It’s over and done, but you still have feelings for her. That’s the tragedy when you don’t know how to make a girl want you back after she has moved on. No matter what the reason for the split, there’s always the chance that once it’s over, you realize that you want her back. Hindsight is 20/20 after all.
Now I know what you’re thinking. You’re probably considering giving up because she seems like she’s happy with her life now. It looks like there’s no space for you in her life anymore. But the thing is, looks can be deceiving. Her lovey-dovey social media posts might not paint an accurate picture of her life.
So unless you were the absolute worst boyfriend in the history of relationships, there’s every chance that you can make her want you back. The question is how. How do you get her back after she has moved on from your breakup?
Ways To Make Her Want You Again: How to Get Her Back After She Has Moved On
The panic you feel after seeing the woman you love with another man is real. So what can you do to get her back after she has moved on?
It is a process and not necessarily a quick one. I’m sorry, but there are no quick fixes here. If you’re serious about getting back with your ex you’re going to need patience, discipline and perseverance. Even a little perspiration.
But the good news is, it can be done.
If you two had a good, long-term relationship before and shared an honest and meaningful connection, here's how to get her back after she has moved on to someone else. If you finish this article and want to learn how to consistently create and maintain attraction check out our video course on creating massive attraction with women.
So let’s get to it:
1. DO NOT BEG
Very quickly, I want to outline the things you should avoid doing: spoiling, begging and ignoring her wishes. You think this is the secret to making a girl want you back, but it’s going to do the opposite.
You can’t buy her back, so don’t try. Even if you do get her to fall back in love with you with a diamond ring, she’s not going to stay, so what’s the point? You really can’t buy love.
Begging is similar. An ex might cave in and agree to get back together just to shut you up. But wearing her down with your begging and crying is not attractive. Sooner or later she’s going to leave. And this time she’ll stay gone.
Following her around, staying in her space and never letting her forget you are also detrimental to your goal. Besides this, it just looks pathetic, and she won’t find it attractive. While you do want to get over the breakup itself, you don't want to push her away by being too needy.
The Dating Apps Experts Recommend to Average Guys
If she's moved on it's time to start meeting some new girls, even if you're not giving up on her completely. A lot of guys don't have much success using dating apps because they aren't using the right ones. It's a very important decision since online dating has become critical to meeting single girls and you miss out on so many opportunities if you're not on at least one app.
You will learn a lot about if you're really not over her or just lonely once you meet some new girls. These are the apps that our team of dating coaches has seen regular guys have the best results with:
|Site||Our Experience||Our Rating||Free Trial Link|
Best For Relationships
Best For Casual Fun
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Great If You're Handsome
2. Do the opposite of what you want to do
It may sound counterproductive, but to get her back after she has moved on, you need to do the opposite of what your heart tells you.
You want to show her you’re better than her new boyfriend -- don’t. You want all your friends to ask her if she still likes you -- don’t. That voice in your head is telling you to call her and tell her you want to be “just friends” -- don’t. The other thing you’re not going to do is wallow in self-pity, either.
This may sound like game playing, but you’re not being false. This is just controlling your primary urges. When we love someone, we want to shower them with love, affection, gifts and attention. But if the other person has moved on, it’ll just push them away even more. If you keep pushing away, you'll soon need to realize that the relationship is really over.
Instead, you’re going to give her the time and space to change her opinion of you. She’s going to look at you with fresh eyes and see what she originally saw. And this time she’s going to like it even more.
3. Initiate a period of no contact if you feel she has moved on
In order to reset the clock, you need to make sure you don’t have any contact with her for a period of time. Only you can say how long this period of time is, but I would recommend at least three months.
No contact means no calling or texting, no meetups, no “accidental” run-ins and no stalking her on social media. It also means limiting the posts she can see from you.
You may think that every day she’s with her new guy feels like time wasted when they’re getting closer and closer. But it’s not.
If you have a no-contact period of three months, they might just break up by then. But nothing brings a couple together like a love triangle. When you show that you’re interested and actively pursuing her, her new guy will get more protective of her.
4. Let her wonder where you are and who you’re with
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and this is true after a break up too. Even if she broke up with you, it’ll give her a chance to think about you again. If you two have agreed to stay in touch, you should tell her you decided to break off contact for a period of time.
So if your ex asks how you are, be polite, but don't give her too many details. This is important because you don’t want her satisfying her curiosity too soon by calling you either. You need to let her stew.
Once you’re out of her sight every day, she’ll have to start thinking about you in order to work through her thoughts. This means she’ll think about the beginning of the relationship and wonder what went wrong. Women tend to analyze these details far more than guys. But this is a good strategy to help you get her back after she has moved on.
5. Use this time to heal
After the end of a good relationship, we all grieve. Just like the death of a loved one, this grief has stages. You need to give yourself the opportunity to work through these. Typical stages include denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance. You may not be looking to reach the final stage of acceptance. But if you do, you’ll have a better chance of winning her back. If you want to get back an ex you hurt, it's also time for her to heal.
Acceptance doesn’t mean being okay with the end of the relationship. It means recognizing that it has happened. Basically, no longer denying it or getting angry about it. You are no longer referring to her as your girlfriend in a slip of the tongue. This article on how to get over a breakup might help.
6. Concentrate on self-improvement
This process will take months! In the meantime, you’ll be working on self-improvement. This will actually support your journey through the grieving process. Identifying objective self-improvements to work on can be difficult. But it will help prepare you to get back in the relationship. It will also make you more attractive.
By self-improvements I mean quitting smoking, going to the gym, updating your wardrobe, starting college, getting a job, becoming more self-sufficient, etc. These are things everyone would agree are improvements. While you’re single, you’ll have more time to work on these things. Look at your three months to decide what you can realistically achieve in that time, and go for it.
In most cases, a little dose of self-improvement might just be enough to make your ex jealous of your new life. If that means making her want to get back together with you, then you're on the right track.
7. Work on your emotional availability
Emotional availability refers to a person’s ability to be open and caring towards their partner. The opposite, emotional unavailability, includes being evasive, not talking about feelings and making excuses to create distance. This is a common reason guys get dumped.
Ask yourself, why where you sometimes distant? Did you feel like you needed more space and alone time than she did? Is work, college or your family more important than her? Can you commit to being more present in the relationship?
Now that you know why you were distant, try to practice being more emotionally available. Learn how to be a good listener who pays attention to what people are saying. Try to be more open with others. Learn how to put others’ needs before yours if it’s within reason. These ways of being more emotionally available can show her that you’ve changed for the better.
8. Starting off again after she has moved on
Most rebound relationships are done and dusted in three months. That’s when the fizz goes off the champagne and the cracks start to show. During this time, she’ll be done with the rebounding stage of moving, and she won’t be as attracted to this new guy.
Either way, I would wait until the new relationship ends before moving in – even if it’s longer than three months. Because if you make a move on her before it’s over it might only strengthen their attachment.
Once you feel you have completed the necessary self-improvements and have reached the stage of acceptance, you can contact her. Ask her how it’s going, if she’s okay. And then wish her well. She’ll likely reply with the same. The trick here is not to rush it. Have a volley of messages and then if there’s no obvious reply message to send, let it wait a week.
9. The first meeting
After a few back and forth messages, you can ask her out as a friend for coffee. But no, this shouldn’t be a date! It’s just a casual talk where she can see you in a new light. You want her to realize for herself that you’ve changed a little, as this will generate interest. Also, you need to use these meetings to show that you’re now more emotionally available.
10. Get her back after she has moved on by being her potential new boyfriend
The last stage in the plan is to position yourself as the better man. If she’s still with her rebound or if they’re on the rocks or have broken up, you need to look like the better choice. This shouldn't be so hard because there's always that part of her that hasn't completely moved on.
Remember to always take the high road. If she complains about him, listen with a sympathetic ear, but don’t criticize him. Likely he has criticized you to get on her good side. Don’t do the same thing, so that she’ll see you as a kinder and more mature man.
And don’t make her an offer. Don’t tell her that if she dumps him, you’ll be ready to jump into the space he left. Have a little self-respect. You have to also seem worth chasing.
How To Make A Girl Want You Back After a Break
By definition, a “break” suggests that the two of you plan to get back together after a defined period of time. However, it’s natural to worry that your partner will decide she doesn’t want you back during this break period. After all, if things were perfect during your relationship, a break probably wouldn’t have been suggested at all.
If you’re wondering how to get your girlfriend to want you back after a break, the 10 tips listed above are a great place to start.
On top of that, it’s recommended to use this time to consider how you could do better in your relationship once you do get back together. Most likely, your partner has mentioned some of your flaws when explaining why she wants a break. So, now is your opportunity to work on improving them!
While it’s not a good idea to bombard your partner with calls and texts during your break period (as you’re better off giving her space to realize she misses you), consider sending her the occasional photo showing her the changes you’re making.
Don’t beg her to come back as soon as she responds to these picture messages. Instead, keep busy and focus on developing yourself into the best boyfriend you can be.
Before you know it, she’ll be the one suggesting the break should come to an end, especially once she sees this evidence that you’re taking steps to improve yourself.
How To Get Your Ex-Girlfriend To Like You Again
If you’re sitting around wondering “how to make my ex-girlfriend want me back”, the key is to think back to the arguments you had when you were together. In most cases, your ex-girlfriend would have made it clear what she doesn’t like about you before you broke up. The most obvious answer to how to make your ex-girlfriend want you back is: fix these problems she was complaining about.
It’s best not to reach out to beg for her back during this process. Again, it’s far more powerful to give her the space to miss you.
But, if it’s possible to somehow have her discover that you’re dating other women, that can be one of the most powerful ways how to get your ex-girlfriend to like you again.
Jealousy is a powerful emotion. Plus, if you’re out dating better women, that’s clear evidence that you’ve been working on yourself and becoming a better man.
Of course, by the time you’ve improved yourself and started attracting even better women into your life, you might not even want your ex back. And that’s fine too. It’s a bittersweet irony of this life that our abandoners only tend to want us when we truly no longer need them.
Here is where I want to get into the long-term solution.
Some clients when they come through my marketing funnel when they've just broken up, they're actually looking for a short-term solution which is trying to get an ex-girlfriend back. Trying to find out a strategy, a way, or learn 'game' just to get a ex-girlfriend back, as a control strategy against hurt and abandonment trauma and emotional growth.
The long-term solution is to actually understand the psychology of your breakup, of why you ended up breaking up in the first place. For one, rollercoaster relationships are a huge reason why people break up in the end because you were leading an unhealthy relationship with her.
I recommend looking at attachment theory. There are decades of research on anxious and avoidant attachment. The dynamic between anxious and avoidant attachment is where one person is chasing and the other person is avoiding and it just flips to and fro. This is an example of a relationship that I somewhat experienced when I was a teenager. I was avoidant and she was anxious and then we just flipped around where I chased her and she chased me and it was never-ending to the point where it just got too frustrating for both sides.
Psychologists theorize we experience romantic love similarly to how we experience love from our parents when we were a kid, and we tend to confuse the two where we think that the love that we are getting from our partner is akin to our parents.
This is why when you break up you'll feel super triggered and you'll feel like your life is ending. That's because as a kid it's your interest to survive and you need that love from your parents. Now that you've grown up but your psychology is not mature enough and now that your girlfriend or your boyfriend has dumped you, this is akin to your parents abandoning you and going against your needs for survival.
You'll require emotional awareness to actually differentiate the two.
Hence, a long-term solution is to actually understand rollercoaster relationships, understand the psychology of why you guys actually broke off right. And whether it is a healthy relationship in the first place.
Getting Your Ex Girlfriend Back Without Being Desperate
Many guys get dumped out of the blue and now they're trying to get their ex-girlfriend back. There are solutions to this, short-term solutions that will rely on game theory and short-term psychology tactics. The first short-term strategy you can use is actually using the pickup artist concept of: changing the frame. When you change the frame, you are changing the underlying meaning of the interaction between you and her.
So firstly right, let's assume that you are the one being dumped.
Let assume you are the one chasing her, trying to get her attention back, trying to get her back in your life, and almost pleading with her. The underlying frame of the interaction is you are being dumped and you are chasing her back.
So, what do you mean by changing the frame? When you change the frame you're actually reversing the rules. This means, demonstrating that: we have broken up, I've moved on with my life and I have better things to do, and I'm going to lead a life with or without you. This is what I mean by the underlying meaning behind changing the frame.
This can be demonstrated when you're texting, this can be demonstrated on social media, this can be demonstrated when you speak about each other within your social circle assuming that you have mutual friends.
Of course, you know news does get around. So yes, one of the most simple ways is to actually, you know, demonstrate that you are actually doing well in life without her. So that can be easily demonstrated on social media unless she blocks you (read: which is a pretty smart thing to do.)
I know so many couples that have broken up, they still text each other for some inane reason, and normally there is always one partner that's trying to get back the other. Or there's like some level of resentment and they are still trashing things out. Or both sides are being really reactive and there's a whole, you know, rollercoaster dynamic right there, so one of the best ways to actually change the frame through a texting perspective is to actually give neutral responses, right?
Instead of pleading or trying to get her attention or trying to bribe her over with money, compliments and all of that. It's better to give neutral responses in your text messages.
For example, if she's trying to get some validation from you or she's trying to initiate the conversation, or maybe she's asking you:"do you ever see us getting back together?" You can actually reply by giving a neutral response which would entail something like, "I don't know, but I wish you the best and you know, I'm pretty busy with this, I've actually tried out this new thing,"
It's actually kind of going back to the days where you just met and trying to kind of demonstrate value again. Let's be honest, a lot of people break up for different reasons, and one of the reasons is because the male or the female has actually, you know, gotten lazy in maintaining that relationship.
Compare this to the time when you guys first just met and both sides are actually putting in effort to put your best foot forward so that you can get her as a girlfriend or she can get you as a boyfriend. Hence, the short-term solution is change the frame, change the underlying meaning of the interaction between you and her.
However, I want to talk a little bit about the long-term solution, I want to talk about something that is not commonly talked about. This is the psychology of getting over your ex girlfriend. That's because if you do not apply these processes, after the breakup, you'll find yourself chasing that approval, your old traumas are being triggered, your abandonment issues are being triggered.
5 Stages of Grief and Loss: How to Heal from a Break-Up
It takes time to heal from an affair and completely understand your ex's infidelity. Unlike all other dating coaches that tell you to just "man up", I am going to tell you it's very normal for everyone, men or women, to go through a grief process of loss. This is researched in psychology: the five stages of grief.
The five stages are anger, denial, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. These five stages literally roughly mean those words. They do not come one after another and are an interconnected process where you can jump stages or you can experience this stage before that stage.
This was true for me from my own experience. When I was a teenager and I got dumped over just one text message. I was in denial. I was in denial for months until when I enlisted into the Singapore military and that's where it all hit me. I was angry and I was sad all at one go. It all hit me and I broke emotionally. So this is why we need to heal. We need to grieve.
This grieving process is not spoken about. This isn't addressed properly enough in especially in many cultures where the "man" is supposed to actually just be the tough guy and just take the loss. "Just take it on the chin", and just move on! Let's not address it, repress it, and push it down. Only to find it boiling up after three months, half a year, or a year. Then you might end up going into a fit or doing something silly.
The Psychology behind 5 Stages of Grief and Loss
It's that psychological loss will only heal if unnecessary containment such as unreasonable guilt and resentments can be worked out. This plays out by trashing it out with your ex and achieving closure. This is why initially when you first break up, it's quite important to trash it out and to lash it out.
Yet again, there are cultural narratives that say; "you're not supposed to show your emotions". You're not supposed to feel, you're not supposed to trash it out. Let's not be angry, right? It's very evident in many cultures. How many times have you heard growing up: "just be the good kid, do not throw a fit, behave yourself!"
The second method suggested is to help the individual be prevented from feeling isolated and help to feel connected to others.
The third one is having a positive outlook.
So let me expand on these two last methods. So assuming that you're going through a breakup process, you are still in the process of healing, of grieving. It's important to get support. This can come from your community, from friends, from coaches and from therapy: through a clinical psychologist or through a licensed therapist.
I recommend therapy because especially when we're young, our friends are not actually matured enough to actually guide us to the correct direction or to actually feel with us or sympathize or empathize with us.
This was true for me when I was a teenager. I remembered that after I broke up like for two weeks, my friends were at that point of time having a meal with my ex-girlfriend and posting it on social media. I felt butthurt about it. Getting psychological support from friends might not be the best option.
The thing with relationships and breakups and psychology is that a lot of things can get messy. There's a lot of nuances and weird things. The opposite party across you might be judged on it. Relationships are messy, people break up for all sorts of reasons, for irrational reasons, for weird reasons.
This is why I actually recommend looking into psychotherapy, into getting a therapist to actually guide you through the process. These people are usually much older than you, they are licensed, they have six years of clinical training to actually practice as a psychologist. You're also dealing with science in a clinical setting and decades of research. Sometimes, I would pick that over having friends' advice or friends' support. Unless you have a really good friend who's highly empathetic and highly sympathetic and is able to truly empathize with you without judgment.
The entire plan of how to get your ex back is really about starting over. Remember the magic of the first time you met and let that magic happen again. This really is the key when it comes to how to make her want you back. Only this time, you really know her better. You know exactly what she wants. And most of all, you’re now a better, more mature version of your former self.
However, keep in mind that this list of ways to make her want you again won't always work. It's entirely possible that getting back together isn't something she wants. And you should work on getting over her instead. However, if you do follow the steps above, you have better odds of getting your ex back.
I was in a mess after my ex-girlfriend dumped me over text message. I remembered spending the next three months in a living hell in my head trying to get her back, trying to get her on the phone. I emotionally broke down all alone on a military island. That was the point where I realized that I really didn't have it down right.
I used to think I was a tough guy. I did martial arts in my teens, I got into street fights, and I used to think I was tough. That was what got me to repress my breakup. I could tell you exactly what I felt at that point in time, I was like: "screw that bitch I'm going to go into the military. I'm going to be a military officer. I'm going to achieve my way through this pain".
On the contrary, within eight days into the first 14 days of confinement in the military, I broke down and everything just went haywire. I wasn't even motivated to actually achieve in the military. This is why I want to stress: emotional health, understanding the psychology of relationships, and dating is extremely important.
Lastly, this concept isn't addressed enough. It's something that's not spoken or actively discussed. I hope everyone reading this took something away from something and actually maybe start valuing your dating and relationships life and understanding your own psychology.