Being cheated on is one of the worst things that can happen in a relationship. It’s a huge and irrevocable breach of trust, and learning how to get over cheating will take some time.
Until someone has been the victim of cheating, it can be hard to understand just how much of an impact it has. Not only does it make trusting others difficult, but it leaves you feeling sad, angry and inferior.
Unfortunately, there’s no magic fix for this, but there are some steps you can take to help you recover. In this article, I’ll be covering five steps you can start putting into action right away.
But I won't just cover how to get over someone cheating on you. We’ll also be looking at a few things you can do to avoid this situation in the future.
How to get over cheating — no more suffering for her mistakes
Learning how to get over someone cheating on you is going to take some time. With the help of this article, you can speed it up as much as possible and move on to the type of relationship you deserve. It could be a matter of winning your girlfriend back, but many people are more likely to just end the relationship.
Speaking from experience, this situation can often make you feel like you just aren’t enough. As though you can’t hope to find a happy, healthy relationship because you’re too weak or unattractive.
Before we even get started on these steps, it’s important that you realize how wrong that is. A big part of how to get over someone cheating is realizing you deserve to get over it. Your ex cheating on you probably has nothing to do with you at all, and you’re better off without her.
Take it slow — make time for yourself
Step one in how to get over someone who cheated and lied is to slow down. True recovery isn’t something you can rush through.
Give yourself some time and space to think things through. Allow yourself to feel pain and sadness for a few days. What you’re dealing with is horrible and it’s okay to feel hurt.
Acknowledging these feelings gives you a healthy outlet and allows you to get your head in the right place. It keeps you from acting out in anger and doing or saying things you’ll come to regret.
With your emotions in check, you can be more productive in moving on, rather than just masking your feelings. The better you deal with things now, the less baggage you’ll have going into future relationships.
Accept that it isn’t your fault she cheated on you
For a bunch of reasons, it’s frustratingly normal for us to blame ourselves when this happens. It’s common to feel as though you’re the reason she cheated rather than the victim in the situation.
We immediately begin to think back over the relationship at what we could have done to improve it. “Should I have paid her more attention?” “Am I not in good enough shape?” “Did I not make her feel special?”
No matter what the answers to these questions may be, it doesn’t change anything. She has still done something terrible, and it’s not your fault she did this to you.
It’ll take some time before you can actually accept this fact, but try to remind yourself throughout the process. At the same time, remember you really are better off without her now that you know she isn’t trustworthy.
You can’t change the past, and vengeance helps nobody
Anger is another perfectly normal emotion to experience when you’ve been cheated on. You trusted someone only to have that trust thrown in your face, and that’s not okay.
With that said, don’t let this anger inform your actions. Tempting as it may be to send her an angry text or sleep with one of her friends to get back at her, don’t. It might feel great for a day or two, but in the long run, you’re hurting yourself just as much.
Use that time to recover and move on from the whole thing. The more you get worked up over this and act out, the messier everything gets. There’s no sense in dragging this on — taking the high road is the smart route, and you’ll be thankful you did.
Talk to someone about how you’re feeling
Family, friends, a therapist, it really doesn’t matter. Heck, go ahead and post about it on Reddit. Who you talk to doesn’t matter, so long as you don’t internalize it all and hope it goes away.
When dealing with this kind of hurt alone, it’s hard to look at things subjectively. We tend to spiral quickly and it doesn’t take long to end up in a bad place.
Rather than letting that happen, reach out to someone and get it off your chest. It might feel like a sign of weakness but reaching out is the exact opposite. It takes courage, and I can assure you that whoever you contact will appreciate you doing it.
If the thought of it makes you uncomfortable, that’s okay. Just take small steps so it doesn’t feel like such a big leap. Text a friend and arrange something low-key; that’s all you have to do for now.
Even if you don’t end up talking about it yet, just being around someone positive is an excellent way to start. There’s a good chance the topic will come up at some point anyway, and getting this off your chest will do wonders.
Your mental health is important. Don’t let this ruin it for you; there are plenty of people that want to see you happy!
Write it down — for your eyes only
Another helpful tactic for learning how to get over cheating is to write your thoughts down. Whether it’s a classic ‘dear diary’ kind of format or a letter to your ex (that you don’t send), start writing.
I use this method for a lot of things, and it helps me so much. Rather than letting my negative thoughts fly around in a random, repetitive fashion, it forces me to slow down. In order to write it down, I have to slow down and think things through properly.
What ends up happening is a slower, more productive internal monologue. Almost a one-sided conversation where you have to think things through clearly.
It might not make sense until you try it for yourself, but I always make so much progress after just 10 minutes.
Start with the phrase “I’m feeling X right now because. . . ” and go from there. Nobody is going to see what you write, so write as much or as little as you like. Whatever you end up with, make sure you finish it with, “Here’s what I’m going to do…”.
Writing how you feel is a huge step in the right direction. If you can follow it up with positive actions, that’s even better. Go ahead, give it a try.
How do you choose better women so this doesn’t happen again?
They say that prevention is always better than the cure, and that’s certainly true here too. Knowing how to get over someone who cheated and lied is important, but let’s look at how to avoid it altogether.
Now, unfortunately, there’s no magic solution that’ll make you perfectly insusceptible. You can't just spot some of the common signs she's cheating and instantly assume that she is cheating. But that doesn’t mean you have to leave things to chance.
Let’s take a look at six ways you can keep yourself as safe as possible. You owe it to yourself to avoid all this again.
Don’t rush — be selective with who you date
If you make one change with your dating habits, let it be this. You might feel like you "need" to be in a relationship right now, and that’s normal after being cheated on.
Things rarely end well when a relationship begins out of necessity. Slow it down, enjoy being single for a while and let things happen. In my opinion, the best relationships tend to start by accident.
Be very selective with who you go on dates with, and if you enjoy their company, let it develop naturally. Talk to her often and really get to know her.
When you take this approach, you’re giving yourself the luxury of time. You can get to know her better and are more likely to pick up on some common red flags. A forced or unhealthy relationship is not how to get over cheating — it will just hurt you more.
Don’t explain your concerns away
Being cheated on has probably given you a bunch of new triggers which make you sensitive around the topic. Again, another normal result of dealing with this.
As you start dating again, you might start to see a lot of potential red flags and get nervous about it. It can be very tempting to explain these away as, “I’m just being over-sensitive”.
There will come a point in future relationships where you need to trust again, but right now is not that time. I’ll get into that soon.
For now, if you see potential signs you’re being lied to, pay attention to them and get out of there.
Don’t immediately assume the worst in everyone
On the other end of that scale, you might start dealing with this by assuming the worst. Actively seeking any little signal that the person you’re on a date with can’t be trusted.
It could take some time, and that’s okay, but try to find a happy medium. Let things play out naturally, and if something spooks you, pay attention to it. Just don’t go looking for a problem; there’s a big difference there.
When you’re searching for problems, you’re guaranteed to find them. That leads to an image of insecurity and a lot of bad dates — and that's not how to get over someone who cheated and lied. And this isn't a healthy way to love your partner.
At some point, you’re going to meet someone that you start getting closer to. Not necessarily a relationship just yet, but you’re letting someone in again — and that’s fantastic.
Once you reach the point where things start to get serious, communicate openly. The better you become at doing this, the easier things will be well into your future together.
Tell her about when you were cheated on in as much or as little detail as you like. Once she’s in the loop, it can make any potential problems easier to handle down the track.
Maybe something small triggers you and your body language changes around her. If she knows where it’s coming from and you’ve created an environment where it can be talked about, it’s easy.
You can sit down, have a chat about it, work through the misunderstanding and come out the other side even stronger.
This kind of communication is rare in a relationship and really helps you turn the negative into a positive. You're not only taking big steps in learning how to get over someone cheating on you; you're also helping future relationships.
Don’t get clingy or controlling
Before I explain this point, let me just say that cheating is never okay. With that said, you really want to avoid being either clingy or controlling in your relationships in any way.
Not only is it an unattractive trait in general but it can make her feel like she can’t leave. For some, they see cheating as their only option. Of course, that is neither true or valid, but that doesn’t change the result.
The way I look at it, I never want to be in a relationship where the interest isn’t mutual. If I were with someone who wanted to leave, I’m not going to slow her down — and neither should you.
There are plenty of women in the world that would love to be with you. Don’t work to keep someone that’s impartial.
Never stop working on your relationship
This is a great rule in general but also one that will help you avoid being cheated on. As the months and years roll on in a relationship, we tend to get into a rhythm.
In the beginning, everything is fun and exciting, and we don’t have to work to maintain it. Over time though, some of that shine wears off. That’s the point where you need to start actively working on it together.
Keep going on fun dates together. Keep sharing your feelings for each other and mix it up in the bedroom. The best relationships are the ones that stay as fun as the first month. That does not come naturally, I assure you.
The happier, healthier and stronger your relationship, the less likely it is that either of you will even want someone else.