“Do girls like introverts or just overconfident, aggressive alpha males?” It’s the age-old question that seems to have conflicting answers.
I’m a card-carrying introvert, and for a long time I was not good with girls. Quite often I noticed girls checking me out and standing near me. But being an introvert, I was never good at initiating casual conversations. And if I did, it would turn awkward very quickly. People would assume I was weird or an arrogant asshole.
Have you ever gone through something like this as an introvert?
My friend Alex, was a typical extrovert. He was loud, aggressive and had boundless energy when talking to people. He wasn’t the most attractive guy, but he always had a hot chick by his side. Anytime we would go out, he would captivate groups of good-looking women. They would hang on to his every word and I would feel irrelevant and just fade into the background.
I thought, if I want to be successful with girls then I need to be more like Alex. I tried to communicate with higher energy, be cocky-funny, display more alpha qualities but women hated it. Whatever I said just came across as rude and obnoxious. Women didn’t find it charming or attractive.
I remember one night, we were chatting with a group of girls. I pulled the girl I liked aside and told her “I don’t normally like redheads but you are pretty cute”. She looked disgusted and left.
This approach just felt wrong to me. I didn’t want to have to pretend to be non-interested in a girl I liked or be mean to make her attracted to me. Meeting women felt like a huge burden and the game seemed like it was stacked against guys like me.
Thankfully, I learned girls do like introverts. In fact, I’ve found in some cases introverts will even have an advantage over more dominant and louder men. Once you learn how to use your natural personality to your advantage, you can become an attractive introvert with endless options.
Really, Do Girls Like Introverts?
The truth is girls actually love introverted guys. But let’s not mistake being shy for being introverted or being social for being extroverted. Being an introvert doesn’t mean you are less social, it just means you recharge your energy when you're alone. An extrovert will recharge their energy around other people.
Introverts are more likely to conserve their energy by talking less in general but getting into in-depth conversations when they jive well with other people. Extroverts, on the other hand, are more likely to engage in small talk to build rapport before they move on to deeper topics. Both are more than capable of being social at their own pace.
So if you are still wondering, “do girls like introverts?” The answer is “hell yeah!”
Some of the most attractive men in the world according to women, are introverts. Keanu Reeves, Johnny Depp, Zayn Malik and Tom Cruise are classic introverts yet still display a lot of social magnetism.
Reasons Women Like Introverts
It might come as a surprise to some of you that women love introverted men. And no, just because a woman is into introverts doesn’t mean she has to be an introvert herself. So let’s look at some of the reasons why introverts are attractive.
Introverts don’t put on a show
Do girls like introverts even if they can’t keep up with the high energy of extroverted males?
While extroverted men are better at putting on a show, introverted men are typically more genuine and real. It is harder for introverts to maintain a facade so what you see is usually what you get.
Any man who can embrace their authentic personality, introvert or extrovert, has a competitive advantage in the dating market. Simply because no one can do you as good as you can do it!
Think of men like Simon Cowell, Gordon Ramsey and Jeremy Clarkson. These men have fully embraced their individuality and they don’t give a damn whether people like them or not. Even though these men are older and not the most attractive looking, they are desired by a lot of women.
Here is the thing, the less you care about whether someone likes you or not, the more they will be attracted to you.
An introvert can utilize their authentic self-expression to become more attractive to women.
Introverts are attractive because they connect deeper
This is one of the many reasons why introverts are attractive. They can have a competitive advantage over extroverted men because they can create deeper, more meaningful connections much easier. Introverts tend to be better at one to one conversations whereas the extrovert is better in a group setting.
Once the introvert is in a one-to-one or small group setting, he can let his natural strengths shine. Women love men who are active listeners, attentive and able to ask them the right questions. An introvert focuses on what she has to say and less on what he thinks he should say to impress her. This is another reason why introverts can be attractive to women.
Introverts are attractive because they are mysterious
Introverts are usually understated. They’re less likely to draw attention and they prefer to observe. That’s why oftentimes a woman usually finds herself pleasantly surprised as she slowly discovers more of his attractive traits. The element of surprise and their mysterious nature is why introverts are so attractive to women.
How to Be an Attractive Introvert
Even though girls do like introverts, this isn’t a free pass for you. You still need to put yourself out there and work on yourself so you become an attractive introvert.
You have no control over whether you are introvert or extrovert but being socially confident is a choice. The only reason an introvert may lack social confidence is that they spend too much time alone and not enough time around other people. But being social is a skill and like any skill, you can get better at it with practice.
Let’s look at the main ways an introvert can use their strengths to become more socially magnetic and attract more women.
Get to know your social style
Over the course of my dating life, I played around with many different styles of communicating. I played the high-energy guy who was the life and soul of the party. I played “Mr. Nice Guy”. I played the dominant, aggressive, alpha male. The style that worked best for me, was when I was being my natural self.
My natural social style is warm, engaging and direct mixed with a bit of daringness. The great thing is, there is no one way to be attractive to women. You don’t have to be high energy or alpha, you can customize it to your own social style.
It’s good to experiment with different social styles and push our limits once in a while but you will find women will be most attracted to when you are expressing yourself naturally.
Consider your own social style; what is your preferred energy level? Do you like one-on-one interactions, small groups or bigger groups? Is your demeanor serious, relaxed, light-hearted, playful, warm, cool, wise, etc?
Do a bit of roleplaying when you’re out and see which style makes you feel comfortable while also drawing in the attention of women you like. Then try to practice that more.
An attractive introvert practices his social skills
As an introvert, our tendency is to spend more time alone. If you want to become more attractive to women, then you need to challenge yourself to get out of the house and create more opportunities to meet new women.
This will give you an opportunity to practice your approach skills, conversational skills, non-verbal communication and actually asking a woman out on a date. Going out 2-3 nights per week is a good goal because you will have enough balance between recharge time and social time.
Challenge yourself to go out and practice your social skills at least 2-3 times per week. This will give you a good balance between social time and recharge time.
Girls like introverts because of their listening skills
Everybody's favourite topic is themselves. People feel good when they are talking about themselves. So as an introvert, you can use this to your advantage. Listening probably comes easy to you so you can tune in and connect with her on a deeper level.
Active listening has become a lost art due the high stress and distractions of the modern world. Most people listen to respond rather than listening to understand. Empathy fuels deeper connections. So being able to listen non-judgmentally and put yourself in the other person's shoes will set you apart from the extroverts whose tendency is to listen and respond with something about themselves.
Master your non-verbal communication
I asked my friend, “Do girls like introverts?” and what she said surprised me.
She told me she finds introverts “sexier” than extroverts. Especially when the guy has mastered the art of non-verbal communication and physical touch. Their laid-back, low key energy, slower movements and expressions is what created sexual tension for her.
Seduction is more suited to the low-key nature of an introvert, and this is why introverts are attractive. They’re less direct, more subtle and more likely to slowly woo a woman.
By mastering your non-verbal communication, you are using your natural strengths as an introvert to become more attractive and seductive to women.
Here are some ways you can practice your non-verbal communication:
- Lingering eye contact: holding eye contact while smiling for a little longer than you are normally comfortable with, is a great way to create some sexual tension.
- Slower movements: becoming less fidgety and jerky in your movements and maintaining a strong, solid stance with slower-paced movements will make you appear more attractive.
- Establish physical contact: using light touches such as tapping her elbow or shoulder when you are making a point or subtly grazing her arm or leg against hers will inject sexual energy to your interactions with women and make you more attractive.
There is no question that girls like introverts. But you should still work on using your natural strengths to your advantage. What most introverts perceive as a weakness can be turned to their advantage. With just a few tweaks, you can go from feeling like a shadow to the more dominant guys to being the dark horse who knows how to subtly seduce a girl ahead of even the most confident men.