Not knowing what to text a girl you like can get incredibly frustrating. You’re attracted to her and maybe catch yourself thinking about her often but you just don’t know how to approach.
Sometimes we can be our own worst enemies with this type of thing, filling ourselves with self-doubt. Could she really be into me too or am I just imagining it? What did she mean when she said I’m the best? Was it just a friendly comment or did it mean something more?
This spiral of uncertainty and self-doubt can be enough to ruin our chances if we don’t catch it early. Rather than letting that situation develop, I’m going to lay out a bunch of simple tips that you can apply immediately.
We’ll be starting with some fundamentals of texting and working through from there. By the end, you’ll have everything you need to get your message game on track.
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Knowing what to text a girl you like
Whether self-doubt is your limiting factor or you’re just unsure what to say, this article is going to help. We’ll walk step-by-step through how to get your head in the right place and what you should and shouldn’t do.
The best part about texting girls to get them to like you is experimenting. Pushing your boundaries a little and having fun with it. One thing is for sure, if you aren’t having fun with your conversation, neither is she.
Let’s start off with getting you in the right mindset.
Rejection isn’t as scary as you think
Perhaps slightly off-topic, I’m starting with this one because it’s such a crucial part of texting. The sooner you can truly understand that being rejected won’t be a life-altering event, the easier everything gets.
If you’ve ever invited a friend to do something and they said they couldn’t make it, how did that feel? Maybe not the pinnacle of excitement but it didn’t alter the course of your life, right? I’m sure you just moved on to other things or made plans for a different day.
Getting this same type of rejection from a woman is actually no different.
Want to know what will affect you long term? Never taking a risk. As the old saying goes, you miss 100% of the chances you don’t take. Even if you got rejected 99% of the time (I assure you that you won’t), you’d still be better off.
Just keep this in mind the next time you’re hesitating to send her a message. Rejection is okay and you can even use it as a catalyst for personal growth. Understanding this will give you confidence to tell her you like her over text.
Work on building comfort first
Before you go trying to escalate things, make sure you’ve built some rapport with her first. You want to be comfortable talking to each other and share a certain level of trust.
Trying to turn the conversation sexual and make her want you through text messages won’t end well. Instead, it’s going to make you come across as creepy or desperate.
You don’t need to be doing anything special to build this level of comfort. Instead, just give things time to develop. The very fact that you can hold a fun conversation with her and aren’t diving straight into the topic of sex is enough.
It shows that you’re a normal guy that’s safe to be around. It’s what separates you from the white noise of other men. It’s also the starting point for fun discussion and, eventually, making her want you.
Confidence is sexy
This is a statement that men and women both agree on. While looks might help initially, confidence is always going to be the most attractive trait in a person.
We tend to get caught up with small things that we don’t like about each other. Setting arbitrary goals and thinking “when I achieve that goal, I’ll be confident”. “When I lose 10 pounds, I’ll be confident”. “When I can afford a new wardrobe I’ll be confident”.
As much as it makes sense to stress about these things, it doesn’t make them valid. She doesn’t care if you could stand to lose 10 pounds and she also doesn’t care about the pants you’re wearing.
If you’ve gotten her number from one of our highest-rated hookup sites and apps, you should already be confident. You know she wants you because she’s given you her number. If you’ve just found her on a dating site or a bar, she still liked you enough to give you her number. You entertained her enough to get the number in the first place, just keep doing what you were doing.
If you’re still struggling with confidence, just act like you’re confident until you get there. Acting confident through text is an easy place to start since you have time to think your responses through. This is especially true if you're trying to get your crush to notice you.
Doing this is how I eventually gained real confidence. The more confident I came across, the more attractive I was to women. I started to realize that they found me attractive so I grew more confident and so the cycle had begun.
The other trait that men and women agree on is a sense of humor. Funny people are fun to be around and that is very attractive in itself.
If you’re an average looking guy but you’re confident and can make her laugh, you already have so much going for you. Certainly more than the buff guy checking out his own reflection in the corner.
Honestly, I’m not in bad shape but I could afford to lose a few pounds. That doesn’t hinder my dating life in the slightest for two reasons. Firstly, I don’t stress about it when I’m on a date (see point No. 1). Second, I have a good sense of humor.
Being able to make her laugh is a huge part of effective dating and the same is true when texting. If you’re ever stuck trying to figure out what to text a girl you like, go with something funny. It’s always a safe bet and makes for an easy, fun conversation.
So you’ve taken the risk, initiated conversation and things are going well. You’re coming across cool, confident and you’re both engaged in this fun chat. You may even see signs that she likes you.
Don’t ruin all that great progress with simple negativity. Negative people are never fun to be around. Letting it creep into your conversations is a great way to shut it all down quickly.
See, negativity is the opposite of everything we’ve talked about to this point. It makes the conversation a lot of work from her end and ultimately, it feels pretty draining to be around.
Even if she starts talking about a negative topic, acknowledge it briefly and move on. There’s nothing wrong with a few messages back and forth about it, just don’t let that topic run the conversation.
Memes and GIFs are okay
I’ve talked about this in some of my previous articles as well. For one reason or another, we tend to think of GIFs and memes as something that should be avoided. Near as I can tell, this notion comes from a total misunderstanding of texting in general.
We use these when messaging friends because, in the right context, they can be fun (and funny which is a good thing, remember?).
It’s true that you shouldn’t be overwhelming her with a thousand memes every day. Sometimes though, a well-placed GIF can be the perfect response for a good laugh.
Any time I’m low on ideas for what to talk about with a girl over text, this will be my go-to. It’s low effort for both sides yet still very entertaining.
Keep things casual
When you’re stressing about what to text a girl you like, it can be easy to lose this element. We can get caught up in exactly which word to use or how she’s going to take it.
Instead, try to take things back a notch. Keep the conversation casual and laid back, just like when you’re messaging your friends. The aim is to build rapport with her and make her feel comfortable texting you.
The better you can become at doing this, the more success you’re going to have. This in itself suggests a certain level of confidence. Since you aren’t coming across as anxious to be talking to her, it’s assumed that you’re calm and confident with women in general.
This means not trying to impress her with your broad vocabulary or dropping hints about your income. Just chat like two humans and let the conversation flow. As a nice side benefit, it makes for far less work.
Short and sweet works best
In the same vein as my previous point, try to keep your messages nice and succinct. Especially when you’re just getting to know each other, you want the discussion to be minimal effort.
If she isn’t invested in the conversation yet, she won’t be putting too much time into it. If you go sending her a short story about your life, she probably just won’t reply. It might not be intentional either. She may just open the message, see the length of it and think “I’ll reply to this when I have time later” and just never get around to it.
On the other hand, a message that’s just a few sentences is easy to skim over and reply to in seconds. This is how you want things to stay until each of you are properly invested.
Remember, women are just as sexual as men
Another confusing notion we find in dating is that men are overly sexual and women just put up with it. Occasionally “allowing” us to have sex with them.
This seems to be a relic of old gender expectations that are thankfully fading. The idea that women ought to be modest, reserved and “ladylike” at all times. They wouldn’t dare talk about something as scandalous as sex!
While these expectations no longer exist, the idea of asexual women still hangs around.
I can assure you from experience and discussion with female friends this just isn’t the case. Women enjoy sex just as much as men and with the help of the wide range of dating apps available, it’s acceptable to seek it out.
If you ever find yourself avoiding the topic when texting her, remember this point. As we’ll cover next, I’d actually suggest going for it in most situations.
Get sexual, just not creepy
Provided you’ve built some comfort and rapport with her, sexual topics aren’t off-limits. You don’t want to be flirting all the time (creepy and desperate) but it’s absolutely acceptable at the right time. Especially if you've noticed signs that she's flirting with you too.
Now, what does the right time mean? Simple -- whenever it makes sense in your conversation.
If she’s talking about a sick relative in the hospital, that’s not the time to talk about sex. As a general rule, night time is going to be ideal. So long as it remains tasteful within the context of the conversation and you know she isn’t busy, test the water.
Start with a playful joke or some innuendo and see how she responds. If she ignores your subtle step in that direction, now might not be the best time. If she’s into it though, she’s going to show you that by contributing to the sexual conversation.
As soon as you get that kind of response, you know you’re safe to continue.
Sexting is fair game
This is another topic we tend to think of as off-limits. In actual fact, sexting is entirely acceptable once you’ve both reached that point of comfort. In terms of what to text a girl to make her want you, quality sexting is ideal.
Before you go initiating this, you want to make sure she’s comfortable enough with you first. Sexting should never be something that pops up out of the blue. Instead, you need to both be at a point where you’re comfortable talking about sex.
Once you feel as though you’re at that point, start slowly. Test the waters just in case you’ve misjudged it. Give her the opportunity to play along and if she doesn’t, it could simply be bad timing.
To be good at sexting, you want to take things slow anyway. Make sure the comfort is there and start with something very basic. Drag out the conversation rather than trying to jump straight to the end.
It’s going to be so much more enjoyable when you spend hours escalating slowly. Describing in detail what you want to do to her and having her join in. You can even use this opportunity to explore your own fantasies and get an idea of what she’s into.
Being able to get her turned on with sexting alone is going to get her excited to actually have sex with you.
Sexting can be a lot of fun for both of you and is a skill that’s worth learning. If you want to read more about it, I covered how to sext in a recent article -- check it out!
Don’t act needy
Needy is never attractive. Just last night I was out with a bunch of friends and saw the in-person response to neediness. One of my friends went on a date with a guy last week. Things went well and they had a good time.
She was happy to see him again until the messages started. After date number one he was talking about coming to her house and cooking her dinner. Asking her every single day if she was free that night to go do something.
The nail in the coffin for this unfortunate guy was frustration. He was being far too pushy so she stopped replying. Rather than cooling it, he dealt with this by messaging her with “or you could ignore me, awesome.”
The moral of the story? Don’t be that guy. You’re cool, confident and don’t need her attention every second. You have your own life to live, right? Limit yourself to no more than two unanswered messages.
If you’ve sent her two messages and not received a response, don’t keep pushing. She’s either busy and will respond when she can or she isn’t interested and sending her 78 messages won’t fix that.
Play it cool, reply to her when it’s convenient for you (instead of 3 seconds after she messages you ever time) and keep things casual.
Watch your language
Finally, keep an eye on your English when messaging her. It doesn’t have to be flawless all the time, we all make mistakes. That said, if you struggle with the difference between "your" and "you’re," I’d suggest installing the Grammarly keyboard on your phone.
Poor English can be more of a turn-off than you might expect. Particularly if she works in an industry that requires a high level of English.
Unfortunately, messaging a lawyer with constant spelling and grammar mistakes is going to make you look uneducated. False as this may be, it’s the impression you’ll give.
The Grammarly keyboard is free and will keep an eye on these things for you. I don’t get any incentive to recommend it, it’s just good advice!
Knowing what to text a girl you like to make her want you doesn’t have to be all that complicated. Just work on putting these tips into practice and you’ll see the results for yourself.
The better you get at building comfort and rapport and making her feel special, the easier the conversation will be. From there, learning how to turn that conversation sexual and maybe even sexting is the final step.
It’s such a fun process to work through and she’s going to have a great time too.