Constantly thinking about your ex after the breakup is never a good look. It can't be helped, I know. But sometimes you wonder how to make your ex regret leaving you. It's not that you necessarily want her back, but a small part of you wants her to feel that twinge of regret.
You meet a girl you think you like. You spend a couple of months together with fluffy, lovey-dovey passion, and then, a few months later, you realize she’s the one – or can be. So you ask her to be your girlfriend and she says yes. But life got in the way and you had to part ways, amicably at least.
Another scenario; you meet a girl, you date for a while, and things seem pretty okay. She's now your girlfriend, but your relationship isn't that great. You're clearly not a good match for each other, so small arguments turn into huge fights and you break up.
Unfortunately, regardless of which scenario life has chosen for you, this girl, who once seemed like she loved you more than herself, is now gone. Maybe she chose to dump you, you chose to dump her, or it was a mutual thing because the relationship just couldn't work out.
And now, weeks later after your single-and-ready-to-mingle celebrations are over, you feel gutted and want her back. Or at least, you want her to regret leaving you…
So, how can you do it?
How to Make Your Ex Regret Leaving You
Actually, I don’t believe that you should try to make your ex-girlfriend regret losing you or even think about her in the first place.
But I do understand that, for some guys, the breakup could’ve been so nasty, or the girl could’ve been so mean that it’s hard not to think about rubbing it in her face. In other cases, it's completely understandable to want your ex to consider getting back together with you.
So I’m gonna put my moral compass aside, and show you how to make your ex regret leaving you:
1. Don’t give her any undeserved attention
Don’t be a simp whom she keeps in the friendzone all year long and only talks to him to vent out or get some favors. As a man of value, you should prioritize your time. Your work, hobbies, friends, family, and dates should come before a girl who doesn’t want anything romantic with you. This includes your ex, even if you did have some good times together.
Don’t check up on her, run errands for her, or give her your ears as she talks about other men she wants to sleep with. Don’t give her power over you or make her assume you can’t move on. If the attention you once gave her when you were her boyfriend was worthwhile, then she may want more of it even after your breakup. So if she can't get it from you anymore, this will make her regret leaving you.
2. Go incognito for a while
Creating information gaps in a woman’s mind is a critical part of the seduction process. The less a girl spends time with you – or even sees you around – the less common you become. If you want to make your ex regret leaving you, then start by being making yourself unseen.
Take a trip, join a temple, or get off Facebook while trying to reinvent yourself. She’ll get curious – at least partially. Her mind will ask questions and she will get jealous if she one day finds out that you became the full package.
Many movies sell the transformation story of the hero who was once a nobody, then he ran off somewhere, found his true self, then came back as a new guy. Christopher Nolan’s Batman Begins (2005) is a great example. Be her Bruce Wayne 2.0. Go incognito, fix your problems, then bump into her. She’ll think of you as a new man and will definitely want to patch things up, or at least regret leaving you.
3. Prove her wrong
Most breakups pan out to one of two things (or both):
- You’re not good enough for me
- You won’t get someone of my caliber
This means that the easiest way to make your ex regret leaving you is by:
- Becoming good enough: Getting a healthier body, making more money, dressing better, becoming more dominant, having a better social life, etc.
- Dating someone who's leagues better than your ex
Very few women break up with a guy and think “I hope this loser turns his life around and proves me wrong.” A woman's dating strategy is based on finding the best partner her looks and qualities can get.
She’s always comparing between several candidates hoping that the one she chooses ends up to be Mr. Right. But breaking up with you means she believes someone else deserves to be her Mr. Right. Proving her wrong means that she missed out on a great opportunity, and you’ll be someone else’s Mr. Right.
And if you know anything about competition anxiety among women then you’ll know that this idea terrifies her.
4. But don’t do it for her
I’m from the “if it’s working, don’t jinx it” school. If the idea of making your ex regret leaving you wakes you up and sends you to the gym at 5 a.m., then feed on it and use it to motivate you. However, this type of motivation isn’t good in the long term.
Negative emotions such as hatred and envy have a really short life and may hurt you if you feed on them for too long. Plus, if your ex believes you transformed your life just to rub it in her face, then she’ll know that you're still thinking about her and her approval.
Your ex should have no control over you. The right mindset should be:
1) I’m not going to give her power over me. I don’t care about her, I have a whole life ahead of me to focus on, and I wanna make it a fun one;
2) I will use the breakup as a lesson to fix my weak points so I can attract even better women.
Pinpoint all those weak areas you believe you should do better at (fitness, being good in bed, being fun, being more dominant, having a better career, etc.), set goals for yourself to handle each area at a time and remember your main motive: having a better life, not getting back at your ex.
You will feel the difference when you unexpectedly bump into your girlfriend and realize you don’t even care to prove her wrong. And trust me, she’ll feel it too.
5. Listen to Robert Greene
“What you do not react to cannot drag you down in a futile engagement. Your pride is not involved. The best lesson you can teach an irritating gnat is to consign it to oblivion by ignoring it.” – Robert Greene
Ever read The 48 Laws of Power?
Robert Greene’s Law #37 says that ignoring the things you can’t have is the best revenge.
“The more attention you pay an enemy, the stronger you make him. It is sometimes best to leave things alone. If there is something you want but cannot have, show contempt for it. The less interest you reveal, the more superior you seem.”
Your girlfriend may not be the enemy, but the best way to take her power over you, throw it in a bin, and bury it in the sea is to ignore her. By being less reactive, killing all hopes in your mind of you two ever becoming a thing again, and treating her like an ordinary acquaintance, you will:
- Win your peace of mind
- Drive her nuts
Like I said earlier, women feed on attention, even from guys they won’t ever date. In fact, sometimes an ex will herself over you in the hopes of getting back together... Only to dump you to prove to herself that she still has you.
The only way out of this trap is to ignore her, stop thinking of “what ifs” or fantasizing about making her your girlfriend again.
I dated this girl for six months. Beautiful, funny, and really into me but I kept her at arm's length because I planned to travel solo for two years. So one day I texted her that I’m leaving and wished her well. And guess what she wrote back?
Nothing. Nada. Not even a block on WhatsApp or a vengeful Instagram story.
And she still has my respect to this day – plus some “what Ifs.”
Being unreactive is the most powerful way to make someone regret leaving you. You rob them of the joy of knowing how important you once meant to them and will make them question their decision of dumping you. Plus, you will feel respectful and powerful.
What to Do If Your Ex Tries to Get Back Together With You?
Now, what if she tries to connect with you? You've learned how to make your ex regret leaving you and she took the bait.
What if you bump into each other or she text you a “what happened to us?” message followed by a “let’s give it a try?” Should you comply, or tell her no?
These are my two cents:
No matter what you do or say, don’t oversell
Before your ex calls or texts you to get back together, she may bump into you by chance or intention. In this case, you may feel tempted to flash your wins in front of her, tell her how well you’ve been doing without her or brag about the Lambo you just bought.
DO. NOT. GIVE. IN.
Women can easily tell when a guy is being fake or trying to cover for something. Make it short and to the point and don’t try to prove anything to her, good or bad. Be as casual as you can, as if she's just some person you know and not an ex. That new attitude will be enough to confuse her and maybe make her re-think her life without you.
But what should you do if she directly asks to get back together?
My answer will depend on how things ended between you two.
1) If you broke up on good terms
Sometimes you were just the right couple at the wrong time and you had to break up because you had different paths, location problems, health issues, etc. In this case, you can consider giving it another shot since you know the breakup was forced on both of you.
2) If she did you wrong
If she cheated on you, treated you poorly, wasn’t there for you when you needed her, trapped you in a toxic relationship, or flat out left you to find a better dude then DO NOT get back together with her. Ignore her, don’t reply to her calls, or act as if she ever existed. People rarely change the way we want them to.
Yes, you, me, and everyone can lose weight, make more money and never smoke weed again, but some of our inner crap will die with us, or at least take more than just a breakup to die.
A cheater will remain a cheater, and even if she stops, you’ll always mistrust her. A woman who treated you poorly in your downs will do that again once life turns its back on you. A girl who left you for a better dude will leave you again once a better one shows up or maybe she just wants you cause there’s no one around… yet.
The work you did to become a better man after the breakup should fall into the laps of a woman who adores and respects you as you are. Anyone from the past who wasn’t good enough will remain not good enough – but with extra wrinkles and stretch marks.
Take a deep breath and remember those bad moments you had together, then ask yourself if you want them again – because they’ll eventually come back. You may want to get back to her because you’re horny or lonely. But a critical decision like getting back together with an ex deserves to be taken by your brain, and your brain only.
Also, watch out for the ultimate female revenge
Some women get mad when their ex moves on, leads a better life or gets a better girlfriend. It makes them feel less worthy to the degree that she may contact her ex (you) and try to patch things up just to wrap him around his her thumb again, before – yes, you know it – break up with him again.
This is why I rarely recommend that you get back to your ex because – as I said earlier – people don’t change that much, and because you can always find better. The concept of The One is just an idea Hollywood and rom-coms have been filling your mind with for years and years. In reality, you can always find a girl as good as your ex – or even better – if you work on yourself and become high quality enough to attract such a caliber of women.
You can be friends with your ex-girlfriend or even get back together. But the energy you put into fixing a broken relationship is better off spent on a new relationship with a better partner.
Rollo Tomassi, the author of The Rational Male outlined it perfectly as in:
It is always time and effort better spent developing new, fresh, prospective women than it will ever be in attempting to reconstruct a failed relationship. Never root through the trash once the garbage has been dragged to the curb. You get messy, your neighbors see you do it, and what you thought was worth digging for is never as valuable as you thought it was.
Couples rarely forget what caused them to break up, so unless your ex was the real unicorn, you’re better off moving on with a better one.