It’s a sad day when you want to know how to tell if your girlfriend is cheating. In a happy, healthy relationship, the thought won’t cross your mind. But when you start seeing some suspicious behavior from your girlfriend, that’s when you start to wonder. After all, i’s not always easy to tell, but you should listen to your gut. Any feelings of insecurity and uncertainty you may have are there for some reason.
While it’s true that women don’t cheat as often as men, the gap is closing. Women are definitely better at hiding their affairs than men are, so if even you have your suspicions, something must be up.
The best thing to do is to learn what’s really going on. If she’s not cheating—and let’s hope she’s not—then you may need to work on your confidence and competence in life. Trust me, that’s the “lesser evil” you can deal with. If she is cheating, though, then you may need to end the relationship before it scars you for life.
So let’s find out what’s really going on, shall we?
How to Tell if Your Girlfriend is Cheating
I’ve talked to dozens of guys who have been cheated on by their girlfriends, and you know what? They all spotted common signs the women were cheating. Their major mistake? They ignored the signs or dismissed them as “not serious”. And it cost them their relationships, their confidence, and perhaps a year or two of happiness.
So let’s avoid making that same mistake. Here are some of the most common signs your girlfriend is cheating on you:
#1: She gets mad when you ask her what she’s up to
When you ask why she’s been acting strangely, she gets defensive.
- She might feign ignorance and say: “Why are you even asking me that?”
- Or try to make you guilty by saying: “So you don’t trust me, is that it?”
- Or she might even change the topic: “Why? Are you seeing someone behind my back?”
...instead of simply asking what you mean, which is what honest girlfriends would do.
#2: She seems distant and uninterested in sex
If you’ve noticed her emotionally drifting away from you, and you can’t explain why, then she might be seeing another man. If she’s also uninterested in going on dates with you, sleeping with you, or even just spending quality time together, then you’re pretty much sure something’s going on behind the scenes.
#3: She’s overprotective of her phone
Does she take her phone wherever she goes, even if it’s just around the house? Does she hesitate to let you see it? Do you catch her hiding her screen or hiding from you when she’s texting someone?
Everyone has the right to privacy, that much is true. But if your girlfriend practically has her phone glued to her hand, that’s definitely suspicious.
#4: She has strange new hobbies
Pay attention to activities she said she disliked or hated, but now likes for some reason. It means she now has a more positive association to the activity than before. And the worst part is that she’s into these new hobbies, but you’re not allowed to join her. The question is: If it wasn’t you who changed how she felt about those activities, who was it?
#5: She’s suddenly very busy
She has spent several late nights at work in a row. Or she’s strangely unavailable to spend time with you, even on weekends and holidays, and she keeps giving these vague reasons for it. It’s likely she’s already planning her exit from your relationship.
#6: She’s dressing up very differently
Is she suddenly dressing up in sexier outfits? Does she put on more makeup before she goes on a night out—and it’s not with you? Has her whole aesthetic changed seemingly for no reason?
This is one of the most common signs to watch out for. If she’s not cheating on you, then she’s at least making herself available to other men.
#7: She talks about her future, but it’s not with you
When she talks to you about the future, she tells you about what she wants and expects in the years ahead. And yet strangely, you’re not in the picture. Her future doesn’t seem to include you. What does that mean?
It means what you think it means. She’s already on her way out.
#8 She has a new tight-knit friend group
No problem if she’s making new friends. But if she has this new friend group that she loves to talk about and you’re not allowed to meet them, something’s up. It’s even more telling if there’s a guy in that friend group that she mentions more often than anyone else.
#9 You’ve caught her in a lie
This might be one of the most glaring signs your girlfriend is cheating on you. If you catch her lying about seemingly inconsequential things (like where she is, who she’s with, what she’s up to), then she MUST be hiding something.
If you don’t know how to tell if your girlfriend is cheating on you, watch out for the signs above. Hopefully you’ve spotted none of them in your own relationship. But if you have,
But what if you do? Then the next question is obvious: Who is she cheating with? Is it someone you know, like a mutual friend or—worst of all—your best friend?
Let’s find out.
Signs Your Girlfriend is Cheating on You With Someone You Know
The only thing worse than a girlfriend who’s cheating on you is when she cheats with someone you trust. The betrayal is something most men never completely get over. Here are the signs you’re being played for a fool:
#10: Your mutual friends are strangely awkward around you
Do you have mutual friends with your girlfriend, and they’ve been strangely awkward around you lately? Does it feel like they all know something you don’t? If it does, that’s a big sign something’s going on—and they don’t want you to know about it.
#11: Your girlfriend tenses up when you mention your friend’s name
You tell her, “Hey, about Fred...” and she spills her coffee. Any mention of the friend you suspect she’s seeing behind your back makes her tense up and get nervous. That’s a dead giveaway.
It also works the other way. When you’re with your friend, mention your girlfriend’s name and see how he reacts. If he tenses up or avoids eye contact, your suspicions are probably correct.
#12: They’re both unusually busy
You decide to chill out one day and check if your girlfriend is available to hang out—and she’s not. So you call your best friend instead—and he also can’t hang out. If this has happened often, something’s definitely up between the two.
#13: She has made multiple calls to him
When you get a chance to snoop on her phone, check her phone history. If she’s made or received multiple calls from him, then you have reason to be suspicious.
It’s even worse if they’ve swapped naughty messages and photos to each other. There’s no evidence more damning than that.
#14: You catch them both lying at the same time
She says she’s out with her girlfriends, and he says he’s staying home nursing a cold. But later on, you learn from some third parties that they saw them together somewhere. Why would they lie to you at the same time? Well, you know why.
#15: You find his stuff among her stuff
Lastly, you spot an item that you know belongs to your friend. The problem? You find it among your girlfriend’s stuff. There are definitely some shenanigans going on.
Now, what should you do if you spot these signs? If you want to make sure you come out on top, you have three options: Talk it over, break up with her, or turn things into an open relationship. We’ll discuss the pros and cons of these options at the end of this article.
Whatever you do, don’t pretend it’s “nothing” or that it will “go away on its own.” You’re only going to make it much worse for yourself when things fall apart—and they will fall apart.
How to Tell if She Has Cheated
To wrap up this article, let’s answer an interesting question that many boyfriends ask: “How can you tell if your girlfriend has cheated in the past?”
Sure, she may be loyal now. But what if she had cheated on a previous boyfriend? Does it mean you’re in danger, too?
Here are a few signs she could have cheated in the past, or is prone to cheating now:
She has downloaded a dating app
Have you ever snuck a peek at her phone and spied the Tinder or Kik icon?
If she has dating apps on her phone—especially if it’s one of the “hookup” apps like Tinder and Kik—be careful. There’s no reason for her to have it unless she’s keeping you for the money and getting her rocks off elsewhere.
The "what if I cheated?” thought experiment
Oh, boy. When she randomly asks you: “What would you do if I cheated on you?”, or “Just a thought experiment: If I cheated on you, would you leave me?”
When she asks you these “what if” questions about infidelity, it means she’s confident enough to push her luck. She’s not afraid of you getting upset—and that’s a huge sign she’s probably cheated on someone before.
She’s suddenly neutral on infidelity
Before, she hated the idea—but now, she’s more neutral about cheating. You hear her saying things like: “I guess relationships aren’t for everyone,” or “Some people aren’t meant to be in a marriage,” or “Maybe open relationships aren’t so taboo after all.”
This is a telltale sign she either recently cheated on you or is about to.
What to Do if You See Signs Your Girlfriend Is Cheating
Again, if you suspect she’s cheating on you (or is about to), you have three options:
- Talk it over. You can simply ask: “Is there something you want to tell me?” If she’s being unfaithful, saying “no” will put the burden of guilt on her, so she’ll probably say “yes” and come clean. If she’s not cheating on you, she’ll just say “No, why?” Then you can talk about her strange behavior to see if you’re just being paranoid or if she’s being suspicious.
- End the relationship. If you’re fairly sure she’s cheating on you, simply end the relationship. Tell her: “I think we should see other people,” and stand your ground. When you break up with a cheating girlfriend, the whole ordeal will still hurt. But you’ll be comforted by the fact that the idea was yours—and a smart one, at that.
- Get into an open relationship. This is a rather unpopular option, as she (the cheater) stands to benefit more than you do. Still, it lets you protect your relationship from being torn apart by infidelity, giving you the chance to properly fix things later on. Here’s what’s worth knowing about an open relationship.
The worst thing you can do is nothing. Infidelity won’t go away on its own. If you feel she’s being unfaithful, be a man, make a decision, and put your foot down. Good luck!