When you think of “sexy”, it’s easy to instinctively associate this adjective with women and not ourselves. But knowing how a man can be sexy (in his own masculine way) can help you to be the alluring, enchanting man that always gets the girl.
Sexiness is something you can—and should—cultivate in your own life. This article will show you how.
First off: What does it mean to be sexy? It’s simply to be sexually attractive to the opposite sex. When you see a sexy woman, without even thinking about it, you feel it in your gut: “I want to have sex with her.”
It’s automatic. It’s a response Mother Nature has hard-wired into every healthy man’s brain—including yours.
Well, here’s the good news. It works both ways. It’s entirely possible to be so sexy that when women see you, more than a few will feel that same gut-level urge: “I want to have sex with him.”
There’s a catch, though...
While women naturally know how to be sexy (e.g. dress in a bikini or bite her lip while looking you in the eye), we guys have much more work to do.
Luckily for us, science has already found out what women really want in men.
And that’s coming right up. Be sure to take notes.
What Defines a Sexy Man?
Do you want women to look at you and instantly feel the hots for you? Then cultivate these four areas of your life, ranked in order of importance:
#1: Physical sexiness
As they say, first impressions last. Women are first and foremost attracted to good-looking men: Tall, fashionable, well-groomed, and fit. It’s possible to get your fair share of action in the dating game with just your looks alone.
Are you a good-looking guy? Or do you think you need a little work? (To find out real quick, check if you have any of these terrible haircuts. If you do, then you know where to start!)
#2: Financial sexiness
This is the second impression you make on women. After chatting with you for even a few minutes, they can guess whether you’re successful and wealthy, and therefore sexy—or not.
This isn’t gold-digging, by the way. Wealth is a real, accepted measure of your contribution to a society like ours. And no self-respecting woman wants to be seen dating a deadbeat.
#3: Social sexiness
This is the third impression you make on the ladies. Social sexiness isn’t nearly as important as physical and financial sexiness, but it’s definitely nice to have.
What is social sexiness? It’s your ability to get along with other people, especially other women. The ladies tend to like you more when they see other women like you.
Are you socially sexy?
#4: Intellectual sexiness
Sorry to disappoint you, but your smarts come dead last in priority when it comes to sexiness. Intellectual attractiveness is nice to have, but its importance is vastly overshadowed by the other three kinds of sexiness.
So if you’re the brainy type of guy and you’ve so far been unsuccessful with women, then you probably get the idea by now. You’ve been cultivating the least important area of your life in terms of being sexy.
Let’s fix that today, shall we?
How Men Can Be Sexy These Days
In this section, we’ll go a bit more in-depth with each of the four areas of sexiness. We’ll talk about the fastest and easiest ways to boost your attractiveness in each area—to the point you can make even random women find you irresistible.
How to be physically sexy
The fastest way to get more physically attractive is to get a makeover, starting with a trendy, popular hairstyle. Ask your barber or stylist for suggestions—they’ll likely have a style guide handy. You can also peek into women’s magazines to check what hairstyles the male models use.
While you’re at it, have your facial hair sculpted as well. Find out what looks good on you—clean-shaven, some stubble, or a goatee? Should you grow a full beard or just a nice tight mustache? Your stylist can help you pick if you don’t want to spend a few weeks or months experimenting.
The second-fastest way is to upgrade your wardrobe. You’ll need to look around a bit to see what’s fashionable in your area, but there are some pieces of clothing that every guy should own. These include:
- At least one tailored suit
- Good quality slacks
- Leather belts
- Several pairs of shoes (including height-boosting ones if you’re not very tall)
Make a list, do some shopping, and boom—you’re instantly sexier.
And lastly, there’s the slowest yet possibly most important way to become physically sexy: Get ripped. Go to the gym (or start your own home gym) and sculpt your body into the best shape it could be. Over time, you’ll get stronger, healthier and—naturally—sexier.
How to be sexy financially
Hopefully, you’re financially independent right now—it’s the basic requirement for being “financially sexy.” If you’re not, then get started by doing two things.
First: minimize your expenses. Stop splurging on useless stuff and pastimes that make you less masculine and productive. Check your life right now: What crap are you spending good money on that’s not really helping you become happier and more successful? Cut them out.
Second: maximize your income. Keep your job, get the best-paying position you can reasonably manage, and start a side hustle. Combined with your lowered expenses, this will give you a little extra money. Now you can make things happen.
When you get some extra cash, what should you do? First, if you don’t have one yet, fill up an emergency fund. Every man should have one—if you don’t, you’re asking for trouble. You know how life is—you’re doing just fine, then suddenly a pandemic hits the world, and you get laid off for months.
Here’s a good way to build your emergency fund, according to the Art of Manliness:
- Set aside $1,000 for emergencies
- Once that’s in place, pay off your credit card debt
- Once you’ve zeroed out your credit card balance, fill your emergency fund with six months of basic expenses
This takes a lot of discipline—and when women find out you have that discipline, they’ll instantly feel more attracted to you.
QUICK NOTE: Being financially sexy is extremely important when you want to get into an exclusive relationship with a woman. That said, it’s less important when you’re just after flings. Hookup-minded women will only care about whether you’re sexy enough to give them what they want—and for that, all you’ll need is physical sexiness and the next one.
How to be socially sexy
This is the third area of your life to focus on. More than anything, being socially sexy is about being a good conversationalist with women. You need to know the words to say that make women want to chase you. It’s an art, and you can learn it.
Social sexiness is important because it can turn things around for you. At first glance, a woman might not find you particularly attractive—but once she chats with you and feels your charisma, she immediately thinks sexy thoughts.
In a way, being socially sexy is the “equalizer” in the dating game. You can make up for whatever you lack in other areas with your charm and wit.
So how do you become socially sexy? Aside from working on your gift of gab, you can do the following:
- Have an attractive circle of friends who aren’t losers and deadbeats
- Have a bunch of attractive female friends (Women love guys that other women like—who’d have thought?)
- Get friendly with the service people of the shops, cafes, and restaurants you frequently go to
- Build a network for business purposes
How to be sexy intellectually
Get into hobbies. Spend time on something you’d happily do for free. Do you want to study philosophy? Are you fascinated by a particular slice of pop culture? Do you want to try your hand at blacksmithing or leatherworking?
If you’re not sure where to begin, here’s a list of skills we believe every man should have. Start here.
Intellectual sexiness is the key to being well-rounded. You’ll want women to see you as being more than just your looks, money, and charm. You also want them to see you as someone with depth and wisdom.
There’s a caveat, though. Like its financial counterpart, intellectual sexiness is much more critical when you’re looking for a girlfriend. It’s not too important if you’re just dating for the fun of it. Something to think about as you create your sexiness game plan.
Are You in It for the Short-Term or Long-Term?
And there you have it—a quick cheat sheet on how a man can be sexy. As you can see, sexiness is a trait you can cultivate quickly and easily. Just a few changes and you’re ready to meet women for some good fun.
Meanwhile, if a long-term exclusive relationship with a great girl is what you’re looking for, then you’ve got a longer road ahead of you. You need to develop the emotional strength and fitness to handle the rigors and responsibilities.
Luckily for you, cultivating the four areas of sexiness will also develop the discipline and direction you need for it.
So, do you want women to see you and think: “I want to have sex with that guy”? Then you have two paths to pick from:
- If you want to meet lots of women, date around, and have some good, clean fun—then focus on becoming physically and socially sexy.
- If you’re looking for your next girlfriend and (potentially) future wife, then add financial and intellectual sexiness to the mix.
Onward and upward, my friend!