If you’re the type of guy that loves to shower your girlfriend with gifts, that’s honestly great. If you’re doing it because you think this is how to make your girlfriend love you though, it’s time we had a chat.
See, love doesn’t have anything to do with material possessions. If you feel like you’re in a relationship where her love is proportional to your spending, it might be time to reassess.
Firstly, I suppose the title of this article is a bit misleading in a way. You can’t “make” anyone love you. What you can do though is make sure you’re seen as long-term relationship material.
It’s not about changing who you are, I’d never suggest doing that for anyone. Instead, we’ll be looking at how you act in your relationship and if you’re sending the wrong message without realizing it.
This is something that’ll come with time but why learn the hard way when I can walk you through it right now?
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Baby don’t hurt me (sorry, I had to).
Seriously though, this is a question that many people struggle to answer. If you don’t know what love is, it can be hard to identify.
The best way to think about love is a deep emotional connection between two people.
A feeling that’s hard to even put into words -- like everything is right in the world when you hold them in your arms. Like you wouldn’t even want to know what life would be like without them. Most importantly, it’s a sustained feeling, not something that fluctuates day-to-day.
Notice how none of this had anything to do with jewelry and expensive vacations?
Love is also something that takes time to develop. Contrary to what every romantic movie tells us, you don’t “love” someone you’ve never even dated.
That’s right, the first step in how to get your girlfriend to love you (or to win her back after a breakup) is to love yourself. As the old saying goes, “If you can’t love yourself, how can you expect anyone else to?”
The reason this saying is so true is simple. In the process of learning to love yourself, you’re going to improve a lot about yourself. You’ll fix the things you can and come to accept the things you can’t change.
This alone makes you so much more confident and attractive which changes how you act in the relationship. You generally become more assertive and better at open communication, all because you feel good about you.
Authenticity can be tough to put into practice and often takes a bit of work. Whether you’re working on how to make your girlfriend love you or how to make someone fall in love with you again, it’s worth the effort.
Being genuine and authentic is all about breaking down the walls we all put up to protect ourselves. In a relationship, it means sharing things with her that you might not share with others. This includes being more honest if cheating has been an issue in your relationship.
Showing her the true ‘you’ rather than a safe facade. This is exactly why achieving this can be difficult to begin with. We’re so used to maintaining this facade.
Not feeling heard is a very common complaint from women in a long-term relationship. It’s important she feels heard because it shows that you’re really paying attention. That you genuinely care about what she’s thinking and feeling rather than just wanting to appear that way.
See, there’s a big difference between listening to the words she’s saying and actually hearing her. The difference is that for her to feel heard, you have to be paying close attention. This is how men show love: by genuinely listening to what she says.
Mention something she’s talked about in the past. Ask about something she was struggling with or make subtle changes to things she’s uncomfortable with. You can also start the conversation with your girlfriend by bringing up something she might like to talk about.
Sometimes, it can even mean just laying there with her in silence as she cries it out. So long as you’re actually paying attention and she knows it, she’s going to feel heard.
The flip side to this is opening up and being vulnerable with her as well. When she feels heard, she feels much closer to you because she can feel that you’re comfortable and honest with her.
When you’re willing to reciprocate and let her into what’s happening in your life, she’ll feel even closer again. She’s seeing parts of you that nobody else gets to and that feels special.
With these two elements combined, you’ve both broken down some important barriers between you. This is how genuine love starts to develop.
One expectation that’s unanimous across all relationships is support. Whether she’s had a bad day, is struggling with a major decision or just kicked her toe on that damn bed again, be there.
We’re all individuals with our own feelings and beliefs. It’s only natural that sometimes you won’t agree with each other. If you’re really going to be there for her though, you’ll support her anyway.
The more supported she feels, the safer she will feel with you. This feeling of safety lets your love develop even faster.
It’s not about living in each other’s back pocket. Co-dependence rarely works out well. Instead, just work on doing various activities together as a team.
Whether it’s boring housework or epic vacations, doing it together builds on the feeling of ‘us.’ If you want an easy way to start building this habit, suggest that you make dinner together tonight.
Spend some quality time in the kitchen making something delicious then sit down together and enjoy what you made.
Since you’re in a relationship, it’s okay to make these compliments about how she looks too. Just don’t let that be the only thing you ever comment on.
These small comments here and there make her feel appreciated which brings her even closer. She knows that you’re paying attention to her and starts to feel so much better about herself when she’s around you.
It could be a compliment when she gets out of the shower, a comment about her food or how impressive she is at work. Whatever it is you appreciate about her, make a point of voicing it.
Talking about her (positively, of course) with friends and family goes a long way to showing how you really feel. If you also start inviting her out to events with your friends and family, you’re showing that you’re proud to be with her.
She isn’t a secret to keep separate from the other important people in your life. Even better, if you’ve been talking about her as well, this will probably come up as she meets them.
“So John tells me you’re studying law. How’s school going?”
This simple comment says so much about how you really feel. It also demonstrates that she’s an important part of your life.
Once again, she’ll end up feeling closer to you, developing those feelings even more.
Even when you’re both busy, just these small acknowledgments let her know that you’re thinking of her.
Maybe you’re both at a party with friends and she’s busy talking to others. As you pass behind her to get another drink, place your hand on the small of her back briefly.
Don’t stop or expect acknowledgment. This small gesture is just about showing that even with everything going on, you’re still ‘with’ her.
Each of these tips are things you can start putting into practice immediately. While some will require a bit of work, others are such simple changes you can go do them right this second.
With each of them combined, you’ll have no problem with knowing how to make your girlfriend love you.