It’s 2019 and our phones have become a centerpiece for our lives. We do everything on it from banking to dating. As we’ve grown increasingly comfortable doing everything on these devices, fears around sexting have become ‘so 2009’. Knowing how to be good at sexting is a skill worth learning.
Whether you’re using Tinder, Bumble or any of the other best dating apps and websites, the topic will come up. There will be an opportunity for you to build sexual tension with a woman quickly. That’s not something you want to pass up because you’re uncomfortable, right?
“I’m just no good at sexting” is no excuse guys, sorry. It’s something you’re going to have to work at but believe me, it’s well worth your while.
The process of figuring out how to be good at sexting probably seems daunting right now. It’s okay though, this article will walk you through the basics you need to get started. From there, it’s all about practice!
We all know alcohol lowers our inhibitions and affects our ability to make good decisions. The problem is when we’ve had too much to drink and we forget this fact.
That’s how she ends up with your awkward, tactless attempt at sexting from 3:00 a.m.
Unless you’re both drunk, leave this for another day. It might seem like a great idea at the time but I assure you it isn’t. A few drinks is going to help you relax -- 18 drinks leaves you facepalming in the morning.
Learning how to be good at sexting is all about creating a mental image. Just like real sex, you don’t want to go plowing straight for the end game.
Take the time to build comfort and make sure you’re both on the same page. You don’t want to go sending her a racy message as she’s arriving at a funeral, right?
Instead, see what she’s up to then start slowly with some innuendo and playful teasing. If she seems into it, you can escalate a little with an “I can’t stop thinking about the other night” and continue on from there.
Tell her about how you want to run your hands over her body. How you’re going to kiss her while you slowly take her clothes off.
What you’re aiming for here is to build the fantasy of amazing foreplay. Tell her what you want to do to her and let her imagination do the rest.
Allow things to slowly escalate throughout the messages and see where the experience takes you.
This is a common sticking point for guys in many areas of dating. It can be tough to know ‘the right time’ to escalate from friendly conversation to something more direct.
When it comes to sexting, there are two things you want to establish first. After that, it’s time to take that leap!
First off, you want to establish comfort with her. If you’re still getting to know each other, this can be as simple as a regular conversation that’s flowing naturally. If she’s comfortable enough chatting with you and begins opening up about her day or future plans, you’re good.
Once you’ve reached this point it’s time to test the waters. I like to ease into it with a bit of innuendo or some kind of sexual joke to see if she’s receptive. It’s important that you don’t overthink this part, all you’re trying to do is see if she’s open to sexual talk.
As a lazy example, maybe she’s talking about the end of a wild girls’ night recently. Complaining that all three of them crashed in her bed. A simple “hmm, I think I’ve seen that porno” goes a long way.
It’s intentionally lame and cheesy. What’s important is how she responds. If she’s receptive, she’s going to reply with something like, “oh you like the thought of me in bed with three other women?”
Otherwise, she might acknowledge it quickly and move on with a, “lol. So what are you up to for the rest of the week?”
The second example is a red light. Maybe you need to establish more comfort and try again. Maybe she just isn’t into that kind of thing. Either way, no harm was done and now you know!
As you learn what to say while sexting, you’re going to reach a sticking point every now and then. A moment where you just don’t know what to say and that’s okay. It’s all part of the learning experience.
When you reach that point, just ask her a question. It’s a great way to keep the conversation rolling smoothly. It also gives her the opportunity to change the direction of this fantasy.
A simple “What do you want to do to me?” can get you past that sticking point immediately.
Just be aware of how many questions you’re asking. She doesn’t want to be the one doing all the work.
This is true for every part of dating from your bio text to your bedroom prowess. If true confidence is something you think is lacking, go check out our video dating course. It’s filled with plenty of great material to help you get on top of that. Presented by dating expert Hayley Quinn, the course delivers a fantastic system for dating older women.
It’s all designed around how to approach and date older women. With this system in hand, your dating life is going to improve and with it, so will your confidence.
As for what confidence looks like when sexting, it’s about being assertive. Be willing to initiate and take some small risks. Be the first one to share a fantasy with her and push the conversation to be even more thrilling.
Most importantly, don’t disqualify your messages. “I want to wrap my hand firmly around your throat as I kiss you if that’s okay” is not the most confident thing she’s read today.
Instead, tell her what you want to do to her. Tell her what you’re feeling and what you like about her in the process. No need to constantly seek permission or disqualify your statements.
Take charge of the conversation, just as you would in the bedroom.
Use your words to paint a sexual fantasy that you can both enjoy. The more descriptive you are, the more exciting the whole experience is going to be.
Think about your favorite book and the way it’s written. They’re going to use a lot of adjectives that spark your imagination and describe the scene.
“I want to kiss your body”
Try something more like
“I want to kiss you on the neck as I run my hands slowly down your naked body. I hear you gasp as I…” you get the picture.
The second example does a far better job of building that fantasy and gives her something to work with too.
Sexting is all about fantasy. It’s a good idea to start kind of safe and work your way up. As the tension starts to build and you both get more turned on, you can start to explore further.
Use this fantasy to your advantage. Start with small steps toward the things you fantasize about doing to or with her.
For example, maybe bondage is your thing. Rather than telling her about your favorite ball gag, start describing how you want to tie her hands above her head. Small escalations like this are still a lot of fun without the risk of breaking the fantasy.
As long as she still seems into it, continue escalating throughout the conversation. This can even be a great way to approach your kinks with her. If things go well enough, you can always suggest trying it for real next time.
A rapid back and forth is the best way to maintain the tension and keep the conversation flowing.
Taking 30 minutes to reply to each message means you’re both getting distracted in between. Trying to dip in and out of this fantasy and keep it alive is totally impossible.
Instead, wait for a time and place where you can be available. Your replies don’t necessarily have to be instant but the faster the better. A brief pause can be good at building tension but not between every message.
This is another reason to make sure she’s down with it too. There’s no point trying to sext when she’s about to start the drive to work.
Photos can be an amazing addition to your sexting conversation. They say a picture speaks a thousand words and that’s absolutely true in this context too.
Sure, it’s more common for women to send sexy photos. If you ask for them though or she offers, you should be willing to share the same in return.
No matter how confident she may be, sending photos of her body is always a risk. If you’re willing to send her something similar it can make her feel more comfortable. You might be surprised what she’s willing to send you when she feels safe.
Plain and simple. Unsolicited dick picks are never okay in any context. Remember how I said to start slow, building tension and comfort? A photo of your dick does neither.
That’s all there is to that point. Don’t do it.
That’s about all you should need to get your sexting game on point. As you start to get better at it, you’re going to find yourself having a lot of fun. Particularly if dating apps and websites are your thing.
Even if you’re sexting with your partner though, it can still be a massive turn-on for both of you. Often, knowing what to say while texting can be the toughest part. Hopefully, I’ve been able to give you the right guidance to get you on your way.