A struggling marriage can make for a painful and confusing period in your life. Trying to figure out how to win your wife back among all these other emotions can feel like a losing battle.
This article is going to offer you some guidance through that period. Some do’s and don’ts to getting your relationship back on track with your wife. We’ll be focusing on simple tips that you can implement today.
How to win your wife back
Chances are, right now the two have been arguing for months or even years. There’s a lot of tension, frustration and any number of other negative emotions.
The first thing to realize is that it’s okay. This can happen in relationships sometimes. What matters so much more is how you choose to handle things from now.
These steps will walk you through how to win your wife back, all you have to do is put them into action. If you want a more in-depth look, we have a great course on creating and maintaining attraction with women 30+ that can help.
Let’s take a look.
1) Give her space is the first step on how to get your wife back
This might sound counter-productive but the first thing you need to do is give her some time to herself. You’ve both been through a lot and even just a week apart can make the world of difference.
You might be reluctant to do this for various reasons and it makes sense. The thing is, you can’t force happiness. All you’re going to achieve is more anger and frustration.
Giving her that space to work through this shows you’re already making a positive change. You care about her, respect her and aren’t just trying to force what you want onto her.
2) Try to be objective about what went wrong
Easier said than done, do your best to take a step back and look at the situation from the outside. The idea isn't to find ways to blame yourself, it’s to see how the relationship looks from the outside.
If it helps, you can even ask your friends for their honest perspectives. Depending on your relationship with them, they could be more helpful than you think. They might even give you tips on how to make her love you again.
It could be that you were distracted by your career and weren’t paying much attention to your wife. Maybe you were feeling left out and you often responded with anger or arrogance.
These things can develop insidiously and it’s not something you ought to beat yourself up about. The better you can understand the problem(s) and how they developed, the more constructive you can be.
Rather than yelling back and forth about a symptom of the problem, you can both address it and make some real progress. This is how to get your wife back.
3) How to win your wife back? Work on improving yourself
The better you feel about yourself, the easier this whole process becomes. That could mean getting back to the gym, changing your work/life balance or finally updating your wardrobe.
Exactly what it looks like to you doesn’t matter. You actually aren’t making these changes for her, they’re for you. See, the better you feel about yourself, the more confident you’re going to be.
Sure, that confidence is attractive but it’s not the goal. The other benefit of confidence is effective communication. When you’re feeling more sure of yourself, you’re more capable of truly opening up and feeling vulnerable with her.
This level of communication is so important in figuring out how to get your wife back.
If self-confidence is something you lack, I’d suggest taking a look at our video dating course too. Even though you aren’t interested in dating right now, it’s actually going to help you a lot with this topic.
The course is designed to make you a forward, confident guy who can communicate effectively with women -- exactly what you want to be in this situation too.
4) Arrange to talk face-to-face
You’re probably both tempted to communicate via text message. The thing is, there’s just too much that can get lost in translation over text. Particularly when things get heated, it can be so easy to misinterpret a single comment and let it spark a whole new argument.
On top of this, you may not have each other’s full attention. She could be out with a friend, maybe getting home after a few drinks or in the middle of making dinner. Regardless, it’s not a good start on how to get your ex-wife back.
With a face-to-face conversation, you have the benefit of clearer communication and dedicated attention. You can both see all those critical social cues and get an idea of how each of you are feeling.
5) Aim for calm, constructive conversation
In an effective conversation, there is no winner. If you’ve been arguing back and forth for months, tempers can be short and it may not take much for things to escalate.
Instead, make a real effort to keep the conversation constructive. Write down some points you’d like to cover if that’s what works for you. Even just write them down in your phone so you have an easy point of reference.
Any time you feel like frustration is building from either of you, pause and take a deep breath. That momentary pause can easily be the difference between getting your relationship back on track and one of you storming off.
To communicate effectively with her, it’s crucial that you both feel heard. If either one of you (or both!) is just talking at the other person, it feels insincere and even selfish.
6) Open up and be vulnerable
It’s scary, I know. If you’re working on how to get your ex-wife back though, it’s something you really need to do. Remember, she’s your wife. She isn’t some stranger that’s out to hurt you.
Vulnerability is something men often struggle with. If this applies to you too, she may never have seen this side of you before.
Either way, displaying even a small degree of vulnerability goes a long way toward rebuilding trust and comfort together. Being vulnerable is the exact opposite of an attack and could be just what you both need to defuse the situation.
7) Discuss what each of you needs to see
Once you’ve established some solid, effective communication again, this is the next step for you both. Take as much time as you need to figure out what you want to see from your marriage for it to really work.
If you can both sit down and have a mature conversation about this, you can see very quickly if it’ll work. While there’s a chance you each want different things, it’s rare for two people to grow apart so significantly.
Instead, what you’ll likely end up with is a list of shared goals to work toward as a team. Sharing this level of communication together is the basis for a strong relationship. It’ll see your marriage get through just about anything, so long as you continue to work together.
8) Don’t perform for her, just be you
My third point in this article was to work on improving yourself. The key difference between the two is intent. Working on yourself so you’re a happier person is very different to: “I need to change xyz to impress her.”
Even though you're learning how to win your wife back, it's all about improving yourself so you're a happier person. Doing it for another person isn't going to last long term and you'll be right back here eventually.
Common advice is to make drastic changes and grand gestures to win her back. As though you’re trying to get her interested in you all over again by upping the ante. To me, this just seems inauthentic. She’s your wife -- she knows you and she knows when you’re acting.
Instead of doing all this, be who you are, just a better version. If you want to try a new hairstyle or pick up a new hobby then go right ahead. Just don’t go learning another language because you know she likes it.
9) Actions speak louder than words
Clear and effective communication is a critical part of knowing how to get your ex-wife back but it doesn’t stop there.
Rather than relying on your words alone, you need to work on showing her any changes you’re making. For example, if your work/life balance was a major problem, don’t just tell her you’re going to work less. Start doing it.
If you had an issue with cheating, work on rebuilding trust once again. This is a big one, so you'll both need to be as patient as you are invested.
Whatever it is, so long as you genuinely want to make those changes, go ahead and make them. Don’t just talk about how you want to change.
Seeing is believing and the more she can see that you’re becoming a better you, the better your chances will be.
You've learned how to win your wife back and can begin in earnest. If you can focus on putting each of these steps into action, you’re giving your marriage the best possible chance.
Not only are you becoming a better, more confident version of yourself, you’re also establishing quality communication. This means you’re getting things back on track while also building great habits for the future.
As promised, you can implement each of these right now. Don’t make excuses, just push yourself to put them into practice and thank yourself later. You’ve got this!