If you typed into Google “how to get over a breakup fast,” chances are that you just split up with a former partner.
In 2006, Amy Winehouse sang “He walks away /The sun goes down / He takes the day, but I'm grown / And in your way / In this blue shade / My tears dry on their own ”
However, breakups aren’t always that easy. For some, getting over a breakup is just a matter of having a few nights out and maybe a rebound. For others, however, it can take what seems like forever to get over a breakup. No worries, we’re here to help you deal with the pain and get over your ex as soon as possible!
Time Heals All Wounds, But Here’s How to Get Over a Breakup Fast
There’s no other way to say it: Breakups freakin’ suck and learning how to get over a breakup fast is probably the top thing on your mind right now. When you know your relationship is over, a breakup is inevitable.
As men, we would rather rationalize and intellectualize away our painful emotions. But there’s nothing we can do here. She’s gone, it hurts, and it sucks. What’s the fastest way to get over a breakup, move forward and start dating again?
Here are nine tips that you can put into practice right now to speed up the healing process:
1. Allow yourself to feel the pain of the breakup
As men, we often try to hide our emotions to avoid being perceived as weak. We’re taught from a young age that “boys don’t cry” and that we don’t need to ask for emotional help.
However, bottling down the feelings of grief, sadness and anger that follow a breakup isn’t good for you. “There is no better way through this process [of grieving] than to feel your feelings,” says Alicia H. Clark, PsyD in Washington DC.
Take the time to grieve and reflect on what went wrong in the relationship. But avoid judging or blaming your ex-partner. The so-called “victim mentality” may be an easy way to mask the pain, but it will make you feel even worse. Chances are that you both have done something wrong that caused the relationship to fail.
After the grieving phase is over, you’ll be able to learn from these mistakes, so you won’t make them anymore in your next relationship.
2. Don’t fall victim to your regrets
As we previously said, reflecting on your mistakes is fine. But don’t obsess over what you could have done better in the relationship. Most importantly, don’t fall victim to self-criticism.
First of all, if a relationship doesn’t work out, both partners are responsible. Secondly, it could be that simply you and your ex weren’t compatible. When we fall in love, we tend to overlook our partner’s little flaws and the red flags of incompatibility. After the “honeymoon” phase, instead, we see those red flags becoming bigger and bigger until the breakup naturally happens.
Wallowing in regrets and being obsessed with the idea of getting back together after she has moved on will just keep you in the past. And in the grand scheme of things, it's not worth it.
But look at the brighter side: By splitting up with someone who wasn’t the right partner for you, you have the chance to meet someone who would be a way better match!
3. Don’t stalk your ex on social media if you want to get over a breakup fast
After the early stages of grieving have passed, you might be curious to know if your ex-girlfriend has a new partner. You’re curious to know if she’s having an easier time moving on from the breakup than you. You might also be curious if she's keeping tabs on you because you want to make her jealous.
Social media makes it ridiculously easy to stalk an ex-partner. But that doesn’t mean that it’s good for you. A recent study has shown that “Facebook surveillance” of an ex-partner is associated with “greater current distress over the breakup, more negative feelings, sexual desire, and longing for the ex-partner, and lower personal growth.”
Block your ex on all social media platforms as soon as possible! If you want to stay friends with her on Facebook to avoid hurting her feelings, remember that Mark Zuckerberg’s platform allows you to unfollow her. This way, you won’t see her posts anymore in your feed, but she won’t know. It’s a great way to get over someone fast.
The same applies to the objects that remind you of your ex like printed photos, clothes she left at your place or her favorite snacks. Stash them out of sight or consider giving them to a friend until you get over the breakup.
4. Cut all contact with her, at least for a while
Jill P. Weber, Ph.D. writes on Psychology Today that “continuing, or attempting to continue, communication with your ex will only prolong your suffering—and prevent you from beginning a productive process of letting go.”
Don’t be fooled by Hollywood movies trying to make you believe that you can be friends with an ex. Sadly, in real life, things don’t work like that. Cutting off any form of communication with your ex-partner gives you time to heal. It allows you to move on with your life without any false hope of getting her back.
If your ex keeps calling you and refuses to cut contact, don’t be afraid to state clearly that you need a clean break. Both Android and iOS devices let you block her phone number, so she won’t be able to bother you anymore with uncomfortable calls.
5. How to get over a breakup fast if you have to see your ex every day
In some situations, avoiding your ex completely might not be an option. For example, you might have kids together and now you need to share co-parenting responsibilities. Same if you and your former partner are coworkers or neighbors who unavoidably run into each other very often.
As the relationship expert Susan Winter told Elite Daily, it’s a good idea to prepare in advance, maybe by practicing what you’ll tell her in front of the mirror. Also, Winter suggests that you do whatever makes you feel more confident, like wearing attractive clothes or acting in front of your ex as if you’ve already gotten over the breakup.
If your ex is a coworker, remember to stay professional after the breakup. Be polite with her when you have to interact at the office, and avoid spreading gossip that might hurt your professional reputation. Now if your ex asks how you are, be as polite as possible while also maintaining your distance.
Lastly, if you and your ex have kids, remember to always put their needs above yours. Avoid exposing the children to conflict and don’t talk negatively about the other parent in front of them. Also, try to communicate effectively about parenting issues with your ex to create consistent routines and rules for your children.
There are apps and websites out there that allow you to chat privately with your co-parent without having to see her face-to-face.
6. Seek support from friends and family
According to Carrie Bradshaw, the heroine of “Sex and the City,” the most important breakup rule is “No matter who broke your heart or how long it takes to heal, you’ll never go through it without your friends.”
We totally agree with her! Even if you might feel like being alone when grief hits, isolation will only make things worse. Seek support from family and friends you trust or even a counselor. However, try to not badmouth your ex to them.
Talking about the flaws of your ex and how wrong she was to leave you might look like a good idea to boost your self-esteem. But it will only sharpen your feelings of anger. Instead, ask your friends for their honest feedback about what was wrong in your past relationship and how to avoid making those mistakes again.
Also, avoid overwhelming your friends with whining. After you’ve had the chance to get the bad feelings off your chest, ask them to distract you from your ex by hanging out with you.
7. Don’t jump into a rebound relationship or rebound sex
Many guys cope with the emotional pain of a breakup by trying to get into a relationship as soon as possible. Others have one night stands or casual sex with as many women as possible. Unfortunately, both solutions aren’t the best to ease the pain.
The truth is that rebound relationships rarely work. According to the dating expert Dan Bacon, a guy needs time to recover from a breakup before entering a new relationship. Otherwise, “he will either not be truly himself emotionally (usually to protect himself from getting hurt) or he will be a mess of emotions and turn the woman off,” says Bacon.
As for rebound sex, it may leave you feeling empty and unsatisfied. Remember that casual sex and hookups don’t work for everyone!
8. Wait to date other people until you’re truly ready
Rebound relationships hurt your chances of healing faster from the breakup. But this doesn’t mean that you have to stay single for years.
The psychologist Paulette Kouffman Sherman, Psy.D., told Glamour that “most people need a month or two to process the breakup, to mourn, and to integrate lessons before jumping back in if they were in a fairly serious relationship.”
However, not all people have the same needs. Kouffman Sherman warns that, if your past relationship lasted for a year or more, you may need three to four months before being ready to date again. If your relationship was quite short, however, you might feel like reactivating your Tinder account sooner.
9. Refocus on your personal mission and purpose as a man and work long hours
As Casey Neistat says, the solution to many problems is work. The more time you’ve spent with a girl, the more your identities meld together.
Being with someone in such an intimate position creates a separate psychological entity that’s a combination of you and her. And when you break up, that thing dies and it hurts. It leaves an empty space in who you are.
Breaking up with a girl might make you forget your value as a man, i.e., the things you have outside of the relationship. Learning how to get over a breakup fast involves finding that value again.
This is the time when you want to work insane hours, remember what your purpose in life is and put all your energy into it.
While you’re doing that, here are some other suggestions:
- Re-discover and enjoy old hobbies.
- Start a new project you’ve been putting off for months.
- Set some new training goals at the gym.
- Brainstorm a list of 10 goals you could focus on over the next few months (business, personal, gym, dating, travel, skill-building, etc.), choose 1-2 to focus on and start taking action on them IMMEDIATELY.
Massive investment in yourself is the way out of heartbreak and it will give you happiness independent of anyone else. It might even be the key to making her fall back in love with you if that's your goal.
Bottom line: It’s definitely possible to learn how to get over a breakup fast. But you still need some time to mourn the loss of the relationship. Seek support from your friends and cut off all contact with your ex, unless you’re her coworker or co-parent.
In no time, you’ll forget about the pain, and you’ll feel ready to meet a new, amazing woman who will be a much better match for you!