Being cheated on sucks, but sadly, it’s a very real possibility in the dating world. So if you’ve found yourself to be the victim of a cheater, it’s no surprise you want to learn how to get over cheating women.
When it comes to dating, cheating is one of the worst offenses. It destroys your relationship, your self-esteem and even the way you view dating in the future. That breach of trust makes you question everything that happened in your relationship. The worst part is that even after someone cheats on you, you may still have feelings for them. This makes getting over them so much harder, even if you know that deep down, you should kick them out of your life ASAP.
That’s exactly why it’s important to learn the healthy and productive ways you can get over a cheater. Here’s how to do just that.
Why Being Cheated on Hurts So Much
If you’re anything like most guys, you probably want to move on with your life after being cheated on. Most likely, that sounds a lot better than wallowing in the pain of betrayal.
Yet even though it has been such a long time since you were cheated on, you’re still feeling that anguish - and it’s frustrating you. You don’t want to feel so debilitated, but the pain is still there!
Well, before I give you the tips for how to get over someone cheating on you, please know that this is completely normal.
There are several reasons why being cheated on hurts so much, and why the healing process can sometimes take such a long time.
Being in love feels so damn good
When you’re with your partner, being intimate or having sex, your body releases many different types of powerful feel-good endorphins. Oxytocin is known as the love hormone and the main one that makes you feel so goofy-happy around your partner. Then, there’s serotonin and dopamine, which are released during sex and other pleasurable physical activities with your partner. These are the same released during highly-addictive activities like drinking, smoking or consuming any other type of drugs.
So, you’re enjoying all these addictive chemicals being released when you’re with your partner - and BOOM, your partner cheats and they’re all gone. In response, your brain starts to send cravings and withdrawal symptoms to your brain, because it wants them back so desperately.
That’s why those who say “love is a drug” are actually pretty accurate. You’re forced to go cold turkey on a feeling you were enjoying so much. Just like a recovering drug addict, you might even feel physical symptoms of heartbreak. Now, add the fact that some other dude is probably experiencing all this happiness at your expense because the person you loved wanted him more. That on its own is probably going to trigger a lot of bitterness and resentment.
Betrayal and loss of trust
Most likely, you shared vulnerable moments with your girlfriend. You opened up your soul to her. You gave her all your love. She saw all of you - and responded by sleeping with someone else. When someone betrays or abandons you after you’ve given them so much love, it can often be deeply traumatizing. In many cases, it becomes much harder to trust people on an intimate level even years into the future.
Then, there’s the possibility that you made a lot of exciting future plans with this person. Maybe you were building a life together. You wanted (or already have) a marriage and children. In most cases, you probably sacrificed a lot to be on that path with this one woman. Now, that exciting future has been ripped away from you by an act of selfishness.
It might feel like the person you loved the most took your dream future and took a dump on it because she didn’t want any piece of it. There’s no shame in being upset about that, especially if you don’t yet have the self-confidence to believe you can build it again with someone better.
The reason I explained this in so much detail is to try and stop you from feeling so frustrated at still being upset after all this time. You’ve been dealt one hell of an emotional blow; one that takes some people years to get over. The frustration at being so miserable can actually make things worse. Often, it’s better to accept how you feel while taking the steps below to get you on the path to feeling like your old self.
How to Get Over Being Cheated On
Learning how to get over someone cheating on you is going to take some time. With the help of this article, you can speed it up as much as possible and move on to the type of relationship you deserve. It could be a matter of winning your girlfriend back, but many people are more likely to just end the relationship.
Speaking from experience, this situation can often make you feel like you just aren’t enough. As though you can’t hope to find a happy, healthy relationship because you’re too weak or unattractive.
Before we even get started on these steps, it’s important that you realize how wrong that is. A big part of how to get over someone cheating is realizing you deserve to get over it. Your ex cheating on you probably has nothing to do with you at all, and you’re better off without her.
Let all your emotions out
Some guys will choose to “stay strong” and not show any emotion, even after such a tragic end to their relationship. Maybe they grew up believing it’s not masculine to show emotion or some other hyper-masculine nonsense.
The result of suppressing negative emotion is that you carry it inside you. It’s still there, even as a subconscious pain body. You might carry it as tension in your chest, neck and shoulders. It’s like a cloud of toxicity ruining your overall mood, even if you refuse to acknowledge it.
When someone does this, the emotion is still released eventually, often as a huge breakdown or a burst of anger at someone who doesn’t deserve it.
So, you’re better off taking a day or two to release all your negative emotions as soon as you find out you’ve been cheated on. Take a day to scream in your bedroom, let loose on a punchbag or do whatever else you need to process your emotions.
You’ll feel a lot more prepared to move on with your life once you’ve done this.
Take it slow — make time for yourself
The next step on how to get over someone who cheated and lied is to slow down. True recovery isn’t something you can rush through.
Give yourself some time and space to think things through. Allow yourself to feel pain and sadness for a few days. What you’re dealing with is horrible and it’s okay to feel hurt.
Acknowledging these feelings gives you a healthy outlet and allows you to get your head in the right place. It keeps you from acting out in anger and doing or saying things you’ll come to regret.
With your emotions in check, you can be more productive in moving on, rather than just masking your feelings. The better you deal with things now, the less baggage you’ll have going into future relationships.
Accept that it isn’t your fault she cheated on you
For a bunch of reasons, it’s frustratingly normal for us to blame ourselves when this happens. It’s common to feel as though you’re the reason she cheated rather than the victim in the situation.
We immediately begin to think back over the relationship at what we could have done to improve it. “Should I have paid her more attention?” “Am I not in good enough shape?” “Did I not make her feel special?”
No matter what the answers to these questions may be, it doesn’t change anything. She has still done something terrible, and it’s not your fault she did this to you.
It’ll take some time before you can actually accept this fact, but try to remind yourself throughout the process. At the same time, remember you really are better off without her now that you know she isn’t trustworthy.
You can’t change the past, and vengeance helps nobody
Anger is another perfectly normal emotion to experience when you’ve been cheated on. You trusted someone only to have that trust thrown in your face, and that’s not okay.
With that said, don’t let this anger inform your actions. Tempting as it may be to send her an angry text or sleep with one of her friends to get back at her, don’t. It might feel great for a day or two, but in the long run, you’re hurting yourself just as much.
Use that time to recover and move on from the whole thing. The more you get worked up over this and act out, the messier everything gets. There’s no sense in dragging this on — taking the high road is the smart route, and you’ll be thankful you did.
Talk to someone about how you’re feeling
Family, friends, a therapist, it really doesn’t matter. Heck, go ahead and post about it on Reddit. Who you talk to doesn’t matter, so long as you don’t internalize it all and hope it goes away.
When dealing with this kind of hurt alone, it’s hard to look at things subjectively. We tend to spiral quickly and it doesn’t take long to end up in a bad place.
Rather than letting that happen, reach out to someone and get it off your chest. It might feel like a sign of weakness but reaching out is the exact opposite. It takes courage, and I can assure you that whoever you contact will appreciate you doing it.
If the thought of it makes you uncomfortable, that’s okay. Just take small steps so it doesn’t feel like such a big leap. Text a friend and arrange something low-key; that’s all you have to do for now.
Even if you don’t end up talking about it yet, just being around someone positive is an excellent way to start. There’s a good chance the topic will come up at some point anyway, and getting this off your chest will do wonders.
Your mental health is important. Don’t let this ruin it for you; there are plenty of people that want to see you happy!
Write it down — for your eyes only
Another helpful tactic for learning how to get over cheating is to write your thoughts down. Whether it’s a classic ‘dear diary’ kind of format or a letter to your ex (that you don’t send), start writing.
I use this method for a lot of things, and it helps me so much. Rather than letting my negative thoughts fly around in a random, repetitive fashion, it forces me to slow down. In order to write it down, I have to slow down and think things through properly.
What ends up happening is a slower, more productive internal monologue. Almost a one-sided conversation where you have to think things through clearly.
It might not make sense until you try it for yourself, but I always make so much progress after just 10 minutes.
Start with the phrase “I’m feeling X right now because. . . ” and go from there. Nobody is going to see what you write, so write as much or as little as you like. Whatever you end up with, make sure you finish it with, “Here’s what I’m going to do…”.
Writing how you feel is a huge step in the right direction. If you can follow it up with positive actions, that’s even better. Go ahead, give it a try.
How to Get Over Cheating and Move On with Your Life
They say that prevention is always better than the cure, and that’s certainly true here too. Knowing how to get over a cheating ex is important, but let’s look at how to avoid it altogether.
Now, unfortunately, there’s no magic solution that’ll make you perfectly insusceptible. You can't just spot some of the common signs she's cheating and instantly assume that she is cheating. But that doesn’t mean you have to leave things to chance.
Let’s take a look at six ways you can keep yourself as safe as possible. You owe it to yourself to avoid all this again.
Don’t rush — be selective with who you date
If you make one change with your dating habits, let it be this. You might feel like you "need" to be in a relationship right now, and that’s normal after being cheated on.
Things rarely end well when a relationship begins out of necessity. Slow it down, enjoy being single for a while and let things happen. In my opinion, the best relationships tend to start by accident.
Be very selective with who you go on dates with, and if you enjoy their company, let it develop naturally. Talk to her often and really get to know her.
When you take this approach, you’re giving yourself the luxury of time. You can get to know her better and are more likely to pick up on some common red flags. A forced or unhealthy relationship is not how to get over cheating — it will just hurt you more.
Don’t explain your concerns away
Being cheated on has probably given you a bunch of new triggers that make you sensitive around the topic. Again, another normal result of dealing with this.
As you start dating again, you might start to see a lot of potential red flags and get nervous about it. It can be very tempting to explain these away as “I’m just being over-sensitive.”
There will come a point in future relationships where you need to trust again, but right now is not that time. I’ll get into that soon.
For now, if you see potential signs you’re being lied to, pay attention to them and get out of there.
Don’t immediately assume the worst in everyone
On the other end of that scale, you might start dealing with this by assuming the worst. Actively seeking any little signal that the person you’re on a date with can’t be trusted.
It could take some time, and that’s okay, but try to find a happy medium. Let things play out naturally, and if something spooks you, pay attention to it. Just don’t go looking for a problem; there’s a big difference there.
When you’re searching for problems, you’re guaranteed to find them. That leads to an image of insecurity and a lot of bad dates — and that's not how to get over someone who cheated and lied. And this isn't a healthy way to love your partner.
At some point, you’re going to meet someone that you start getting closer to. Not necessarily a relationship just yet, but you’re letting someone in again — and that’s fantastic.
Once you reach the point where things start to get serious, communicate openly. The better you become at doing this, the easier things will be well into your future together.
Tell her about when you were cheated on in as much or as little detail as you like. Once she’s in the loop, it can make any potential problems easier to handle down the track.
Maybe something small triggers you and your body language changes around her. If she knows where it’s coming from and you’ve created an environment where it can be talked about, it’s easy.
You can sit down, have a chat about it, work through the misunderstanding and come out the other side even stronger.
This kind of communication is rare in a relationship and really helps you turn the negative into a positive. You're not only taking big steps in learning how to get over someone cheating on you; you're also helping future relationships.
Don’t get clingy or controlling
Before I explain this point, let me just say that cheating is never okay. With that said, you really want to avoid being either clingy or controlling in your relationships in any way.
Not only is it an unattractive trait in general but it can make her feel like she can’t leave. For some, they see cheating as their only option. Of course, that is neither true nor valid, but that doesn’t change the result.
The way I look at it, I never want to be in a relationship where the interest isn’t mutual. If I were with someone who wanted to leave, I’m not going to slow her down — and neither should you.
There are plenty of women in the world that would love to be with you. Don’t work to keep someone that’s impartial.
Never stop working on your relationship
This is a great rule in general but also one that will help you avoid being cheated on. As the months and years roll on in a relationship, we tend to get into a rhythm.
In the beginning, everything is fun and exciting, and we don’t have to work to maintain it. Over time though, some of that shine wears off. That’s the point where you need to start actively working on it together.
Keep going on fun dates together. Keep sharing your feelings for each other and mix it up in the bedroom. The best relationships are the ones that stay as fun as the first month. That does not come naturally, I assure you.
The happier, healthier and stronger your relationship, the less likely it is that either of you will even want someone else