If you’re into cougars, I don’t need to tell you how great being with someone a decade or two older than you can be. In fact, cougar-cub relationships aren’t even that uncommon. Lots of older women have a strong sex drive and love sleeping with younger men. Having said that, getting it on with an older broad will be quite different than with someone closer to your age. Whether you’re dating a mature woman or just want to hook up with cougars, you’re probably wondering how to have better sex with older women.
Just like how no relationship is the same, there’s no one-size-fits-all sexual partnership. Your technique with any particular woman will vary depending on both of your ages, past experiences, sex drive and preferences.
The main goal is to have intimate experiences that are satisfying for both of you. It doesn’t matter if you’re looking for a one-night stand or a long-term relationship with a cougar. Having better sex with older women is all about figuring out what she wants and learning to please her.
Having Better Sex with Older Women
When young men hook up with older women, it’s a mutually beneficial scenario. First of all, cougars have been around the block and know what they want. On top of that, they’re more comfortable with a variety of sex positions. Plus, they’re often secure in their bodies compared to younger ladies.
According to a recent study that looked at cougar-cub sexual relationships, one reason older women prefer young men is because of their sex drive. While a woman’s sex drive often increases with age, it’s usually the opposite for men.
Needless to say, younger guys have more stamina and sexual energy than their older counterparts. For older women, this equates to more impromptu, adventurous sex—and sometimes even two or three romps within one rendezvous.
So, if you’re a young man with a solid sex drive, you’re already checking off one of her boxes. Keep reading for more tips and advice on having better sex with older women.
1. Embrace the age gap
The age gap between you and your mature main squeeze is really no big deal. But there’s no need to pretend like it doesn’t exist, either. In fact, I recommend embracing the age difference by expressing why you appreciate a mature woman. She’ll likely respond by sharing why she’s into cubs. Think of it almost like foreplay, one of the things older women need to have sex.
One major plus of hooking up with an older woman is that they tend to be better teachers. In other words, they’re comfortable telling their partners exactly what gets them off and how to go about it. Also, she might have a few tricks up her sleeve that’ll blow your mind. Lean into the age gap and see where it takes you.
2. Better sex with older women is all about communication
Communication is key before, during and after sex. This is because women are highly emotional. For us guys, we can look at a girl and know within seconds if we want to have sex with her, and we can be ready for that sex right away. This goes for women we meet on the top hookup apps out there or in a more traditional way around town.
Although some cougars are certainly on the prowl for casual hookups, it’s not always the case. If you’re just interested in hooking up, she might have something completely different in mind. Even if she doesn’t want a long-term, exclusive relationship, she might want something more than a one-night stand. Aside from great sex, this mean an emotional connection.
So, how do you know if a cougar is looking for something casual, serious or something in between? Communicate with her!
With this in mind, here’s how to communicate before, during, and after sex…
Communication before sex:
- Ask her open-ended questions about her passions, experiences, dreams and adventures
- Look into her eyes for the majority of the conversation
- Keep the conversation focused on her, but listen and relate back with experiences and stories from your own life after she tells you something about her life
Communication during sex:
- Talk dirty to her
- Moan to show her when you like something
- Ask her if she likes what you’re doing
- Give her instructions in the heat of the moment (e.g. harder, slower, faster, etc.)
- Look into her eyes
Communication after sex:
- Ask her what positions she likes most in bed, explaining that you’d like to please her even more next time
- Ask her about a sexual fantasy she has and be willing to share one of your own
- Overall, the goal is to show her that you aren’t judging her for having sex with you
The other thing to keep in mind is that although many older women have substantial sex drives, it’s not necessarily true across the board. In some instances, a woman might be into younger men but not up for getting it on three times a day (or even three times a week).
As women age, their hormones shift. Communication is crucial for figuring out where she stands, like if she wants to have sex with you. Don’t be shy about hashing out expectations for the sexual relationship and respecting each other's wishes.
3. Find older partners on AFF
This might not be too surprising, but you need to actually put these tips to work if you want to improve. Nobody becomes a champion boxer by reading article after article about boxing techniques. If you are struggling to find older women to take home we suggest checking out AFF.
We know you are a busy guy and finding the time to meet a single older woman can be hard, especially if you are going the traditional route of meeting them in bars and clubs. Instead, you need to be smarter about your approach and that means using technology to help. There are really only two good apps/sites for finding a quick fling: Tinder and AFF. Of those two, Tinder is really only good for meeting women under 30. But AFF is really the king of flings for women over 30.
Give their free trial a shot here, they have over 90,000,000 active members (mostly in English-speaking countries), so the odds are good you can find someone in your area. It's hard to beat being able to meet practice partners 24/7 without leaving your house.
4. Dominance is the name of the game
When learning how to have great sex with older women, the idea of dominance can be very important. At every age, many women like being dominated, especially during sex. With a hectic life and endless decisions to make throughout the day, it’s nice to let someone else call the shots for once.
Many attractive older women have taken control of their career and have seized a high-level control over their lives in general (versus younger women who don’t quite know what they want out of their lives yet).
They enjoy having this control. But in the bedroom, they want to feel the opposite. They want to be able to let go completely and feel like the man is in total control. That requires you to be confident in the bedroom and also extremely dominant.
When you take control of her in the bedroom, you're showing your masculine energy (assertiveness, leadership, strength). This allows her to be submissive and open up into her feminine energy (sensitivity, sensuality, vulnerability). When she trusts she is being taken care of by her masculine lover, she can “let go” and this is when she's most likely to experience her deepest orgasms.
Most women prefer to take on this feminine role in a relationship, and therefore in the bedroom. On the other hand, there are exceptions; some women love to dominate.
According to the study mentioned above, many cougars turn to younger men as sex partners because they’ve been unsuccessful in getting older lovers to go down on them. Mature women view young men as more willing to follow their lead. For this reason, they’re more likely to orgasm with a cub than with a peer.
If the older woman you’re hooking up with wants to be bossy in bed, go ahead and let her! The dominant role doesn’t have to be the same every time. You can switch back and forth depending on the mood. When she’s in charge, follow her instructions and show her what you can do.
Older women know when you’re great at sex, and they also know when you need improvement. What’s more, they’re not afraid to tell you what you can do better (whereas a younger woman might let it slide or just not even notice it all).
So, you need to be open-minded, leave your ego at the door, and be willing to take and accept their advice. It’ll be a massive win for you in the long-term.
5. More ways you can be dominant in the bedroom
Throw her on the bed. Women love sex just as much as men. But many prefer when the men initiate action in the bedroom. This is your first opportunity to take on the role of dominant masculine, allowing her to fall into her preferred role of submissive feminine. Lead her into the bedroom, throw her onto the bed and start ripping her clothes off.
Pick her up. If she's petite enough to be carried to the bedroom, this is another move that can show off your masculine dominance. While she's still in your grasp, try pinning her bedroom wall and kissing her passionately.
Pin her down. Watch what happens when you pin a woman against a wall or down on the mattress during foreplay. Many will moan with excitement.
Don’t ask her if she likes it. Assume she likes it and but pay attention to how she is reacting. If you feel physical resistance or see nervousness in her eyes or get any other indication she isn't into it, pull back.
Don’t ask her to get into sexual positions. Move her into the positions you want, so that she can let go and enjoy the experience.
Pull her hair. Grab her hair from the roots and lightly pull it back. This shouldn't hurt her, but she should be able to feel the tug.
Choke her. What I’ve experienced is that the majority of women like when you put your hand around their neck and choke them lightly. Put your hand there lightly at first, and if she shows no resistance, then go a little bit harder. Keep it relatively light though, at least the first time, and then ask her afterward if she likes to be choked. If she says yes, then you can go harder the next time (just remember to be careful with this one)
Spank her. You'll be surprised how many women enjoy this. Many are proud to show you the handprints on their ass.
Tell her what to say. Tell her to scream your name or call you dominant nicknames like “Daddy” or “Master.” Make her beg for you to give it to her harder. Most women will love this because it adds to the narrative of being dominated by her masculine lover.
To make this perfectly clear, all these actions must take place in a loving, trusting consensual partnership. This is about dominating women in a way they enjoy, not performing sexual acts against their will.
6. Make her feel confident
From the moment you meet an older woman to the moment you actually have sex, confidence is key.
No matter the age of the woman you’re sleeping with, you should always do your best to make her feel confident. In fact, it's key if you want to get an older woman into bed. As I mentioned, a lot of mature women feel good in their bodies and might even be more willing to walk around naked after sex. And yet, reassurance is never a bad thing.
Some cougars may not be as toned as they used to, and others might be self-conscious about their aging skin. Of course, you might not even notice these things—and for the record, I don’t recommend pointing them out. But telling her what you love about her body will make her feel more comfortable and confident in bed. Even a simple, “You’re so sexy,” or “I can’t get enough of you,” will go a long way.
7. Foreplay is everything
If you’re like most men, it probably doesn’t take much to get you all hot and bothered. Sometimes, the simplest thing can give you a hard-on, like a fully-clothed picture of an attractive woman or the sound of her voice. This might not be news to you, but women tend to work differently.
That’s where foreplay comes in. Members of the opposite sex require a little more time and effort from their partners to get in the mood. Older women want some sexual tension. And this goes for both young and older women. Not only that, but you really can’t skip this step if you want to blow her mind.
Foreplay is a core element of a great sexual experience. If you don’t know how to handle this part, then the sex will likely be sub-par. It takes most women between 10 and 20 minutes to reach full arousal. Diving in before then doesn’t really benefit either of you.
The foreplay can start before anyone takes their pants off. How?
Naughty text messages throughout the day. Massages, scented candles, incense, music waiting for her in the bedroom. Anything that makes her feel loved and appreciated by you will serve to get her in the mood for a mind-blowing love-making session.
There are so many sex toys designed especially for foreplay, so why not explore each other’s bodies using these fun tools? Have you tried experimenting with blindfolds or eating food off each other? Maybe you could investigate tantric foreplay? Have a play around. You might discover something you really like.
There’s nothing wrong with setting a timer and promising each other that intercourse won’t begin until it has buzzed.
You don’t need to go through the full gamut every time, but when you break out fun new routines like these during foreplay, she’ll appreciate it and get very turned on.
Once you play the music and light the incense and candles, you can tell her to lie down and then give her a sexual massage.
Rub down her whole body--back, head, arms, legs . . . and inch closer and closer to her vagina. Then, turn her around on her back and massage the front of her body with her hands, and then lightly kiss her breasts. Work your way down each leg with your mouth, then slowly back up to her vagina.
The more relaxed a woman feels, the easier it will be for her to come. So, when you finally start cunnilingus, she’ll be moaning uncontrollably. If you produce body-shaking orgasms before you’ve even got down to intercourse, this is only going to set the stage for an amazing main event.
8. For better sex with older women, be adventurous
When you communicate with a cougar about her expectations and what she’s into, you’ll get a pretty good idea of how wild she is. Additionally, if you’ve already slept with her a few times, you might have some first-hand hints.
Is she into adventurous sex? If so, ask her if she’d like to try something new. And on that note, if she has some frisky ideas about mixing it up in bed, go for that, too! In many instances, amazing sex is all about spontaneity and open-mindedness. You never know what you might like.
Just keep in mind that not all older women are into kinky, adventurous sex—and you might not be, either. Neither of you should feel pressure to do anything you don’t want to. But if you’re up for it, why not expand your horizons? A spontaneous attitude could really elevate the sexual relationship.
Speaking of spontaneity, sometimes, the hottest sex is unplanned. When you get into the habit of last-minute nookie or booty-calling each other, things will really heat up. Of course, many women need a little time to get fully aroused. Last-minute sex doesn’t mean you get to skip the foreplay, necessarily, but it can still feel totally adventurous.
9. Better sex with older women requires stamina
For reasons already mentioned, a sexy older woman doesn’t want a five-minute sex session. To have better sex with older women, you need to build your stamina and last longer.
Otherwise, you risk leaving your sexy older partner feeling let down. You don’t want to get her riled up with sensational foreplay, only to build her leave underwhelmed with the main course. You should be able to go at it for at least 10-15 minutes consistently without worrying about finishing too quickly the whole time.
If you become physically fitter by hitting the gym, lifting weights and throwing in some cardio, this will definitely help. Nevertheless, it's not the only way to increase stamina in the bedroom.
10. Additional tips to improve your stamina
Meditation. Start meditating 10 minutes per day so you can be more in the moment. Meditation helps you get out of your head and into the present moment. It allows you to develop a deeper connection to your body, so you're able to control the pace of your sexual performance before you accidentally blow your load. As an added bonus, meditation helps to reduce stress, boosting your libido in the process.
Strengthen your kegel muscles. These are the muscles in your penis that you squeeze to hold in your pee. Practice squeezing these muscles for one minute at a time, then releasing. Do five sets of this per day. It’ll help strengthen your erections, making it easier to last longer in bed.
Try new positions. Consider adopting some of the positions which make it easier for men to last longer. These include spooning, side-by-side or any position where you're both sat down. These positions are more suited to slower thrusts allowing you to enjoy the experience for longer.
Don’t be a jackhammer. You’re having sex with an older woman, not jackhammering on a construction site! Vary how quickly you thrust, and even stop thrusting from time to time, and instead move in a circular motion inside of her. This will conserve your energy, help you last longer and also add some variety to the experience.
Study tantric sex. This form of intercourse is all about connecting mentally and spiritually, as well as physically. The reported benefits for men include being able to last hours in bed and experiencing multiple orgasms without ejaculating.
Wrapping Up How to Have Better Sex With Older Women
Most women consider great sex an essential part of a fulfilling relationship. And older women tend to have higher expectations in the bedroom. After all, they've had the time to discover what they like in the bedroom and how good sex can really be.
Still, if you follow this guide, you’ll be able to have great sex with older women. Not only will you enjoy the sex a lot more yourself, but older women will literally get hooked on sex with you. This makes it a lot easier to build fulfilling relationships and get second dates with them.
To recap, here’s how to have better sex with older women:
- Turn up the dominance
- Be open-minded
- Don’t skip the foreplay
- Build your stamina
Whether you want to improve your sex life with an older girlfriend or you want better sex with a friend with benefits, these tips for better sex with older women will help you out!