When you start thinking about the signs your girlfriend is losing interest, there has to be a reason, right? You've probably noticed some changes in her behavior: from the way she talks to you to how often you hang out. They're not exactly dealbreakers, but you can tell she doesn't seem as into you as she used to be.
Any relationship can be saved if you fix it quickly. Unfortunately, most guys are bad at reading signs and they often recognize them later on when the girl is already asking for a breakup. So how can you be good at reading women, and what are the signs your girlfriend is losing interest?
Keep reading to find out...
Signs Your Girlfriend Is Losing Interest
Here's how to tell if your girlfriend is losing interest and wants out of the relationship (or at best, a change in the relationship). Some seem trivial, but others are a little more hard-hitting. We filtered them out into a list of eleven signs that will tell you, without a shred of a doubt, whether your girlfriend is still interested in being with you or not.
Here they are:
1. You’re just two roommates under one roof
Remember those times you couldn’t keep your hands off each other? Well, they're gone now. Intimacy often dips after a while of being with a girl but not to the degree of nonexistence.
If lack of intimacy, cuddles, meaningless teases, and unexpected kisses seem like a repeated pattern then it’s a sign your girlfriend is losing interest, especially if your attempts at intimacy seem to annoy her.
2. You spend less time together
Probably the biggest sign a girlfriend is not interested in you is when she skips or doesn't celebrate your special events. Unless there’s a huge excuse behind it, a girlfriend should always be there in your best moments.
If she’s always busy or says she has other plans when you ask to spend time with her then you should be warned.
3. She becomes a bad texter
Show me how she texts, I tell you if she likes you. Women rarely hide that they’re emotional beings, especially through text. If she likes you, she will show her emotions in any of the following ways:
- Quick replies
- Random thoughtful texts throughout the day
- Blocks of texts
- Tons of gifs and emojis
A girl who’s distant will send fewer texts, take hours to reply, uses few emojis, and or abruptly pushes you away when you try to escalate. This is even truer if she’s always late to text even though she seems to always be online.
4. She’s more interested in her phone than in you
Everyone goes through a phase where this fun new app gives them the dopamine hit they crave. But if your girlfriend is still into you, she'd want to share the fun. Like if she's suddenly engrossed in a new subreddit or she has joined a group chat with people of similar hobbies, she'll want to share that with you.
But if there's a clear-cut way to tell if your girlfriend is losing interest, it's when she doesn't just seem distracted, but she's secretive with her phone too. See if she checks her phone every other minute, looks all giggly while on the screen, then gets nervous if you ask her why she's smiling. These aren’t good signs, especially if she’s back on Tinder or turns her private Instagram account public.
5. She doesn’t share photos of you together on Instagram
Girls like to show off, especially if she really thinks you’re better than most of her besties’ boyfriends. They will often throw pictures of you together on Facebook, and give you mentions on Instagram just to tell everyone else you’re theirs.
But that changes when they’re done with you. She feels annoyed with whatever between you two so she rarely posts photos of you together. This can also be an unconscious mating call to all the single guys out there: "I’m single and want a boyfriend!"
6. The sex is cold/bad
Can you spot a pattern from the following:
- Her kisses are mundane and lack passion
- You barely get intimate with her
- She’s either crabby, annoyed, too sensitive or on her period when you ask her to bed
- Emotionless in bed or she's starfishing
- Immediately dresses after sex like she only did it to fill a need and she doesn't want you to see her naked
- She lets you finish quickly and doesn’t ask you to make her cum (or she goes solo instead)
- Those voluntary blowjobs become something from the past
If yes, then you should be worried.
7. Suddenly, it’s surprisingly GOOD
I’ve seen this a lot. The guy complains his girlfriend shows less interest in sleeping with him. Then one day he comes claiming victory because he had a night or two of hot, passionate sex.
Then two weeks later… She dumps him.
Sorry if this was you.
You should be concerned when sex goes from bad to fantastic without a specific reason. It either means she suddenly decided to let go of whatever stops her from being intimate with you - which almost never happens unless you did something really manly that made her want you again.
But most of the time it means that she’s having a one last go before pushing you out of her life.
Ever heard of makeup sex?
This is breakup sex, hermano.
8. She spends more time with her friends than you
Some women say that if she breaks up with you today, it means that she broke up with you a year ago. And that's kind of true.
Women have two types of breakups:
- Mental breakup
It’s called the: "Did I choose wrong?" phase where she's physically present but emotionally absent.
- Final breakup
Now she’s in the “I did choose wrong” phase, and it’s a final goodbye.
Women - at the end of phase one - will begin to prep themselves for whoever comes after you.
This can be so unconsciously she may not even notice it, but it's true. Part of this prep is slowly distancing herself from you in nearly imperceptible ways. To you, it just seems like she's busier than normal: more work, more time with friends, a new hobby, etc. Then, they start entertaining the idea of being with someone else.
Nearing the final breakup, she starts more overtly distancing herself by not seeing you or talking to you as often. This is usually in the guise of prioritizing other things. Either way, she's covering her bases. Then, if you're still missing all these shocking signs your girlfriend is losing interest, she'll drop the bomb.
9. She constantly berates you
This often happens when she has doubts about being with you (aka. The "did I choose wrong" phase). She’s worried about your confidence and attitude and wishes that you'll step up and take the lead again.
Maybe you became lazy, underperformed in bed, or lost your mojo at work. She hates it and wants you to take action, so she will keep using negs, complaints, and accusations hoping that you step up and be masculine again.
The extreme of this is berating you in public and making fun of you in front of friends and family. That's when you must realize that she lost respect for you and you either step up really bad or ditch her before she goes first.
10. Then she stops berating you
Just like the good sex after the bad one, if your girlfriend suddenly stops complaining and whining, it’s not because she suddenly likes you again, but because she gave up on you.
If she stops berating your ass for not taking the garbage or stepping up to your offending boss, it's not because she made peace with it. It's more likely that she lost her bet on you and now she thinks about leaving.
11. Finally, your gut says it’s over
Trust your gut. If you feel something's wrong,... it probably is.
I Feel Like My Girlfriend Is Losing Interest in Me, What Should I Do?
Even if you think she’s losing interest, there’s always room for patching things up, as long as she didn’t call for a breakup. Here’s a list of all the things you can do to turn things around before it’s too late:
1. First, ask yourself “Are we compatible?”
It’s worth investigating whether you made the right decision getting into a relationship with her. If your relationship was a mistake, there’s a chance she's distant because she realized you two aren't compatible.
Before mending your relationship, ask yourself “is it worth saving?” If not, then move on.
2. Can you do better?
As I said, intimacy often deteriorates after the honeymoon phase...
But to what degree?
Depends on both parties.
If the honeymoon phase is over and you realized she's not the perfect girl for you, then end it. If she's condescending and mean and likes to treat you like a kid, then don't wait. If you realized that you settled for her just because you had no other options, cut your losses. Jump ship and break up with her without hurting her feelings. It's better for both of you.
3. Ask yourself: “What did I do wrong?”
Three things that can make a girlfriend distant:
- You lost touch with your masculinity: Gained weight, became needy or more vulnerable than you should, lost your job, became a slop, wasted hours on videogames, and rarely went out with your friends,
- Bad sex: If you can’t make her cum, you can’t make her stay.
- You became distant: You have too much work you can't find time for her. Or maybe you made her feel like she's not good enough for you and she's now fulfilling on it.
Find out what you did wrong by talking about it. Ask her what it is that made her so distant. If you put in the effort, and she still wants to be with you, then she will lean in and help you change.
4. Bring back the spark
You can always save the relationship as long as she hasn’t been involved with another dude yet. It's easier for women to stay with a boyfriend who works on the relationship than experience everything from scratch with a new guy... unless this new guy is on top of the food chain.
Bring the spark back and make her see the man she liked before: masculine, fun, adventurous, ambitious, good in bed, etc.
You can do this by following these steps:
Step #1: Take care of your body
Work out, lift weights, eat well, smell good, shower more often and upgrade your wardrobe. You don't get the right to look like a slop just cause you made her move in with you.
Bonus tip: Fighters make women wet, so add boxing and martial arts to your new skillset and see how she'll treat you differently.
Step #2: Get some female attention
They will tell you the opposite, but women are excited by jealousy...
Jealousy turns women on and tells them that their man has something special. Even if she admits the opposite, your girlfriend still loves the look of envy in other women's eyes.
So why not give it to her? Or at least the illusion of it.
Women will gravitate towards you the moment you build status and good looks. So going to the gym and dressing well will get you female attention. However, this won't happen if you're a dot-com millionaire working from home... you still need to go out a lot.
Stop making girlfriend your #1 priority, connect with your buddies - or make new ones - and go out with them. Play some sports, watch a game together or take an only-men trip.
Also, don't tell her every single thing you do. Information gaps to jealousy are like oxygen to fire. The vaguer you behave the more attentive she will be to you.
Step #3: Be DOMINANT
Women don't want you to be vulgar, but they don't mind a civilized caveman.
They want you to be dominant and they will test you to prove it.
Men will often start the relationship as the dominant one, then gradually lose the lead and deteriorate to vice-captain.
And in a relationship of two, the vice-captain is at the bottom.
On day #1 you tell her not to leave her curling iron in your bathroom.
Then on day #100: You can't hang a photo of your favorite band without asking for her permission.
You let her state the rules (because "honey, why are you always stubborn?"), then soon you do everything she asks.
Here’s what you should do to become more dominant with any woman:
Speak up: set your own rules, demand a specific type of treatment, and make it clear that you don't accept being looked down upon. If she starts using her phone while you're cuddling, tell her to turn it off because it's zucchini time.
If you're watching your favorite team and she wants to switch the channel, don't do it. You paid for that TV, and it's your right to watch whatever you want.
If she bad-mouthes you around friends, then look her in the eye, tell her to behave then take her or leave alone (actually, I'd break up with her at this point). As much as these little things may antagonize her a little, they also make her horny and interested.
Be dominant in bed as often as possible: Rough sex, spanks, cuffs, gentle chokes, and dirty talk... there's a reason Fifty Shades of Grey sold 150 million copies; women dig this shit but they don't often say it out loud.
If you think like you're doing most of the work in bed, demand that she contributes. Remember those lovely BJs she voluntarily gave in your car and on the couch as you watched TV? Demand them again. You shouldn't be an asshole about it, but not a nice guy either.
5. Have AMAZING sex
As I said, you should be dominant. But you should also last as long as you can and pay attention to her needs.
Each time she orgasms, her brain will secrete oxytocin and other good hormones. This means the more often you make her cum, the more these hormones will be associated with your presence. Women love a good fuck as much as you do, so give her what she wants by spicing it up in the bedroom.
Even if you can't last longer - which is a problem you should assess - you can double down on foreplay and oral sex. If you can master both of them, she'd kill for you.
6. Talk it out and solve your problems
Don't wait until it’s goodbye time to save the relationship. Talk to your girlfriend, tell her she’s been different lately and that things should change. Ask her if something's bothering her at work or anywhere.
Keep in mind that this isn't just a matter of having one conversation to solve everything. It's going to be a series of conversations where you listen to her and try to understand her. Once you regain her trust (something you may have lost when she started getting distant), she'll be more open to talking about what's really going on in your relationship. At best, you can solve this together. But if you can't, there's no shame in seeking professional help to get your relationship back on track.