Chet Baker once soulfully sang, "I fall in love too easily, I fall in love too fast, I fall in love too terribly hard, for love to ever last." This begs the question, is it bad to fall in love fast?
It’s a good question to ask, isn’t it? After all, you sometimes can't help it. You meet a woman who’s so beautiful inside and out, and she knocks you off your feet. You’re truly, madly, deeply in love with her.
Suddenly, all the self-improvement you’ve been doing for the past few years flies out the window. All that confidence, abundance mentality, and alpha male traits now mean nothing. You’re no more than emotional putty, and you’re firmly in the hands of the woman of your dreams.
So—is it bad when that happens? Unfortunately, the answer is not a simple “yes” or “no.” That's why I wrote this article—to go in-depth on the pros and cons of falling in love much more quickly than we’re used to.
Is it Bad to Fall in Love Fast?
The short answer is this: It’s definitely more bad than good.
Here’s why: When you’re in love with a woman, it necessarily means you want a relationship with her. And not just any fling or hookup, either—you want a real, exclusive, death-do-us-part kind of bond with her.
Unfortunately, it may also mean you’re more in love with her than she’s in love with you.
When that’s the case, bad things happen. The relationship, starting out magical, sours quickly and fails soon after.
Here’s why: Healthy women will only fall in love with a man they’re attracted to. In turn, they’ll only feel attracted to a man they respect.
Try as she might, a woman can’t feel attracted to, much less fall in love with, a man she can’t respect. Or at least not for long.
And that’s the main reason why it’s bad to fall in love fast. When she realizes you’re more in love with her, there’s a starkly high chance she’ll feel less respect for you.
Think of how a queen would feel when one of her courtiers suddenly professes his love for her. She’ll think: “Great, not another one,” and will start feeling some animosity towards him.
It’s like that when a woman realizes you’re much more in love with her than she is with you. And that’s a situation you’ll want to avoid at all costs.
Striking the balance
Being in love with a woman who’s also in love with you—that’s probably one of the best feelings you’ll ever have in life. That’s why it’s easy to get careless, throw caution to the wind, and just give her your all, no questions asked.
It’s also the reason why the vast majority of first relationships end in breakups. So consider yourself warned.
Throughout the dates, the courtship, and the relationship, you’ll want to strike a certain balance—where she’s always slightly more in love with you than you are with her.
This is the best way to ensure she’ll always respect you. And when she never loses her respect for you, she’ll stay in love. That’s the secret.
How exactly do you make sure she’s slightly more in love with you than you are with her? Here are some tips:
- Make sure she’s doing 55%-60% of the work. For every three nice things she does for you, do two nice things for her. You get the idea.
- When it comes to the smaller decisions in your relationship, let her state her preference and go with it. Meanwhile, with the biggest decisions—the ones that have the biggest impact on your lives together—you make the rules, and she can love it or leave it.
- Always have something more important to you than she is. It could be your work, your goals, your cause-to-die-for. If she ever makes you choose between her and that, be 100% ready to choose that.
The third tip may be difficult to do, especially if you’re already madly in love with her to begin with. That’s why I decided to share a few more tips on how to not fall in love so easily.
What to Do So You Don’t Fall in Love Easily
The following five tips will help you immediately get your emotions under control. When you do that, you can make better, smarter decisions... which, in turn, leads to a happier, more rewarding love life.
Here they are:
#1: Don’t be a slave to uniqueness
This is the main reason you fell in love with her too fast: You’re scared to death of losing her forever. You fear letting her get away because you’re worried you’ll never meet anyone like her ever again.
And you know what? You’re absolutely right. She is special.
And yet here’s a little spoiler alert: You'll feel the exact same way about any other woman you fall in love with.
Why? Because every woman in the world is special. All four billion of them. And if you fell in love with any of them later in your life, you’ll feel the same way you feel towards this woman in your life right now.
My advice? Don’t be a slave to the feeling. Let your mind run the show, not your heart.
Yes, she’s special. But so is everyone else. So don’t fool yourself into thinking she—or any other woman, for that matter—is “the one.”
#2: Meet other women
Pop quiz: How exactly do we “get over” things like childhood trauma, guilt/shame, and failed relationships?
If you thought something along the lines of “Time heals all wounds,” then I have some bad news for you.
The human mind “gets over” trauma not by forgetting over time. Even if it did, it could take decades—and that’s not a time frame you’ll want to work with when life is so short.
Here’s the correct answer: The mind gets over these things through replacement.
You find new experiences, new emotions, and new relationships to replace the old ones. That’s how you forget the bad—you replace them with good alternatives.
And that’s why the best way to prevent yourself from falling in love too fast is to meet other women. Get the fellas, or at least a trusted “wingman,” and go out to meet new girls for friendship and flirting purposes.
It’s a fast, effective way to remind yourself that she’s not the only girl in your life—there are many, many others, and they’re easy to meet.
#3: Kill the nice guy in you
Third, stop being a nice guy to people—and that includes even the woman you’re in love with. Put simply, don’t be a simp.
Instead, learn to:
- Say “No” when you mean it
- Tease her
- Have a life that’s more important than other people’s
- Only give her your time, money, or energy if you’ll get an equal or greater value in return
Remember: She needs to want you more than you want her. That’s the key. So don’t be the nice guy who says “yes” to everything she wants and ends up losing her to a stronger, tougher, more dominant guy.
#4: Don’t make any rash decisions
Fourth, understand this: When you’re in love, you’re a poor judge of character. So I strongly advise against making any rash decisions while you have your love goggles on. Get your mind right first before making any big plans, especially about marriage and settling down. This is one of the biggest reasons it’s bad to fall in love fast–because you might regret what you started when you were blinded by love. You might even be a completely different person once you let yourself succumb to romantic feelings.
It’s entirely possible the woman you’re in love with might be manipulating you. If you’re giving a lot and getting disproportionately less in return, then you’re probably in trouble. If you make rash decisions at this stage, you’ll make the trouble permanent—so don’t make that mistake!
#5: Become outcome-independent
Lastly, here’s one of the most important life skills you'll ever learn: Outcome independence. It’s the state of having clear desired outcomes for your plans and actions, but at the same time being emotionally detached from them.
To put it simply: If you achieve it, great. If you don’t, it’s fine—you’ll try again elsewhere.
Being outcome-independent makes you shift your focus from your outcomes to your actions. Life is all about the actions you take, oriented towards your goals. Your actions will be relentless, whether you achieve your goals or not.
And, yes—when you’re outcome-independent, you’re much less likely to fall in love—and go out of control—too easily. And that’s a good thing.
So, a quick recap. To avoid falling in love too easily:
- Don’t be a slave to uniqueness
- Meet other women
- Kill the nice guy in you
- Don’t make any rash decisions
- And become outcome-independent
Remember: Being in love is a great feeling, but it can also trap you in some of the worst situations out there. Instead of letting it control you, learn to control it. Only then can you make the smart decisions and harness the mental fortitude necessary to maintain a strong, happy relationship. Good luck!