Why is dating so hard?
This a question 99% of men ask themselves almost daily.
Dating used to be much easier than this. You like a girl, you ask her out, and either you click or you don’t. No ghosting, last-minute flaking, or situationships, and people were much clearer about what they wanted than they are today. In this guide, I’m going to answer why dating is so hard for the modern man. By the end of this article, I hope you will have a much better understanding of how to navigate the world of dating and have a much easier (more fun!) time.
Why Is Dating So Hard for Guys?
I see so many women complaining on TikTok because all the “good” men are gone, but in reality, men have it twice as hard if not more. To be a highly attractive guy, you must craft yourself. There has never been a stud who’s fat and boring. On the other hand, all a woman needs to be highly attractive is a nice dress and a pair of classy heels.
We already have a lengthy guide on why online dating is so hard for guys. But this one will cover the other obstacles that men face in the non-digital world that make dating so hard for them. They’re eight huge obstacles, and we’re starting with this one:
Boys are just lazy
Each woman, regardless of how hot she looks, is wired to look for the strongest and most qualified man her looks can get her. She wants a confident, good-looking dude who can protect and provide.
But…
Most men, unfortunately, aren’t that guy.
Men have grown softer and softer over the years. Between smoking weed and wasting dozens of hours on video games and simping for women who don’t love them, men are no longer in touch with their masculinity. At the same time, women have grown smarter and more independent, while most men took the other train and grew up lazy, overweight, and ambitionless.
The result?
You try to match up with her on Tinder… She swipes left because you’re overweight
You slide in her DM… She ignores you for someone who can take her to Dubai for the weekend
You see her walking by on the street…. She ignores you because all she can see is your belly bouncing up and down in your shirt
This may sound unfair but it is what it is, and this takes us to the next point…
Read: How to Build Self-Esteem in 2024 - The Guide to Healthy Confidence
Women have options
Women have had more options today than they ever had since the dawn of civilization. All you need is a quick visit to Instagram or TikTok to watch how many unattractive, overweight, middle-aged calling themselves Boss Babes demand royal treatment from men when in reality, they have very little to offer to the average Joe beyond a quickie.
But what drove women that way?
Men, the media, and more men.
Women are attention creatures and being seen as “deadwood” scares the living crap out of them. The only thing that makes them feel wanted is the attention they get from other men. Back then, the most attention she could expect was being called the tribe’s hottie. But that is abysmal compared to the attention a much less attractive chick can get if she shows some skin on Instagram or TikTok.
Now, imagine how uncanny she will feel when 20 new dudes slide into her DM every morning calling her “Queen” and buying her gifts. That’s a quick way to make even the most modest of girls go crazy, picky, and full of themselves.
Some girls have egos bigger than the Maracana after spending years and years online. They look around and see simps putting them on pedestals for no reason other than their physicality so they begin to overlook those average dudes and aim for the prom king.
Now, imagine the problem when we have so many entitled women and very few kings.
A bunch of resentful, 30-something dog moms whining on TikTok and a bunch of lonely dudes asking why dating is so hard.
Read: Chase Trigger Words: The Secret of Natural Flirty Conversation
Emotional immaturity
Dating comes easy only to two types of men:
- Natural playboys who learned how to talk to women at a very young age and aren’t phased by female beauty
- Handsome, 6ft+ Chads who don’t even need to talk to get girls
The rest of us have to learn attraction in a tough process that normally includes a TON of rejections, stood-ups, sour breakups, bad dates, etc.
Unless you can handle those emotional rollercoasters, swallow your defeats like a man, and learn from them, you will give up, settle for less, and then Google “Why is dating so hard.”
Your dating life will get better the moment you embrace rejection QUICKLY and be okay with it. You make yourself a victim every time you whine about some girl not texting you for a week or blocking you just an hour before the date. Some women are non-confrontational, immature, energy suckers and time wasters, but it’s just how it is. But some are a delight to be with. On your way to finding those lovey-doves, you will meet a few bad apples or bad matches. But, as hard as it sounds, those bad experiences are here to toughen you up, teach you something about women, and prepare you for the right gal.
Short attention spans
Women can tolerate a lot of things, but boredom isn’t one of them. The last thing you want to do on a first date is to bore a woman with meaningless questions and dull stories. Most guys don’t know how to carry a proper, engaging conversation with strangers, not to mention a hot woman. If he texts her, it’s always yes/no questions that get nobody anywhere, and if he talks to her on a date, he picks boring topics she’s not interested in.
A woman is often fascinated by two types of men on dates:
- Great storytellers
- Guys who aren’t afraid to tease her
The first one spikes her emotions and makes her believe she’s about to hop on a fun ride and the second challenges her and gives her a good chase.
The bad news?
You can’t learn social skills with your earphones on. You must – consciously – get out of your bubble and practice talking to people, especially women. Go out there and talk to random strangers. Say hi to the gym bros, join some popular MeetUp groups, take courses, or travel solo and try to mingle with new people.
Read: How the Alpha Male Myth Is Holding Back Your Dating Life
Blaming women for everything
If you’ve read this far, you probably think I’m a misogynist, but I’m just a guy who says it how he sees it. And I’m here to tell you that the one thing that can wreck your dating life is blaming women for everything, and calling them superficial or materialistic.
You can never change a woman no matter how hard you try. You can’t delete thousands of years of brain-wiring and convince women to give their bodies and offspring to poor, weak men who can’t stand up for themselves.
Crying like a baby on the internet because women love puffed-up dudes when you haven’t set foot in a gym for years won’t make your life better or grant you attention from the ladies. Women won’t love you for who you are unless who you are is the whole package. So, instead of blaming the game, learn how to get good at it. It may take you a few months or years, but the results are much more rewarding than sitting behind your keyboard dissing women.
Watching too much porn
It takes energy to get women. It has always been there since the beginning of life. Back in the day, you had to train 10,000 hours and endure so much pain just so you could win wars and get the finest ladies. Porn, however, gives you access to thousands of hot naked women and promises you an artificial lookalike to your desires in just a few strokes. That sounds about right, except that you’re withdrawing from the same energy reservoir assigned to building your empire.
Dating is hard because you deplete your energy on fake pixels and then roam around like a desireless zombie who doesn’t want to work on himself. Quit porn, or at least limit how often you ejaculate, and channel that energy into bettering yourself. That’s how you get better with women.
Not going offline
Online dating is hard for both genders. Women either realize that the hookup culture isn’t doing them any good or think the majority of their matches fall way under their expectations and men – who make up almost 80% of the online dating pool – are competing with each other to win the ladies’ limited attention.
So, what should you do?
Go “old school”
Rather than waste tens of hours on dating apps in exchange for a few boring dates, look for your desired matches in the real world; college, the gym, malls, meetup groups, and through friends. Women don’t date their dream guy but rather the best option in their social circle. Her colleague may not be Mr. America, but he’s the cutest guy in the office and she spends 40 hours a week staring at him.
The surest way to improve your dating life is by putting yourself in as many circles as possible and learning how to talk to women. Don’t wait till you match with hotties, approach them in malls and cafes. Approach anxiety is just another limiting belief that you need to overcome. Once you practice talking to enough women – even if you just say hi – the quality of the women in your life will improve dramatically.
Limited options (small pool)
Don’t live in a suburb full of married couples then ask why dating is hard. But then again, sometimes dating in a small town can work. Sometimes you need to leave your community, town, or even country to find better women. Don’t be like the guy who dropped a dollar in a dark street and went to look for it under the nearest lit alley.
Having different wants/values/goals
I have a Muslim friend who moved to Europe looking for a traditional wife only to find himself torn between his no-sex-before-marriage values and the much-open Western hookup culture. He went back home and got himself a traditional wife but after he wasted a few good years of his life.
Dating becomes hard when you try to reinvent the wheel or when you try to date someone with a whole different set of values than yours. Before you date anyone, make sure you write down your values and your biggest deal breakers, and don’t be afraid to put them out there to anyone you date. Either you will date more like-minded people or you will save yourself the heartbreak and the wasted time.
Accepting defeat, no matter how hard a situation may be, is what weak men do. Dating can be so hard for men, but it doesn’t mean you shouldn’t try nor it does mean you can’t get the women you want. It may take you some time to craft yourself like a confident, attractive man, but it’s doable. Start now and look at yourself in the mirror a year from now. I bet you can be the man you always wanted to be.
