It can be difficult how to know if a girl wants to kiss you. Whether you’re on a first date or met her on a night out, picking the right moment to escalate and kiss her can be tricky. If picking that right moment is something you’re struggling with then you’re definitely not alone. As with most things around this topic, confidence is your friend. Dress well, go out to have fun. If you’re not confident, then just pretend for the time being - it’ll become natural before you know it.
In most situations going straight in for the kiss is a terrible idea without building some comfort first. Don’t be afraid to take a bit of time here. It doesn’t have to be days or even hours but you’re not on a timer; enjoy it!
There will always be an element of risk but thankfully there are a few things you can do to test the waters a little before diving right in. With a few checks throughout the night you can get a handle on whether or not she’s interested in you and if she’s likely to be open to the kiss.
Personal space is important to all of us and we’re only going to let certain people into it. Step 1 really is as simple as putting yourself into that personal space and seeing how she responds.
Maybe you’re sitting next to each other at the local bar. You come back from the bathroom and sit down, this time just that little bit closer, turned toward her slightly. It looks like such a subtle move but it’s one she’s going to be very aware of and this is a good thing – you want her to know your intentions at some point, right?
Now that you’ve placed yourself in her personal space, how does she react? If she isn’t yet comfortable with you being there, consciously or otherwise she’s going to do something to move you back out of it. It may be a slight lean away, maybe she’ll move her chair or stand up to get another drink. If she is comfortable, on the other hand, consider this your first green light - you’re off to a good start.
Similar to proximity, touch is another great test to gauge that comfort level. A bit less subtle, it’s a fairly necessary step in the process anywhere so why not use it to gauge her interest?
This is a step that many struggle with because it can be hard to make it feel natural but practice makes perfect. Either look for the right opportunity or if one doesn’t present itself, try being a bit more bold (remember that confidence thing? In the words of the great Shia LaBeouf… “just DO IT!”).
As a recent example, I was having drinks and tapas on a first date recently and she started talking about being back at the gym and how lifting was destroying her hands. I reach out, gently grabbed her wrist and turned her hand over to see for myself, running my fingers across her palm and making a joke about them being in good shape for a rookie. In turn, she grabbed my hand and did the same for a comparison. That’s an obviously positive result.
This was nothing groundbreaking, simply seeing a reason to grab her hand and seeing if she felt weird about me doing it. Not only did she smile and look at me as I reached out but I’d also given her the opportunity to keep it going and she did.
Sometimes things like this just won’t crop up and this is where you need to be a little more bold and take a risk. If you’re walking somewhere together, reach down and grab her hand as you walk. Maybe place your arm around her as you sit down or put your palm on her thigh.
Most importantly, don’t overthink it. Think about your last relationship and how you would have gone about putting your arm around them or resting your hand somewhere and try to treat this the same way. That’s far more important than trying to calculate the exact moment or the specific spot to put your hand because at the end of the day, the finer details really aren’t that important. If you wait too long for the “perfect” moment, she might think you’re not interested!
Very few women are going to be comfortable kissing someone new in front of a crowd, so don’t put yourself at an immediate disadvantage!
Once you’ve made it this far, you can be fairly certain she’s comfortable with you so it’s time to take this party somewhere quiet. Move somewhere away from everybody else where you can just enjoy each other’s company away from prying eyes. There are two reasons why this is helpful:
Most of the time, initiating the kiss is going to be up to you so you’re going to have to take that leap. Though it might not feel like it at the time, let’s look at this rationally for a moment - If you’ve made it through these other checkpoints and she’s happily moved somewhere quiet with you holding hands then the kiss will come as no surprise to her and it’s really not that much of a leap.
As you initiate, this is obviously when you’re going to know for sure. As you lean in you’re probably going to see one of two things. A smile, either intense eye contact or her looking at your lips in anticipation or a pull away. Clearly, the first reaction is the final green but if you get the latter response, it’s important that you keep your cool.
You might feel frustrated or embarrassed to have been turned down but getting angry or trying to make her feel bad is a sure way to make sure nothing ever eventuates. She’s allowed to decline and playing it down is your best bet. It’s no big deal, right?
If she’s not ready yet, that’s perfectly fine. Make your decision if you’re willing to wait and if you are, enjoy the company, maintain the touch and proximity and work from there.
Now you have some handy tips so you know what you’re looking for, it’s time to try it out for yourself. As with most things, the only way to get better and it is to practice. The more you do it, the more comfortable and confident you’ll be with the entire process.
Remember, there is no right and wrong so figure out what works for you!
How to know if a girl wants to kiss you? Leave a comment below, I’d love to hear your feedback and what steps you go through to figure it out.