By this point, it’s pretty clear that online dating is here to stay. Personally, I think that’s a great thing but there are a few skills you’ll want to work on to really get the most of it. One of those skills is learning how to tell a girl you like her over text.
When you’re meeting women via dating apps and websites, so much of your communication will be through text. From the initial conversation to setting up your date and even between dates. If you’re not all that comfortable communicating via text, this article is a must-read for you.
Don’t worry, I’m about to walk you through some simple tips you can apply right now. It’s easier than you think, you just need to start putting it into practice.
Should You Tell a Girl You Like Her Over Text?
Okay, look. You’re into her and are bursting at the seams to tell her all about it. I get it, I’ve been there but you need to cool your jets for a minute and think this through.
Like anything in dating, timing is so important at this point. Tell her you like her after the first time you meet and you’re sending clingy vibes right from the start. Wait too long and she’ll think you’re not interested — that puts you dangerously close to the dreaded friend zone. Frustrating, I know but humans are complicated.
So, how do you figure out if you should tell a girl you like her over text, then? I’m glad you asked. Here are a couple of tips to help you out.
Think about the pros and cons of telling her you like her over text
I’m ever the optimist but sometimes it’s important to think about the worst-case scenario when you’re making a decision.
Think about it this way. You send her the text right now, she reads it and isn’t on the same level. Realistically, what does that look like? Do you need to start looking for a new job? Does it make things complicated in your friend group?
Alternatively, does it just mean it didn’t pan out this time around and nothing else really changes for you?
From this point, only you can decide if you should tell her you like her over text. Really though, if there’s no potential for any major fallout, why not give it a go and see what happens? You miss 100% of the chances you don’t take, and other such cliches.
Wait! Before you go sending that text though, read the next section.
Look for some interest from her side
This doesn’t mean sit back and wait for her to text you — you don’t get off that easy, sorry. What you’re looking for here are some subtle signals that she might be into it as well.
A few of the more common signals you should be looking for:
- Does she text you often?
- Does she text you late at night?
- Is she eager to spend time with you? Inviting you to parties or asking if you’re going to an event?
- Does she pay attention to you more than others?
- Is she giving you a lot of compliments?
- Does she have a tendency to turn your conversations sexual?
You get the picture. Simple, subtle signs that she might be into you. Especially as you’re getting comfortable with how to text a girl you like, limiting your risk can make this whole scenario far less intimidating.
If you need some more help with these signals, here are 24 signs that she likes you. How ideal.
How to Tell a Girl You Like Her over Text
Now that we’ve got that important part out of the way, it’s time to get into the main topic at hand here: how to tell your crush you like her over text.
If you really break it down, it’s a lot like texting your ex: things can go either way, but it doesn't always end well. Even if you’re okay at it, this is still a skill worth developing further. Being able to communicate effectively just might be the difference between getting that date and not. That's why it's important to know what to text a girl you like.
Let’s take a look at my top tips to get you started.
Take it easy
If you’re really into someone, you might notice feelings developing very quickly. You may even be tempted to communicate these feelings with her. Especially if you see signs that she likes you.
While I’m a huge advocate of open communication, slow your roll in the initial weeks. Compliments are fine but an “I think I’m falling for you” text two dates in? Absolutely not.
Keep your conversation laid back and relaxed. It’ll help the two of you get to know each other and you’ll avoid looking like a stage 5 clinger.
Following on from that point, you don’t want to be the overtexter. Make sure your conversation seems somewhat balanced the whole time. This will improve your chances of getting her to like you over text.
If you’re getting one-line replies, responding with eight paragraphs is a bad idea. Likewise, if you haven’t received a response to your last couple of messages, cool it and give her some time.
My personal rule is to never send more than two unanswered messages. Not getting a reply to one message is no big deal. By the second one though, it’s more likely it’s intentional and you don’t want her to feel smothered.
Unfortunately, sometimes you just need to let a conversation fade and move on. That said, maybe she’s just busy or her battery died—be patient and let things play out. There are plenty of reasons why a girl doesn't text back immediately!
Text at times that make sense
You can text her at any time of day. But if you’re looking to have a conversation, pay attention to the time.
If you know she’s a shift worker and doesn’t wake up until 10 a.m., don’t go sending that heavy message at nine in the morning.
For most women, around 8:00 p.m. will be the best time. She’s probably done with everything important for the day and has time for a few texts.
Drop some low key compliments to tell a girl you like her over text
As I mentioned above, compliments are a great way to tell a girl you like her and it will almost always ensure she'll text you back. Just be sure you don’t go overboard with them.
Telling her you like something she did or said is great. “You’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met,” though. . . not so much.
In general, being a positive person and pointing out things you appreciate is an excellent trait. It’s a big part of building charisma, which goes a long way in the dating world.
Just make sure your compliments are sincere — this will make her feel special. If you force a compliment twice every day it’s going to come across as being insincere. That insincerity will undermine everything else you’re doing here.
Invite her out somewhere fun
Knowing how to tell a girl you like her over text doesn’t limit you to just texting. In fact, with dating in general, your text messages should only be a means to arrange time together. You can always try these tips for how to ask a girl out.
By inviting her to go somewhere with you, you’re telling her you enjoy her company. If it’s just the two of you (recommended), that’s an even stronger hint—you want to be around her and you’re letting her know quite clearly.
You don’t need to agonize over the wording of your message here or search for the “perfect” location (there’s no such thing). Instead, just keep it very casual for now. The more time and effort you put into planning something, the higher your expectations will be. If she doesn't text you back after all that planning, that's going to break your heart.
In the volatile world of dating, expectations can be your worst enemy.
Once you get to know each other, tell the girl you like her over text or in person
Once you’ve been out a couple of times, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with being upfront. People tend to over-complicate this topic and it’s really not that hard.
By no means should this be prior to a first date, only once you’re a little more comfortable with each other.
You do need to keep it casual but a simple “I’ve had fun with you the last couple of weeks. You and I should [insert plan here] on Saturday night”. Her response can let you know if she likes you even if the conversation is only through text.
That’s all it takes. Literally telling her you enjoy being around her. It’s not that scary, right?
Don’t use the word “date”
Speaking of expectations, the word “date” tends to carry a lot of weight. It seems to build what would otherwise be a fun night into a sea of expectations and stress.
When you invite her out, do not say it’s a date. Right now, you’re working on how to tell a girl you like her over text—don’t blow it by giving things a label!
Aside from that, you should also know how long to wait before asking her out on a date.
Make it clear this is more than just a casual drink with a friend
This probably sounds like the opposite of my previous point, so let me explain. Just because you’re avoiding the label of this being a date doesn’t mean you have to friendzone yourself.
Take away any gray area and confusion by letting her know that it’s just the two of you. That you want to get to know her better and you think it’d be fun.
If you met her through a dating app or website, this is already implied, which makes things easy. If you met her out in the wild though, a bit of clarity can avoid any potential awkwardness later.
It can be as simple as starting out your invite with “. . . you and I should. . .”. As in, “You and I should head downtown and check out that new bar on 12th.”
It’s subtle but lets her know that it’s just the two of you. No labels, no awkward “I think you’re really great” style compliments, just a bit of clarity.
Spelling and grammar matter when you tell a girl you like her over text
Imagine if your ex texts you with big blocks of text, riddled with spelling and grammatical errors. That's not going to make you want them back right? Same goes for when you don't proofread before texting the girl you like.
This is such an underrated topic that you need to pay attention to. Particularly if she’s well-educated. It’s texting, so the occasional mistake happens to everyone. On the other hand, if you don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re”, you’re doing yourself a disservice.
At the very least, use something like the Grammarly keyboard on your phone. It’ll keep an eye on your spelling and grammar and even suggest better phrasing if your English is questionable. This is helpful if you're trying to get your crush to notice you through text.
It’s free (and not affiliated with us) and helps you to put your best foot forward. As someone who writes for a living, I can tell you that seeing a string of errors is not a positive trait. Not a deal-breaker, but it does make me cringe a little every time.
If you’ve spent any amount of time in the “pickup artist” community, this point is particularly important for you.
You can pretend to be the alpha dog and beat your chest some other time. That kind of garbage has no place in how to tell a girl you like her over text.
So much of the advice I see online for this topic is about exactly this. Playing the part of some over-confident “alpha male” that she’d be “lucky” to go on a date with.
Now admittedly, there is some truth to this overall concept. Confidence is important and you’re not trying to be her innocuous BFF. That doesn’t mean you have to follow the PUA advice of texting her with “you, me, dinner at 8 Sunday.”
Stay classy, be true to yourself and just make sure you don’t go the other way and try to be her Prince Charming. Act like you do around your friends and see where things go from there. Who knows you might even see signs of her flirting with you over time.
Give her time and space
One of the biggest red flags you can possibly give her in terms of dating is clinginess. The need to be around her constantly, as though you have no other social life going on.
This is a common mistake and for good reason. You’re into her and want to spend time with her but you need to play it cool for a while.
If you invite her out somewhere and she’s busy, that’s fine. Don’t go texting her with a new invite every day for the next week. You might be trying to show her that you’re eager. But the truth is she’s just going to start feeling smothered.
Instead, live your life as normal. Hang out with other friends, make other plans and the next time something comes up and you’re free, invite her out.
She’ll enjoy the freedom of it all and you’ll come out looking better because you have friends and a social life!
That covers everything you need to know about how to tell a girl you like her over text.
It’s so easy to overthink this topic and stress yourself out. In reality, as long as you’re not trying to play Prince Charming or an “alpha male,” everything will work out just fine.
Enjoy getting to know her, build some rapport and tell her you enjoy her company. From there, everything else should just happen naturally.
It’s only as complicated as you make it!
Cute Ways to Say “I like you” over Text
A simple, straightforward date invitation or “I like you” text has its place, especially as you’re still working out exactly how to tell your crush you like her over text. There’s already a lot going on so there’s nothing wrong with starting simple.
At a certain point though, you’ll boost your chances a lot by adding some creativity and personal flare to it. Let your personality shine through and experiment with your conversation. It’s so much more engaging for her and gives her a glimpse of your personality.
For some inspiration, here are three of my favorites. They’re playful, cute ways to say “I like you” over text. If they gel with your personality, go ahead and use them. If they don’t, that’s okay too — don’t force it! Just figuring out something that feels genuine to you.
For context on the last two, I’m a big fan of playful (yet often dry), goofy humor.
Take a direct approach
If I’m struggling for inspiration that day or can’t quite get a read on her humor just yet, this is a simple fallback. The good old-fashioned “... this is fun. We should plan something outside on Saturday. The weather’s meant to be great.”
It’s not sappy, it’s a long way from an awkward “I love you” but it’s also direct enough that she knows I’m into it.
The not-invite invite
This is where my lame brand of humor comes into it but it works well for me. I tend to use this when there’s some kind of event happening in town:
“Sarah I have a predicament. I want to go check out [event] on Friday night but I just can’t think of anyone fun to go with. Know anyone that might want to come with me?”
It’s usually met with an amusing back-and-forth of “hmm, I think I might know someone. She’s cute and is definitely into that kind of thing. I’ll check with her.”
“I need your opinion”
Along somewhat similar lines as above, it shares the same type of directly indirect approach. What can I say, I’m consistent.
I’ll also use this one if I can’t quite get a read on how into it she is:
“Maddie I need your opinion on something, I went out for drinks with someone two nights ago at [place Maddie and I had a date at 2 nights ago]. She was cute and I think I want to invite her out again but I just can’t tell if she’s into it. What do you think I should do?”
I’m going to point out the obvious here, just in case: It’s important with this example that “Maddie” knows you’re referring to the date with her and that you’re not genuinely asking advice about another woman.
As always, pick your audience. Some people just don’t understand this type of humor and we all know the worst kind of joke is one you have to explain.
In any case, this one always leads to fun and creative conversation.
I find these examples work so much better than a generic “I like you” message. Like I said though, it’s important that your approach fits your style and personality. Delivery can be the difference between an awkward message and a fun conversation.