No matter what the reason for the split, there’s always the chance that once it’s over, you realize that you want her back. Maybe you cheated on her and she dumped you. Maybe she cheated on you and you dumped her. Or perhaps you two just decided to try your luck elsewhere. It doesn’t matter. It has happened to us all. You come out of a relationship, and she meets someone new and moves on. But you look at your ex and know you just have to get her back in your life. So how do you get her back after she has moved on from your breakup?
The panic you feel after seeing the woman you love with another man is real. This emotion means you might try the worst, most desperate tactics to get back together with her. These things, like sending her a dozen red roses, saying you can’t live without her or following her around only end up pushing her away. So what can you do to get her back after she has moved on?
It is a process and not necessarily a quick one. I’m sorry, but there are no quick fixes here. If you’re serious about getting back with your ex you’re going to need patience, discipline and perseverance. Even a little perspiration. But the good news is, it can be done. If you two had a good, long-term relationship before and shared an honest and meaningful connection, here's how to get her back after she has moved on to someone else. If you finish this article and want to learn how to consistently create and maintain attraction check out our video course on creating massive attraction with women.
So let’s get to it:
Very quickly, I want to outline the things you should avoid doing: spoiling, begging and ignoring her wishes.
You can’t buy her back, so don’t try. Even if you do get her to fall back in love with you with a diamond ring, she’s not going to stay, so what’s the point? You really can’t buy love.
Begging is similar. An ex might cave in and agree to get back together just to shut you up. But wearing her down with your begging and crying is not attractive. Sooner or later she’s going to leave. And this time she’ll stay gone.
Following her around, staying in her space and never letting her forget you are also detrimental to your goal. Besides this, it just looks pathetic, and she won’t find it attractive. While you do want to get over the breakup itself, you don't want to push her away by being too needy.
It may sound counterproductive, but to get her back after she has moved on, you need to do the opposite of what your heart tells you.
You want to show her you’re better than her new boyfriend -- don’t. You want all your friends to ask her if she still likes you -- don’t. That voice in your head is telling you to call her and tell her you want to be “just friends” -- don’t. The other thing you’re not going to do is wallow in self-pity, either.
This may sound like game playing, but you’re not being false. This is just controlling your primary urges because you know you won’t get her back. When we love someone, we want to shower them with love, affection, gifts and attention. But if the other person has moved on, it’ll just push them away even more. If you keep pushing away, you'll soon need to realize that the relationship is really over.
Instead, you’re going to give her the time and space to change her opinion of you. She’s going to look at you with fresh eyes and see what she originally saw. And this time she’s going to like it even more.
In order to reset the clock, you need to make sure you don’t have any contact with her for a period of time. Only you can say how long this period of time is, but I would recommend at least three months.
No contact means no calling or texting, no meetups, no “accidental” run-ins and no stalking her on social media. It also means, limiting the posts she can see from you. You can mark this day in your calendar or try to ignore the end date completely -- whatever works for you.
Deciding to commit to a period of no contact is really hard, I know. Again, it seems counterproductive. You just want to take action and work out how to get her back after she has moved on. Every day she’s with her new guy feels like time wasted when they’re getting closer and closer. But it’s not.
If you have a no-contact period of three months, they might just break up by then. But nothing brings a couple together like a love triangle. When you show that you’re interested and actively pursuing her, her new guy will get more protective of her.
They say absence makes the heart grow fonder, and this is true after a break up too. Even if she broke up with you, it’ll give her a chance to think about you again. If you two have agreed to stay in touch, you should tell her you decided to break off contact for a period of time.
So if your ex asks how you are, be polite, but don't give her too many details. This is important because you don’t want her satisfying her curiosity too soon by calling you either. You need to let her stew.
Once you’re out of her sight every day, she’ll have to start thinking about you in order to work through her thoughts. This means she’ll think about the beginning of the relationship and wonder what went wrong. Women tend to analyze these details far more than guys. But this is a good strategy to help you get her back after she has moved on.
After the end of a good relationship, we all grieve. Just like the death of a loved one, this grief has stages. You need to give yourself the opportunity to work through these. Typical stages include denial, anger, depression, bargaining and acceptance. You may not be looking to reach the final stage of acceptance. But if you do, you’ll have a better chance of winning her back. If you want to get back an ex you hurt, it's also time for her to heal.
Acceptance doesn’t mean being okay with the end of the relationship. It means recognizing that it has happened. Basically, no longer denying it or getting angry about it. You are no longer referring to her as your girlfriend in a slip of the tongue. This article on how to get over a breakup might help.
This process will take months! In the meantime, you’ll be working on self-improvement. This will actually support your journey through the grieving process. Identifying objective self-improvements to work on can be difficult. But it will help prepare you to get back in the relationship. It will also make you more attractive.
By self-improvements I mean quitting smoking, going to the gym, updating your wardrobe, starting college, getting a job, becoming more self-sufficient, etc. These are things everyone would agree are improvements. While you’re single, you’ll have more time to work on these things. Look at your three months to decide what you can realistically achieve in that time, and go for it.
In most cases, a little dose of self-improvement might just be enough to make your ex jealous of your new life. If that means making her want to get back together with you, then you're on the right track.
Emotional availability refers to a person’s ability to be open and caring towards their partner. The opposite, emotional unavailability, includes being evasive, not talking about feelings and making excuses to create distance. This is a common reason guys get dumped!
Ask yourself, why where you sometimes distant? Did you feel like you needed more space and alone time than she did? Is work, college or your family more important than her? Can you commit to being more present in the relationship?
Now that you know why you were distant, try to practice being more emotionally available. Learn how to be a good listener who pays attention to what people are saying. Try to be more open with others. Learn how to put others’ needs before yours if it’s within reason. These ways of being more emotionally available can show her that you’ve changed for the better.
Most rebound relationships are done and dusted in three months. That’s when the fizz goes off the champagne and the cracks start to show. During this time, she’ll be done with the rebounding stage of moving, and she won’t be as attracted to this new guy.
Either way, I would wait until the new relationship ends before moving in – even if it’s longer than three months. Because if you make a move on her before it’s over it might only strengthen their attachment.
Once you feel you have completed the necessary self-improvements and have reached the stage of acceptance, you can contact her. Ask her how it’s going, if she’s okay. And then wish her well. She’ll likely reply with the same. The trick here is not to rush it. Have a volley of messages and then if there’s no obvious reply message to send, let it wait a week.
After a few back and forth messages, you can ask her out as a friend for coffee. But no, this shouldn’t be a date! It’s just a casual talk where she can see you in a new light. You want her to realize for herself that you’ve changed a little, as this will generate interest. Also, you need to use these meetings to show that you’re now more emotionally available.
The last stage in the plan is to position yourself as the better man. If she’s still with her rebound or if they’re on the rocks or have broken up, you need to look like the better choice. This shouldn't be so hard because there's always that part of her that hasn't completely moved on.
Remember to always take the high road. If she complains about him, listen with a sympathetic ear, but don’t criticize him. Likely he has criticized you to get on her good side. Don’t do the same thing, so that she’ll see you as a kinder and more mature man.
And don’t make her an offer. Don’t tell her that if she dumps him, you’ll be ready to jump into the space he left. Have a little self-respect. You have to also seem worth chasing.
The entire plan of how to get your ex back is really about starting over. Remember the magic of the first time you met and let that magic happen again. Only this time, you really know her better. You know exactly what she wants. And most of all, you’re now a better, more mature version of your former self.
However, keep in mind that all these tips for getting your ex back won't always work. It's entirely possible that getting back together isn't something she wants. And you should work on getting over her instead. However, if you do follow the steps above, you have better odds of getting your ex back.