The eyes have it, and learning how to make eye contact in an engaging, sexual, but non-creepy way will say a lot about you even before you open your mouth.
It can show a woman your confidence, your intentions, and your beliefs.
She can get all this just from how you squint your eyes, to how much you look into hers, and more.
If you are looking to date older women and be confident with them, it is essential to have good eye contact with them.
Learning How To Make Eye Contact The Right Way
Here are several things to keep in mind as you figure out how to make eye contact:
1. When you meet eyes with an older woman, don’t look down or away
When you do this, it subconsciously communicates to her that you think you are doing something wrong: “Oh shit, you caught me looking at you!” You are also inflicting shame on yourself, grinding in the belief that checking girls out is bad a thing to do.
If you have some social anxiety, you’ll probably have problems with this.
Holding eye contact projects dominance instead of submissiveness.
When you lock eyes with her, hold the eye contact until she looks away or down.
2. Don’t stare at her like an axe murderer
You know “crazy eyes”?
When someone holds their eyes wide open and refuses to look away from you?
Don’t do that.
Good eye contact involves your eyes being at a reasonable level of openness (or slightly closed and seductive).
You should be thinking warm, inviting, and intriguing.
3. The best way to learn how to make eye contact is to model alpha men in the media
Watch movies with Pierce Brosnan and Daniel Craig as James Bond to see how they look at women.
Their eyes are slightly squinted, warm, and penetrating.
Check out some of your own favorite masculine role models and see how they look at women.
Study what they do and try to imitate it in the mirror.
Then go make eye contact with older woman that way.
4. Combine warm eye contact with an engaging small smile or smirk
While eye contact is important, how you smile and the rest of your facial body language can drastically change how the eye contact is perceived.
For example: Think about making a sad face versus a confident smile.
In either case, you have the same level of eye contact.
What do you think the difference is in the message you’re sending?
Which do you think would look more appealing to a woman?
Aim for a small smirk or slight smile combined with your good eye contact.
5. Maintain open body language
If you learn how to make eye contact, have a nice smile, but fold your arms and hunch over, things are going to be mismatched.
The former indicates confidence, happiness and strength, but the latter projects weakness and fear.
Stand up straight, chest up, with your arms by your sides.
Pro-tip: It can be quite alluring to stand at an angle to the woman and look over your shoulder at her as you smile and make eye contact.
Think about the typical scene in the movie when the lead guy spots a girl across the bar, like Ryan Gosling does in Crazy, Stupid, Love.
Being directly aligned with the woman is fine too, but could be seen as a bit overbearing before you approach her.
Your thought process for when you’re making eye contact
It’s best to stay out of your head when interacting with women.
Being too in your head can make you second guess yourself and over-complicate things.
But here are some beliefs and affirmations that can help set you on the right track when you’re learning how to make eye contact with older women:
1. “I am sexually attracted to you and want to have sex with you.”
Don’t bullshit yourself – You know what you want, and there’s nothing wrong with that.
It doesn’t mean she HAS to be interested and can’t say no.
She has her own free will.
But, it does mean you need to be comfortable with your sexual desires.
Repeating this in your head will help you project this energy, and she’ll feel it.
2. “Let’s have some fun!”
If you are too serious, you’ll suck the fun out of life and repel people.
It also makes you super anxious to make a mistake.
But by thinking about having fun, you keep things light for both you and her.
3. “I’m awesome and have done so much. Remember X, Y, and Z…”
A neat little confidence hack is to remind yourself of some challenging things you’ve accomplished in your life or things you’re proud of before you make eye contact.
It’s an element of priming your state, where you start to think about and feel the emotions you felt when you accomplished difficult tasks.
By doing this, you can embody some of those same feelings as you create eye contact with an older woman, and eventually approach her.
But here’s the most important thing…
Just do it.
The point of eye contact is to demonstrate and gauge interest.
If you hold eye contact too long and don’t do anything, she’ll think it’s creepy, weird, or that you don’t have the balls to go up and talk to her.
After you look at her for anywhere between 1-3 seconds, go up and talk to her.
You can worry about the perfect smile, eye shape, thought processes and all that.
But the truth is if you hold reasonable eye contact and eventually approach the woman, you’re better than 90%+ of all guys out there.
So yes: Work on yourself, try to maintain good eye contact, smile, keep open body language, model alpha figures in the media…
But most importantly just DO something.
As Mark Manson says, “Picking up women is very easy to learn, just hard to go out and do.” Focus on taking massive action and looking at some older women you are attracted to.
Then go up and introduce yourself.