In life, you won’t always get what you want. Despite your best efforts, you won’t always get who you want as well. You can try to shower her with as many gifts and attention as you can, but in the end, you can’t control how she feels, or force her to reciprocate your feelings. It hurts, but it happens.
You can either wait until she’s ready to be in a romantic relationship with you or choose to remain her friend to protect your friendship. If she ends up choosing someone else, you’ll have no choice but to bite the bullet and move on. But how to get over someone you never dated? The rejection will sting. You’ll feel hurt, betrayed, and maybe even angry.
Getting over someone is definitely easier said than done. It takes a lot of willpower, mental maturity, and time before you can accept that maybe it just isn’t meant to be. Let’s start the healing process by going through these best tips to get over someone you never dated, according to research and professional relationship therapists.
Is It Possible to Fall In Love with Someone You Never Dated?
It is possible to fall in love with someone without dating them. After all, you can’t put a stop to your feelings. Despite your best efforts, you’ll find yourself wanting to be closer to a female colleague or a close friend, who just happens to have all the traits you’re looking for in a partner.
Her sense of humor, her aura, her smile, and the way she moves will tantalize you. And before you know it, you are lovestruck. You’ll find yourself daydreaming about talking to her, holding her hand, making her laugh, and taking her out on dates—creating a romantic bubble in your mind where you get to live happily ever after.
It’s a crush; a one-sided relationship. You know it’s not real but you can’t stop, because these made-up scenarios in your head feel good. They are a constant source of dopamine. This feel-good hormone is addicting and will make you fall in love with her even without dating her.
Is It Normal to Be Heartbroken Over Someone You Never Dated?
If you are feeling heartbroken about being unable to date your crush, I want you to know that it’s completely fine and your feelings are valid. It’s heartbreaking to love someone so much and expect her to say yes to dating you, only for her to say no when you actually manage to muster enough courage to finally ask her out.
Your happy bubble will burst. You’ll be flooded with shame and embarrassment, remembering all your fantasies that now probably seem foolish. Of course, you’ll be heartbroken. Anyone who has experienced unrequited love can attest to that. The pain you’re feeling now is a natural reaction.
Regardless of how hard the healing process can be, you can heal and move on from this experience eventually. Maybe it was just not meant to be, or maybe now just isn’t the right time. In some cases, she might not even be good for you.
Remember: you’re not the first person ever to be rejected, and you certainly won’t be the last. Like all feelings, this, too, shall pass.
Why You Are Hung Up On Someone You Never Dated
Multiple factors cause you to be hung up on someone you never dated, especially after a rejection. Below are some of the most prominent ones.
You misjudged them
When you were talking to her, and she was being nice to you, you might have thought she was also into you. But when you realize she’s not interested after all, you’ll be plunged back into reality. You’ll realize that you misjudged her friendliness and mistook it for feelings. Again, it happens. Don’t be too harsh on yourself.
It affects your self-esteem
When an incident negatively impacts your self-esteem, it gets deeply embedded into your consciousness. Bad memories tend to replay in our minds more often than good memories, which makes it harder for you to forget that your crush never liked you back. You might even question yourself, wondering what’s wrong with you and if you are likable.
You feel lonely
You might find it hard to open up about your feelings because the relationship was never officially acknowledged. It can be lonely when the person you're hung up on doesn't even know the depth of your emotions. You may struggle to understand why you're so affected by someone you never dated. But remember, your feelings are real and valid.
Lack of closure
Knowing that things didn’t work out and accepting it are two different things. The lack of closure stops you from getting over her. In your mind, you don’t know what went wrong or why things happened the way they did. It’s not like you can talk to her about it and pry an answer out of her.
Not being able to find closure sucks, especially if you can’t get the answers you seek. However, closure doesn't always come in a neat package. Sometimes, closure means accepting that you won't get all the answers, and finding peace anyway.
15 Ways to Get Over Someone You Never Dated
Now that you are aware of all the factors affecting your feelings for your crush, here are the 15 ways you can get over someone you never dated.
Putting some distance between you and the lady you can't seem to forget is the first step to moving on. You can't avoid her entirely, but you can choose how you connect with her, and how often.
Limit your interactions with her. Stop looking for her, putting yourself in situations, or going to places where you know you'll run into her. By establishing distance, you will gain new perspectives and give your heart some much-needed space.
Stop blaming yourself for it not working out.
Understand that not every romantic interest will result in a relationship. It's easy to slip into the self-blame trap and hate yourself for not being good enough. But the fact is that it’s unrealistic to expect your plans to work out all the time.
Moving on and heart healing require acceptance of this fact. Be kind to yourself. This moment in your life doesn't define who you are, and it certainly shouldn’t define your future.
Find a healthy hobby to distract yourself.
A healthy pastime is a great way to refocus your attention and energy. Find a hobby you truly like. Pick up your favorite instrument, go on hikes, immerse yourself in art, or sign up for a team sport. Spending time doing things you enjoy will help get your mind off what may have been. You’ll be able to find new hobbies and make new friends.
Make a list of her flaws.
I know it sounds mean, but trust me on this one. Take a moment to reflect on the person you've been pining over and over, and try to make a list of her flaws.
After all, no one is perfect, not even your crush. Reminding yourself of her imperfections can help you see her in a more realistic light. It's not about harboring resentment; it's about recognizing that even if you did date, it wouldn't have been all rainbows and butterflies.
Write your feelings down on a piece of paper to get them out of your system.
It can feel satisfying and unburdening to get your feelings out. Take a pen and paper and write everything down—your emotions, your hopes, disappointments, and regrets. Don't be reluctant to put all your feelings into words. Getting them all out there, in the open, might help you feel relieved and provide closure.
After putting your feelings on paper, you may decide whether to preserve them as a memory or lesson or let them go by symbolically tearing them up or burning them. Journaling is another great way to help you process your feelings if you tend to overthink and need to declutter your mind.
Remove them from your social media accounts.
Social media is the double-edged sword of the modern age. While it can be a great way to stay connected, it can also prolong your healing process if you see the object of your affection every day on your phone.
Take a deep breath. Then, unfollow, unfriend, or mute the person who's been consuming your thoughts. As they say: out-of-sight, out-of-mind. Constantly seeing her posts, updates, and interactions will only keep the wound fresh. Give yourself the gift of space and time to heal by removing her presence from your digital world.
Do not read your old texts with her.
Scrolling through past texts and chats is one of the most alluring yet harmful things you can do. It resembles constantly picking at a wound that is actively healing. You won't be able to move on if you’re always reading those sentimental letters, private jokes, and flirty conversations.
Instead, get the courage to archive or delete your interactions. I assure you, it’s for the best. Delete your digital past to make room for fresh experiences and possibilities.
See her as a normal human being.
Sometimes, especially when we have unrequited feelings, we tend to put the woman of our affection on a pedestal. We build an idealized version of her in our minds, making it harder to move on. “She would have been perfect for me”, “She would have loved everything I loved”, and “she’s so beautiful, funny, smart, and patient”. This isn’t helping you.
Break free from this trap by reminding yourself that she is just a regular human being with her own flaws, insecurities, and complexities. Focus on her humanity rather than romanticizing her. By seeing her in a more realistic light, you might find it easier to let go.
Do not dwell on the past.
"What if we had dated?" "What if things were different?" “What if I asked her out before he did?” These questions can plague your mind and trap you in a cycle of longing and regret.
It's important to let go of the "what ifs" and focus on the present and future. Recognize that dwelling on the past won't change the reality of your situation. Embrace the idea that life has something better in store for you, and trust that the right person will come along when the time is right.
Spend more time with friends and family.
Your recovery process can be greatly aided by surrounding yourself with loved ones who can make you laugh and smile. Make plans, get in touch with your loved ones, and do things that bring you joy.
Laughter is a potent heart-healing agent. Nurturing your relationships with the people who are important to you will remind you that happiness and love are not limited to just one person.
Open up to someone you can trust.
Everybody needs someone to depend on when things get tough. Find a friend, relative, or mentor in whom you have the most confidence. Talking through your emotions and expressing your sentiments is immensely helpful. A kind person's listening ear and wise counsel might give you the perspective and inspiration you need to get over someone you never dated.
Start talking to someone new.
Consider opening yourself up again to potentially new love relationships. Make new friends, talk to other women, and go on dates. The excitement of the pursuit can be a fantastic diversion from your heartache. It’ll also remind you that there are many more fish in the sea—you just have to look a bit farther.
Start taking care of your physical health.
Keep in mind that maintaining your physical health is just as important for healing as your mental well-being. Maintain a healthy diet, emphasize self-care, and exercise frequently. Endorphins are released when you exercise. These can drastically improve your mood and attitude in life.
You're telling your heart that you deserve love and happiness by caring for yourself. The added boost in confidence doesn’t hurt, either! Think about it… if you ever see your crush again, would you rather she sees you looking pathetic, or better than before? If that’s not enough motivation, I don’t know what is.
Consult with a therapist.
So, you’ve tried all the tips, done all that you can, but nothing seems to help. If you’re finding it extremely hard to get over someone you've never dated, do not hesitate to seek out professional assistance. You’re not helping anyone, especially yourself, by languishing inside your head.
A therapist may offer direction, encouragement, and coping skills to help you work through your emotions. If nothing else, a therapist’s office is a safe space where you can freely vent your fears and hurt without fear of judgment.
Give yourself time to heal.
Finally, keep in mind that recovery takes time. Each person goes through different processes of getting over someone. Give yourself the time and space to recover while exercising patience. There is no defined timetable for moving on from heartache, so take as much time as you need.
How Long Does It Take to Get Over Someone?
There's no one-size-fits-all answer to this question. The healing process is unique to each individual. It depends on various factors like the depth of your feelings, the situation you are in, the length of time you were invested emotionally, and your resilience. It could take a few weeks or months for some people to move on, but it might take even longer than that for others.
It's critical to remember that the healing process is going to be bumpy. There will be up days and down days. One day, you might wake up feeling like all is right with the world again. And then a few hours later, something will trigger a memory or a feeling that will send you spiraling back into a slump. This is totally normal, so don’t be frustrated.
The most important thing is to be kind to yourself. Give yourself permission to process your feelings and mourn the loss of the relationship that never was. Have a network of friends and family members at your side who can provide sympathy and inspiration as needed.
Having feelings for someone you never dated happens more often than you might think. And these feelings aren’t often reciprocated. It could be anything from harboring a silent crush on her for years, to having her outright reject your invitation to hang out or date. The important thing to do is to work towards getting over her so that the negative emotions do not consume you.
We hope our guide on how to get over someone you never dated helped you learn some self-care tips that you can use to feel better and start healing. Stay the course; you will eventually see progress. Good luck!