial and materialistic? Or are they just mere projections of our insecurities?
Can you approach a woman who is a complete stranger in Singapore? Can it be done? You may lament that it's close to impossible to approach girls in Singapore. Is that true? Yes and no, the Singaporean culture is generally more closed off than Westernised cultures. From personal experience, Singaporean women are generally harder to approach if you’re a complete stranger.
From personal experience, Singaporeans, both men, and women, in general, aren't equipped with the social skills to continue a conversation with another stranger. Hence, you're going to get awkward silences and shifty eyes if you do not know what you're doing. Singapore, after all, is a collectivistic society with people choosing to stick in highly tight-knit social groups. However, it can be done.
The Singapore Cultural Narratives
How about looks, popularity, intelligence and social status? Do Singaporean women care about them? Fact is, they do. You and I do too, along with all other women and men all around the world when it comes to choosing our romantic partners. You often hear Singaporean men complaining about being insecure about dating up. They don't feel secure dating Singaporean women who are smarter than them, more qualified than them or earn more than them.
Here's my verdict: I think that the majority of Singaporean women are able to finance, feed themselves and aren’t exactly looking to date multi-millionaires. Of course, minus the gold diggers, which you should avoid at all cost.
However, it's because of cultural expectations, namely, the narrative that you need to marry a rich husband in order to have a good life that causes a lot of problems. Some of my female friends often tell me they expect to end up with a millionaire or a rich man. In actuality, their behavior speaks otherwise and they don’t end up dating a millionaire but an average Singaporean male. In my experience, the majority of Singaporean women (minus the gold diggers) are willing to adjust what they value in a partner if they have an attractive personality and are able to connect with them on a deeper level.
The Ugly Combination
If I was being honest with you, I was most successful in my dating life when I had no money in my first couple of years in University. It was only in my mid-twenties when I measured myself on financial achievement and projected them onto my dating life.
Here are the metrics that I (and many others) measure themselves against:
- What degree I was taking or if you are going to achieve first-class honors
- The amount of money you are making
- Your job
Ultimately, you get a mish-mash of both sexes projecting their insecurities onto each other because of these cultural narratives: a traditional culture that emphasizes material wealth as a metric of success.
Here is what you’re taught from day one as a Singaporean male growing up. You want to get a girlfriend? Work hard, earn a lot of money and get a respectable job. Our parents are always telling us to get a job, to get a degree so that we can get employment. I grew up in a traditional Asian, Singaporean culture family where I was told that if I did not do well in school, get a degree and a respectable job, I was considered a failure.
I had a friend who told me she would only consider dating guys from a local University. In Singapore culture, there's a huge measurement of success based on how financially well off you are. Not to mention the exposure to cultural narratives that influence us every day. In movies and drama series, they all tell us the same narrative: The people with money get the girl.
These beliefs are often the results of the Singaporean cultural narrative: where success is measured by grades, money and social status. Cultural narratives that have been told by our culture and society. Not only do these beliefs and worldviews hurt us in life, but they also hurt us in our dating and relationship lives.
On one hand, you get an ugly mesh up of Singaporean men projecting their insecurities with wealth to Singaporean women who are... materialistic? On the other hand, you get nice guy behaviors from Singaporean men (parents/people/woman pleasing) that results in… Singaporean women being more spoilt who ‘expected to be treated like princesses’.
You see the pattern here? It happens both ways and no one sex is responsible for these problems. Until the Singaporean culture matures and learns how to define itself not through traditional metrics of success, this is going to be the status quo.
Singaporean Women Put on a Pedestal
It’s interesting to observe the language that us guys (I’m guilty of it as well) use when we find success in our dating life. I once heard someone proudly declare: ‘I just slept with this girl. She’s from X University in Singapore. She also studies medicine.’
There are many things wrong with that statement. You’re coming from the standpoint that you’re somewhat inferior to her by being proud of the fact that she studies medicine, hence, she’s a better partner. That’s female sexuality placed on a pedestal. So what if you’re not from a top University in Singapore? So what if you’re not studying medicine? So what if she’s studying medicine? Why should you, a human being who is trying his best in life, feel any bit inferior to just about anybody else?
How to Get Over These Cultural Narratives
So, these are the invisible scripts that influence your behavior. The bottom line is this: what can you do about it?
- Realize attracting women is determined by behavior and not necessarily assets
This is why I say a lot of this dating advice thing is sorting out your own emotional realities in the first place. When you got your own personal values down, there’s no reason for you to express yourself dishonestly and you don't have to rely on external metrics of success, degrees or social status in an attempt to earn sex or affection with a woman. Someone who’s truly confident doesn’t measure themselves up that way. This is why pick-up artist techniques are just a superficial strategy at best. It’s a band-aid that you slapped on when you were bleeding.
- Invest in yourself: learn social skills
Look, I’m not saying you do not need to get your finances right. However, being sexually desirable is different from long-term commitment desirable. You should always try to improve your financial life. However, you should not be reliant on it.
Personal plug: I created an entire course on social skills and personality change based on decades of psychological research and real-life systems.
Look, ultimately, you can’t be a slob or a bum. Even though looks aren't the ONLY determinant if a girl is willing to go out on a date with you. Good looks help, but not having good looks doesn't hurt either. You’ve probably seen countless not so physically attractive males with physically attractive women, right?
Hell, it’s one of the factors people like to look at in general. If you dress poorly and don't shower, don't expect to land any dates anytime soon. If you show up on a date dressed sloppily. It's not Singaporean women being superficial, it's YOU being a bum.
- Develop long term personality and behavioral change
Ultimately, you still got to dig deep into your emotional maps and look at the root of your problems: why you’re so invested in being rich or successful? Why are YOU chasing degrees, cars, the next condominium and all of that just to get the... vagina.
I know of men that are well off financially but can't land a date for nuts. I know guys that draw a handsome close 5 figure salary, drive a Mercedez Benz but can't land a quality date to save his life.
There are cultural narratives at best. The misconstrued perception that you need lots of money and a 6 pack abs to attract women is flawed. You'll also end up in a rabbit hole where you never feel enough. There were months I felt I was never ready to date someone until I achieved a certain body weight. This was despite being in relative alright body shape. The research also backs this up, if you display the behaviors of someone who potentially might become rich, famous, or successful, you're equally attractive as someone who is already rich, famous or successful.
This was why I was successful in my dating life starting out as a broke, unsuccessful University student because I was so passionate about personal growth that it rubbed off on the women I dated. It surely wasn't because I had money, good looks or anything else, because I can assure you I had none of those.
If you're male and you’re not developing yourself or taking risks and complaining that Singaporean women are spoilt brats and materialistic, then you’re just giving yourself excuses. It can’t be that ALL of the women in Singapore are materialistic and spoilt right?
Ultimately, you do not need more degrees, achievements or a million dollars in the bank. You need to take action.
Closing Thoughts on Dating Singaporean Women
I’m not saying Singaporean women aren’t completely at fault here. I’ve had instances where my female friends say they wouldn’t date anyone from a private University, or that he has to be a millionaire or some naive metric. Some of them rarely bother to go to the gym or develop any personalities. It’s also not surprising that the ones with these naive metrics are the ones that end up with someone much lower than their expectations.
Lastly, if you’re sacrificing your emotional life for some absurd metric, then good luck to you, you're going to run yourself into the ground.
Photo Credits: Joe Siegel