What should you know if you want to learn how to build sexual tension over text?
It might sound impossible, since communicating over text seems so emotionless. But with the right skills, your phone can become a reliable tool to score more dates and hookups than you’ve ever had.
The secret is in building sexual tension with the woman you’re texting. And that’s what this article is all about.
Let’s start with the obvious first question: What IS sexual tension, anyway? What’s it all about? How does it work? And how in the world do you build it with a woman over text?
What is Sexual Tension?
Put simply, sexual tension is the tension between sexual poles – masculine and feminine. It’s what happens when a man and a woman feel the urge to be more than just friends with each other.
Some people call it the “spark,” others call it “chemistry.” You get the idea, right?
As a contrast, think of a woman in your life you’re NOT attracted to. Maybe it’s your sister or an old friend or a co-worker. You don’t feel any spark of romance towards her, right?
That means there’s NO sexual tension between you. And so your relationship with her remains platonic.
It’s sexual tension that opens the doors to becoming more than friends with a woman. Without it, you have no hope of scoring dates or hookups, much less relationships.
I hope you see how crucial this information is. Building sexual tension with a woman is a critical skill to have. Could you imagine if you knew how to “ignite that spark” with women? Your love life would be ten times easier.
Now here’s the problem. Sometimes, you just can’t be face-to-face with the girl you’re eyeing. All you have is her number on your phone. What do you do then?
Good news: Sometimes, her number on your phone is all you need. Let me explain...
The Challenge with Texting to Build Sexual Tension
Texting is not exactly ideal for dating. You can’t show her your smile, you can’t make eye contact with her, and she can’t hear your tone of voice. All she sees are the words in the message you just sent her.
That’s the challenge with sexual tension: It’s a sensation. And in human communication, sensation is built through the nonverbals – eye contact, tone of voice, body language, that sort of thing.
Without any of that, communication is just “meh.” And that’s exactly how text communication feels like. Not exactly conducive for dating, right?
Here’s the secret, though. Think about the girl you like right now. (Or at least, think of ONE of them.)
In your mind, how does she feel when yet another admirer texts her? It’s fair to assume she gets her fair share of attention, right?
So when you text her something like: “Hey, what’s up?”, what goes through her mind?
She’ll think: “Oh no, not another one,” and won’t reply.
Talk about ZERO sexual tension!
The key, then, is to craft a text that will get her out of her “meh” state. And here’s how to do that.
How to Build Sexual Tension over Text (Escalation)
The idea is to grab her attention with your text message, forcing her to reply.
If you thought: “Oh, I’ll tell her a crazy story to hook her and make her reply,” you’d be wrong.
If you thought, “Maybe I should confess my feelings for her,” that’s even worse. These are one-way tickets to the friend-zone – trust me.
Instead, do this: Split your first text into two messages. The first one should be a greeting that grabs her attention and forces her to reply.
It should be something like:
- “Hey, I had a question.”
- Or: “Hey, something happened today that reminded me of you”
When she receives a “sexual tension text” that leaves her hanging like that, she’s extremely likely to reply. She’ll text back: “What?”
And when she does, that means you got her attention, which was your primary goal. Now, you capitalize by sending your second message, which can go like this:
- “I was wondering when you were going to text me.”
- Or: “I was in the gym today, and they were doing dance-sport in the next room. It made me wonder what you did for fun these days.”
To be clear: It doesn’t matter what your second text is about. You got her attention – now the key is to keep her attention for the next 10 texts or less. You’ve triggered her curiosity – now it’s time to build sexual tension.
How to Tease a Girl Over Text: Examples to Try Out
One of the easiest and most effective ways to build sexual tension is through teasing. And my personal favorite way of teasing a woman is with the “push/pull technique.”
Are there any rules on how to tease a girl over text? Yes: For every “pull” you do – that is, for every compliment or agreement you make – you also do a “push,” or a tease.
How to Sexually Tease Through Text
You can tease her by:
- Using innuendos (like “eating out,” “making it hard for me,” “cuddle,” and other chase trigger words)
- Feigning disappointment (“I thought you were nicer/smarter/funnier than that”)
- Challenging her (“Go on. Show me you’re as good/smart/sexy as you say you are”)
This “bouncing” between pushing and pulling is like a fun ride for her curious mind. It builds sexual tension and releases it, making the next escalation even more pleasant. Very effective.
As a caveat, here’s an even bigger question: Should you escalate sexual tension over text?
The answer: It’s debatable. It’s a well-known fact that a woman’s attraction to a man fades very quickly. Over text, it can fade even faster, such as when you accidentally text something overly insulting or cringy that it will make her think of you as a “nice guy”. The risk is pretty high.
That’s why I suggest keeping the whole conversation to 10 texts or less, then move on to the most important thing: To meet up face-to-face.
That’s the key. Build up just enough sexual tension over text, then invite her to meet up in person. If you ride the momentum of the moment, she’ll be excited to see you.
Get the Hookup
So how exactly do you get her to meet up? Simply riff off the conversation you’re having. You might say: “I’ll tell you the whole story tomorrow afternoon. I’ll be at Main Street checking out the new art popups. See you there?”
Phrase your message like she is going to meet you – it’s just a matter of picking the day, time, and place.
If you’re lucky, she’ll gladly agree to meet you. If she says: “I can’t do tomorrow,” have a backup suggestion. You can tell her: “The day after, then. I’ll still be checking out the art show.”
Easy, right? The best part is that it won’t matter if she declines your date. Her number’s not the only one on your phone. You can use this routine on as many women as you want.
Try it out. Build sexual tension with a few women over text and see how many dates you score. Good luck!